Sorry for the delay, I've been working pretty much non stop. Hopefully this is enough to keep you all happy! x

Chapter Eleven

I'd managed to control my anger really well since high school. When I left Lima for college, I realised that my normal rage act didn't go down well with people that didn't know me and I'd made a conscious effort to stay calm in situations where I would usually lose my rag. But right now, I was struggling.

Rachel had invited me to come round to her house once I'd finished work. She had to sign a contract regarding selling the rights to one of her screenplays and she wanted me to look over it. I wasn't her official lawyer but she wanted someone to look over it that really had only her interests at heart. Plus, she'd offered me a free meal so of course I'd agreed. However, I hadn't agreed to the ambush that I received half way through my pasta salad.

'So you left the party in a hurry on Saturday...' Rachel slyly slipped into our conversation about screen writing.

I groaned into my meal as I shoved another forkful of food into my mouth. Of course she would bring that up.

'I wasn't feeling it anymore,' I shrugged nonchalantly as I avoided her gaze. 'Thanks for taking Natalia to stay at your house.'

'It's fine, I didn't want her to see Brittany when she was in that state,' Rachel replied honestly.

'What state?' I questioned her as I looked up from my plate. I hadn't given any thought to how Brittany would act after I left. I knew Natalia had gone home to Finn and Rachel's instead of hers because she'd been upset but I hadn't really thought about how upset she must have been. It must have been bad if Rachel had decided that Natalia should stay with her instead of Brittany.

'Didn't you see her? She was crying and kept saying that she was stupid and that she shouldn't have done it but she wouldn't say what 'it' was,' Rachel looked at me shocked. 'Weren't you with her before you left? I saw you guys go into the bathroom together.'

I sighed and shook my head. I didn't want to tell Rachel what happened. Ever since Brittany and I had separated, Quinn and Tina had taken sides but Rachel had always tried to stay neutral. Brittany obviously hadn't told her what had happened so I didn't want to drag Rachel into it. It would be breaking the unspoken rule that we didn't tell Rachel the nitty-gritty details of what was going on between us so that she could stay friends with both of us.

'Santana, did something happen? Is that why you left too?' Rachel asked me quietly as she looked up at me with those massive fucking brown eyes.

'It's really none of your business, Rachel,' I told her submissively.

'I'm not asking you to tell me what happened, I just want to make sure you're okay,' she pressed.

'I'm fine, Rachel, I'm fine. Don't I look fine?' I snapped back at her. I was starting to get really pissed off. Why was everyone trying to make me talk about what happened?

'Yes, you look fine, Santana, but you obviously weren't fine at the party,' Rachel babbled on.

'Rachel, that was four days ago,' I told her angrily. 'Whatever happened doesn't matter now, especially not to you.'

'Well actually, Santana, it does,' Rachel shot back at me. 'If two of my friends disappear together and one of them comes back distraught and the other runs away then I want to know what the hell happened!'

'It's none of your god damn business, hobbit!' I yelled back at her bitchily.

'Nice, Santana, be a bitch to me so that I leave you alone. Original,' Rachel rolled her eyes sarcastically.

'Fuck off, Rachel, I've made it obvious to you that I don't want to talk about it but you keep pushing it. Just drop it already.'

'Not until you tell me why you were both in such a mess!' Rachel cried out as she held her hands above her head in desperation. 'What did you do to her to make her that upset?'

'What did I do to her?' I asked Rachel in disbelief. So everyone thought it was my fault? Poor little Brittany being bullied by big mean Santana? I stood up from my chair and grabbed my bag. 'I can't deal with this right now, I'm leaving.'

'You can't just walk away from your problems, Santana!' Rachel yelled after me as she followed me into the hallway.

'Maybe you should have fucking told Brittany that three years ago and none of us would be in this fucking mess!' I yelled back at her twice as loud as I slammed the front door behind me.


'What is wrong, mija? You look very pensive,' my mom asked me as she looked over at me from the sink as she was doing the dishes.

'Just thinking about stuff,' I sighed as I looked down at the now cold tea in my cup.

'What kind of stuff?' she asked me as she looked over at me again. She left the sink and sat down across from me at the kitchen table when I didn't reply. 'Santana, tell me what is wrong. You are worrying me.'

I glanced over at Natalia playing in the living room with my dad. I could already tell that my mom wasn't going to let me drop it like I'd managed to get Rachel to earlier.

'It's Brittany, mom,' I told her quietly. 'She's messing with my head.'

'How so, mija? Is it the divorce?' My mom looked back at me sympathetically. I could tell she was worried for me to tell her why I was being so moody.

'Yeah,' I sighed as I looked up from my tea. My mom looked back at me expectantly. 'Well, she gave me the papers, right? We haven't signed anything yet but we're definitely getting divorced.'

'Yes...' My mom laughed when I didn't tell her more. 'Sweetheart, you are going to have to give me more than that if I am going to help you.'

'I didn't want to sign them until I knew why she wanted to finally make it official. She told me there was a specific reason but then I spoke to Kurt and he let slip that she's seeing someone, this guy called Brett.' I was interrupted before I could continue.

'Oh, Santana,' my Mom whispered as sadness swept her features. 'Do not think that you were just an experiment for Brittany because she is now with a man, she was so in love with you.'

'Mom, no,' I laughed as I swatted away her hands that were now holding my face. 'That's not it at all. I'm glad she's moved on, it's about time.'

'Well then why are you so confused?' My mom looked back at me confused.

'We were all at Kurt's house on Saturday for Amelia's birthday and Brittany asked to speak to me so we went to the bathroom. When we were in there she told me that the reason she left was because she was scared and that she wishes that she could go back and change what happened.'

'Of course she does, we all do, sweetheart,' my Mom sighed back. 'I always think of what I could have done differently.'

'You did enough, mom, there was nothing else you could have done for me,' I assured her as I took her hand. 'But Brittany was telling me this and then she kissed me. I tried to leave but she kept apologising and telling me that she loves me so I ran away.'

'Have you spoken to her since?' My mom asked me as she looked back at me concerned.

'No, but I'm supposed to drop Talia off at hers tomorrow,' I replied.

'Will you talk to her then?'

'I don't know,' I shrugged. 'I was planning on staying in the car.'

'You need to talk to her, mija,' my mom told me gently. 'You were both very confused when you separated and she obviously still is. Dating this man has obviously made her rethink whether leaving you was the right decision.'

I know but I don't want her to think that I'll go running back to her after all this tie,' I almost cried out. 'She broke my heart, mom.'

'I know she did, Santana,' my mom replied sympathetically as she rubbed my hand with hers. 'But I know that you still love her, no matter how much you try to hide it, and from what happened at the party, she obviously still loves you too. I think you owe it to each other, and Natalia, to talk it out and see how you are both feeling.'

I knew my mom was right, she always is. The idea of giving Natalia a stable home again tugged at my heartstrings but the thought of giving Brittany the chance to break me again terrified me. If anything was to happen, I would come out of it ten times worse than before. Did I really want to put myself in that position?

'Talking to her does not mean that you are giving her another chance,' my mom pushed. 'It will give you the chance to find out how she feels and then you can decide what you want to do after that.'

'You're right. I'll talk to her tomorrow when I drop Talia off.'