(A/N: I have 6 reviews on this story total. Come on now. We can do better than that, can't we? Sorry it took me forever to update. Damn computer got a virus. So… yeah. Cookies to you all!)

Albus. That is not funny at all. You. Are. Dead. Now.

Dear Merlin, save me. SEVERUS!!

Run wherever the hell you want. I will find you and I will kill you.

But it was the Marauders that I have to thank for their excellent artistic work.

ALBUS! PhotoShopping my head onto a porn model and BLOWING IT UP FOR THE ENTIRE HOUSE TO SEE DOES NOT COUNT AS ARTISTIC WORK!!! IT COUNTS AS A FREAKING DEATH WISH!!

Be that as it may, you still looked rather nice in that black lingerie.

Married, Albus. I am married.

And I'm a flobberworm.

You certainly have the intelligence of one.

Why thank y-- HEY!

And that is why I run the school.

But I'm the Headmaster.

Or so you like to think.

Point taken. I believe that there is a Muggle saying that can be modified to fit our situation: I have to listen to you, or you won't let me be Headmaster anymore.

Damn straight, old man.

Yes, well, I also think that straightness ought to be damned--

YOU PERVERTED ARSE!

I'm surprised you didn't see that coming. You are the one who always apprehends the Marauder's notes.

Speaking of the vile things, I caught a rather interesting one today.

Err... really?

Yes. They seemed to think that I had approved a school-wide pranking contest. You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you Albus?

Absolutely not. I would never condone such a thing.

And then when I asked why they thought such a thing, they pointed out to me a small notice on the House Bulletin Board, where both my and your names were on. The funny thing was your name looked legitimate. Mine looked a little strange. And it was signed in PURPLE INK.

Damn.

Yep.

So... where exactly should I be running?

No where in particular.

Minerva? Do you happen to know who is knocking on my door?

I will ignore how perverted that sounds, and advise to you that if you value your life you will not open the door. I believe Sybil predicted a mad ax-man.

SEVERUS!! SAVE ME!!