Barbara worked in front of Delphi focused on the last information she had collected. She still had a bad feeling about Dr. Quinzel; her instincts told her she needed to check on her and she had done so but she couldn't find anything.
The doctor had been working as a therapist for two years in new Gotham, before that there was no information about her professional activity. She also worked in Arkham with the criminals and her work, according with the files, had been excellent.
She had been calling Helena, her interest in her was much more that just a doctor worried about her patient.
She was so absorbed in her work, that she didn't hear the young brunette walking up to the platform.
"Everything okay?" she asked.
"Oh.. yes, sorry…" Barbara moved back smiling at her. "How was your walk?"
"Fine, boring." Helena leaned in and gave her a brief kiss on the lips.
"Why don't you work full time with me?"
"I don't want anything from him."
Barbara sighed, it was useless talking to her about this. "I just think that you could help more people by working full time at the Foundation."
The brunette lowered her head and looked her through her dark bangs. "I want to earn my own money, I like to buy you things, invite you to dinner…"
Barbara smiled and taking her hand, she pulled her down to give her a kiss.
"That was too sweet." She whispered.
Not breaking the contact, the brunette sat on the redhead's lap crossing her arms behind her head. Barbara encircled her waist with her arms lost in the kiss, it was intense, deep, so full with need and want.
"What if I forget the patrol thing today?" Helena asked lowering her head to kiss the hollow of Barbara's neck. The redhead arched her neck enjoying the brunette's touch, it was electric, it ignited all her senses.
The Delphi's alarm filled the place.
Helena growled and buried her face on the older woman's shoulder annoyed.
"If you have a baseball bat, I'll hit that that fucking thing."
Barbara chuckled, "Don't even think about it."
Helena sighed and hopped to the floor and stood up at the redhead's side who leaned and typed at her keyboard.
"Another crime…" She said examining the info on her screen not hiding her worry "seems it is almost the same as the last two."
"Do you think it is him?" the brunette sat on the desk trying to ignore the tone of her lover's voice. She knew what was scaring her.
"Looks like."
The young woman fixed her eyes on her. "Clayface wants me to find him."
It was a topic both had avoided over the few last weeks.
Barbara was a woman that always followed rules and laws, she, on the other hand was a person that always had broke the rules and thought sometimes, the law protected criminals and murderers too much. She was against it. They didn't deserve any respect or consideration.
The redhead nodded.
"I can give him what he wants and we can finish this." Helena stood up "I'll find him."
Barbara rested her hand on her arm. "Hel…"
The brunette stared at her in silence.
"Let me do it…" green eyes fixed on blue pleading. She knew Helena's feelings, her obsession with finding her mother's murderer and making him pay.
"You know I can't do that." Helena whispered. "I need to face him."
"Please Helena, don't let him win… Don't let him kill your soul." The redhead said with a low voice.
The young woman leaned in and gave her a kiss on her lips. "He never will." she mumbled talking from her heart "My soul is yours."
The brunette walked to the elevator.
"If you kill him, you know I'll need to stop you" the redhead felt her heart breaking "and bring you to justice."
"And you know I'll love you forever, no matter what you do." The brunette said before stepping inside the elevator and the doors closed behind her.
Barbara stared at the dark night from the balcony with her arms crossed, Helena had gone again to try to trap Clayface. Every time she did it a deep fear filled her, the fear of knowing that some day she would find him and she would kill him. She was sure it would change her forever.
Things would never be the same.
She felt she had finally found true love and the thought of losing her scared her like hell. Every time Helena called back saying she couldn't find him, she felt her soul return to her body.
She had just called saying she hadn't found anyone and that she was tired and would sleep at her place that night.
The brunette had a wild side as Quinzel had said, Helena would never be tamed, her spirit was free. She always followed her impulses and instincts. No one could stop her when she had an idea in her mind. She had always been like that.
And knowing this, she had fallen in love with her.
Helena had much anger inside of her, it had separated them before, Helena had refused to talk or see her for so long feeling she had forgotten her after her mother's death. She had worked for years to gain her trust again.
She knew it would separate them again.
And it scared her, the thought of losing her again broke her heart.
Love was a mysterious and strange thing, hard to understand.
It hurt.
Hurt so much.
Helena stood in front of her window.
She looked at the sky, it was filled with bright stars.
Her ipod played an Avril Levigne song. She was fan of hard rock but this girl had songs she liked.
Her thoughts flew to Barbara, she knew the redhead was sad and why.
Quinzel had offered her what she wanted. But what would be the cost?
She had always thought that she would take revenge on her mother's killer, no matter the cost. Now she wondered if she really wanted to pay the price. She was not sure anymore. Quinzel had offered what she had wanted for years. The opportunity to be face to face with the man that had broken her world. She was tempted to accept. If she killed him she would surely change… but how? Would she see the world in the same way? Would Barbara see her the same way?
She crossed her arms over her chest feeling a sudden cold.
It was hard to accept it, but it was the first time she felt that the uncertain future scared her, the possibility of being alone again, of losing Barbara, that all the joy filled days she had been living would vanish. Maybe all was a dream and she would wake up again in her living nightmare. If that was true, she didn't want to wake up.
Her fine hearing heard the door of the living room open.
It was her, she could feel it.
Barbara felt a strong impulse to see her partner, she had tried to hold it back but she couldn't, she had just grabbed her jacked and driven to her small place in the city's south. She stood at the door and observed the brunette, Helena looked so beautiful, the silver light of the moon outlining her body.
I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool
I know it shows
"I couldn't sleep." Barbara whispered very softly
"I couldn't sleep either." Helena mumbled lowering her head.
"Why?"
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
And I'm searching for the words inside my head
"I'm scared…" Helena finally said. It was not easy to confess, but it was the truth.
'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you-away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could see what I want to see
I want to see you go down-on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
Helena felt Barbara's arms enveloping her waist as she pressed her body against her back. She closed her eyes.
"What scares you Helena?" Barbara whispered into her ear as she kissed her shoulder.
Helena took a deep breath.
It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind?
If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?
"Me." Helena opened her eyes and fixed her eyes on the moon.
Both kept silent long seconds just listening the music that filled the room.
"What scares you Babs?" the brunette finally asked.
"The idea of losing you." Barbara pressed her close and rested her head on the brunette's shoulder. "It makes me crazy."
'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...
If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I want to blow you-away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could see what I wanna see
I want to see you go down-on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
Barbara kissed Helena's neck and moved one of her hands up to press a firm breast. She kneaded it gently and moved her lips to lick the shell of her ear.
(What is)What's wrong with my tongue?
These words keep slipping away
(I stutter)I stutter (I stumble)I stumble like I've got nothing to say
Helena turned in Barbara's arms and fixed her eyes on her, her pupils traced the soft line of her eyebrows, her incredible and beautiful green eyes. That heavenly and full red mouth.
The brunette moved forward and kissed her, Barbara's taste was overwhelming, sweet. The redhead opened to her enjoying the sensation of her soft tongue exploring her, teasing, touching with such tenderness and love that made her knees feel weak
Barbara moved back and cupped the brunette's face between her hands.
"Make love with me." she said in a low voice.
Helena kissed her again, she lifted her into her arms and laid her on down on the bed without breaking the melting touch of her mouth.
'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...
Ladatadata ladatadatadadadatad ada dadadadada
Ladatadata ladatadatadadadatad ada dadadadada
Helena stared at the far wall. It had been beautiful lovemaking, she had felt Barbara in every inch of her skin, she had felt she could touch her soul, be part of her. Barbara was cocooned against her back with her arm around her waist and her head resting on her back. Her fingers lightly scratched her belly. They had been lying there for a long time, just holding each other as the pale sun light announced a new day was arriving.
"Every time I'm with you its… amazing…" Helena whispered "I didn't know I could feel those things."
Barbara rubbed her cheek against her back. "Well… I didn't know I could fly… until I was with you. I feel as if I as I could fly to another world."
"Why are you scared to lose me Babs?" Helena asked knowing what her answer would be, she felt it.
The redhead exhaled loudly. She kissed her shoulder.
"I don't want to talk about that now."
"Why not?"
Barbara buried her face on the young woman's back and didn't answer. When Barbara wouldn't answer her questions it was because something was bothering her. She took the hand making soft circles over her belly and lifted it to kiss her fingers.
"We said we never would hide anything from each other…." Helena pressed Barbara's hand with hers. She bit one of her fingers lightly. It seemed both of them had been thinking the same thing. "Are you scared about me?"
"Not exactly about you." The redhead rested her cheek on the brunette's shoulder. "It's about… your temper… your anger."
Helena took a deep breath.
"Our sense of justice is different…" Barbara whispered "You were so angry with me for years. It kept us apart for so long… you couldn't forgive me because, you know… and… and I don't know what will happen with Clayface… I don't know what will happen between us.. It scares me that this could separate us"
The brunette turned and rested her back on the mattress fixing her eyes on Barbara's who moved on top of her. Helena lifted her hand and brushed Barbara's hair. It was soft and fine, she had always loved the color, it was like fire under the sun's rays.
"I don't have anything to give to you, I just work as a bartender… I didn't finish school…, I pushed you away so many times and you always came back…. Why do you love me Barbara? Why if I...?"
Barbara didn't let her keep talking, she rested her fingers over the young woman's lips.
"I see a woman with an incredible heart, who gives anything to help others, who is compassionate and tender… a woman that loves me more than anyone has ever done…. I love who you are, I love all that is inside you."
"You know then, that I need to find him."
"I know." The redhead gave her a brief kiss on her mouth "I'm not asking you to change… I'm asking you just don't let your anger control your feelings, your heart… don't let your anger destroy you... us."
"Promise me you always will be there." She whispered.
"I always will be there… for you, any time you need it…"
"I love you…"
"I love you too…"
Helena hugged her hard and rolled to move on top of her. She wanted to love her again, she wanted to love her forever, Barbara was her life, her world, her everything. She couldn't understand sometimes how love so strong, could be so fragile. She kissed her with all her heart.
Her mobile on the night table began to play hard rock music.
The brunette's hands caressed the redhead's side. Maybe If she ignored it, the person calling would give up.
But she was wrong. Why hadn't she turned the damn thing off?
She kept kissing Barbara and extended her hand and reached over her night table looking for her mobile. She finally found it and removed the battery with a fast movement before returning to her task.
"You should answer," Barbara said to her "it could be something important."
"Oh no, it's Harleen…" Helena looked her.
"Your doctor?"
"She calls me sometimes."
"She is really interested in your ass." Barbara slapped the ass in question and the brunette jumped.
"Hey! That hurts."
"Well she calls you often."
"It's not my fault I'm hot."
"Are you flirting with her?" the redhead lifted her eyebrow.
"No, never." Helena cocked her head "Are you jealous?"
"No, of course not."
"You are jealous!" Helena smirked.
"Hel, it's not that…" Barbara sighed.
"So you are not jealous."
"I told you no."
"Well," Helena extended her hand toward her mobile "I'll call her then."
Barbara grabbed her wrist and pulled it down. "If you take that phone I'll break your arm."
"See? You are!" Helena giggled.
Helena didn't see it coming, she suddenly found her back against the mattress.
"Let me explain it to you in this way." The redhead said holding her wrists at her sides "You try to cheat on me and I'll kick your ass very hard."
"You don't need to do that…" Helena chuckled. "The most important thing in my life is you…"
Barbara leaned her head trapping her lips to steal a deep and warm kiss.
Lost in their caress, they again lost all sense of time and the world around them.
Barbara pinched the bridge of her nose, she was restless, she couldn't feel in peace knowing that Clayface was free, taunting Helena. The fight between them was inevitable. She could only pray that the day it happened, the brunette didn't let her feelings cloud her mind.
She had been thinking of joining Huntress on her patrols but she didn't want the brunette to feel that she didn't trust her.
The sound of music filled the room. She turned her head. Helena had forgotten her mobile on the desk. She picked it up and answered it.
"Hello?"
There was a deep silence on the other end of the line.
"Hello?"
The line went dead.
She raised her eyebrows. She had a bad feeling.
She looked for the number in the phone's memory and stared at it. She wouldn't usually do this but she had a bad feeling. She turned her chair and opened a window on her computer typing the phone number from Helena's mobile and pressed the search key.
"Quinzel Harleen_ 234 Johnson Boulevard."
She again took the mobile and checked the last calls. Quinzel had been calling her incessantly. There were at least ten missed calls.
Barbara tapped the tip of her chin with her index finger and typed a few more keys and searched on the mobile database. It was easy to hack.
Quinzel's mobile history appeared on the screen.
Barbara pressed the enter button and a loading bar appeared on her computer screen. She leaned back in her chair and rested her elbow on the arm of her chair watching the screen.
"Miss Gordon?"
Barbara turned her head. "Yes?"
"I was calling you but you didn't answer."
"I'm sorry Alfred, I didn't hear you."
"I noticed." He said walking inside the platform. "Are you working on something important? Or is it Miss Helena's anger issues that kept your mind busy?"
"I trust Helena, I know she, at the end will do right but… it's not her who worries me."
"No?"
"It's that doctor Quinzel, there is something about her I don't like… look."
The butler leaned over the screen. There were a large number of phone calls to Helena's mobile number.
"She really is interested in Miss Helena."
"Yes." The redhead stood up and picked up her bag.
"Are you going to the Foundation?"
"No, I need to investigate Quinzel some more."
"What kind of work does she do here?" Barbara asked the Director of Arkham. It was a good thing that her father was the Police Commissioner, it opened many doors for her in unexpected places.
"She is working with dangerous criminals, she is trying to understand their behavior." The Director said.
"The elements of criminal behavior are by no means a simple equation."
"I know, she is trying to find a link between moral reasoning, criminal behavior and offender rehabilitation. "
She leaned back on the chair in front of the director's desk. "Has she been successful?"
"Not yet, but we hope she could be."
"Her work seems to be very interesting. " Barbara said checking the files in front of her.
"It is, we hope she will make a good advance. I appreciate your interest in the rehabilitation of these people Miss Gordon."
"I think that her success is something that is important for all of us."
"You can take that information and read it."
"Thanks I will." She smiled and put the files inside her suitcase as she checked her watch. "Well, it's late, I must go." Barbara stood up and extended her hand to him. "Thanks so much."
When the director opened the door Barbara noticed with surprise that Quinzel was there, talking with the director's secretary. Dressed in a red business suit.
"Miss Gordon, what a nice surprise" she said.
"Good afternoon Harleen." Barbara observed the petite woman, she still felt the woman had a weird side.
"I'm glad you two have met." The director said "Miss Gordon is interested in knowing the success you could have with your work with criminals."
"I'm thinking that maybe our foundation could support you with funds." The redhead explained.
"That sounds interesting. " Quinzel smiled. "Your help will be a great support to our research."
"I'm very interested in your work." Barbara explained "I would like to know your techniques to better understand what you are doing."
"Are you leaving? I just came to get some papers." The blonde asked.
"Yes, I have an appointment, " Barbara said "But if you want we can talk on our way to the parking lot."
"Perfect." The director said "I hope she can answer all the questions you have miss Gordon."
"Thanks." The redhead smiled at him.
Both women walked to the exit.
"A small percentage of crime is attributed to abnormality or genetics." Harleen said "Criminal activity can be explained in terms of the learning of societal norms; where an individual is mistaken or has been influenced to develop a way of living that is not compatible with the laws of a given society, a conflict is created that may lead to a criminal confrontation. "
"Another aspect though, is that people will suffer from abnormalities or mental infirmities that are actually the predominant cause of an individual's criminal conduct. I know it is exasperated by the social phenomena of stereotyping, prejudice and racism."
"Yes, my theory is that biological factors predetermine criminal behavior."
"Society is a strong factor too." Barbara pointed out.
"Have you heard of Gudjonsson & Drinkwater, Miss Gordon?"
"Yes, I know they have accounted for professional' s in the clinical area of aggression."
"Yes, the results of the study showed a significant indication of professionals to favor psychological treatments for violent patients."
Barbara looked at the blonde. "I was reading some of your work on the web, you are very interested in the investigation of violent behavior."
"Anger gives people power." The blonde's eyes brightened "Anger is not just a mental state of mind. It triggers an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. If you manage the anger we can make the people powerful."
"But it is destructive. " The redhead observed.
"You have felt adrenaline Miss Gordon." Her blue eyes fixed on the redhead "You know what it feels like… or am I worng?"
"No, I love my bike and I love the feeling of riding it."
Quinzel smirked. "Well, then you know that once you experience it, you want to feel it again, it becomes part of your life. The sensation is incredible. Can you imagine it then, the power of anger? People go beyond their own limitations for it."
"It's dangerous."
"And addictive…"
"Is that the reason you are interested in Helena?" Barbara couldn't hold back the question.
"Do you mean the problems she has in controlling her anger? You know Anger management helps to identify what triggers emotions and how to respond so that things work in your favor…"
"No, I mean `Helena'." Barbara interrupted her.
"It is professional miss Gordon, I want to help her. She is `special', you know what I mean."
"I know."
Quinzel chuckled. "You know Helena's temper. I will ask you…" she tapped her chin with her index "Do you think you could support Helena in one of her hardest decisions?"
"I always support her Harleen." Barbara began to feel really annoyed with this woman.
"I'm talking about something that goes beyond your strong principles. Do you think your love for her could help you to cross the line."
"Harleen. I don't know what your intentions really are." Barbara said feeling irritated but trying to be as polite as possible "I have noticed that every time I talk with you, you try to make me doubt my feelings for her. I committed a terrible mistake a few months ago from your intrigues. I hurt her. Please leave us alone."
"Miss Gordon…"
"I know that your interest in Helena is more than friendly." The redhead said with firm voice "I will ask you to stop your game."
She turned and crossed the street to go to her bike.
"Are you sure about Helena's feelings?" Quinzel asked "Are you sure about your support of her when she does what she most wants in the world?"
The redhead didn't answer, she climbed on her bike and turned on the engine.
"You will feel betrayed Miss Gordon, you will turn your back on her. But I'll be there to support her."
Barbara took her helmet and fixed her green eyes on her. She wanted to slap the woman.
"Leave her alone." She said.
"Who will stop me? You? Or maybe Batgirl?" the blonde grinned crossing her arms.
"You are warned Harleen. I'll not let you play with her feelings."
Barbara understood then that Quinzel knew much more that she thought, but she didn't let her distress show. She moved her helmet over her head and pressed the accelerator.
Smiling, the blonde observed her leave.
Helena waited anxiously for her shift to finish. She would have the rest of the night free to make her usual patrol around the city. The bar was full of people, it usually happened on weekends. It was good for tips but a bit annoying when she wanted to go out early.
She moved her hand up to fix some cups on top of the counter.
"We need more whiskey Helena." Her partner said.
"I'll go for it."
The brunette went toward the back of the bar and looked for her keys to open the storage room.
"Good evening Helena." A familiar voice said behind her.
The brunette turned her head. "Harleen?"
"You are like a ghost you know?" the blonde said resting against the door. "You appear and disappear unexpectedly. I thought you would come back to see me."
"I'm sorry, I have been busy…" Helena excused herself "How are you?"
"Very fine." Quinzel smiled and walked to her. "And you?"
"I'm fine. Do you want something to drink?" the brunette offered. "I'll get you something."
"No, thanks." Quinzel stood in front of her "You look beautiful tonight."
Helena chuckled "I'm a mess, I have been working all day."
"You look beautiful anyway." The blonde moved her hand and touched the fabric of Helena's blouse. "Nice fabric."
"Thanks…"
Unexpectedly Harleen moved forward and tried to kiss Helena, she moved back quickly and lowered her head.
"Doctor… I…" Helena said softly "I love Barbara, you know it, I don't want to cheat on her…"
"You haven't tried with me…"
The young woman took a deep breath. "Harleen… I don't want to hurt you but… I'm not interested."
The blonde chuckled. "What if I give you what you want most?"
"I don't need anything else, I'm fine."
"What would you say if I told you where you can find your mother's assassin right now?"
TBC
