Title: Beginnings

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Law & Order: SVU

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will (and his family) and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: Olivia's baby arrives - but not without complications. Elliot's there to help her through, though. This story is set after Changes and is a prequel to A Complicated State of Happiness and Undeserved.

Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Her relationship with Elliot is that of partner and protective older brother and colleague.

She tried to come into the squad room in a way to attract the least attention as possible. So far she hadn't been very successful in that. She'd already been in the building about 25 minutes with people wanting to stop her and talk to her and goo-and-gah at her baby.

She wasn't entirely comfortable doing the visit. She knew it was kind of an obligatory drop-in that all new parents seemed to do a month or so far their baby's arrival. But it was just drawing more attention to herself and her baby than she wanted. She didn't want to feed the gossip mill or add to any speculation about her situation – and what it would mean for her career, if there would be another detective slot opening up in the city and an assignment in special victims.

But it was kind of nice to get some of the attention, though - or for Noah to get it; for people to seem excited to see him and happy for her. It was also nice to get out of the apartment for a bit and have some chit-chat, even though so far it had all been baby focused. She'd had to lecture herself that she wouldn't look at the case board, she wouldn't root around her desk like someone else wasn't using it right now, she wouldn't sneak a peak at any files kicking around, and she wouldn't interject her opinion on anything she might overhear while she was in the squad room. She thought she'd likely be able to restrain herself on all of it – expect maybe the last self-imposed requirement.

Of course, Elliot noticed her first and looked up from whatever paperwork he was working on to give her a smile. He moved to stand up – but his change in facial expression and movement was enough to catch Munch's attention and he turned around to give her a look up and down at her hauling the baby carrier with her sleeping son. He jumped up before Elliot could and held up his arm to block the other man.

"Hey, hey, hey," he said, "you've already had lots of Baby Benson time. Share with the rest of the class."

Olivia made a snort but followed the now cornered off path that directed her to John's desk, where she hoisted tried to hoist Noah's carrier.

"Help her, John," Elliot spat from where he was being forced to stand. "She's not supposed to be lifting things like that."

"El," she snapped and shot him a look and rolled her eyes. "I'm fine."

She actually wasn't. Even dragging Noah in the carrier from the taxi and through the station house – and all the imposed stops for people to gawk at him – had felt like maybe she was overdoing it just a bit and she'd be paying for it that night or the next day. She kind of thought maybe she should've just put Noah into his sling for the trip – but then she'd have people touching her and trying to take a peak down her chest to see his sleeping form. That didn't sound like a pleasant visit to her.

She'd been told to be careful and not life anything heavier than just him – not the carrier and him – for at least the first six weeks – if not more like eight. But, that just honestly, wasn't very realistic as a single mom. She had to get groceries – and just get around. Though, Elliot had taken it upon himself to ignore her protests and had been showing up with bags of groceries and basic baby and household supplies on his little visits. Worse still, he wouldn't take any money for it. If he did humour her by taking hold of the cash – she'd always find it left somewhere else in the apartment after he left. Once she'd thought she'd successfully passed off the cash, by sneaking it into his jacket pocket instead while he was distracted with Noah. But then his next visit, the cash had reappeared, added to the pile of what she'd tried to give him that time. It pissed her off to no end that he and Kathy were spending money on her and her baby. They had enough debt and expenses with Eli at home, the twins finishing up private school and the girls finishing up university. They didn't need to be dropping money on her on a weekly basis – she could afford to buy her own groceries and care for her baby. She didn't like even the suggestion otherwise – however kind-hearted it was supposed to be.

She was kind of amazed at how long it was taking her body to bounce back from the surgery. It still hurt – and she swore some of the stitches that were left, apparently dissolving, still hadn't dissolved. Not to mention now with getting into a nursing routine, she upper body just felt overloadedly-heavy and ached half-the-time too. It made her sometimes almost plead with Noah not to dawdle so much at her breast and to give her some relief. Other times it sent her seeking the breast pump, hoping to get some extra relief. But that brought about its own tenderness for her too. She felt a bit like a walking bruise at the moment.

John apparently decided to listen to Elliot's bark over the potentiality of her bite, though, and wrapped his hands over the carrier handle with hers and took over the bulk of the weight, even though she didn't let go, to help her settled her son down on top of his disaster zone. She reached over and fiddled with the handle, until she got the latch popped to push it back so they could see Noah better.

John gazed at him with a little too much interest – as Fin reappeared from whatever he'd been up to. He wandered over and took a look too.

"Hey Liv," he nodded at her. "Nice looking kid," was all he offered after looking at her son for a few seconds and then rounded back to his desk and sat down, apparently done with his obligatory goo-gah at the baby.

She gave a little snort but allowed a smile. "Thanks."

"Geez, Liv, you'd think your were a prokayrote or something," John said as he continued to examine Noah. "Did any of Daddy Unknown's genes get into this kid."

Elliot made a loud cough and John and her both glanced at him again – to see Munch getting another deadly glare.

"Sorry, Daddy Unnamed," John suggested instead. He sighed. "The baby has a lot of your facial features, Liv," he offered instead. And she gave him a small smile for the effort.

She was definitely picking out bits of herself in the baby. It was without much doubt that Noah had inherited her hair and her eyes. But she felt like most of the rest of him looked unfamiliar to her right now – and there were moments she felt like he must look like Kurt then. A part of her was a little scared that as her baby grew, she'd be seeing a mirror image of his father. It wasn't that Kurt didn't have his own handsome qualities – or even that he'd done anything particularly wrong to hurt her – at least during their relationship. Their relationship had just been what it was – and he was just who he was and she was who she was. They were in different places in their lives and wanted different things for their futures.

But how he'd dealt with the pregnancy had definitely hurt. It had made her change her perspective on him and what kind of man he was quite a lot. She wasn't quite sure how much of him she wanted to see of him in her son. She really wasn't sure how much she wanted to see him ever again at that point, either. But a child deserved to have a father – to know who they were and where they came from. If Kurt could get his act together. So far, though, he was showing about as much reaction to her letting him know that the baby had arrived as he had when she let him know she was pregnant. Which meant he wasn't reacting and she actually wasn't even entirely sure if he'd gotten the message wherever he was trekking around Afghanistan with the troops at the moment. She'd stopped looking at the Ledger to see his articles and was trying to pretend like she didn't care where he was and what he was doing.

She hadn't really made public who the father of the baby was. She figured if they all really stopped and thought about it and did the math, they could likely come to their own conclusions. The IAB had made her relationship with Kurt become public information – despite her intentions to keep her private life private. John had insisted on making some of his jokes during her pregnancy about what donor number she'd used; who the hell was she dating now, which had made her feel like the guys were a little too aware of her constant parade of failed relationships and usually casual boyfriends – like the job ever let her really get a relationship beyond the casual first few dates stages before the men went running for the hills or she just gave up; and, what poor schmucks managed to get dragged into that mess. She thought at the time John had meant it as a friendly joke and assumed she likely did have a boyfriend in her life that would be involved. So even though it had upset her a bit – she'd made no comment, knowing that after he clued in that she was definitely doing this on her own, he'd feel a tad bad about his flippancy.

John had shifted his attention to dangling his little blue Beanie NYPD bear in front of Noah's face. Her baby had opened his eye but was shifting his line of sight elsewhere. After being in the NICU, her son was still finding faces and activity overly stimulating. He often didn't even meet her line of sight yet – even when nursing - and she'd yet to receive the social smile from him. She was a little restless about it – as fears about development and even Asperger's and autism started to overwhelm her mind. But her pediatrician had told her she was over-reacting at that point. That Noah just needed time to adjust and catch up – that he'd likely snap out of it by two or three months. So she was trying to be patient.

She moved John away a bit and scooped her son out of the carrier and bounced him. The visit and all the new faces looking at him that afternoon was going to be over stimulating enough for him. He didn't need toys being dangled in front of his face too. What he was going to need was several hours of laying on top of her chest in the quiet and the dark when they got home.

She patted his back a bit. "Don't you worry, Noah," she told him, casting John a look. "Unkie Munchie says lots of silly things he doesn't really mean."

John crossed his arms. "I don't remember giving you permission to use that alias," he said.

She gave him a smile. "Oh, com'on, El's kids got an Unkie Munchie," she teased.

"That name disturbs me on more levels than I even want to get into," Fin interjected into the conversation again. "Especially with where we work," he made a disgusted face and shutter of his shoulders.

"I thought I'd almost managed to get that monkey off my back," John said. "But then you two had to go and keep procreating." He waved his hand towards her and Elliot. "I'm going to be dead before these latest kids outgrow it."

"He likes it," she whispered to Noah and bounced him a bit more.

"I don't like it," John protested, "but I might allow it if I can a chance to hold the kid."

She gave him another small smile and took a step forward to start transferring her baby to his waiting arms, making sure to reposition John's arms a bit to make sure he had Noah's head and neck well supported.

"I can't believe you're letting HIM hold your baby," Fin commented sarcastically, like even being near Munch might infect her son with sarcasms and paranoia.

"Don't worry, Fin, you can have your turn too," she teased him.

He shook his head. "I don't do babies," he said. "I can see him from here just fine."

"Ken is evidence otherwise," she commented, stroking Noah's head as John bounced him around and babbled non-sense at him.

"And look at how that turned out – spent most of his life hating me and he's gay," Fin said.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's definitely because you held him wrong – or not enough."

Fin snorted and looked back to his work.

Cragen came out of his office to take in the scene. Elliot was still standing guard – a little too over-protectively. He wandered over.

"Hey Captain, your future star detective is checking out the joint," Munch commented.

Cragen gave Olivia a small smile. He'd stayed at the hospital several hours after Elliot had called him about his partner's early – and emergency – delivery. So he'd gotten to see the baby in his complete infancy. But he'd more than taken the hint that Olivia wanted her privacy and space – and hadn't overstepped his bounds with repeat visits.

He touched her shoulder in a small greeting as he passed to go and take a closer look at the baby's development over the past six weeks. He smiled at the child and stroked his clenched fist as John bounced him around, with his mother carefully watching on. He glanced back at his detective.

"He's looking really well," he told her with a smile.

She nodded.

"Here," John said, moving to transfer him to the captain's arms. "You take a shot at corrupting him in his infancy."

The baby settled into his arms – still not even fussing about all the activity around him. Cragen smiled at him – and gave Olivia a wide grin.

"He's got a good temperament putting up with all of this," he said, bouncing the little boy and making some small faces at him.

She rubbed at her eyebrow. "Yeah, he's pretty good. Pretty content most of the time. He'll be fussing soon, though, wanting a feeding. Our visit has lasted a bit longer than anticipated. Took a while to get from security to up here."

"We were promised we wouldn't have to see your breasts," Munch commented, having moved to get coffee.

She gaped at him for a moment. "Sorry, if breastfeeding is offensive to you, John," she shook her head.

"On the contrary, I think breastfeeding is the way to go. Now I could tell you about some of the studies about formula …"

She held up her hand. "I'm good. Thanks," she told him, getting slightly annoyed.

John shrugged. "We've got some looky-loos in the cage," he said, gesturing over.

She rolled her eyes. "As much as I'd love to put on a show for all of you – I was going to take him up to the cribs before we left. But thanks for your good faith in my judgment, John."

Munch gave no response and worked at fixing up his afternoon coffee the way he wanted.

The whole spat, just made Cragen rock the baby a bit more. "You see what your mom has got to put up with here, Noah," he told her son.

"Yeah, and now I'm stuck putting up with it for another 18 years," she said, tugging teasingly at Noah's little foot.

Elliot snorted. "Try 21, at least."

She cringed. "I don't think so."