Happy Belated Halloween, everyone!
Disclaimer: I don't own The Dark Knight, or The Beach Boys' "Wouldn't It Be Nice". I do, however, own this plot, and The Plan.
Chapter Thirteen: Joker
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Girls aren't the only ones who get ready for their sweethearts.
And hey, it is Halloween.
"…Wouldn't it be nice to live together, in the kind of world where we belong…" I croon, scrubbing away at my hair and body, trying to get the remains of ol' Bud out.
He was a messy one. Determined, too. And worth. Every. Scream.
And contrary to popular belief, yes, I shower. Every two days, maybe more if I really feel the need—i.e. if I've gotten a bit…messy. Of course, in the end it doesn't really matter.
Besides, I get to pretend The Beach Boys are decent listening material.
"…We could say goodnight and staaaaay togetheeeerrrr…" I shake my head from side to side, my hair sticking to my cheeks, covering my eyes. "Oh, wouldn't it be niiiiiiiiice…"
I dump a sizeable amount of conditioner in my hair, still singing. The water feels so good—warm, just the right amount of pressure, almost as nice as rain.
But I don't have much time to relax. I need to prepare.
I rinse my hair and step out of the shower, toweling myself off. My war paint is ready to be applied, as are the…other details.
I thought about dressing up for Halloween like I usually do, but in the end I'm the scariest thing in Gotham, so…
Besides, I might be able to get some candy this way. And my nurse outfit is something I only use for…special occasions. Ditto for the police uniform. Sure, it's tempting, but my motto is "never do the same joke twice".
Anyway. Time to get ready.
Green hairspray…
I grin at the way my true face is slowly coming into focus. It's a bit of a ritual—I always put on the hairspray first. That's how it started, after all.
Check.
Fresh suit…
I take my time getting dressed. I physically, ah, prepare myself first for whatever may come my way on this fine, fine evening—you never know, y'know?
I stretch my muscles, crack my back, shoulders, and neck, flex my fingers and toes, and lastly give the grimy mirror my best smile.
Then, and only then, comes the suit. Cool cloth—cotton and velvet—on warm skin. Oh, what a feeling.
Check.
Rough-and-Tumble With Batsy Mindset…
He's probably really upset with me for what I did. But as I said before, I knew he would be. Sometimes Batsy's a little too predictable. Someday, that'll change. Someday he'll do something I don't expect—he'll throw me off guard, make me laugh at something other than his stubborn streak.
But at the same time, I like knowing he's…solid.
Solid but potentially breakable, that's Batsy.
And with my plan…maybe…
We'll see.
I'm good to go.
--
I was right—he's really mad this time.
"Hiiiiii, Batsy. You out trick-or-treating too?"
"Why did you do that?" Batsy growls, his shoulders set, his muscles perfectly coiled. He's ready for a fight, a brawl, a murderous onslaught on either end.
"Why not?" I grin and bolt away, the cool autumn air chilling my lungs.
I run down the alleyways and streets of Gotham, giggling and jumping over garbage cans, stray cats, and drunk hobos. The wind hits my face, plays with my coat, letting me love my freedom in chaos.
Kids shriek and laugh in the distance, filling their round little bellies with candy and fruit and hopefully even the knowledge that tricks are just as fun as treats.
I hear Batsy's footsteps behind me, and I move a little faster, grabbing a streetlamp pole and spinning on it once before taking off again. I can't see him properly in the shadows, but I can sense him, and that's good enough for me.
"C'mon, Batsy, keep up!" I call, upsetting a homeless guy's slumber. "Stop pouting, it only looks good on me!"
And there he is—all black Kevlar and ice-cold rage, grabbing me by the collar and slamming me against the nearest brick wall. I bite my lip to keep from laughing at the sight of his eyes so filled with rage. The homeless guy's turned tail already—good choice.
"You didn't have to kill him," Batsy growls, his jaw clenched tightly. "You didn't even have to go looking for him. So why?"
I put on my best angelic expression. "I was only trying to help, Batsy."
"I don't need any help." He presses me harder against the wall, making me wince. I can feel that old familiar feeling creeping along already…
"Déjà…vu..." I whisper, as his eyes grow ever darker. "Huh, Brrrrruce?" I stretch Batsy's so-called "real name" out like elastic, snapping it in his face.
"Shut up." Batsy suddenly gets himself under control—on the surface, anyway. "I know what you want—"
"You mean what we want," I correct him, reaching out and patting his cheek. "Right now both of us are in no mood to just…let this slide. And besides, it's Halloween."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Batsy growls, and I can't help but grin.
"Well…I'm in the mood for tricks and treats. Not necessarily in that order."
I can feel Batsy's frustration, and I shrug. "'Course, what I did to Buddy was against your precious One Rule, so…take your pick."
Batsy's answer is to spin me around and make me lean against the wall, and I admire this suddenly bold move.
There's no gentleness today. No pretense at this being anything other than stress relief. No… pretense at being human, though I know in Batsy's mind he wants to be normal, the way an alcoholic needs his drink.
He doesn't have to say anything. I can guess. I look over my shoulder at him, waiting. I shake my head, trying to get my hair out of my eyes. Batsy's barely even a shadow—the only things I can see are his eyes, bitter and frustrated.
Looks like it's gonna be a fun night after—
"Trick or treat, trick or treat, give us something good to eat!" a group of children suddenly carols from behind us. Their little footsteps click and clunk along as they giggle and chatter amongst themselves.
Well, what do you know? Meddling twerps do exist.
Batsy and I stay perfectly still, listening.
"D'you think Batman celebrates Halloween?" a little girl pipes up.
"Nawww, he's too busy fightin' the bad guys," a boy replies confidently.
"What about the Joker? He's probably doing something really scary!" another boy says.
I look behind me to Batsy and let out an exaggerated groan. Batsy hurriedly tries to cover my mouth—but it's too late for that.
"What was that?" the girl whimpers.
"Just the wind," one of the boys answers quickly, though I can tell he's a little frightened too. "C'mon, let's get going."
As soon as the children scramble away, Batman releases me, and I slide to the ground, still wanting. He hasn't even taken off his gloves yet.
"Aren't you going to—"
"No. This is your reward for killing that mugger. The next time you use someone's death as leverage, I'm dragging you to Arkham myself."
And now we're right back to square one again.
"But why?" Now it's my turn to raise my hackles. "Like I said, I'm trying to help you. You're holding yourself back, Batman—you take things so seriously, even when you know this is all a game. You…you think you can win by sticking to those pretentious rules of yours, and I've played right along with you, but now you're just being stupid."
Batman doesn't say anything: he just turns around and vanishes into the shadows.
I lean back against the wall, trying to relax. Breathe. Breathe. Look on the bright side: now this gives you even more of a reason to put The Plan in action.
A thought suddenly strikes me. I push myself off the wall and walk into the middle of the alley, listening.
"Don't tell me this is about the punchline, Batsy. Didn't think it was, ah, clever enough?"
"It was too clever." Batman's voice growls out from the shadows, making me automatically tense up. "What you would call a 'smart-ass' remark."
I turn in Batman's direction, but I can hear him leaving. "Is that why you're so—?"
"No."
"Stop interrupting!" I hate the way my tone comes across as "whiny" instead of "enraged", but then this night is just full of surprises, isn't it?
"I'm finishing what Harvey started. This has nothing to do with you."
I step toward the shadows, try to point out the obvious lie he just tried to feed me, but I get the feeling he's gone already.
I sigh. Well, fine then. Be that way. I'll just have to move The Plan a little…faster.
The number-one rule of my game: always keep things in motion. Even if a wheel just won't… budge.
