Buddy System
Cross decided that it was time to use the stupid buddy system since he wanted his ears to stop bleeding from Komui's nagging. He didn't think his kids needed it since his system, which he dubbed 'Cross's kick ass guide to protecting your pleasure dome', was doing just fine. Sure he got complaints from parents that their children were punching random strangers in crotches while screaming rape. But at least the kids knew how to defend themselves and were pedophile free. Regardless, he had to start implementing the damn system because he was tired of Komui nagging him to death when he let the kids go wild and attack other teachers.
Cross looked at his class who were lined up in the playground. "Today we're going to start the buddy system," he said, eying his brats critically.
"I thought you said it was queer," Lavi piped up not raising his hand.
All the children nodded in unison to the boy's argument.
Cross tried to recall ever saying that as he reached for the flask he kept hidden in the breast pocket of his vest. There was no coffee in the lounge today and he was too lazy to make any for his booze. He drank from his flask, shrugging. Eh. He was sure he'll remember saying that someday.
"So, today's activity will involve working with a partner. Team work is very important for what I'm going to have you guys do," he said as he gave out the handout he made copies of this morning.
It was a scavenger hunt list and there were five pictures of items the children had to find. One could say that Cross was finally taking his job seriously and actually put work into this activity to ensure his children learned the fundamentals of team work and tolerance. But in actuality, he just cut out the barely coherent list out of a cereal box this morning and made photo copies. Hell, some of the stuff on the list were probably near impossible for a five year old to find, but they didn't know that and he didn't care.
"We're going to do a scavenger hunt."
The children cheered.
"But you're all going to be partnered down," Cross said, cutting their celebration short. "Whoever finds all the items on the list first will get a special prize."
"Like candy!" the Noah twins cheered in unison.
Cross raised an eyebrow. "Sure…candy." Actually, there was no prize, because Cross believed that these children were at the right age where one should promise them the world and then have said world crushed in front of them, thus teaching them the harsh realities of life.
Leenalee raised her hand. "What if we find the things and aren't first?"
"Then you're shit outta luck and did all that work for nothing," Cross replied.
Leenalee pouted, her world slightly crushed.
"Okay! Time to partner you guys down." He took out the class list, which he still hasn't bothered to memorize since he's given them all cool nicknames. But he took it out to look more official.
"First pair up. Mopey and Dopey other there," Cross said, pointing at Miranda and one of the twins, David. His brother, Jasdero, frowned and wouldn't let his brother go.
Cross frowned.
"Oi! I said Mopey and Dopey! You, Wonder Twin…" he said, referring to Jasdero. "Go activate your behind over there. Go." Jasdero pouted, but moved away from his brother nonetheless.
"Okay, second up, are my right hand man and that idiot over there." He pointed to Allen and Rhode. The dark girl grinned wolfishly as she looked towards her new partner. Allen paled, whimpering and Cross chose to ignore the look of fear in the child's face as he announced the next pair.
"Wonder twin," he pointed at Jasdero. "You're with the third grader." Noise Marie was nice enough to walk towards his partner.
Cross pointed at Krowley next. "Cry baby, you're with Cyclops." Lavi grabbed Krowley's hand and smiled, making the shy boy relax a bit.
"Left hand dumb ass," Cross said, referring to Bak Chan. "You're with the girl." Lenalee went and held Bak Chan's hand. The boy sputtered, his cheeks blushing a bright red. Then the heated blush soon became red blotches as he broke out into hives.
"Oh for the love of-" Cross snatched Lenalee away and then shoved Kanda towards Bak Chan. Seeing no change in the boy's hives—after all, Kanda and Lenalee did look alike—Cross used his critical thinking skills and taking the nearest child he could find (today was just not Krowley's day) shoved Krowley towards Bak Chan and then had Lenalee partner up with Lavi, who beamed at the prospect of holding the girl's hand.
Cross, who was now satisfied that Bak Chan was now sulking instead of breaking out into hives, took out his flask and took another swig from it.
"There. Now run wild," he said, putting the flask away and dispatching his little animals.
Seeing the kids run wild with their little hunt gave Cross a sense of accomplishment. Not because these children will learn about team work and respecting others, but because at the moment, he didn't really have to teach anything and could possibly take a nap.
Cross sat down on the bench taking out his notebook to take "notes" but in reality it was a notebook with a dirty magazine in the middle with hot women. He didn't even get to turn the page of his playboy when Kanda had kicked him in the shin.
Cross doubled over, hissing in pain.
"What the hell was that for she-male?" he barked. Kanda didn't flinched, used to Cross's animosity.
"I don't have a partner!" Kanda spat, gripping his handout tightly.
Cross raised an eyebrow as he sat up. Normally he wouldn't care, but the way Kanda just glared at him as he tried not to pout really pulled at something. Cross rolled his eyes, not wanting to hear Kanda's bitching and not wanting to see any tears—because Kanda's eyes, no matter how much the boy blinked, looked about to drown in them.
"Fine, I'm your partner," Cross sighed, defeated. "Go find shit for us to win," he said, giving Kanda's bottom a little pat of encouragement to be on his way.
Cross leaned back into the bench, fishing for a cigarette as he was now childfree and could finally relax.
After lighting up and letting out a long slow stream of smoke, the man detected trouble. He could already hear the fighting, the tears, and the all about whining. He shut his eyes, trying hard to concentrate on his cancer stick. When their bitching got even louder, Cross's eyes snapped open, an annoyed twitch already taking over his left eyebrow.
There was complete chaos on the playground. None of the children were doing what they were told to do with the exception of a few.
Lavi and Bak Chan were fighting each other over who got to be Lenalee's partner as the girl looked on worried. Rhode was draped on a hysterically sobbing Allen who was trying to crawl away by reaching for Kanda, who refused to help since he was jealous. The twins ended up together anyway and were happily playing and doing their hunt, leaving their partners, Miranda and Noise Marie to get together to do the activity. And Krowley was crying all by himself because he lost his list and didn't know what to do now that he didn't have a partner.
Cross looked on, concentrating on his cigarette. He'd be damned if he let those little bastards screw him out of his smoke.
"My, my, looks like you need a little help," a well known voice chirped. Cross growled, knowing all too well who is was.
"Aren't you supposed to be working and not making my life any more miserable than it already is?" he asked snidely as Komui sat down next to him.
Komui laughed. "Of course!"
The children carried on in the yard and Cross rubbed his temples. Komui observed a little before turning to Cross to state the obvious.
"So I see the buddy system needs a bit more tweaking?"
Cross snorted. "No shit, Sherlock."
Komui smirked, clasping his hands together. "Perhaps I could offer my assistance."
"Knock yourself out."
Komui stood up, smoothing out his attire before setting about to gathering the children and his precious Lenalee. Cross watched as he continued to smoke, looking at how well the children were listening to Komui as he set about bring them together in peace. Komui might've been an idiot, but the redhead had to give him credit at being able to round up those little monsters without having to yell. Once the children were lined up and asked to go back to their original partners, Cross put his cigarette out and joined them.
"Ah. So this was the original formation?" Komui asked as he rubbed his chin. "Tsk. Tsk. This won't do. Allow me to switch them up a bit."
Komui grabbed David and put him with Jasdero. "Now, the twins must be together. You would think that separating them would ease their co-dependency on each other, but at this age, they're monstrously stubborn."
"Ah," the Chinese man looked at Noise Marie and Miranda. "This is a good pairing, but Miranda should go with Krowley since their personalities are alike," he said making the second pair.
Next, he grabbed Lenalee and put her with Rhode. "I refuse to let my precious jewel be with any of these stinky boys," Komui snobbishly said with his nose turned up. All the boys in the class frowned.
Cross snorted; little did Komui know that he just tossed his little lamb into the lion's den.
"Now, we should have Noise Marie with Lavi because—"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah" Cross said waving a hand about. "Less with the reasons and more with the switching."
Komui nodded and picked Bak Chan to be with Kanda. But the Chinese boy immediately broke out into hives.
"Oh dear," Komui whispered slightly horrified.
"Disgusting isn't it?" Cross said, watching the boy slouch, ashamed.
"Well, how about this!" He switched Kanda out and brought in Allen.
Crossed noticed the annoyed sullen look Kanda had on his face.
"How about this?" Cross took Allen and shoved him into Kanda hard enough that they both fell down. "There. They always fight and no matter what I do they always seem to find each other and fight some more."
Komui pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, studying the struggling pair (for they began to fight over who got up first) critically. "But won't that cause more problems?"
Cross shrugged. "I'd like to think of it as: a. they'll both get tired and stop or b. one of them will die as they fight to the death." He paused. "My money's on the she-male by the way."
Komui nodded, seeing Cross's point. If the boys are denied each other they'll always come back. But if you give into what they want, eventually their fighting will fizzle out and they'll start getting along.
"What about Bak Chan?" Komui asked.
"I'll have a trio and then every week he goes to a different group that isn't the girl or the she-male since the kid breaks out into hives," Cross replied, pushing Bak Chan towards Miranda and Krowley.
"Interesting," Komui nodded, seeing that the solution doesn't make the child feel left out. "Well Cross, I'd have to say this line up should work for you now."
"It better because if it doesn't I'm locking everyone in the closet," he growled, narrowing his eyes on his brats.
All the children gulped.
"Now run wild!" he barked and the children scattered to finish their hunt.
Ten minutes in and it seemed like the second match up was working. All the pairs were working together in harmony with the exception of Kanda and Allen who were fighting. Cross lit another cigarette and congratulated himself on another job well done as Komui watched the children and participated in helping them every once in a while. It wasn't until a smoking hot young woman appeared that Cross actually started to pay attention to his surroundings.
"Oh, they're adorable!" said hot woman cooed.
Komui's smile threatened to outshine the sun as he beamed with his chest puffed out.
"They are aren't they? They're ours!" he chuckled while giving Cross an enthusiastic pat on the back. The redhead inhaled too quickly and choked on the smoke of his cigarette.
The young woman smiled. "Aw, they're just so cute!" she chirped. "You two must be the envy of your friends! I bet you guys get teased a lot for being the Brad and Angelina of the gay community."
Cross paled. This, wasn't happening to him. It must be a horrible nightmare because when Cross dreams, he's usually rolling in booze and sexy bitches.
"I'm Brad and he's Angelina," Komui chuckled. "Right honey?"
Cross's retort never made it out as Komui covered his mouth with his. The redhead felt his soul leave his body when the raven haired man pulled back from the kiss.
The woman clasped her hands together. "Dawwww! And it's cute because it's probably true!" she sang. "Well, I'll leave you two love birds to it then," she winked.
Komui gave the woman a toothy grin as he waved goodbye to her. Cross, on the other hand, remained a hollow husk as he stood in shock.
"Wasn't that fun?" Komui grinned. "I bet she thinks you must be the most delicious little bottom slave! Because honestly, you look the type who only thinks he tops but is usually turned into a weeping mess when someone.." Komui chose to whisper the rest of the comment in Cross's ear just in case any of the children were about.
Cross's lifeless eyes widen in horror.
"Cross?"
Cross's left eyebrow twitched as his eyes darkened. Komui took note of this and slowly began to back away.
"Cross, I was only joking!" The man chuckled nervously. "You do top!" He raised his hands in defense. "From the bottom, right?"
It was the last question Komui asked before he turned around to run.
It isn't until the children heard Komui's screams of agony that they noticed something was wrong.
All the children stopped and watched in awe as their teacher dragged a hysterically sobbing Komui away.
"Look! Master has a buddy too!" Lavi cheered.
"No! Not the nurse's office! Anything but the nurse!" Komui screamed, clawing at the ground as he was being dragged away.
They children pouted, knowing well that the nurse's office was the last place anyone would want to go if they got a boo-boo. The nurse was so scary.
Koumi's screams seemed to get under control after Cross, whose anger burned with the force of a thousand suns, stopped to kick him in the face...repeatedly.
The children shook their heads, sympathetic to Komui's plight as Cross dragged his semi-lifeless body inside.
They knew him well.
Dedicated to Folcon de Neige who wanted Allen and Kanda to be buddies in this buddy system, so here ya go!
