Helena sat at the cornice of the rooftop above her apartment. She had walked for hours. The mention of her mother's murder had disturbed her in a way that she couldn't have predicted. The worst part was that the commissioner had blown off his head with the fucking gun.
He was close. He had said the killer was close and that he could be anyone.
"I have been looking for you," a familiar voice said from behind her.
"I needed to be alone," the brunette mumbled.
Barbara, dressed as Batgirl, sat next to her. Both looked out at the city below them.
"You scared me." Batgirl said, "When I heard the shot I thought he had shot you."
"He blew his head off in front of me," Helena whispered. "His brain just disappeared… everything was covered in blood… I couldn't stop him."
"There was nothing you could do. You did your best, I'm very proud of you." Batgirl put her hand on her shoulder. "Your main goal was always to stop the gang, you did it."
"You helped me a lot."
"But you worked hard on it, so hard that he wanted to see you dead."
Helena took a deep breath, she lowered her head.
"He knew me. I have been thinking about it and I don't remember him." The brunette looked at her masked friend. "He said he knew my mother's murderer. He knew her, too. Why?"
"I heard him say that," Batgirl said. "I did some research on the Delphi."
"Did you find anything?"
"No, your mother was a socialite; maybe he met her at some party or reunion."
"He knew me, too."
"I know, I left the Delphi working to check if he had any connection with your dad. Maybe he was a friend of your dad, and met you and your mom when you were a kid."
Helena sighed and looked again toward the city.
"We never talked about her." Barbara removed the cowl from her head. "Do you want do it now?"
Helena took a deep breath and exhaled through her mouth.
"No."
Green eyes regarded the young woman. She seemed so vulnerable, so tiny. When Helena opened her soul, Barbara discovered an incredible and very sensitive woman, whose heart was as fragile as a piece of glass. It touched her. She extended her arm and squeezed her hand.
"It still hurts you."
Blue eyes fixed on her. "It never will stop hurting, Barbara."
"I'm sorry for not being there."
"It wasn't your fault." The brunette squeezed back, gently "You were hurt and I couldn't see that."
"But I could have done more."
Both were silent for long seconds, staring at the dark horizon. A question had been inside Helena's mind for so long, she thought it was the moment to ask.
"Why didn't you ever quit on me?"
"Your doctor said it, I'm a masochist."
Helena laughed lightly.
"Seriously," the redhead said, smiling at her. She had wonderful blue eyes. "I love you, you were a pain in the ass as a child, but I love you. I met your mother years ago and our 'differences' didn't matter, I respected her so much. She helped your father and me many times to trap criminals."
"Why? She was a burglar," Helena asked curiously.
"Because she respected human life. She helped us to save many lives, you said it, she was a burglar, but never a murderer. After her retirement, we became very good friends. We had many things in common, I could talk with her about things that I never could with my other friends." Barbara smiled at the brunette "You and your mom became my family, too. She was the big sister I never had."
The dark haired woman lowered her head.
"I lost my mother when I was a child, I was ten. My dad was an alcoholic and he died a few years later. My Uncle Jim took me in and he is like my father."
Helena listened to her. She didn't usually talk about her own past. Barbara seemed to always be in control of everything, even her own emotions. Something Helena couldn't say was one of her own best qualities.
Barbara must love Jim so much, her face changed, it was bright.
"He is marvelous with me." The redhead looked up. "An incredible dad."
The brunette cocked her head. "Does he know what you do?"
"No, I don't think he would sleep at night."
"And Wade?"
The redhead kept silent for a moment. "No…"
"Will you tell him?"
"Not yet, I don't know how he will react." Barbara bit her lower lip.
"You said he is your boyfriend." Helena observed her.
"Yes."
"When you love someone doesn't that mean you must be yourself with that person?"
"I am."
"I don't think so." Helena moved her arms behind her and rested her weight on them.
"What?"
"You are not being honest with him. He doesn't know who you really are."
"I can't tell everybody in my romantic life who I am."
"Why not?" Helena chuckled. "The entire city would know who you are?"
"Oh come on, I haven't had that many boyfriends."
"But you are planning tell him," the brunette said.
The former Batgirl shook her head. "Not now."
"Why not?"
"I don't think it's time yet."
"You have been with him for two years, what are you waiting for?"
"The right moment." Barbara turned to look at the girl. It seemed she was in 'asking' mode.
"And when is that?"
"You feel it… you just feel it."
Helena lifted an eyebrow. "It's weird."
"What?"
"Being in love with someone that doesn't know who you are."
Barbara felt that statement deeply, but the dark haired woman didn't seem to notice it. She was leaning forward, looking at the street fifteen floors below them.
It was true. Wade didn't really know who she was. He had fallen in love with the school teacher, the director of the Foundation, but… not with the crime fighter, the detective, Batgirl. She was not the woman he thought her to be.
She looked at the brunette. She was as breathtaking as always, her thin frame so sensual, her smile so beautiful. The truth was that the only person she felt comfortable with was Helena. She liked to spend her time with her. But she was dreaming.
"He said he knew her murderer," Helena said, interrupting the redhead's thoughts, "that he was close and that he could be anyone."
"I heard that."
"I'll kill him, Red," Helena took a deep breath. "If I find him, I'll kill him. I have been looking for him for years."
The redhead shook her head. "That is not what we do."
"You, that's not what you do." The girl pointed out. "I'm not like you."
"Don't disappoint me, Helena."
"Would I disappoint you if I kill him?"
"Very much so. Killing him won't change things."
"I don't care. I want him dead."
Helena's cold gaze made Barbara shiver. She was not joking.
"You will destroy your life Helena. Is killing him worth it?" the redhead asked.
The brunette lowered her head and looked below. "My life is already destroyed. I don't have anything to lose."
"Your life is not destroyed, you have a lot to lose."
"I lost my world, Barbara," Helena said angrily, as she stood up. "He stole my life, he left me empty, I don't have anything."
"And your father?"
"He is not my father. He never was," the brunette shouted.
"You never gave him a chance." Barbara stood up and faced her.
"I don't want it, I don't need him."
Barbara felt sadness for her. She thought her resentful feelings had gone. The silence filled again the moment. A cold wind moved their hair..
"You have me," she whispered. "I'm your family."
"You don't understand," the brunette said, trying to contain the anger and pain inside her.
"I understand more than you can imagine." The redhead touched her arm. "It's over now, you are safe. I still think it's a mistake to go looking to kill someone, but I'll always be your friend, my home is your home."
Helena lifted her head and smirked, trying to break the coldness that she had built with her reaction. "I like the new bed."
"I was going to ask you if you want to work with me."
"Work with you? At the foundation, again?"
"If you want, but I meant as a team, at night."
Helena grinned. "You are naughty now."
Barbara glared at her "Fighting crime, genius."
"Sounds cool. But you know Batgirl pisses me off."
"Don't piss her off first."
"It's my nature."
"Then don't complain." The redhead fixed her attention on the young woman. "So, what do you say?"
"Good pay?" the brunette asked playfully.
"If you like stale cookies, but the job is nice, being outside on cold nights, fighting against big thugs, getting beaten up, having nasty bruises in unmentionable places…."
"Sounds like rough sex."
"Just that with no sex. What do you say?"
"Can I watch the big TV?"
"No porn movies," Barbara said, adjusting her cowl on her head.
Helena rolled her eyes. "All right."
"So?"
"All right, deal." She extended her hand and shook the redhead's.
The blonde observed the brunette, who couldn't hide her happiness. She'd never seen her in that mood. She was always closed off, and often answered with sarcasm. She was dressed in a short black skirt and a sleeveless blouse. She looked stunning.
She looked incredibly beautiful.
Maybe she needed to change her tactic with the girl. She liked girls. She had said that, but she hadn't flirted with her, not even a bit. Perhaps she hadn't impressed her as much as she thought.
It crossed her mind to invite her to go out, but it would be pretty obvious.
Helena stood up at the window of her office, looking out over the city. It was a cloudy day.
"So, things are going better with Barbara?" she asked, checking her notes. She needed to know how deep her emotional involvement was with 'Barbara'.
"Incredible." The dark haired woman smiled, turning to see her. She really felt alive, with the courage to face everything. It was the first time in years that she'd woken up feeling like life was good.
"Are you still living with her?" Quinzel asked, biting her pen. She crossed her leg. She wanted to know, really she wanted know everything about her.
"I told you I don't live with her," the brunette said, walking to her seat and sitting. "I'm back at my place. I was fixing it. But I go to her home every day. We… work together now."
"Work?" the doctor asked with interest "What kind of work?"
"Pastries?" Helena took a second before answering.
"Pastries?"
"We… uhh… sell pastries online."
"I see…" she smiled. "Strange hobby for a woman with your temper, Helena."
"Barbara was good at convincing me."
"And you are happy now."
"Yes."
The blonde moved her skirt up a few inches and looked at the younger woman.
"Tell me, Helena," she said with a soft voice. "Are you in love with her? Have you considered that?"
The brunette's expression changed. Harleen always asked her questions that made her uncomfortable, that invaded her most intimate thoughts, and it was not nice. She wasn't used to sharing with anyone.
She hadn't stopped to think about Barbara, but, at the same time, she had been avoiding thinking about exactly that subject, afraid to face her own feelings.
Barbara was nice, she felt so good with her and she didn't want to screw it all up.
"She is beautiful, but I can't love her," she finally said.
"I didn't ask that." Quinzel was annoyed that her movement hadn't caught the attention of the brunette.
Helena sighed. It seemed she didn't have any options. She rested her arms on the arms of the chair and looked at the blonde.
"I like her," she said.
"So?"
"She is straight."
"I don't think that being straight is an impediment for you."
"I don't want to talk about her," the brunette said. The doctor was trying to go to a place she didn't want to go. She wasn't a fan of letting people look inside her.
"We are not talking about her, we are talking about you," the blonde pushed again.
"It's the same. I don't want to do it," Helena answered with a cold voice, not caring about being polite.
"Why not?" Harleen stood up, walked over to the brunette, and touched her arm, caressing it. She had smooth skin. "Let me help you, Helena. I'm your friend."
"It's not your business."
Quinzel smirked, "Oh, rudeness. That was unexpected. How can I help you if you don't help me?" She moved back to her chair.
The brunette smirked. "Maybe I don't want you to help me."
Quinzel confidently took her hand to her leg and rubbed it smoothly. She looked at the brunette with a light smile. Helena didn't know why, but she didn't like that expression on her doctor's face. The blonde wanted to show that she was in control. No one controlled her. There was a deep silence between them for long seconds.
"And how do you expect me to send a good report to the court if you don't let me help you?" the doctor asked.
"The report is not about my personal life," Helena said, annoyed at the threat.
"You are wrong, it's about what motivates you… and your feelings motivate you," Quinzel said calmly. "Your feelings make you aggressive, angry."
Helena glared at her.
"My time is up," Helena responded, standing up. She didn't wasn't to discuss her personal life with her…. or anyone else.
"All right, but remember," Quinzel said in amusement, "I'm always here to listen to you when you need it."
She watched the young woman walk out of her office.
She liked her.
She wanted her.
She would have her.
-------------------
"Barbara, there is no TV service!" Helena yelled from the upper floor. She was in the living room trying to watch movies.
"I canceled it," the redhead replied from the Delphi.
"Why?" a dark head appeared from behind the sofa.
"You keep watching porn." Barbara adjusted her glasses and leaned over her computer.
"Me?"
"I saw the charges on my credit card."
"I pressed the "buy" button by mistake."
"Mistake, sure." Barbara smiled to herself. Helena had moved to her own place again, but she usually spent most of the day at the Clock Tower. Barbara liked it. She liked the company of the young woman.
"Did you really cancel it?" Helena's voice, next to her, surprised the redhead.
Dammit, she was as silent as a damn cat. She was at her side. She never heard her moving down. She looked at her, then returned to her work.
"Yes," Barbara affirmed.
"Come on!" the brunette whined "You can't do that! There were 800 channels!"
"Oh I did it, believe me."
"That's evil."
"That's wisdom," the redhead refuted.
Helena stood there and crossed her arms. She sighed dramatically. "What are you doing?"
"Working, I have detected some minor robberies, but all have the same 'modus operandi.'"
"You are thinking there is some new gang in the city?"
"I'm thinking a new bad guy is trying to take control of the city."
The brunette looked around. "Can I play Sim City here?"
"Forget it." The redhead said, opening some screens on her computer.
"Why not? I can use a computer you aren't using." She looked up and pointed. "Maybe one of those screens. They're cool."
"Nope." The name she was looking for, finally appeared, Barbara saved the info in her database.
"Why not?"
"The equipment is for work, Helena."
"Mmmmm." The young woman sat next to her, balancing her feet on the desk. She looked around at the equipment. "Can I download TV shows?"
"No." Barbara typed on her keyboard, the FBI web page appeared. Now, she just needed to get inside, it should be easy.
"Why not?"
"I can imagine what you want to download."
Helena watched Barbara's screen. "What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to get inside some FBI files." Barbara opened another program and started typing.
"Isn't that illegal?"
"Let's say that I'm helping the community." Several codes began to appear, moving at high speed across a black screen.
"So you are a hacker." The brunette cocked her head.
"I'm a detective."
"It's an elegant way to say hacker." Helena grinned.
"Why don't go you to check to see if it's sunny outside?"
"Why?"
"It's an elegant way to say 'go away'."
A few hours later, Alfred walked onto the platform with a tray with cookies and some tea. Barbara kept working at her Delphi system.
"Good afternoon, Miss Barbara." He looked around. "Miss Helena is gone?"
"She is upstairs watching TV," the redhead said, focused on her job.
"I thought you cancelled the service."
"I ordered it again."
"What happened?"
"Believe me, Alfred, it is much better this way."
He chuckled.
"You have been working so much on that, maybe you need a distraction."
"Maybe." She stretched her arms up and, taking her hand to the back of her neck, she rotated her head in circles.
"I'll be back shortly," he said, stepping off the platform. "I need to go shopping."
"Fine."
"Bring beer!!" Helena yelled from the upper floor.
"Cat hearing," Barbara said, amused.
"I already noticed it."
When the elevator doors closed. Barbara stood up and stretched her body, she really had been sitting there a long time. She put her hands on her waist and looked up.
Maybe Alfred was right, she needed to be distracted.
She walked to the stairs and climbed to the upper floor.
She stopped at the entrance of the living room.
Helena was dressed in shorts… very short shorts and a t-shirt that revealed a significant amount of skin. She was stunned. Her first thought was that Helena was incredibly beautiful.
It took her a few seconds recover her breath.
"Hey, Barbara," Helena said, taking a hand full of gummies and putting them inside her mouth "Are you finished?"
"Did you…?" Barbara cleared her throat before continuing. "Did you change?"
"I took a shower. I used your Jacuzzi…. I like the bubbles."
"No, no, it's okay," the redhead said.
"How is work?"
"Fine, I'm still doing some research." She turned to see the screen. "What are you watching?"
"Two and a half men. Love Conchata Farrell."
"Oh, I see."
"Sit." Helena patted the empty seat empty at her side. She had her legs over the coffee table. "This episode is good, her daughter is dating Charlie's moronic brother."
The redhead sat and fixed her eyes on the screen. The show was good and she laughed. Her arm rested on the young woman's. The younger woman didn't object.
Helena had an open laugh.
She liked it.
"I have an idea," the redhead said suddenly.
"Uh oh…" Helena mumbled with her mouth full with gummies.
"Uh oh?"
"Every time you have an idea, it means work."
"Come on," the redhead stood up, patting her leg, "let's go have some fun."
"A bar? I never thought you would be a bar girl," Helena said, taking a sip of her drink.
"I love bars. But work is work," the redhead said, lifting her glass and making a toast.
Helena chuckled. Barbara's invitation had surprised her but it was nice. It was nice to share time with her. She couldn't explain why she had felt so proud, walking with her inside the bar. She was proud she was her friend, she was with her. Barbara could be with anyone, but she had chosen to be with her.
Every day she was enjoying her company more and more. She went to sleep at night, wanting tomorrow to come just to see her once more.
"Is there anyone that has caught your attention?" the redhead asked.
"Uh?" The brunette blinked in confusion.
"To hunt, you are a hunter."
"I'm fine now, not interested in anyone." Helena leaned back in her chair. The truth was that Barbara interested her, but the older woman would surely think she was crazy. Helena fixed her eyes on her, she looked so damn beautiful.
What if she tried? She knew Barbara enjoyed her company, they spent a lot of time having fun. She had told her that time flew when she was with Helena. That was a good sign.
"Have you ever been with a girl?" the brunette asked curiously.
"No," the redhead laughed. "Of course not."
"Why not?"
"I don't like girls." Barbara heard her own words and wondered how true they were, and more so as she found herself attracted to the young woman in front of her.
Helena moved forward, holding her cup with both hands. "How do you know you don't like something, if you haven't tried it?"
"Good question." Barbara knew she had caught her. "Must I answer that?"
The redhead wondered for a second what it would feel like to kiss Helena.
"Yes." The brunette grinned. Her smile vanished when she saw a familiar person behind the redhead.
Wade.
"Hi, love," he said.
Fuck. Helena cursed silently.
"Wade?" Barbara turned, surprised.
"Hi."
Helena saw the big smile that filled the other's woman face and felt a hit in her gut. The redhead stood up and hugged him, giving him an enthusiastic kiss on his lips.
"What are you doing here?" Barbara asked, taking his hands "You said you would be back tomorrow."
"I wanted to surprise you," he smiled back, "but you surprised me. You weren't at home."
"Helena and I have been working hard," she said, extending her hand to the brunette. "So we decided to go out and have some fun."
"Hi, Helena, how are you?" he shook the brunette's hand.
"Hi, Wade," she faked a smile. "How are you?"
"Very well and happy to be back."
"Good," Helena said.
Barbara bit her lips, feeling uncomfortable. This was not what she had expected. She had planned a nice evening with the brunette, and this, this was so unexpected. She found herself quite disappointed.
"Want to dance?" he asked Barbara.
"Sure." She left her glass on the table and followed him.
"Want to dance?" Helena grumbled to herself. " 'Sure' Bah…" She watched them moving through the crowd. Wade was holding her hand. He looked proud to be with her.
Anyone would feel proud.
She'd felt proud too, Barbara was gorgeous, beauty, smart…. And straight.
Shit.
The brunette sighed and swallowed her drink.
He had fucked up everything.
When Barbara returned to the table minutes later, she had gone.
"Where is Helena?" Wade asked.
"No idea," Barbara said, looking around. She sat next to the table.
"I'm so glad to see you," Wade said.
"Me too." The red head said trying to find Helena with her gaze.
He leaned in and kissed her.
"When did you arrive?" she asked
"Just this afternoon."
"That is excellent." She smiled at him, touching his face. Her eyes found Helena, she was at the back of the place, flirting with a gorgeous blonde. The woman seemed to be interested in the young woman. Barbara didn't take her eyes off of her friend.
"Barbara?"
The redhead blinked. "Excuse me, Wade, I was distracted."
"Looking at a handsome man?" he joked. "I'd be jealous."
"No, just finding Helena." Barbara smiled. "Seems she found a distraction."
He turned his head. "Oh… I see." He took her hand, smiling "Has she ever tried to flirt with you?"
"Me?" the redhead laughed "Of course not, she is family."
"Well, she looks like a serious hunter of girls, and you are so beautiful."
"Nah, forget it." The redhead rested her head on his shoulder and kept her eyes on the brunette.
She remained busy all night with the woman, being friendly and dancing with her. Another two girls came over and stayed with her for the rest of the night.
She was pissed, they had come together. Why had she left? At a certain point during the night, she didn't see the brunette. She felt a strange sensation in her stomach, thinking she had gone home with one of those girls.
She couldn't explain it, after a few minutes she excused herself and went to the front door. The guards at the entrance knew Helena, they had been friendly with her when they had walked in. She asked them about her.
They informed Barbara that Helena had left a long time ago but alone.
"She left alone?" she asked them, surprised
The redhead couldn't explain it, but she felt both relief and sadness. Relief because she hadn't gone with the blonde, and sad because she hadn't said goodbye.
"She often leaves alone," one of them said. He was a big muscular man.
"She is very popular," The other one said, "but hard to catch."
"She is very good at running away." The man laughed.
She smiled at them and walked inside the club again.
