TITLE: Messing with Love – Chapter 7: "I will never say goodbye to you"

AUTHOR: Too_beauty.

PAIRING: Alexander and Hephaestion.

RATING: NC-17

CATEGORY: Historical Alternative Universe.

DISCLAMER: I don't know the people involved; they belong to History and to themselves.

WARNING: Mentions of m/m relationship, physical and mental torture, insulting vocabulary, male rape, angst.

NO BETA so all mistakes are mine.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The words in italics belong to the song "I will not say goodbye" by Danny Gokey.


Alexander put his beloved's tresses inside the bag again and fled to their chamber. On reaching the bed, he crumbled on the floor, next to Hephaestion's side, and cried bitter tears of pain, sorrow and wrath.

"Who were the responsible of his pain? Who were the ones who kept captive the only owner of his heart? Who wanted so badly to hurt such a good man as his Phai? "

The young king was so sad and in need of his beloved so badly that he knelt opposite his Phai's marble bust, the one that had been with him since they became lovers. The marble was cold to his touch and he didn't want to think that it could be a bad omen.

Looking into those soft and gorgeous features, a broken-heart king started to speak:

Sometimes your world just ends when Love is not by your side; it changes everything you've been because He is the one that shapes your life. And all that's left to be is empty, broken, lonely, hoping for you to come back to me and make things better again.

I'm supposed to be strong, I am the king and leader of this Army; I'm supposed to find a way to carry on but they always forget that I am also just a man in love. And I don't wanna feel better, I want to feel my pain because it keeps me in the move and I don't wanna not remember, how can I forget the man who makes me feel complete?.

I will always see your face in the shadows of this haunted place, that lake that took you away from me, hiding you in its guts. I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky cursing my bad luck and asking the gods for their help.

But I will not say goodbye because this is not over until I find you and bring you back to my side.

They keep saying time will heal and I know this is not true; but the pain just gets more real everyday we are apart. The sun comes up each day, finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying for your soon coming back because I am desperate and for the first time in many years, I am terrified, I fear a life without you.

If I can keep on holding on this agony and be strong for you; maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone just for a while, because I swear to the gods that I will find you, no matter how long it takes.

I will curse the men who took you away from me, I will pray to your sweet Aphrodite for her help, because she treasures you as much as I do, I will re-live everyday, all our moments together and take the strength from them to go on.

I will show through the blameand let the world know that I am in pain; I'll shout out your name and it will be heard in the face of the world and in the underworld too.

I will laughremembering our banters, I will cry deep tears of lost time with you, shake my fist at the sky, my revenge ready to be taken on the guilty ones.

But I will not sayit because it can't be true; I will not say goodbye because it can't happen, I will not say goodbye because this is not the end, just a painful pause.

I will not say...anything because I know that you know I will always find you!

The King fell finally asleep due to his deep exhaustion and sorrow. Ptolemy found him on the floor and, with Perdicas's help, put him on the bed.

A muffled "Phai" escaped from Alexander's lips and both friends looked at each other and had the same idea: "How long would Alexander last without his Phai by his side?"

Both men promised to the sleeping king that they would do up to the impossible to find their missing friend.

TBC


Thanks to all of you who have put this fic into alert or favourite it, also my thanks to all those who read/lurk, you really keep me on the move!