Authors note: A new day a new chapter…..well actually I really don't feel like writing right now but I'm gonna cause im bored and I'm too lazy to flat iron my hair and it looks like a puffy mess right now so I don't want to go out in public so yeah…I'm gonna spend my time productively……or at least kind of semi productively…anyways here we go (=
(Bella's POV)
When the nurse came in to cheek on Charlie I found it to be a good opportunity to head out. If I went home now then I'd probably get to see Jake soon, it was hard to stay away from him for too long, he was quite addicting.
I headed down the elevator, through the lobby, past the bitchy lady, and into the parking lot. Maybe if I drove slow by the time I got back Jake would be there.
I wanted to drive slow anyway, too make the short trip back from the hospital as long as possible, I really needed time to think…I mean did I actually love Jake? Could I love him? Did I have the power in the depths of my heart to love again? Did he even love me or was he pretending just to in some crazed sympathetic attempt to save my life.
It couldn't be could it? I mean that kiss…..it was sooo real, so long, so warm, so good….it was as if I could still taste him on my lips as if he had left a mark on my soul.
Something that amazing couldn't have been faked….no it just couldn't no matter how good an actor you were, something so good had to come from the overwhelming love in a persons heart….it just had to!!!
No matter what I told myself I still wasn't sure, the only way I could be sure was for it to happen again….I had to get him to kiss me again, but how? I thought as I took out my cell phone and slowly dialed his number.
"Hello?" He asked.
"Hey…it's me." I answered.
"Oh…hey." He sighed….he sounded worried about something…..i wondered what it was…could it be the regret of kissing me?
"Are you….worried about something?" I asked.
"Worried? Im not worried, I'm fine, why would you think I was worried?" He asked in a tone that made him sound even more paranoid.
"No reason….your voice just sounds…strange." I answered.
"Oh….so are you staying out of life or death situations?" He asked, changing the subject…whatever it was he didn't want to talk about it.
"Yeah…I'm good, I went to go visit Charlie and now im just driving home." I answered. "Are you coming back soon?" I asked. "You can come over my place I'll make you some dinner." I answered….it was the least I could do for the guy who saved my life.
"Food? Sounds good, I'll be over in a few." He answered as he hung up the phone….no goodbye? He must be paranoid.
*************
After a couple of minutes of being home I heard a knock on the door, looking out the kitchen window I saw Jake….good, now I'd be able to test my theory.
"Hey", I answered the door…trying to sound casual.
"Hey" He answered back….when he walked in it was as if he was only half there. I had to figure out what was up or it would drive me mad.
"Jake….I know something's wrong….just tell me…maybe I can help." I said coming closer to him. He wasn't answering. "Is it about Billy?" I asked.
"A little." He sighed, taking a seat on the couch.
"Oh my god, is he ok?" I asked sitting next to him with true concern on my face.
"Yeah…i guess…I don't know…Sam told me some stuff." He said.
"What did he say?" I asked.
"….I'd rather not talk about it." He said looking down….I figured it best not to bother him any further.
"Oh…well if your sad…I can cheer you up." I said coming closer, running my hands through his hair about to kiss him….at the last second he pulled away….maybe he didn't love me after all.
***********
(Jake's POV)
Bella had come over to me and tried to kiss me but I had turned her down…I didn't want to….in fact I'd love to be able to kiss her right now…get my mind off things….it's just every time I got near her I thought of hat Sam had said…I didn't want to suddenly turn into a wolf and kill her….having her just wasn't worth losing her….but not having her would mean I would lose her…it was all just so confusing.
"Oh…so it's like that huh? You never loved me did you? You just said that so I wouldn't kill myself, you're such a jerk!!!" She screamed storming out of the room…of course I followed her.
"Bella you don't understand….I love you…it's just….just…..i wish I could tell you what it is but I can't!!!!" I yelled.
"What the hell do you mean?" She asked with those sad puppy dog eyes….completely un understanding my circumstances.
"I don't want to hurt you Bella." I sighed.
"Uhhh!!!! You sound just like him!!!" She yelled at me.
"Im not a filthy blood sucker Bella!!" I yelled.
"Blood sucker? Wait…you know?" She asked.
"I know now…after all he's the reason I'm becoming what I am!!!!"
"And what would that be?"
"I can't tell you…I want to...but I can't."
Authors note: Another chapter done…I'm kinda tired now…have a nice night everyone (= please review (=
