Confluence

By Violet Garnets

Chapter Eleven: Move With Trepidation

o-x-o-x-o

An hour had already passed, and Naruto was still on his first bowl of ramen. It was a record, Kakashi had noted with a smirk, an expression that made his blond companion gulp and look away, shoving another mouthful of noodles in his mouth.

Naruto wondered how long it would take him to get used to seeing Kakashi's face. For the time being, it felt like he never would get used to it. He didn't want to. In the late afternoon light, the jinchuuriki realized that the scars on Kakashi's face were much deeper than he thought them to be, and extremely pale in color. He noticed the precise movements of the jaw as the jounin opened his mouth, closed, and chewed. There was also the matter of the way his neck muscles rippled as he took a swallow, slow, oh christ, so slow. The younger man sighed, thinking about the motions of that mouth if there were other particular things in it…

"You doing okay, Naruto?"

"Huh?" He shook his head. He willed his blush down and out of his face and finally responded, breathless. "I'm just, you know, happy. Yeah. So happy I'm in shock!"

"You shouldn't be that surprised. Even from Danzou's understated story, it sounded like you had no problem with it. Which is good. Two years away should give you that upper hand. What's this I hear about a new Rasengan though?" Kakashi smiled, expectant, and all of a sudden Naruto felt like passing out. Those white teeth were kind of unbearable to look at, in a good way, not like how Gai hurt souls with the blinding color of his teeth. No wonder Kakashi kept a mask on. Naruto never would have gotten anything done training with a man who looked like this.

He ran a hand through his hair, grabbing onto the locks right on top, and sighed. What had he done, exactly? He pouted, trying to remember.

"Danzou said you called it the Rasengan from Hell," Kakashi supplemented.

"Oh! Right." He laughed, and Kakashi only shook his head and smiled even more. "I don't know. I can really control the Kyuubi's chakra now, so I decided to use it with my own wind-based chakra and stuff. But it's really weird, sensei, and I was going to ask you about it. Look!"

He placed his bowl down and set the chopsticks over it on the table, then stood up and moved a few steps away. If anything happened and he was interrupted again, he certainly didn't want to burn a hole through his furniture.

He stuck his hand out in front of him, palm up and held onto the wrist with his other hand. He inhaled, let the chakra flow through his body, feeling it as it circulated through, and slowly a little star began to form in his palm. His breath caught for a moment as he considered the movement in his body, how he felt like the world began to expand and contract simultaneously but really just revolve around him. He had never felt so...at ease. "See? I think I can even shape it however I want." He breathed again, and the star pulled in to form a cylindrical rod. "It's like, made of Kyuubi chakra but wrapped in my own, you know? If it was bigger, I'd have a pretty awesome bo staff."

"Can you make siphon more chakra into your arm?" Kakashi, by this time, was standing as well and found his way to Naruto's right side.

"I think so. I haven't tried it yet though. I don't really get the chakra balance yet."

"Naruto. Don't move."

He obeyed, but a growing nervousness appeared in his chest. It was anticipation, he realized. He was anticipating something. And suddenly, he felt a pressure against his back as a large hand snaked its way down his arm and placed itself on his tanned wrist. "Do you feel that?" Kakashi asked, his voice low.

Naruto didn't know how to respond. Did he feel the warmth radiating off of the man behind him? Hell yeah he did. But he was pretty sure that wasn't what Kakashi was talking about. He closed his eyes, reassessed himself.

And there. That was it, a little pulsing in his wrist, energy at once familiar and unfamiliar. "Yeah," he whispered, unsure of why his tone had dropped to such a quiet level. "It's your chakra, right?"

Then Kakashi's head was to the side of his own. The older man nodded, and quietly Naruto relished in the way his hair caressed he silver locks, the proximity of such a gentle jaw line.

"Try your best on your own. If anything happens, if the Kyuubi's chakra is too much, I'll curb the damage. I'm here."

That was enough. This was more, than enough. Naruto nodded. "Right." So he tried to pull up the reserves of demon chakra, in a slow trickle, but it proved more difficult than he thought. It surged for a second and he yelped, instinctively moving backward— into a broad chest.

"Still here, Naruto. You're doing fine," the man said, and for a second Naruto believed he could feel Kakashi nuzzling the back of his head with his nose.

So the little rod grew, until it was about the length of half a typical bo staff. At this point, he only molded his own chakra around his hand, where it would cause damage. "I think…I'm doing okay."

Kakashi chuckled. "I'll let go now then."

Disappointment brewed inside the blond as his back suddenly felt cooler, and the pulsing in his wrist stopped. But he had to focus. As Kakashi let go, the ends of the rod lost their shape and flared. But by now, Naruto had stopped the siphoning so they didn't grow any larger than the size of his palm. It looked a little like a staff with the ends set on fire. Rearranging the chakra in his other arm, he grabbed onto the staff with both hands. It settled into his grasp with little trouble, as if it wanted to fit in.

"You could be a baton twirler in the festivals," Kakashi said drily.

"Shaddup. I could slice you in half with this thing." He turned around to face the other man, his knees bent in a fighting stance.

"Touché." He replied, and held his hands up in front of him. His dark eye was nearly closed as he grinned sheepishly.

Naruto grinned, stood up straight, and molded more chakra into his other hand. With that he put his hands together, and the chakra returned to him through both arms, down his chest and into the seal on his stomach. "Well. That was cool."

"More than that, Naruto. This is something really new. I haven't heard of anything like it. Killer Bee merges with his demon to gain full power. This must be the step right below it."

"Merging?" He scoffed. "Kyuubi doesn't seem very up for it. But um, it's actually uh…friendlier now."

"Hmm. Maybe it's not quite the time for merging yet— wait, what do you mean by 'friendlier'?"

The blonde giggled and scratched the back of his head nervously. "Uh, you remember how I told you that you passed out in your apartment?" He turned his head to get a look at Kakashi. The jounin crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, and Naruto knew that Kakashi already knew. "I was lying," he said, sighing. "Actually, you kind of fell into this trance thing. You called me 'Akira'."

Kakashi shook his head and looked down. "Why didn't you just— wait. I did something to you, didn't I?"

"Why would you think that?" Naruto tried to keep his expression deadpan but christ, what was up with the sweat beading at his temples?

"You turned all red, and left in such a hurry, Naruto. I'm not stupid."

The younger one winced. "It's not really a big deal, I mean, I don't really mind…"

"Naruto."

"You uh…felt me up? And then you sort of just slumped over?" He squeaked and looked away, to the counter, to the row of ramen cups, to anything but Kakashi's face. "But I mean, you weren't being yourself, and you thought I was another guy and you thought I was older and yeah…"

"Sorry. That's uncalled for, Naruto. Maybe I should—"

The words spilled out his mouth before he had a chance to even think and he met Kakashi's gaze. "No, I mean, you couldn't help it! You didn't even know what was going on! And I already said it's not like I minded anyway 'cause like, you're really good at it!"

They fell silent, staring at each other blankly. Naruto could feel that heat rush to his face, but he couldn't bring himself to break the gaze. There was only one solution: if he talked long enough, they would both forget he said that.

"I mean, I'm a man, something like that, and you know, things like that about growing up or whatever…and that's not even the point 'cause I think that something's going on with the two of us about reincarnation and shit, and I don't really ever think about that kind of stuff but being away and getting older makes your crazier or something, I mean, that's what happened to that old pervert Jiraiya-sensei and... Yeah." It took every muscle in his body not to just collapse into the floor and just set himself on fire somehow.

Then he heard a laugh and it threw him off guard. Despite himself, he felt automatically relieved at the low rumble. He dared to sneak a glance upward and saw that Kakashi had sat down against the wall, his knees bent and his arms resting on top. His head was tucked in, so Naruto could only see the bottom of his face under all the hair. The man had whispered something under his breath, but Naruto was too nervous to ask what he had said.

"Naruto, can I ask you something?"

"Uh…yeah."

"Do you think you're gay?"

"Um… what if I am?"

"Then how long have you known?"

He shrugged. "That's not how it works, right? Don't you always know?" Naruto sat down cross-legged across from the jounin, who still had his head down. "It's just…you don't really accept it. Or whatever."

"What about Sakura? You liked her, didn't you?"

"Bisexual, then. That's' what they call it, right? And I guess I've always known that. Just… you know. I didn't really think about it until lately. Why?"

"I wanted to know."

"Can I ask you a question then?"

Kakashi looked up, shot a look at the other man that was rather incomprehensible. "What?"

"Are you?"

"Does it matter?"

And Naruto realized that he was leaning precariously forward, to the point where his chin was just above Kakashi's knees and hands. He pulled himself back and considered the question.

"Well, either you're gay or your past life was gay, or I was actually a woman. Or something."

"What do you mean?" The expression in his face changed, and his lips relaxed in the slightest way. Naruto sniffed and resisted the urge to just pull at the man's collar and kiss him.

"Well, uh, why else would you do that to me the other night?"

Kakashi bit his lip, and Naruto finally noticed the little scrape marks along the lip where Kakashi had obviously bit too hard. He wanted to point it out, say how endearing that was, ask if Kakashi did that often, and if he could lick up the blood next time. But he didn't. That would be stupid. Yes, Naruto had his moments, but he sure as hell knew that was a bad idea.

"What do you know so far, Naruto?" He finally asked, and the way his eyebrows set showed his return to a comfortable area. Naruto decided he liked this better as well.

He scrunched up his face in concentration, trying to put together as many pieces as possible. "Uh, well, let's see…The Kyuubi called me Akira, and you called me Akira. So that makes me someone who looks like Akira. Or a reincarnation. However that works. And you're Shigeru. I think. Since Kyuubi called you that."

"And…"

"And you might be gay."

Kakashi brought a palm to his face.

Naruto grinned. "It's true though! That's why you let me kiss you!" He pointed an accusatory finger, and felt bubbles rising in his chest.

A grey eye met blue ones, flashing. Kakashi opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again, a motion so quick Naruto hardly caught it.

"Some part of me."

Fuck Hatake Kakashi and his cryptic answers, the blonde thought darkly as the bubbles popped and his morale dropped along with his whole body, slouching heavily. He leaned back and sighed loudly, pointedly ignoring the confused look on the other man's face.

"What?" Kakashi asked. When Naruto merely stuck his tongue out, Kakashi shrugged and continued on his own soliloquy. "I guess we could piece that with what I know…what I've been…dreaming." The last word left his lips slowly, reluctantly, something he didn't want to give up. Or place a name to. Now he was interested again.

Naruto cocked his head to the side and said, "What do you mean?" He hoped the way his body inched forward said what his voice couldn't: You can trust me. Please trust me.

Please touch me.

The jounin began, slowly. "I, uh…I've been having these dreams. Dreams that I'm not me, but I am, but I'm not…I'm going insane. Sasuke was in my last one. But I called him Ryuji. Did, uh, some research yesterday. There's a Ryuji in the archives of pre-country clans. If we want to tie that dumb idea with your reincarnation hypothesis…" he trailed off, and Naruto noticed the passing of a blush on the man's cheeks.

The ideas clicked together, quickly, perhaps because it was obvious. Or perhaps because he wanted it to be true that much.

Just as the copy-nin was about to bury his head into his hands, Naruto grabbed one hand and pinned it to the floor, deftly straddling the man and capturing his lips in one swift motion.

Please let it be true.

He knew it was, could feel that Kakashi's hand was moving purely on instinct, coming to rest on the back of his head and gripping at the hair lightly. In return, the younger one lifted both his hands to hold the other's face, pulling him as close as possible. To get to him as best he could.

And flashes of light sparked in his mind, here and there, and he tasted snowflakes on his tongue, cold and fragile and god so fucking beautiful—

He pulled on a coat, relishing in the soft furs, and stepped out of the tent to be greeted with a thwack to the head. "Hey!" he squeaked and rubbed the sore spot gently.

The man, his light hair brilliant against the backdrop of snow, held a large bow and wore an indecipherable expression. He smiled, but he couldn't tell if it was threatening or sincere. "You're late," the young one said.

He shrugged his coat into place. "Shouldn't I be saying that? I fell asleep waiting for you, you moron!"

"You promised we'd practice our kyudo today. Of course I'd show up…eventually."

A feeling seized him, but he forced it down and allowed himself only to ruffle the other's hair, so soft and light, like the smoke of incense. "Alright!" He pumped a fist in the air. "Let's get some work done!" And he dashed off, too scared to look back, terrfied find an expression that would hurt him and gladden him, so much that his body would just crumble from the impact of emotions.

He snapped his head back, eyes wide. Kakashi had the same expression, his mouth agape, his visible eye dilated. A sunny afternoon light fell on them, but Naruto only felt cold, not completely unpleasant, but one that left him shivering, the hairs on the back of his head rising and tingling.

"Did…did you…"

"You had facial hair," Kakashi blurted out.

"You were younger!" Naruto said, concurrently. "And your eyes matched!"

They stared at one another for a long moment. Naruto felt the gears in his head shudder and crack. None of this made sense.

"Uh…what do we do now?" He finally asked, sick of the silence. Obviously they couldn't go back to kissing, Naruto thought ruefully. But there were other, more pressing matters at hand. He sucked on his bottom lip with great consideration, waiting for Kakashi's response.

"Uh…do some research?"

"Works for me. Are the Hokage's archives open now?"

"If not, you can practice your infiltration." Kakashi shrugged, but there was definitely something forced about the movements. "And let's go find Sakura. Or Shikamaru."

Naruto mustered up his best resolve. "Right." As they came to their feet, he grabbed for Kakashi's gloved hand. They had already kissed (three times, no less), surely this couldn't be that bad.

The man looked back at him in surprise and a certain expression flickered across his face. Naruto couldn't describe it, but he could describe his own feelings at seeing such a look: a sinking in his chest, a strange urge to cry.

"You sure you want to do this?" Kakashi asked, his voice hollow.

"Yes."

So Kakashi smiled, more a decisive placement of the lips than a true smile. "You've always lived without regrets, Naruto."

"It's the only way to live!" His voice cracked as he said it, but he grinned, pouring his all into it.

The copy-nin shook his head, the smile slipping from him. He whispered something, but Naruto couldn't catch it.

"What was that, Kakashi?" Careful to keep off the honorific, Naruto thought. Careful to get closer, as close as he could.

"Nothing. Just making wishes."

With that, Naruto felt himself tugged out of the room, and they headed towards the archives, their eyes peeled for two intelligent shinobi.

o-x-o-x-o

Mou, my most sincere apologies for the lateness. I know it's been late by a week, but nevertheless. I started school last month and classes just enjoy eating my writing time. I hope I don't fall behind too much, and I'll try to consistently work on this as often as I can. As always, seeing all the reviews and alerts and favorites make me smile, so I definitely appreciate it.

I hope this chapter worked out for you guys; thanks for all the comments. I'm attempting to work with a cliché but also twist it at the same time, so I hope that it works out as we go along. Feedback is glorious~!

Ja ne,

Vi