Authors note: I am damn tired of writing these damn authors notes…let's just get on with it, shall we?
(Bella's POV)
Today was so ironically insane. You see, these past few months I had been dying to feel emotion, even the slightest smidgen of any kind, and I couldn't, I just wasn't able to. Now today I was overwhelmed with it, from guilt, to sadness and depression, I had too much of it!!! I just wanted it to all go away like it had for so long. I wanted to rip it out of myself and burry it in the deep hole of no return.
I couldn't believe so much had happened in the past hour, from my traumatic hospital experience to my father's. It was way too much stress for any normal person to handle….. let alone someone like me. I was irritable, emotionally drained. I just wanted to take a nap, wake up and have this all be just a dream, just a horribly, surreal nightmare, but of course that was unattainably impossible.
As if today hadn't been horrible enough Jacob was not making me feel any better, in fact he was making everything horribly worse. His normal ball of sunshine had left him and he now resembled a dark rain cloud.
He never said anything to tell me that all of this was really my fault, which I sort of wanted to hear. Anything would have been better then what he did tell me. Instead of blaming me, the rightful person for this tragedy, he had somehow turned it all on himself, saying that he should have never left me alone.
I felt terrible to see all this guilt spread upon him, I also felt a crazed urge to take it away, and make him feel better, but I couldn't. I could barely help myself let alone another person. I sighed and went over to the hospital window, setting the bed alarm off once again. It didn't really matter though, no one would yell at me considering I punched a nurse in the face. Thank god my dad was the chief of police or Id probably be in jail right now….
Uhhh…I had to stop thinking of my father, at least for right now. Later when he was out of Acoma and things were back to normal that would be a different story. I desperately tried to focus on the birds in the tree to get my mind off things but it really wasn't helping.
"What are you doing?" Jacob asked, smiling at my strained expression. "You look like your constipated."
"I'm trying to get my mind off things." I muttered, looking over at him instead of the bird. He had taken his shirt off to clean it and I could see his beautifully sculpted chest, he had the bisects of a god, and the most well rounded six pack I had ever seen….Well this was one way to get my mind off of things…..
"Bella, what are you staring at?" He blushed, self-consciously flipping his hair.
"Wh- oh nothing." I mumbled, blushing like an idiot.
"You want to maybe…go down to the cafeteria, and get something to eat…get your mind off things?" He asked.
"Huh? Oh sure." I muttered snapping myself back into reality, why did his rustle skin have to be so damn encapsulating?
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When we got down to the cafeteria I sat down at one of the dull blue tables that matched the dull blue walls of the boring ass hospital. I didn't really want anything to eat.
"Your not hungry?" Jacob asked, looking at me with concern.
"No…I only eat one meal a day." I answered…he seemed to not approve.
"That's not good for you, come on, I'm sure there's something up there that looks appetizing." He reasoned.
"Jacob if you make me eat I'll just puke it back up later." I truthfully answered.
"Oh…so now your emo and bulimic?" He questioned.
"Nooooo….." I tried to lie. He just laughed. "What's so funny?" I asked, disapproving.
"You're a horrid liar." Jake smirked.
"Oh yeah well….your half naked."
"What the hell kind of comeback was that?" He asked.
"I don't know." I sighed, looking at the huge sandwich he had on his cafeteria tray.
"So, no good comebacks and you can't lie…good thing you're cute." He smirked again, taking a bite out of his generous sandwich. "Want a piece?" he asked for the tenth time. I decided I might as well give in.
"Fine." I sighed, taking his sandwich and making a face.
"What's wrong now?" He asked, confused.
"I can taste you on this."
"That sounded wrong." He smirked.
"You're so dumb." I laughed for the first time in forever…I guess the ball of sunshine was back….at least for a while.
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When Jake was finished eating we made your way back up the elevator and he asked me, "So what are you going to do tonight….I don't feel that it'd be safe leaving you alone."
"You don't trust me?" I asked, ashamed.
"After today….hell no."
"Well what do you suppose I do?" I asked him.
"You could come stay with me, my couch is always open."
"Hum….I might have to take you up on that offer." I thought…after all I really didn't think it'd be a good idea to leave myself alone either.
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Authors note: I feel that we ended that on a slightly lighter note…..hey Bella actually smiled, isn't that insane? What do you guys think will happen at Jake's house?!?!? A friendship? Something more? Please review and tell me…
