Here you go... thansk for your nice feedback... and thanks again to AU for her help editing this fic....
Helena arrived at Barbara's apartment, Quinzel had extended her therapy session, luckily there were just two more to come and it would be finished. She walked inside her home, cleaning her feet at the entrance, it was snowing and hard outside. The redhead sat in the living room just looking at her chimney.
She looked gorgeous, she was wearing an orange sweater and white pants. Her red hair was like fire.
"Hi" she greeted the redhead and gave her a soft kiss on her lips.
"Hi." Barbara said smiling at her with a cup of coffee between her hands "How was therapy?"
"Boring as always." The brunette removed her coat and sat next to her.
The older woman pointed at a flask on the table. "I prepared a cappuccino mocha for you, your favorite."
"Oh great." The young woman took a cup and purred some coffee. She sipped a bit of it. It was warm, delicious.
"Do you think the therapy is helping you?"
The brunette shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure. Sometimes I like talking with the doctor but other times, she is a bit weird."
Helena lifted her eyes and noticed Barbara's face was unexpressive, it seemed she was in another world.
"Barbara?"
The redhead blinked "I'm sorry, I was distracted." Barbara put the warm cup of coffee she had between her hands on the table.
Helena noticed she kept her expression serious. Barbara was not used to being like that. "Something wrong?" she asked resting her cup on the table too.
The redhead inhaled deeply before turning to look at her taking her hand. "I want talk with you."
The brunette had the feeling she was not going to like this.
"What's wrong?"
"I have been thinking Helena." She said keeping her gaze on her hands.
Helena bit her bottom lip feeling her heart beating faster, feeling nervous.
"I just want the best for you, you know that. Right?" Barbara mumbled.
Crap. Helena thought, this was definitely bad.
"I think that… maybe this is a mistake… I mean," she looked the brunette "us."
Helena felt a cold shower on her back. She stared at her speechless.
"I have the feeling that that this is not what you are looking for and I…." Barbara had trouble finding the words. She didn't want to have her against her will "I don't want…"
"Is this about yesterday?" Helena asked feeling a knot in her throat. "I said I'm sorry…"
"No, Helena, is not just that…" Barbara exhaled loudly, this was so difficult for her "It's about everything honey."
"Everything?"
"Many things."
"What things?"
"I'm not what you need. I… I don't think this will work…"
Hearing the hard beat of heart against her chest, Helena mumbled almost with a whisper "Do you want us to… finish?"
"I… I think," Barbara nodded biting her lips and holding her gaze "it would be the best for you."
Tears filled the brunette's eyes. "I'm not what you expected?"
"No, you are all that I want."
"So?" blue eyes looked at her confused.
Barbara felt her heart brake noticing her friend's eyes were filled with tears.
"Helena, I don't think I'm what you need." she said "Maybe you are confusing gratitude with love…"
"I am confusing? Am I?" Helena felt anger filling her veins "You looked for me, you insisted that we should try."
"I know but… this would be a mistake." Barbara mumbled remembering Helena's fear of her touch. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You already have." The brunette stood up furious, feeling cheated, feeling Barbara had betrayed her again "You always do it! And I'm fucking stupid for always believing your words."
"Helena, no."
"You said you loved me!" Helena shouted furious, she had been playing with her, just having a fun moment. Quinzel had warned her and she didn't believe it.
"And I do." Barbara stood up behind her.
"Shut up!" Helena covered her ears with her hands "You are lying to me again!"
"No Helena, not that. I was afraid that I had pushed you to do something you don't want and…"
Barbara tried to touch her arm. The brunette's reaction was so unexpected.
"Don't ever dare to touch me!" Helena jerked back abruptly, her eyes feral, filled with tears, and glowing with anger. "I'm a nuisance to you, I always was…"
"No, that is not true…"
"You don't want me in your life… Why did you make me think…? You are a fucking liar." The brunette stormed to the door.
Barbara ran behind her. "Helena please, maybe I…"
The brunette's hand grabbed her by her throat and pushed her against the wall.
"Never look for me again…" she growled, "You always lied to me. Why? I didn't want to be close to you, you looked for me, every time I was building my own life you interrupted it. Why do you enjoy hurting me?"
"No, Helena…" the redhead gasped.
"You are dead to me, you don't exist, you never existed."
Helena turned and exited Barbara's place. The redhead coughed grabbing her throat, she couldn't let her go, it was all a terrible misunderstanding.
"Helena wait." She shouted but it was too late, the dark haired woman had disappeared behind the elevator doors, she ran toward her secret elevator and pressed the button. It was faster than the normal one. She stepped inside and pressed the button to the lobby.
Helena closed her eyes and rested her back on the elevator wall feeling defeated. She covered her eyes with her hand and bent over, crying, she felt stupid, Barbara had fucked her up again, she had believed in her words and Barbara had just played with her feelings again.
Quinzel had warned her, she had told her that maybe Barbara was just experimenting, trying something new; that this could be just a fake illusion. She was right.
The doors opened and she stormed outside not looking back. She never would come back there, never.
Barbara pounded at the elevator door praying it would move faster. She needed to reach Helena, stop her, and explain that it had all been a mistake. It was the first time in her life she did not feel in control of her own emotions. She had thought she had pushed Helena to accept her, to be with her and that maybe the girl just felt affection for her.
The doors opened and she ran to the foyer of the building. She was not there, she ran outside the building. When she reached the street she turned around looking for the brunette; it was hard to see as the snow was falling over the city.
The dark haired woman was walking in a hurry down the street, on the next block, she ran toward her.
"Helena!" she shouted "Please, come back!" her mind was focused on explaining to Helena that it was all a misunderstanding. She was so fucking stupid, why hadn't she confessed her fears instead of just asking her to breakup?
She stumbled against a man that appeared from nowhere and gasped feeling a sharp pain in her abdomen.
The man held her by her back whispering in her ear: "Greetings from an admirer Miss Gordon."
Her first thought was that he had punched her and she moved her hands to her stomach. The man pulled his hand back, and she noticed then that he had a knife. She looked at him trying to recognize him.
"See you in hell." The man grinned.
The former Batgirl felt her mind cloud, she stared at her hands trying to understand what was happening. They were coated in blood, her blood.
She felt her knees bend under her weight and fell heavily to the ground. The man crossed the street in a hurry.
Helena was going to turn the corner of the next block when a sense of danger filled her senses. She snapped her head back and saw the man stumbling against the redhead.
Then everything moved in slow motion. The man kept walking. Barbara stood for a few seconds following him with her gaze before slipping to the floor.
"Barbara?" Helena narrowed her eyes stepping slowly towards her. The woman lay unmoving on her side.
Her first hesitant steps became faster. "Barbara!"
The man crossed the street running, but he was not important. All her mind was focused on the redhead.
She ran to Barbara knowing something was wrong, very wrong.
She froze noticing the white snow was painted red below the tall woman who lay on her side in the cold snow with her eyes half open.
The memory of the night her mother died hit the thin brunette.
"You're not…" she mumbled kneeling at Barbara's side looking her "not you…".
The redhead's gaze was glassy and lost.
"Barbara." She cradled her carefully and gently against her chest. "Barbara please…"
Green eyes fluttered open. She stared at her and blinked slowly. "Hel?"
"Please hold on… I'll take you to the hospital." She looked around "Help!" she yelled "Somebody help me!"
Helena felt the redhead's hand grabbing her. She felt it sticky and warm. She lowered her head. Barbara's hand was covered in her own blood, the brunette shivered.
"I didn't mean to hurt you…" Barbara whispered fighting against the darkness that was involving all her senses...
"Don't talk." The brunette pressed her hand and kissed her forehead crying. "Please, somebody help me!
"I love you…" Barbara said with soft voice, she felt dizzy and dumb.
"And I love you with all my heart Barbara, don't leave me. I need you, I need you so much."
"I'm sorry… I thought you…"
"Please Barbara," Helena cupped the redhead's cheek "Don't talk."
Barbara squeezed the brunette's hand. She felt her eyes closing and tried to tell Helena it was all a mistake… that her heart belonged to her, but the words couldn't get out of her mouth. Her eyes fluttered closed and she passed out.
"Stay with me, please don't go Barbara," Helena yelled "don't leave me."
The redhead was unmoving. Helena didn't think twice, she was not going to lose her. She stood up and lifted her into her arms and crossed the street, there was a hospital five blocks away, and she needed take her there.
Helena covered her head with her hands, she rocked back and forth on her chair feeling desperate. She was scared as hell, she had seen the blood, she had felt her fainting in her arms. Her mother hadn't survived. Barbara needed to survive, she couldn't die, she would die too.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and she nervously jumped in her place.
"Miss Helena, easy, it's me, Alfred."
"Alfred?" she looked at him, eyes filled with tears "How is she?"
"I don't know, she is still in the operating room." He sat at her side and moved an arm around her back.
The brunette bent towards him and sobbed. "I don't want to lose her too."
"You won't." he hugged her trying to give some comfort to the young girl.
Maybe he was the only person besides Barbara that she let be so close to her. She trusted him, he knew her and always had supported her.
"What happened?" he asked softly when he felt she was calming down.
"I don't know." Helena moved back cleaning her eyes with her hands "A man stumbled against her and stabbed her."
"Who was he?" he gave her the napkin he had in his pocket.
"I don't know. I didn't stop to think about him. I just wanted to help her. I saw him when I walked to the corner, he was standing just there, but I didn't think he was important."
Helena lifted her head hearing steps. It was Jim Gordon, Barbara's father. She stood up abruptly looking at him with expectant eyes.
"It's fine Helena, she will be fine," he said resting a hand on her shoulder "no major organs were damaged besides her stomach."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, the doctor just told me, she is still in surgery, they are closing the wound now."
The brunette let herself fall to the chair and covered her eyes feeling great relief in her soul.
"You can wait for her in her room. They will take her there in a few minutes."
Helena looked him. "Thanks sir but… I'll wait here."
"Alright." He smiled.
"I'm glad she is OK sir." Alfred said.
"Thanks Alfred, thanks so much."
"Any time sir."
Jim walked to the end of the corridor. Alfred sat down again, next to the brunette.
"I will bring you some clothes."
"No, I won't stay."
The answer surprised him. "No?"
"No."
"Miss Barbara will look for you when she is awake."
Helena lowered her head. "I don't think so."
"Excuse me?" Alfred asked confused.
The brunette took a few seconds before answering. "I'm not what she wants."
The elderly butler couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"She broke up with me. She told me it was for the best."
"I don't understand," he said "She told me just two days ago that you were the best thing that had ever happened to her, that she felt really happy with you."
"Well," Helena chuckled sadly as she brushed her hair back with her hand. "Seems she to have changed her opinion fast."
"No, no," Alfred insisted "I never have seen her humming in the mornings and talking with such emotion about anyone else. Miss Barbara doesn't usually change her opinion just like that."
"I always was a moron with her…. I don't deserve her heart…" Helena exhaled "I was rude, I hurt her and I think all that… she thinks, she likes to think and analyze everything, I guess she analyzed all about us and she made a decision." The brunette crossed her arms over her legs "I can't do anything."
"But you love her, you have loved her since I've known you."
"It doesn't matter, what counts is what she wants and…" she licked her lips nervously "I'm not in her plans."
"But she loves you."
"No, she just realized she doesn't love me. She told me so."
Alfred felt disconcerted hearing the girl's words. This was not a common behavior for Barbara Gordon.
"Now I think you will understand why it is not good that I stay." The brunette stood up "I'll call you asking how is she going."
"I insist you must stay." He said.
"Alfred…." Helena bit her lips "it hurts, you know? Hurts to be close to her and… and know…" she bit her lips to not cry "…know that the only person that is important to you, can't love you back."
Helena turned and walked toward the exit.
TBC
