"It's called talk therapy, Helena, not stare hostilely at your psychiatrist therapy." The blonde doctor said in a calm voice to the thin brunette sitting in front of her.
Helena glared at her, she was not crazy. Therapists worked with crazy people.
She didn't feel comfortable here. She hated answering questions and this whole damn hour was about answering questions.
Damn fire hydrant. She would kick the ass of the genius that had installed it in that part of the street. This was her fifth appointment and still she had seven more.
Crap.
"The court sent me here for anger management, right?" Helena said, cynically, and lifted her leg resting it over the arm of the couch. "So, cure me."
"I'll do it, if you help me." Quinzel crossed her leg. She moved her hand and opened a bit more the cut of her skirt revealing a more skin.
Helena noticed the movement. She looked at the blonde in her eyes.
The blonde smiled at her.
Was she flirting?
"I know that seven years ago," Harleen said, "you watched your mother die."
Helena moved uncomfortably in her chair. Hearing it still affected her, she tried not to let it show.
"Your father appeared and became your legal guardian. Why do you have issues with him? He gave you everything, cars, luxuries, travel…."
"Money isn't everything," the brunette interrupted.
"No?"
"No, I found out more than just my father's identity. I discovered he had a whole other life."
"You mean, another family?" Quinzel asked curious.
"More like a really aggressive hobby."
Harleen Quinzel nodded, but remained silent. The girl fascinated her. There was something mysterious about her, a darkness that she couldn't understand, but that attracted her. She had a wild beauty and her insolence made her a challenge. She wanted to know who was hiding behind that strong personality. She had only had a few appointments with her and the younger woman had caught her attention.
"I blamed him for what happened to my mother." Helena said. "He didn't do anything to look for her murderer… he could have done it."
The brunette observed her nails.
"I just waited until I was twenty one, so I could live on my own."
"But you spent his money," Harley pointed out. "I remember something about the crazy nights of the daughter of Bruce Wayne."
"I hit him where I knew I would hurt him." Helena sighed "It was my small revenge. He never could control me."
"Have you looked at yourself in a mirror?" Quinzel rested her elbow on the arm of her chair and touched her chin with her index finger, "You are a beautiful woman, Helena, you could do a lot of things living as the daughter of a millionaire."
"I know."
"More than one man would love to be your boyfriend."
"I don't like guys." The brunette scratched her head and lowered her eyes, checking her shoes.
Quinzel couldn't hide that Helena's words held her full attention. She was grateful that the young woman wasn't looking at her. That was wonderful. The first time she had seen her she had been stunned by her personality and her beauty. She didn't usually date patients, but, in this case, she would make an exception. The brunette had caught her attention strongly and the possibility of being with her was very tempting.
"So you like girls," she repeated.
"Yes."
"Fascinating," she mumbled.
"What?" Helena leaned back on her chair.
"I thought you would be a woman that loved to hunt men."
Helena chuckled and winked at her. "I love to hunt, but women."
"What kind of women do you like, Helena?"
"All women are beautiful."
"Do you think am I beautiful?" the blonde asked curiously, waiting for her reaction.
The question surprised the girl. "Excuse me?"
"I want to know your taste in women."
Helena smirked. "You are a beautiful woman, interesting, intelligent."
"Do you think so?" Quinzel was proud of herself. She wanted to know more. "Do you have girlfriend? We have never talked about that."
The brunette shrugged her shoulders. "No."
Quinzel draw a big smiley face on her notebook. That was a good thing, she was free. Now she wanted to know more about her.
"The person closest to you," the blonde read her notes, "was shot and she left for almost two years trying to recover and walk again."
"I'm not paying you to tell me what I already know." Helena sighed, feeling really bored.
"The state pays me," Quinzel smirked.
"Whatever." The dark haired woman turned her head and looked through the window.
"You said that this "Barbara" forgot about you and it hurt you. Why did it bother you so much?"
Helena shrugged "I don't know, maybe because I've known her since I was a kid, maybe because I trusted her and… she… she just wasn't there when I needed her."
"And she has been trying to get close to you all these years since she came back. You have been refusing her because you hate her. So, "Barbara" is always there to help you -- a rebellious, hell-bent young woman that pushes her away every time you have the chance." Quinzel leaned back in her chair "She's either a Saint or a closet Masochist. I think she might be the one who needs therapy."
"I didn't think shrinks were supposed to make jokes," Helena chuckled.
"You say you have resentful feelings against Barbara, so why are you living with her now?"
"I'm not living with her."
"You have been there for a several weeks. What's that then?" Quinzel said, looking at her curiously. It seemed Helena's feelings were deeper for that woman; more than she originally thought, and it was not good.
"My place is being remodeled now." Helena tried to find a good excuse. She couldn't talk about her secret life. "It'll be finished in a few more weeks."
"I see…" Quinzel leaned forward, biting her pen. "But why are you living with a person that you said betrayed you? Why not another person? A friend?"
"I don't have any friends."
Quinzel observed Helena. It was hard to get the girl to open up, even more than she thought the first session. She played with the pen in her fingers for long seconds before fixing her blue eyes with intensity on the brunette.
"What's Barbara to you?"
Helena lowered her head. It was something she had asked herself many times.
"Do you feel comfortable with her?" the doctor asked, before she had time to answer.
"Yes. She is nice," she said. "She is smart. You can talk with her about anything." Helena made paused. "But it's sometimes so difficult talk to her. Often we end up arguing. I don't mean to, but it just happens."
"Why do you want to talk to the person that betrayed you?" Quinzel smiled and showed her notebook to her. "You said it, not me. Why do you trust her? You said…"
"I know what I said," Helena growled.
"So…" Quinzel insisted, "you hate her because she abandoned you when you were a child? Have you stopped to think that you are selfish?"
"What?"
"You said she was recovering from being shot. She was trying to walk again. Is that bad? She was trying to survive, and you blame her for it?"
The brunette clenched her jaw, she hated when people tried to corner her.
"For that reason you hate her?" Quinzel insisted.
"You don't know!"
"Why do you keep hanging around her, if you feel that she failed you?" Quinzel cocked her head.
Helena remained silent. She couldn't explain what she didn't understand.
"Have you considered that maybe you love her?"
"That's absurd!"
"Do you love her, Helena?" Quinzel asked, she wanted to know what was inside the young woman's heart.
"Of course not!" Helena growled.
"There is a thin line between love and hate. Maybe you are confusing your feelings and you don't hate her, maybe you are in love with her."
Helena straightened in her seat and turned to glare at the doctor. She really was testing her limits.
Quinzel smiled at her. "Time's up. I'll see you on Monday."
Annoyed, the young woman stood up and exited the room.
Quinzel followed her movements with her eyes. Helena really was a very fascinating woman -- attractive, young, sexy. It would not be so difficult to get her.
Barbara read a book in her room. She usually worked nights, but tonight she had chosen to rest. Helena was working at the Dark Horse bar. It was okay, the man that was looking to kill Huntress was searching for a dark shadow on the streets. She had intercepted a radio call, she couldn't recognize the voice. The voice demanding Huntress' head had been distorted by some kind of technological equipment.
It seemed the detective that had betrayed Huntress had just told the criminal that he knew her, but he never gave a description of her.
She checked her watch. Midnight. Helena had said that she would come back at midnight.
Leslie had told her that Helena had been really worried about her. She smiled, it made her feel happy. She was more certain than ever that Helena didn't hate her, that she still felt love for her. She just didn't want to show it because her fear of being hurt was too great.
And… she liked the brunette so much.
She couldn't stop thinking about her, and more so after that erotic dream. The memory of the kiss she had give to her was still on her mind. It was the most amazing tender caress she had received. She couldn't deny she was nervous about Helena staying with her. It was… a weird feeling...
Soft knocks on her door caught her attention and her heart jumped.
"Come in."
The brunette walked inside, hugging a pillow under her left arm. "Hey, how do you feel?"
"Oh fine, a bit sore, but fine." The redhead put her book on the night table. "I was ready to sleep, but I was waiting for you."
"For me?" Helena asked in surprise, standing next to the bed.
"I will sleep better knowing you are here, safe." Barbara smiled, noticing the expression on the girl's face. Helena blushed.
"How was work?" She patted the bed. "Come on, sit."
"Fine. Thankfully, it's Wednesday. There weren't so many customers."
"Do you really like that work?"
"Yes, it's nice." She grinned. "And I get free drinks."
Barbara looked at her. She really wanted them to stop fighting and be friends.
"Thanks for last night. You saved my life."
"Oh no, Barbara," Helena moved her head. "You've done much more for me."
"I'm alive thanks to you."
"I have been rude to you all these years." Helena took a deep breath, this was not going to be easy. She had been so afraid of losing Barbara the night before. The doctor made her open her eyes to things to which she had been blind. She felt like a sewer rat. "I… I haven't been the best person with you and you have always been there for me. I was selfish, you were trying to walk again and I felt you abandoned me, I couldn't understand that… I was so angry at my dad, at everything." The brunette lowered her head. "I'm sorry, Barbara."
"For what?"
"Everything."
Barbara took the young woman's hand. This time Helena didn't pull away as she always did. It was good, her fingers were small and soft. She enjoyed the contact.
"Let me be your friend," she said.
"Why?" Helena looked at her fingers. "Why do you want to be my friend?"
"You are family, Helena." The redhead said, "I'm not perfect and Batgirl doesn't help so much."
Barbara chuckled.
Helena chuckled back. "Yeah, she is a pain in the ass."
"But you are, too - a big one."
Helena laughed lightly, she couldn't deny it, she was right. "Oh well…"
"Do you want dinner?"
"No, I already ate, thanks. I'll take a shower and…" She waved her hand at the couch in the room. "I was thinking about sleeping on the couch in here, maybe… you might need something, and Leslie told me you might need to take pills at night."
"Thanks, that will be nice, but… why don't you just sleep here in the bed? It's big enough." She liked Helena's company. When she was in good mood, she was funny, the hours flew by when she was with her.
"Oh no," Helena shook her head. "I don't want to bother you."
The brunette realized the thought of being that close to the older woman made her nervous. That was absurd. She had realized it before, but she hadn't stopped to really think about it. Crap. Those therapy sessions were really screwing with her mind.
"You don't. In fact, I appreciate your help." The redhead smiled "It still hurts a bit to move, I don't have meta healing, like you."
"All right." The brunette stood up. "I'll take a shower."
"Okay." Barbara picked up her book and opened it.
She felt things would be much better now, and she really felt happy for it. She felt relieved that the rebellious woman accepted her help, the killer behind her was not playing and he would try to attack soon.
At the same time she was happy to have her close; Helena never would feel anything more for her than just friendship, but that was enough.
------------------
"So, tell me, Helena, have you thought about our last talk?" Dr. Harleen Quinzel asked, looking at the young brunette, whose mind seemed to be far away.
"What last talk?" Helena looked at the blonde with a bored expression. She didn't want to be there. She wanted to be with the Barbara. She was hurt, still recovering. However, if she didn't attend the therapy session, the court would make this longer and she didn't want that. She wanted to finish as soon as possible.
"About Barbara and you, about the thin line between love and hate."
"I told you, that is absurd."
"Why absurd? You have talked to me about your life and how hard it was after your mother's death. You said you felt she abandoned you and you couldn't forgive her for it."
"But I finally did."
"Then later, you said she betrayed you again. She hid a secret from you and it hurt you."
Helena sighed, maybe she had opened her mouth too much.
"It didn't hurt me. It disappointed me," she mumbled.
"If she disappointed you," Quinzel said, "it means she hurt you. If not, you wouldn't care."
The brunette didn't answer, she stared at the floor.
"So, she has twice betrayed your trust, and yet, you are now living with her…"
"I'm not living with her."
"All right, but in any case, you are with a person that hurt you. Why? Is it not because you feel something for her?"
"You don't understand." Helena shook her head. She realized now that she had been selfish, so buried in her own pain that she was blind. She had been misjudging the redhead all these years.
Quinzel leaned over and touched the brunette's hand. "Help me understand, Helena."
Blue eyes fixed on her as a challenge. She didn't like to be touched, she moved her hand back.
"I don't want to."
Quinzel chuckled. It seemed Helena still had issues about people being close to her. What was not good, was that their conversations were always about Barbara. She thought so much about the redhead.
"Who is this Barbara that causes such tumultuous feelings? Could a person that really cares about you so much, disturb you to this degree?"
"She doesn't disturb me," the young woman said.
"No? We talk almost all the time about her. About how she hurt you, about how she pissed you off. Who is she?" Quinzel locked her eyes on the brunette.
The young woman didn't blink. She was not going to make her blink.
"Barbara Gordon," she finally said.
Quinzel smiled. Oh, how she liked this woman in front of her.
"I remember her." The blonde leaned back in her chair. "Barbara Gordon is in charge of your father's foundation. Beautiful, very smart, elegant… a powerful woman.
"Barbara is nice," the young woman mumbled, "she cares about me."
"Why do you think she cares about you after everything that has happened?"
"She does. Every time I need her, she is there," Helena said, defending Barbara. "She doesn't ask for anything, she accepts me as I am." It was hard to admit, but Helena couldn't keep lying to herself. "I was wrong to judge her, I was young, hurt. I needed to blame someone."
"And you discharged all your anger against the person you loved the most, after your mother, Barbara."
"Everything was confusing. I miss my mom," Helena mumbled "And, in that one moment, she was gone. Everything changed. I changed."
"Into what?"
"Into someone maybe I wasn't meant to be."
The blonde noticed Helena couldn't hide the shadow of sadness on her face.
"What do you feel for her now, Helena?" Quinzel asked softly.
"She is my friend," the dark haired woman answered.
"No, I'm not asking that," the blonde said, with a gentle tone, leaning toward her. "I'm asking what you feel for her."
"I appreciate her."
"Just that? You don't feel anything else?" the doctor asked quizzically. "I have seen Barbara Gordon's picture." Quinzel observed the girl's reaction. She was avoiding her gaze. "You told me you prefer women. Have you noticed that Barbara is a beautiful woman? Elegant, smart? She is one of the most desired women in the city. Is it possible, Helena, that you are in love with her and you don't realize it?"
"I have noticed that Barbara is a wonderful woman, but she is just a friend, nothing more." She made a face. "In fact, I told her once she could be my mother and it pissed her off."
"Why did you say that?"
"I was angry."
"And now, given the chance, would you say it again?"
The brunette fixed her eyes on the blonde. "Never."
Quinzel rubbed her chin. There was a deep silence in the room. The blonde adjusted her notebook on her legs.
"What do you think about me, Helena?"
"Well… you are a good therapist and…"
"I mean physically, Helena."
The brunette lifted her eyebrow. "What kind of question is that?"
Quinzel stood up and walked toward her. Helena really pushed her libido to high levels. The brunette was sexy and her stubborn attitude made her most attractive.
She wanted her.
She put her hands on the arms of the couch and leaned forward, bringing their faces close.
Helena's nostrils filled with her soft perfume, a bit sweet for her taste.
"Do you find me attractive?" the doctor whispered with a smooth voice. She was sure that if Helena looked at her, she would notice she was a very attractive woman.
The brunette's eyes traced the other woman's body. She had, in fact, a great body, she dressed elegantly and conservatively, but she didn't hide what she had. Her skirt had a long slit up the side and her cleavage was really tempting. Her eyes were fixed on it, maybe longer than she wanted.
She lifted her head and looked at the blonde. She had short hair and a nice face, not as beautiful as Barbara, but it was nice.
"Yes, you are," she finally said, amused. "Are you trying to seduce me? Isn't that against your ethics?"
Quinzel laughed and moved back.
"No, of course not. I was checking your reaction. You are right, you like women. Some of my patients like to lie. Not you, I see."
Helena eyed the doctor. "You are really attractive."
"Maybe your kind of girl?" Quinzel sat on her couch.
"I'm sorry." Helena smiled. "No."
"Why not?"
Helena narrowed her eyes.
"I'm not flirting, Helena." The doctor grinned. "I'm trying to understand you."
"I don't want to offend you…" Helena nodded, "but I like other kinds of girls."
Quinzel exhaled and checked her notebook. That was bad news, yet not an insurmountable obstacle.
"Like Barbara?" she asked.
Helena didn't answer. Sometime the doctor's questions made her feel really uncomfortable.
The blonde felt she that was another point for her. The girl's silence meant she had, again, hit the mark.
"Tell me, Helena, Why did Barbara keep trying to be your friend all those years? You were very rude with her."
"I don't know."
"Maybe she tolerated your bad mood, your insults, because she knew she had committed a mistake? Maybe inside, she knew that she really did forget about you. She felt guilty and wanted to repair the damage she did to you." The blonde crossed her hands and held her knee "Did she do that for you... or for herself?"
TBC
