Story Time

So far, Cross managed to survive a week at the Black Order of Saints catholic school. The little youth suckers didn't seem to act as bad as he anticipated. He thought that he'd had to resort to all types of threats, like saying that the boogie monster might come up from under their beds if they so much as made a peep during his nap time. Nope. All he had to do was bring up their dead teacher and the kids would start sniffling. He had a couple of wailers in the group, but he usually locked those kids up in the closet. Honestly, the whole mourning the 'teacher who was eaten by monkeys' was getting a little old now. Cross was ready to move the hell on. Unfortunately, the kids didn't know when to let shit go.

"Oi, gather around brats, it's story time," Cross announced going to the reading corner with a big book.

He sat in the rocking chair while all the little ones gathered at his feet. He smirked, feeling like a god. To think he was in a position of power where he could control these little brats into doing whatever he pleased. Whoever decided Cross was mentally competent to be around children obviously didn't know he was morally incompetent to teach them.

Cross opened the book of assorted fairy tales and cleared his throat.

"This story is called 'The three bears'—" Cross saw the eye patch kid, what was his name? Lenny? Larry? Whatever, Patchy raised his hand and so Cross called on him.

"What is it Patchy?"

"We already read that," Lavi said, smiling because he's a good boy and a good helper!

Cross was not impressed. "And?"

"Choose another one!" the redhead chirped.

Cross frowned. "This is not a democracy, this is a totalitarian regime. We read what I want, when I want, got it Patchy?"

Lavi pouted as he nodded sadly.

Another kid raised their hand, this time the one with the white hair. His name was Alice or was it Alex? Same shit.

"What is it Aaron?"

"My name is Allen!" the boy clarified. "And what's a total-oe-rian re-"

"As I was saying," Cross said, ignoring the boy who frowned when Cross chose to not answer his question. "The story is called 'The three bears' and it starts—"

Another student raised their hand; it was the big third grader.

"What is it now?"

"Can you show us the pictures?" Noise Marie asked politely.

"Use your imagination kid," Cross informed him because really, these kids were retarded if they couldn't even do something as simple as using their imaginations. Why couldn't they pretend that they were running through a cotton candy field on a magical unicorn made of glitter? Hell, Cross was imagining it right now and he was only on his second cup of boozed up coffee of the day.

"Anyway, the three bears lived in a house in the woods where—"

Lavi raised his hand.

Cross's eyebrow twitched. "What is it now Cyclops?"

"Bears live in caves!" He chirped smiling because Lavi was not only a good boy and a good helper, but he was smart too!

What the hell did this kid want, a pat on the head?

"The book says they live in houses."

"But they live in caves!"

Cross sighed.

"Well, you can say they live in caves until you're blue in the face kid, but this book tells me different."

Lavi stood up, his little hands balled up into tight fists. "But they do, I saw it on the Discovery Channel!" Lavi sounded really upset that he wasn't taken seriously.

"Yeah well, you're wrong."

"No! I'm right!" Lavi stomped a foot down.

"How do you know they didn't make up that story? Do you believe everything on television?"

"But-"

Cross closed the book and leaned over from his chair. "Are you sure those were real bears they were talking about? I'll tell you something boy, I studied bears and I have a degree and let me tell you that the Discovery Channel is the last place you want to learn about bears."

Lavi's bottom lip quivered and his eye began to tear. "But they—"

"Who's the one here with a degree in education and bears, me or you?"

Actually, Cross didn't have a degree in either, hell he didn't even have a degree, but the kid shoves crayons up his nose every other day so Cross deemed himself smarter and cooler by default.

Lavi whimpered and then sat down.

"Thought so," Cross said leaning backing into his rocking chair feeling smug.

He opened the book again. "Now, they lived in a house, not at cave," he looked at Lavi. "And then—"

Miranda raised her hand.

"For the love of God, what?" Cross barked.

Miranda flinched and let out a small noise.

"I-I need to go potty," she choked nervously.

"So? Go in your pants like everyone else."

"But I really have to go," she whimpered, and then started to cry. "I'm sorry! I'll pee in my pants now! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Cross rolled his eyes.

"Alright! Shut up!" He closed the story book and stood up. "Okay, everyone get up, it's field trip time."

One class trip to the bathroom later…

Cross was already tired and story time has only been going on for about fifteen minutes! He couldn't get on with the damn story edgewise what with those little bugger eaters interrupting him every millisecond. Cross was annoyed enough to lock them all in the closet and take a nap, but unfortunately for Cross, the closet wasn't sound proof, which meant he'd hear their cries for help and shit.

Damn kids.

He cleared his throat as he opened the book again. He waited for everyone to settle down and then stared them down for about a minute or two, waiting and daring them to raise a little hand up.

Everyone seemed to be calm at the moment so the man went on with the story.

"Now, the three bears, contrary to popular belief, lived in a house and not a cave. They woke up one morning and Lady bear, that's the mom, made some oatmeal or some shit you eat in a bowl. Anyway, Daddy Bear didn't want no shitty oatmeal and Baby Bear started whining and complaining that he actually wanted pancakes. Lady Bear went to the kitchen to make pancakes but Daddy Bear smacked her one and said that they were going out for real pancakes and not the ones she always made that tasted like crap."

Cross remembered he had to turn the page. He was reading a story to them after all.

"So the Bear family went to IHOP where delicious pancakes are made and you can eat them all the time, even at three in the morning when you're high as a kite and sloshed like no other. Take note kids: that's real customer service. Another place to eat when you're stoned and or drunk is Dennys. Anyway, they left and little did they know that some rich brat would come break into their house, have sex with her boyfriend on their beds, break all their shit, and worst of all, eat all of their food. Even the shitty oat meal Lady Bear made for her ungrateful family wasn't spared out of the clutches of this little fat ass."

He turned the page.

"As the little harlot turned her attention to Daddy Bear's prized vintage bottle of whiskey at his bar, the Bear Family, filled with pancake goodness from IHOP, came home. She dropped the bottle, surprised that bears lived in houses and not caves as she thought they did from learning from the Discovery Channel..." Cross looked at Lavi, wore a shocked look.

"...Daddy Bear was furious and so were Lady Bear and Baby Bear. Baby Bear was pissed because she broke all their shit including his Nintendo Wii. Lady Bear was pissed because she ate all the fucking food. I mean, this little hooker comes in acting like she owns the place and eats all their food. Does she know how expensive grapes are by the pound? Does she not know we're in a recession? Daddy Bear was the most pissed of all for obvious reasons and I don't blame him. Not a single drop of his beloved booze survived this little harpy's attack. He mourned the loss of his only friends, Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker, both of whom were the only things that got him through the day."

And this point Cross doesn't care about being realistic with the whole story time book thing and tossed the book aside.

"So you can understand the phrase, 'bitch had it coming' when it came to the Bear family explaining to the cops why pieces of the brat ended up smeared all over their house. Anyway, because the bears weren't going to be pussies and take her shit lying down-and trust me because I studied bears, they are no pussies-they decided to eat her. And when her parents came looking for her, they ate them too because anyone who's allowed to breed such a rotten brat with that much sense of entitlement and asshatery shouldn't be allowed to live anyway. The Bears moved on with their lives after that and when the cops came, no charges were filed because like I said before, bitch had it coming. So the three bears moved on with their lives. Daddy Bear worked his nine to five all the while drowning in booze because he's trapped in a loveless marriage all because he didn't like wearing condoms. Life Lesson kids: wrap it up or your life is over. Lady bear is still a shitty house wife who makes shitty food. And Baby Bear is still an obnoxious brat who only eats and shits everywhere because he doesn't have a job. The end."

All the kids blinked as one as they tried to process what was read or rather told to them. After a short silence, Lavi spoke up.

"That's not how the story goes! Miss Cloud read it different."

Cross frowned. Bullshit, that story was good. It had life lessons and everything!

"Well, is Miss Cloud here to defend herself?"

"No."

"Then shut up," Cross said smiling.

Now it was Allen's turn to be the bane of Cross's existence.

"But it's true! That's not how the story goes!"

Cross was getting sick and tired of this shit.

"Who are you going to believe, me or your dead teacher, who was eaten by monkeys?"

It was like a bomb went off. Every single kid began to tear up and then, out of no where they all began screaming like there was no tomorrow.

And just like that Cross's totalitarian regime disintegrated under the weight of wails and tears.

Cross covered his ears. Great, not this again. He got up and tried to make his way through the wailing tantrum throwing bunch. So story time was a bust. He now knew never to do that again and to a greater extent he now learned that bringing up the dead teacher thing was not working in his favor any more. He finally made it to the door and opened it.

Closing it behind him, he let out a sigh. He could either wait it out, which would mean staying outside or he can do something that'll make them stop crying and give him peace.

Then Cross got an idea.

He walked down the hall and went to the tech room.


When Cross returned to the class room, the kids were still crying. Jesus, what the fuck were these kids on? It was just a dead teacher who wasn't really dead but is probably dead anyway. If anything, Cross was doing them the favor by telling them the inevitable. Whatever.

Cross rolled the television cart, making sure not to run over any of them, though the temptation was there. He set the television up and turned it on. He went back to his rocking chair and changed the channel with the remote.

"All my single ladies! All my single ladies! All my singles!"

At the sound of Beyonce's voice, one by one, the kids began to stop crying. They all stared at the black and white video of Beyonce dancing and singing about putting a ring on something.

"If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it! Oh, Oh, Oh, Uh, Oh, Oh, Oh Oh Oh!"

It was like magic. They all swayed and bopped to her music. Even the most reluctant kid, the one to Cross's horror was actually a boy (Kanda) was entranced by the song.

Cross sat back in his rocking chair sipping on a fresh cup of his booze coffee. Story time was indeed not the best idea since there were so many technicalities involved. But music video time? That's on their schedule from now on. Everyone wins. The kids win because they see something cool and something they like. Plus, they don't talk, hell, they don't even blink as they're too busy being mesmerized by colors and sound. And Cross ended up being the biggest winner because the kids shut up and he didn't really have to do anything while he enjoyed watching Beyonce shake her ass.