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Her eyes were still looking towards the ground as she made her way back to the Gryffindor common room when she felt a firm but gentle hand on her shoulder. She stopped, silently cursing whoever it was that stopped her from getting to her destination. She slowly turned, willing the irritation from her face and begging herself to look composed and normal. Hermione was in front of her, her eyes full of concern and the same maternal, loving face looking straight at Ginny.

"How are you? I haven't seen you in weeks," Hermione gushed, giving Ginny an awkward hug around the books she was carrying.

Ginny shrugged. "I'm good, I guess. Better than the last time we talked."

"But that's the point," Hermione said firmly as she pulled her hair through an elastic ponytail. "We normally talk every day, and now I haven't even seen you in two weeks. Not since you panicked and went into the washroom for solitude."

Ginny looked to her shoes, pretending her brown ballet flats were the most interesting thing in the world while scuffing the floor with her toe. "I'm sorry…I've just kind of…"

Hermione bent down to Ginny's level, their eyes meeting. "You can tell me, I promise I won't get mad."

Ginny glanced to the side, away from the inquisitive Hermione. She could do it. She could fly into Hermione's arms and tell her everything. She could reveal how she wasn't over Harry and how she craved for him all the time. She could expose how she'd found a dream world where everything was quiet and perfect and she didn't have to worry about a thing. She could tell her secrets to someone and hopefully make it less addicting and maybe it would even make a little bit more sense to her.

But then she heard a voice. A soft voice in her right ear that sent an eerie chill down her spine and made her heart skip a beat.

Don't trust, don't you dare tell.

She recognized the voice, but she couldn't place it to anyone. She stopped her eyes flickering past Hermione and over behind her right shoulder. There wasn't anyone there. Yet she heard it again, clear as day.

You can't trust so you can't tell.

So Ginny forced herself to smile at Hermione. "I've been lying low, avoiding having another panic attack. I just need some time."

Hermione frowned, staring at Ginny as if she could see into her soul. "It's about me and Ron isn't it."

"No," Ginny gushed automatically. "I suppose in a way, I know if I see you, I'll see him. But you two are perfect for each other. It'll take some time, but it'll get better, you'll see."

"Optimistic, aren't we?"

Ginny shrugged. "I've got nothing else," she said more audibly than she had intended.

"What?" Hermione said quickly, noticing the change in Ginny's voice.

"Nothing."

They stared at each other for a moment that seemed to last an hour. They were both set on standing their ground. Ginny didn't know why, but she was convinced she couldn't tell Hermione about the odd circumstances behind why she'd suddenly become the vanishing girl. Hermione didn't know why, but she was convinced that there was something horribly wrong with Ginny. They both stared intently into each other's eyes, each of them looking for any sign of weakness.

"God, you're just like your mum, entirely too stubborn," Hermione chuckled.

Ginny shrugged. "I guess, but I've got to go, I'll see you around."

She didn't wait for Hermione's goodbye or the predictable warm and loving hug. She turned on her heel and hurried briskly to the common room. She had survived classes and the suspicious looks from her fellow students. She deserved utopia. She had earned it. If anyone needed a sanctuary it was her and she had found it, and she wasn't about to compromise it for anyone. She loved Hermione and didn't enjoy worrying her, but this was hers and only hers, sometimes secrets were all right to have.

She slammed into the dormitory and sank into her bed, happy to see she was alone and smothered her face into the soft, down pillow. She knew in a few moments she'd be asleep and she'd get to see him. She could be happy and content and not have to focus on hiding anything. She could be free.

And then she breathed deeply and fell.

She landed into a soft pile of leaves, giggling as she pulled them out of her hair and watched them flutter to the ground. She pushed herself from the pile, standing and hearing the satisfying crunches below her feet. It was cooler than it had been the previous time she had visited, but anything that happened in utopia was perfect for that particular day. After feeling the heat from her professors for not living up to their expectations and after being interrogated by Hermione, at least that's what it had felt like, a nice breeze and fresh air was really all Ginny needed.

She walked from the pile, glancing around eagerly, looking for those eyes that made her smile. She flung out her arms as Lela flew into them. Lela, although Ginny wasn't sure she was real, was quickly becoming the youngest Weasley's confidant, even though she couldn't be there with her new found friend all the time.

"For some reason I didn't think you'd come today," Lela said, spinning around so her white skirt rippled in the breeze.

Ginny laughed, tossing her head back. "I always come. This is the one thing I have to look forward to each day."

Lela smiled. Her grey eyes always twinkled with excitement for Ginny's stories like an overly eager child that didn't know enough about the world around her. "Why? Is it not interesting out there?"

"It's interesting enough," Ginny plucked a dandelion from the ground and blew the seeds about in a way that would've made Mrs. Weasley scold her for spreading weeds. "Sometimes it just becomes unbearable."

"Like when people want you to do things," Lela mused, remembering earlier conversations they'd had about McGonagall. The professor had recently been hammering Ginny to 'get her act together' so Ginny would not lose her spot in the running to be Head Girl.

"Or they want you to be someone or act a certain way. It just gets tiring and I can't handle it most of the time," she answered.

"That's why you're here," Lela said firmly in a tone that would challenge Hermione's. "No, that's why we're here. We're your escape."

"In a way," Ginny murmured, a small smile growing on her face as she saw Harry approaching in the distance.

Lela smiled in his direction and hurried off in another, she had learned that Ginny needed time with just him. It was a main part of Ginny's utopia and since Lela was a part of that, she understood the way it worked. Ginny was always so grateful for her wordless exits, Lela never badgered her about her need to spend time with Harry; she gave it to her willingly.

"Afternoon," he said, a boyish smile on his face.

"Have you been waiting long?" Ginny asked teasingly, slipping her hand into his.

He kissed the fingers that were wrapped around his and slipped his free arm around her waist, pulling her close to him.

"Every time you leave I count the minutes until you return, it gets harder each time," he murmured into her hair.

She closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of him. He always smelled like an odd mixture of cedar, salt and muggle fabric softener. It was an aroma Ginny wished she could capture in a bottle so she'd be able to smell it all the time anytime she wanted.

"I want to stay," she started, but he cut her off with a light kiss on the lips.

"I want you to stay," he finished.

She shook her head, the sunlight catching her red hair perfectly. "I can't control when I leave. I wish I could but I don't know how."

He gave a sad smile. Somehow he understood, even if she didn't. They didn't speak, just stood with her face pressed to his chest and his chin resting on the top of her head. They stood in the setting sun for what seemed like hours until Ginny stood on her tiptoes and leaned into his face…

She awoke with her fingers wrapped around one of her bedposts. She quickly glanced around; making sure no one was around as she began silently crying into her pillow. She hated this part, the part where she woke up and left the two people that didn't care about anything but her. She hated the feeling of insignificance and rejection that came flooding into her being every time she left her utopia. Coming back to reality, coming back to Hogwarts made her feel lonely and broken.

Most of all, she felt unstable. And instability was the one thing she feared could break her utopia, the one thing that was strong enough to hold her pieces together.