Lesson Time

Cross looked at his kindergarten class as they gathered on the floor for their lesson of the day. The kids were more preoccupied with playing than paying attention as they toyed around with leggos and rolled around with each other. Cross remembered that he had to follow a strict lesson guide, which was distributed at the last faculty meeting he attended. Cross snorted, remembering how another teacher tried to explain to him the importance of teaching these brats the fundamentals.

"It's really the perfect idea! The children get a head start at learning the three Rs, reading, writing, and arithmetic!" a young colleague of his boasted.

Cross rolled his eyes.

"They're five; they can't even pronounce their Rs right."

"But think about it, these kids have the potential at becoming geniuses with this curriculum."

Cross remembered how one of his kids tried to fit a square block through a hole clearly made for a triangle block. The kid went into a fit of rage when it didn't work and hurled the block across the room, hitting Cyclops in his good eye. He spotted the kid a second later, brooding over it and eating paste in the corner.

"Geniuses...right."

Cross came back from his thoughts at the sound of the kids cheering and yelling as Allen and Kanda began to fight. The redhead frowned disapprovingly and went to separate the two.

"You're both going to the corner," He barked, holding one in each hand. As the boys hung from their collars, they struggled to get near one another again to fight.

"You're going into the corner for hitting a girl." He went and dropped Allen on his ass in one corner. Kanda tried to work his way out of Cross's grasp.

"I'm a boy damn it!"

"And you're going in the corner," Cross said raising his voice over Kanda's bitching, "For being a confusing she-male with a dirty mouth." And Kanda was dropped on his ass in another corner.

Cross dusted his hands off and walked up to the chalk board. "Now that I dealt with twiddle dee and twiddle dumb over there…" Allen chose to stick his tongue out at Cross, while Kanda flipped him off.

"…let's start the lesson."

The handsome teacher picked up of piece of colored chalk.

"Now, I'm under a strict contract to teach you some shit that's supposed to help you little tards become geniuses."

Cross wrote out the three letter Rs on the board.

"But I say, fuck it. I'm not teaching something that's going to guarantee you a lifetime of swirlies. I'm gonna teach you how to be a badass like yours truly." He smirked. "After this lesson all of you will be one degree cooler than you were before with the exception of she-male and dumbass over there."

Both boys glared at Cross, but the man ignored them.

"Now, we're learning the three Rs today. And they are much cooler than the ones I'm mandated to teach you."

"Are they reading, writing, and arithmetic?" Lavi chirped up with out raising his hand. Because he was such a smart boy!

"Quiet, Cyclops. I already said I wasn't going to teach you that queer shit."

Lavi frowned.

"Now, your first R is for Robbing." He drew a purse plus a hand reaching for it. Then he added an equal sign next to them and drew a dollar bill sign. "You take the money."

Allen raised his hand from the corner. Cross turned to him, narrowing his eyes and frowning.

"What is it?" he asked, displeased.

"Stealing is wrong," Allen informed him with a pout.

Cross blinked, and turned to his class again.

"So you take the money when no one is looking," he said.

"Master Cross! Master Cross!" Bak Chan raised his hand.

"What is it now?"

"Is that the only way to take money?"

"Good question. You get a gold star." Bak chan beamed at Cross as the man stuck a gold star on the boy's forehead and then stuck out his tongue at Lavi, because unlike Lavi, Bak Chan had two eyes which made him twice as smart!

Cross put the stickers away. He saw another teacher use stickers to reward students for doing something right. He thought it was a genius idea because it helped motivate the kids into being better slav-...behaved. Then Cross had one too many more booze-than-coffee cocktails and ended up using most of the stickers to tape their eyes and mouths shut.

"You can also cheat to get the money," Cross said, drawing some playing cards and then an arm with a hidden card up its sleeve.

Allen's little jaw dropped. "You can't do that!"

Another hand was raised, this time, it was Lenalee.

"Master Cross, what do we do after we take the money?" she asked, completely ignoring Allen in the naughty corner.

Cross grinned. "Another good question. You get a gold star." He plastered a star on her forehead. "You bring the money to me, your master, which brings me to the next R, running."

He drew a happy stick figure running away from other stick figures with angry faces.

"Once you take the money, you run like hell."

"Why?" little Rhode asked.

"Because you don't want to get caught."

"Is it like playing tag?" One of the twins, Jasdero, inquired.

"Yes, it is exactly like playing tag. You only win if you get away."

The entire class nodded in unison.

"But stealing and cheating is wrong!" Allen roared outraged.

"God, we get it! Daddy never you! Jesus kid, no one likes an attention whore. Either shut up or start playing with yourself just like she-male is doing over there."

Everyone looked at Kanda whose little eyes widened in horror and cheeks reddened with heated embarrassment. "I'm not playing with myself assholes!" He shrilled as he continued to play with his silky locks.

Cross rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, running is a basic skill that I'm sure even you retards can do, since you do it all the time in the playground."

Rhode raised her hand again. "Can we also rob candy?"

"Hm, you're on to something brat. See that, kids? What she did right there is called thinking outside the box."

"What's that?" Miranda asked.

"It means being useful to Master," Cross replied as he slapped some stickers on Rhode's forehead for being a smart girl.

Krory shyly raised his hand. "Are we useful to you Master?"

"No, you're all fucking useless."

All the children pouted.

"Although master prefers that you take the money, you are also encouraged to take whatever else you want because I'm not sharing the money with you. So in summary, go crazy. Take what you want."

He looked towards Rhode.

"You girl, you're my right hand man from now on."

"What's that?" she asked, grinning.

"It means you're my special helper since it seems you're the only one here who can tell the difference between your head and your ass."

"Can I be your left hand!" Bak chan piped up with his hand in the air.

"No! I want to be the left hand!" Lavi shouted, shoving him. Bak chan shoved him back.

"Oi! Stop it!"

But the boys kept shoving each other until Bak Chan was tackled into the ground by Lavi.

Cross rubbed his temples. He could very well go over there to stop them from pounding each other's faces in, but that meant that he actually had to care about their safety and shit. Fuck it. He just didn't want to conjure up any effort.

"Fine," he sighed, giving in. "Just fight to the death. Whoever wins is my other hand."

The boys continued their scuffle.

"Now," Cross started again, "The last R is the best one. It's the fruits of your labor, the Rewards. After you take the money and get away with it, I get to think of ways to spend the money."

He drew dollar signs again with an equal sign and a happy face next to it.

"I will spend the money on things that make me happy. Like booze, hookers, and blow."

"What's blow?"

Cross didn't really know how to answer that at the moment. Thank God the school bell rang at the moment as it signaled recess time!

"Alright brats, it's time to put what I taught you to the test." He signaled for Kanda and Allen to leave their corners of shame to join the rest of the class. They all gathered around Cross.

"Now my little minions go forth and earn Master money!" he bellowed as he motioned towards the door. The kids went crazy and ran out, pushing other kids out of the way.

A teacher gave Cross a stern glare for his disorganized class. Cross shrugged, not giving a shit, and went out the door. Meanwhile, Lavi and Bak Chan were still fighting back inside the classroom.


Cross enjoyed his cigarette just fine as he sat in the no smoking zone on the playground. So far, the brats were proving to be really useful as they brought him anything they stole from the other kids. They mostly brought him candy, toys, and food, which he dismissed and let them keep. His right hand man, however, actually scored him a wallet. As he pocketed the money inside and sent her off to dispose of the evidence, Komui made his way towards the redhead with a steaming cup of coffee in hand.

"Ah! Mr. Cross, fancy seeing you here!" the man chimed as he sat down next to him.

"Yo," Cross acknowledged as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"It seems like you're enjoying yourself here since you started! I haven't seen you run away from your children in horror once!" Komui laughed.

Cross let out a long stream of smoke.

"Are your children getting along with each other?"

Kanda chose to help Allen into the sandbox, face first of course. The white haired boy struggled to breathe as Kanda held his face in the sand.

"They're the best of friends," Cross replied, dryly.

"Wonderful!" Komui cheered.

At the moment, Cyclops ran up to them with his little hands balled up into tight fists.

"Master Cross!" Lavi chirped smiling despite the busted lip Bak chan gave him. "I got quarters this time!"

Komui looked at Lavi in horror. Cross looked between the Chinese man and the boy. He decided he needed to sound smooth in front of his boss.

"You know kids," he began, pulling Lavi close to him. "They get hurt and have suspicious marks on them all the time. If you ask me, I bet his father beats him." He opened his hands to let Lavi drop the quarters.

"Oi, I said if it's not in paper form, it's not worth taking. Now scram," he said, pocking the change anyway and sending the boy off.

A couple of seconds lapsed before Komui said something.

"Mr. Cross, was that boy just stealing?"

The redhead let out a cloud of smoke. "Of course not. What do you take me for? Some drunken, selfish, bastard who isn't allowed to be near kids?"

Komui chose not to say anything and drank from his coffee mug.

"Mr. Cross you have to remember that these children are very young. They are at a very impressionable age. They are fragile little beings and they should be handled with care—"

Cross chose to trip a black eyed Bak Chan as the boy came to show him the apple he stole.

"You were saying?"

"Why would you do that?" Komui chastised the redhead. The Chinese man picked the little boy up and dusted him off. Little Bak Chan was all smiles as he bowed his thanks while he clutched his apple.

"I'm trying to help him build character," Cross explained.

Komui, daunted by this logic, stared at the redhead with his mouth agape with horror.

"H-how?"

"Well, you just said they were fragile and stupid—"

"I never said—"

"—and thus I just disproved that by showing you that he's not fragile and that he's sort of not dumb."

Bak chan, who was super happy and all smiles as he gave Cross the apple he stole, was tripped yet again in the same exact spot Cross had tripped him before.

"Looks like we might have to work on the stupid part," Cross added as Bak Chan got up completely oblivious to the fact that it was the very master he served who tripped him and indirectly got him his very first black eye.

Cross tossed the apple to Komui as Bak Chan ran away to play.

"Mr. Cross, I've been getting complaints from other teachers that your class is out of control."

The redhead finished his cigarette. "They're just jealous that my kids are more kick ass," he said, tossing the cigarette butt on the floor to rub it out.

"You haven't been using the safety buddy system at all."

The man snorted as he picked up the cigarette butt and threw it in the trash. "I already taught them something better and less gay."

"Making them scream 'stranger danger' anytime an adult that is not you gets near them is not my idea of a safety system. Also, I don't find the addition of them punching anyone in the crotch while they are screaming that to be any funny."

Cross snorted as he took out another cigarette. What did Komui mean? That shit was hilarious.

"Oi, I've kept them pedophile free since the day I started my system," Cross defended himself. "Those pedophiles won't think twice about taking them away when their balls are kicked so far inside their puking them."

Komui sighed. "Regardless, I think it'll help you more in you do it. How about it?" The raven haired man smiled. "It's better than having them run around like little animals. Plus, head counts are a breeze when they're all paired down. And they look so cute!" Komui gushed. "So you'll try it, right?"

Cross tried to ignore the man who was staring at him with that dumbass look on his face.

Cross lit his cigarette. "Whatever."

"Wonderful!" Komui smiled.

At the moment, Rhode came up to Cross with another wallet.

"Is that a—"

Cross quickly took the wallet and pointed to where Lenalee was playing.

"Is that an unmarked white van I see? I think I see a stranger coming out to talk to Lenalee," Cross warned Komui.

Komui dropped his cup of coffee and quickly sprang up to protect his precious jewel. "Lenaleeeeeee!" the man screamed as he rushed towards the girl, who at the moment was putting on a new pair of shoes she just stole.

Cross grinned as he opened the wallet. He stopped midway from counting all the bills when Rhode began to stare at him.

"What do you want?"

She put her little hand out. Cross frowned and gave her a dollar. The little girl madly grinned and skipped away humming.

Cross raised an eyebrow as he pocketed the rest of the cash and got rid of the wallet. He had to be careful with that one. She looked like she had the potential to over throw his regime.


Note: Thanks for reading!