I am so sorry for the delay, work and other RL stuff has been kicking my a$$ lately which has caused me to become anti-social... So what did everyone think of Eclipse? I was hoping to sneak out and see it again today but I got busy doing this crazy wife/ mom stuff. As usual I would like to thank Wytchwmn75... she is my goddess and my savior. Bella may seem a little crazy in this chapter, but I promise it will make sense in the next chapter. Which is outlined already and I will start writing tonight...
As usual I don't own, but I do dream of Edward almost nightly... shh don't tell hubs
EPOV
Sitting on the edge of my bed staring at my phone, I knew what needed to be done next, and she wouldn't come if I was the one to extend the invitation. So Alice it was.
I pressed number three on my speed dial and waited for her to pick up.
"Hey Eddie, what's up?"
"Hey Alice, listen, I was thinking we could all get together tonight at Lamp's."
"Of course, I'll let Jazz know. Can I ask what brought this on? You aren't hoping that a certain brunette shows up, are you?"
"Well it would be nice to see Bella, but I would also understand her reason for not coming tonight."
As much as it was killing me to give her the space she deserved and try to be understanding of her feelings, everything had to be timed just perfectly. Dammit if I didn't want to crawl on my knees and beg for her to listen.
"Okay, well I'll give her a call in a little bit and let her know, and then I guess we'll find out tonight."
Alice and I hung up, and I went to my iHome to search for the perfect song to express what she meant to me. While cleaning my kitchen and picking up around the house I listened to song after song and nothing seemed to fit perfectly.
It must have been a few hours later while wiping down the counters that the opening chords and the vocals of Jason Wade struck me right in my heart.
Grabbing my acoustic guitar with the song now on repeat I began to pluck away.
This was perfect; hopefully, this would help her see the Bella I've always seen.
BPOV
Once I received the text from Alice letting me know the plans for tonight I decided to not try so hard. Who was there to impress? Who are you kidding? You want him to look at you. My ripped up Capri's and sweater dress was just going to have to cut it.
Pulling open the door to Lamps I was welcomed to the chords of Jason Mraz's, I'm Yours. It was such an upbeat song that my foot began tapping on its own. This week had gone by a lot smoother than anticipated, and I was excited when Alice texted me this afternoon inviting me to meet up with everyone for "a few drinks and some good music,"as Alice had put it.
Scanning the bar, I was hoping that I'd be as lucky as last time and would hear Emmett's loud voice from across the room. After scouring the room, I couldn't find any of them, and just as I was getting ready to wait outside, a familiar mess of bronze hair stuck out from the crowd. The smile that formed on my lips couldn't be helped. As annoying as his gesture on Monday had been, I still couldn't help but remember the good times we had.
I found myself walking in his direction twisting the handles of my purse in my hands.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I nervous?
I already knew the answer. He has more control over me than I'm willing to accept. When his eyes met mine, he was grinning ear to ear like he had something up his sleeve.
"Hey Bella, how are you?" he asked as he raked his hand through his hair. I lifted my hand in a shy wave.
"I'm good Edward, how are you? How was the rest of your week?"
"It was good, can't complain, you know…" he trailed off
"Well that's good."
He quickly interrupted me, "Hey, can we try and not be awkward? I just want to sit back and have a good time tonight with our friends."
Great so I guess I was reading the vibes wrong. I found myself quickly interrupting him.
"Of course, forget everything that happened last weekend." I said trying to cover my feelings. When I looked up, he was a lot closer than I thought, and he leaned in.
"No Bella, I definitely don't want to forget last week," he whispered softly grazing his lips across the shell of my ear. "But we will talk and soon just not tonight so relax."
I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding in. Damn, he smells good, can we bottle that?
Pulling back to look directly in his eye raising my eyebrow, "Ok Cullen, we'll talk later."
I turned to the bar ordering myself a Miller Lite. Just as the bartender placed it in front of me, seeing a large hand slap some money down on the counter;
"It's on me tonight." I turned and saw Jasper grinning down at me.
"Hey there big guy. How are you?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him in a hug.
"Good, I didn't really get a chance to talk to you last weekend. What with Alice and Rose hogging you and then there was Edward."
Rolling my eyes "You know you can ask me anything Jasper, I want to catch up with you just as much as everyone else."
"Everyone?" he asked me incredulously.
"Of course, it's time to move on and grow up. We're all entering our thirties this year, we should act like it." I smiled and took a pull from my beer.
"Oh so you want to move on, do you?"
Jasper was fishing and I knew it, he lost his subtlety over the years, must have something to do with being married to Alice.
"We'll see Jazz, we'll see," and with that comment I turned and made my way back to everyone. I noticed that Edward wasn't around, but I tried not to be obvious in looking for him in the bar.
"Don't worry he'll be back shortly, he just has to take care of something really quick." I heard Alice whisper in my ear. I turned and smiled at her and gave her a hug pulling back Alice raised her eyebrow at me in question.
I turned and saw Edward head towards the back of the bar with a woman with fire engine red hair. So that's what he had to take care of real quick. I found myself getting upset at the sight in front of me. Of course he hasn't truly changed, he's still the same guy he was all those years ago. Fuck him; I hope he has fun with fire crotch…. Ok now I'm just being vicious and mean just enjoy being with your friends tonight.
The lights flashed in the bar and then went out. A spotlight lit up on a stage that I didn't notice before. It was empty except for a microphone stand and a bar stool. I turned to Alice.
"What's going on? I didn't think there was a live band tonight." She just turned to me and smiled but said nothing.
She waved her hand to the side of the stage where Edward came walking out holding just an acoustic guitar. I was thoroughly confused now. I didn't know he still played.
"Hi everyone, I just need a few moments of your time then they can turn on the good stuff." He chuckled to himself.
He cleared his throat, "Wow, okay so a few years ago, I fucked up, and I want her to know what she still means to me so… Bella, this is for you."
He sat back and I heard him begin to pluck at his guitar strings to a song that sounded vaguely familiar. His voice sang out and I had to sit down.
You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.
My hand going to my mouth, I closed my eyes and just listened.
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
His voice was smooth as silk, I found myself singing along to a song that had a regular spin on my iPod.
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
I felt an arm wrap around me and looked up to Alice who had tears in her eyes. Her hand came up to my own eyes and wiped tears that I didn't even realize I was shedding.
"Alice, I can't. I have to go," with that I turned and ran out of the bar.
I started walking home with my arms wrapped around myself, letting the tears flow freely now. He told me he never loved me. That I was a game to him. Even if he told me it wasn't the truth last week, spending the last twelve years thinking it was, it's become my truth. It's just too hard to believe, how could he possibly love me?
"BELLA! WAIT!" I knew in the back of my mind, he would come after me. I didn't want him to come after me tonight.
"No Edward, not tonight. You said we would talk later, and it's not later yet. Just leave me alone." I couldn't even find the nerve to turn and face him. I just kept walking.
"I'm not giving up Bella, I want, no, I need for you to believe me."
"Goodnight Edward."
When I finally made it to my condo and turned to go in, I wasn't surprised he was still there behind me. I felt like he was always behind me, he was always there. Even when we were thousands of miles apart, he was always there
I threw my keys on the counter in the kitchen and dropped my purse at my feet. I don't know how but I managed to make it into my bed.
I closed my eyes praying for sleep to take me, but all I saw were his eyes.
June 1997
We had all just graduated from high school and headed down to First Beach for one of many bonfires to come before heading off to UW in the fall.
I refused to drink that night as I was put in charge of making sure we all got back to Edward's house safely.
Edward was at my side the whole night kissing my temple or my neck telling me he loved me.
"Bells, I'm going to go and get another beer do you want some more water?" I just nodded and smiled at my very drunk boyfriend.
I'm still not sure how much time had passed and Edward still hadn't returned it had to be at least an hour. I got up from the circle and made my way to the cooler and keg.
I walked around the group of people trying to find him, and then I saw her. Long strawberry blonde hair and her arm draped around my boyfriend's neck. I tensed, I couldn't help it. Looking at Edward, he didn't look like he wanted to be there talking to her. In fact, he looked downright pissed off. I knew they ended things over a year ago and according to Alice it wasn't a pretty break-up.
I started to make my way over there. I started to hear her voice screeching, "If you don't tell her it's over, I will tell her the truth and that she never meant shit to you. That you were sleeping with me the whole time. You were just trying to prove you could get in the pants of the daughter of the chief of police. You deserve better than her, we are going to be so happy in Seattle baby…" I gasped. Edward looked up and saw me. I turned and ran (or at least tried to) when Edward caught up with me at the car.
"Bella wait, we need to talk about this."
"Is it true? What Tanya said back there?"
"Yes, but..." he didn't have a chance to respond before I slapped him across the face.
Climbing my truck and drove back to Charlie's, willing the tears to stop. Hearing his voice calling me to stop, pressing the accelerator harder, faster I needed to get away. Did Rose and Alice know this whole time? If they did why didn't they tell me? Was it all a big joke to them too?
Taking the steps two at a time running into my bedroom, I started packing, as I dialed my mom's number in Florida.
"Hey Baby, I wasn't expecting to hear from you tonight, shouldn't you be out?"
"Mom I'm coming to see you, I'll be there tomorrow. I can't stay here I need to leave, I'll call you from the airport with the details." And with that I hung up the phone. The phone began to shrill as soon as I put the headset down on my bed. I grabbed it "What?" knowing it would be him. I was surprised to hear Alice's voice "Bella, you need to talk to him." I interrupted her immediately "Alice, did you know? Was he sleeping with Tanya?"
"Bella, you need to ask him." "Alice just yes or no, did you know?"
"Yes, but.." with all confirmation I needed I hung up the phone.
"Bells, what's going on?" I turned to see Charlie standing in my doorway.
"Dad, can you drive me to Seattle? I want to catch the next flight to Jacksonville. I can't stay here, I'm suffocating."
"Did that Cullen boy hurt you, I warned you."
"No Dad, just, please can you take me?"
"Now? Bella it's 11:00 at night."
"Fine if you won't take me then I'll just drive my truck myself, and you can pick it up sometime over the weekend."
Charlie looked at me and sighed. "Alright, but I want to know what happened, we'll talk in the car." I nodded my head and started down the stairs towards the cruiser.
On the way to the airport I told Charlie what I had overheard at the bonfire. How small I felt, I thought he loved me.
Once we arrived at SeaTac, we purchased my ticket for Jacksonville, and I had decided that I was going to pull out of UW and see if my acceptance to ASU was still open. I was not going to face those people who made me the laughing stock of Forks, WA.
I made Charlie promise to never tell anyone where I went. I wanted to just go on with my life.
I heard my cell phone ringing in the kitchen, but couldn't bring myself to get out of bed.
I found the remote for my iHome and hit shuffle. I let out a scream in frustration or sadness. Either way, my iPod was becoming quickly psychic when it came to music of my heart.
The lyrics and words of The Tony Rich Project came through the speakers.
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
and I just keep thinkin' 'bout the love that we had
and I'm missin' you
and nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
but like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn
all apart
A million words couldn't say just how
I feel
A million years from now ya know
I'll be lovin' you still
I rolled over and covered my face with my pillow.
I pulled the pillow back over my eyes and groaned turning and seeing that it was just after eight and in desperate need of a caffeine fix I headed towards my coffee maker.
I heard the chime of my blackberry in my purse. I pulled out my phone and saw I had five missed phone calls and ten text messages.
Deciding to ignore them all and head in for a shower.
Once I was all clean and dressed in sweats for the day. I made my way out to my living room and straight to my entertainment center and pulled out all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I was going to mope, I was going to do it my way. Nothing better than watching Buffy kill her one true love.
I had just begun the first season when my phone chimed at me again. Fuck, I thought I silenced all of the messages.
The screen read one new text message from Edward's cell.
Please open up, I can hear you in there and it's killing me… I need to see your face…
Not being able to stop myself, I turned to my front door and looked out the peephole and sure enough there he was, sitting on the ground against the wall in front of my door. I couldn't open the door for him. Turning off my phone, I leaned my back against the door and slid down to sit on the floor.
"Go home Edward, we are not going to talk about this."
I heard him stand up and could feel him leaning against the door.
"God, Bella, tell me what I need to do or say to get you to listen to me. I'm not going anywhere, ever. You always were and always will be it for me. I'm begging you just let me explain."
I stood up and placed my hand on the door,
"Just go home Edward, I'll come by the shop soon, and we'll talk. I promise. "Good-Bye Edward."
"Bye Sweets."
With that I heard his footsteps drift down the hallway.
As my afternoon progressed, I was able to get things done around my condo. I did laundry, I washed the few dishes that were in the sink.
My home was spotless but as much as I tried to keep myself busy, there was still the feeling of being taunted to break down and read the texts that I received.
Giving in and turned my phone back on. The chime alert for my text messages went off immediately. I decided to start at the beginning.
6/19/09 9:47 p.m. Alice Cell
Call when you are ready to talk
6/19/09 9:53 p.m. Edward Cell
Sleep well Sweets, I'll stop by in the morning to talk
6/19/09 10:15 p.m. Rose Cell
He's back, I'm glad you made it home safely... ILY and we'll talk tomorrow.
6/20/09 6:15 a.m. Edward Cell
I'm here waiting….. for you….
6/20/09 6:45 a.m. Edward Cell
Your neighbors think I'm a bum, they just put some change in my coffee cup… Please answer your door.
6/20/09 7:15 a.m. Edward Cell
Seriously they may call the police soon, I have coffee….
6/20/09 7:52 a.m. Edward Cell
Are you up? I thought I heard you…. Still here, still playing the role of stalker…. Hope you don't mind….
6/20/09 8:15 a.m. Edward Cell
Your neighbor two doors down keeps looking out his door at me…. WTF did he just wink at me…. Come on are you going to leave me to the wolves?
6/20/09 8:17 a.m. Alice Cell
Girls Only night of B&J and Clueless….. We'll be at your place by 4:00 p.m.
6/20/09 8:47 a.m. Edward Cell
Please open up, I can hear you in there and it's killing me… I need to see your face…
I looked at the clock, it was just after two o'clock now; sending off a quick response to Alice telling her to make sure it was double fudge brownie ice cream, I curled back up on the couch and resumed my Buffy marathon.
Let me know what you think, love it or hate it... See you all soon
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