A/N: What better way to take the sting out of Friday the 13th than an update? :) This week we are looking at Crime and Punishment. Hopefully you have this episode fairly fresh in your minds as the missing scenes weave throughout it. Similar to last week's ficlet, we included a song at the end which we thought fitted well to how Pacey is feeling – as usual we don't ownthe song or the lyrics.
We always love to hear your thoughts and comments, so please don't be shy. Special thanks to the LaLe LiLa for the story alert.
**Clean Slate**
His brow furrowed, Pacey slowly made his way back down the driveway of the Potter Bed and Breakfast. This was the third day this week he had stopped by to see if everything was in smooth working order (or to walk Joey to school – whichever) that she hadn't been there.
It was just plain wrong to get up this early only to be thwarted in his quest.
Not that Potter wasn't worth losing a little sleep over, but losing a little sleep and then not getting the chance to spend any time with her in the mornings? Now that was just a waste of good shut-eye.
Where was she anyway? Pacey chewed on the inside of his cheek while he mulled over the possibilities.
Maybe she got another job?
A job that she went to only before school? Nah.
Maybe college guy was coming down from Boston in the mornings and taking her out to breakfast?
Cringing, Pacey pushed that lovely thought away as soon as it slid through his consciousness, not even willing to entertain it.
Knowing Joey, it wouldn't surprise him one bit if she was ducking out every morning to study in the library.
But seriously, who gets up early to study? The thought was so foreign to him that he had to give it careful consideration before he dismissed it out of hand. He supposed that even if he couldn't relate, it didn't mean it couldn't be true.
One thing he knew for sure, he was going to track down Miss Josephine at some point today and solve the mystery of her early morning disappearances. How else was he supposed to plan his "unplanned" proximity to her?
Regardless, it was way too early to go to school, even to check and see if Joey was there. His stomach grumbled, reminding him that his plan of arriving at the Potter's with plenty of time to allow for the breakfast part of Bed & Breakfast to take place hadn't exactly panned out well. He not only had some time on his hands but he was hungry.
So what choices did that leave him? Moving forward, because it was too cold to stand still for long, Pacey pondered his options.
Aha! The twenty-four hour diner also known as the Leery kitchen.
**
Letting the screen door bang shut behind him, Pacey pushed open the front door and called out a greeting.
"In here," Dawson's voice floated from the general vicinity of the kitchen.
Passing a bare family room, Pacey did a double-take. "Hey! You guys have been robbed!" he said as he shed his coat and took a seat at the kitchen table.
Dawson glanced over his shoulder from his sentry post at the toaster. His brown-haired friend was already making himself at home by pouring a bowl of cereal from the selection on the table. "Just another development in the drawn-out drama of the Leery divorce." Dawson shook his head and sighed. "I suppose it's a good thing we don't have any pets."
Pacey laughed. "That'd be a big community property problem."
Bringing a plate of toast to the table, Dawson took a seat. "What are you doing out and about so early, Pacey?" He glanced up at the clock on the wall. "We have at least forty-five minutes until homeroom."
"Um… just stopped by the B&B to take care of something for Bessie," he said casually.
"They've been doing okay over there, haven't they?" Dawson asked.
Pacey shrugged. Mouth full of cereal, he mumbled, "Considering it's the off season, not too bad. They got some bookings over Valentine's Day."
"Ugh, don't remind me," Dawson shuddered. "Our foray onto the wild side has earned me indefinite indentured servitude to my mother."
"Yeah, wasn't our best night out, was it?" Pacey readily agreed. Not really willing to revisit the details of their night in the pokey, he swiftly changed the subject. "Your dad leave already?"
"Yeah, he's been opening the school every morning for the painters." He spread some jelly onto his toast and cut it in half.
"They're painting the school?" Pacey was surprised; he hadn't seen any evidence of it. Besides, they usually did that kind of stuff over the summer.
"Nuh-uh. Didn't Joey tell you? Principal Greene commissioned four students to paint murals symbolizing unity in the hallways."
"Why would Joey tell me that?" Pacey was confused by this entire line of conversation. He mentally berated himself for not remembering that a dose of Dawson this early in the morning was not good thing.
"Because she's one of those four students, Pacey. She's been working on it before and after school all week."
"No shit? Well, that's great." He smiled softly to himself, aware of what it must have meant to Joey to be asked.
Then the light dawned as his brain kicked into gear and the puzzle pieces of Joey's early morning disappearances fell into place. He wondered if Dawson knew only because Mitch had told him or if he still headed Joey list of confidantes – he couldn't help but hope it was the former case.
Pacey pushed away from the table while Dawson was still rambling and, taking his bowl to the sink, interrupted, "Hey, I gotta go." He slapped him on the back. "I'll see ya later, man."
Dawson watched in surprise as his friend disappeared out the back door. Now what was that all about? Shaking his head at the thought, knowing he'd probably never understand why Pacey acted the way he did, Dawson took another bite into his toast and finished his breakfast in peaceful solitude.
**
A baseball card?
Joey shook her head in disgust and crossed her arms against her chest.
A fricking baseball card?
Oblivious to her surroundings she was on auto-pilot, heading home through the deserted streets of Capeside. With every step she took, the angrier she got and, as a result, the faster she walked.
She snorted to herself. To think that she had actually gone over to Doug's tonight worried about Pacey. Granted, that worry had turned into deep annoyance when she realized he could get himself suspended, or worse kicked out of school, over some misguided hero complex on her behalf.
Oh, how wrong she'd been.
He hadn't been concerned for her.
He'd done it only because he felt a duty to Dawson.
Dawson. His involvement in this whole wife swap arrangement didn't come as a surprise. If anything, she should have expected this of him; to script the scene and direct the cast - in the process ridding himself of any untoward guilt. For the problem (that is, her) would have been taken care of by a loyal babysitter.
No, what hurt the most – even more than them thinking she needed a babysitter in the first place - was the part Pacey had played. The knowledge that he'd actually agreed to look after her.
As a favor.
Out of an obligation.
Out of pity.
To know that all this time - when she'd naively thought that he'd been hanging out with her because he wanted to - he'd only done it because he had to.
She'd actually let herself believe that they had gotten past the snipes in their banter and that they were building toward something bordering on... well, truth be told, she wasn't sure what - but she had liked to believe it was friendship.
Yet, to know that it had all been some scheme behind her back...
Joey hugged herself tighter as her thoughts darkened. She should have taken more notice of how good an actor Pacey was, that he could make her believe that he didn't actually mind hanging around her lately.
She laughed cruelly to herself. She should have asked Pacey how they did it - was it weekly check-in reports over at the Leery's, or did they discuss her in the boy's locker room after basketball practice?
God, she bet everyone at school knew; they probably had a good old laugh at her expense, "oh look, there goes Joey Potter, can't get any friends unless they are bribed to hang out with her."
Even in her highly agitated state, Joey knew she was overreacting, that she wasn't thinking logically right now.
But she couldn't help it.
All this time...
She began to slow her strides as a painful thought emerged.
It had all been based on a lie.
Every conversation, every word.
...did any of it mean anything?
She came to a complete stop and pressed a shaky palm to her forehead. All the anger inside her slowly evaporated, similar to the early morning mist when it's kissed by the dawning sun. Only instead of the warmth of the sunshine, all she felt in its place was a gaping void.
It felt like she'd lost something very important; something had slipped from her grasp, something she couldn't quite identify.
Her attention was drawn back to the present by the sensation of warm moisture running down her face. Shocked, she removed her hand from her forehead and placed her fingertips lightly against her cheeks.
She was crying.
Great, now she really was overreacting. Why on earth would she be crying? She was supposed to be angry, not sad.
Right?
Confused by their cause but determined to stop them, she did the only thing she could. The thing that always worked for her. She raised her chin high in the air and let the rage rebuild inside her. Roughly swiping the tears away with her sleeve, she started walking - now even quicker than before.
She'd be angry, not sad.
Angry.
Angry because she didn't need his pity. She quickly shook her head, mentally correcting herself.
Angry because she didn't need their pity.
**
Fuck!
Pacey's legs fought over themselves as to which would be the first as he ran down the stoop of Doug's building. Swinging his corduroy coat behind his back, he quickly shoved his arms into the sleeves and jogged to the crossroads at the end of the street.
Only once he got there, he immediately skidded to a halt. His breath came out in short spurts as he tried to refill his lungs and calm his rapid heartbeat. Not knowing which direction to take, he turned in a circle on the spot and dragged his hand through his hair.
Fuuuuck!
He had no idea what he was going to do or where he was going. He just knew he had to make things right with Potter.
He'd waited a precious six minutes, frozen in the same spot on the couch, his mouth slightly open. He'd counted them, all 360 seconds. When it turned out that a) the cushions weren't miraculously going to morph themselves into a black hole and graciously swallow him up, b) based on Doug's face he had actually just said what he did out loud to Joey, and c) this wasn't a nightmare and he was wide awake, he'd jumped up and rushed out the door.
Damnit!
Trust him to just come out and tell her the way he did. Joey sure knew how to call 'em - you want boneheaded moves? You come to him. Yep, Pacey Witter ladies and gentlemen, your local Capesidian; the man to call when you want sensitive information expressed gently to your loved ones.
Damn. It!
Pacey continued to drag his hand through his hair, disgusted with himself. And she'd been about to say something really important, too. He could tell. It had been on the tip of her tongue. She was going to say something about them, about him and her, and because of what he said and how he said it, she'd completely clammed up. He'd ruined it. The moment was gone; he'd completely and utterly ruined it.
God, he'd ruined everything.
His feet made a start in the direction of the B&B. He knew want he wanted to do. He wanted to find her straight away and clear things up, to make things OK.
But he knew he couldn't.
So, with difficulty, his head overruled his heart. Just like when Dawson had stopped him from following Joey after their argument about the defaced mural, telling Pacey to let her go and be by herself, he knew he should do the same now. Joey needed some time and space alone. The last thing she would want right now would be to see his face - even if hers was the only thing he wanted to see.
Sighing, he dropped his shoulders and slowly started to walk back to Doug's. As he turned around, the lights from the hardware store across the street caught the corner of his eye. The lines in his forehead appeared and he bit the inside of his cheek as an idea formed.
Maybe there was something he could do.
He briefly tapped his back pocket to ensure he had his wallet; after checking the road was clear, he crossed the street and entered the store.
Five minutes later he exited. Safely in his hands was one newly purchased can of white paint.
**
Joey stood in front of her open locker, using the excuse of tidying her papers to keep herself busy. As much as she tried to convince herself she didn't care, her thoughts continued to drift to the proceedings going on in that room. The one where the Disciplinary Committee was currently being held.
Or more importantly, what exactly Pacey's fate would be at the hand of Principal Greene.
Frustrated, Joey blew her hair from her eyes and focused on moving her papers from one shelf to the other, only to put them right back in their original place.
She didn't care.
She really didn't.
Nope, not one little bit.
Which was why, two minutes later, she was walking down the hall toward that room.
**
"Can you honestly doubt for a second that he doesn't truly care about you?"
Joey sighed out loud. God, she hated it when Dawson made a valid point. Having returned to her locker, Joey was once again in the process of "tidying it". She tucked her hair behind her ears and rolled her eyes.
Okay, so... maybe Pacey did care. A little bit.
Looking back over everything Pacey and she had done together this year - restoring the True Love, dancing lessons, building the B&B - she had to reluctantly admit that Pacey put a lot more effort into it all than simply someone who was getting free home-cooked meals and math tutoring sessions out of the bargain.
He'd been there this year when she needed him the most. And for that she really was grateful.
Still, she wouldn't deny the whole thing stung. A lot. She'd been so completely unaware of their arrangement, and sucked in so deep; she couldn't help but re-evaluate things.
She frowned to herself. It was hard to believe that the only reason Pacey would hang out with her was because Dawson asked him to. She shrugged. Maybe next time she saw Pacey she'd ask him just that.
Taking a deep breath to clear her thoughts, she made a decision there and then. Before this whole debacle had occurred, she'd been eager to look at the notion of possibility. So, in keeping with the spirit of that, she was willing to give Pacey the benefit of the doubt.
Because, even if she was unsure about his reasons for being in it, she knew she wanted Pacey in her life.
No matter why he was there.
**
With his school bag on his right shoulder, Dawson quietly pulled the classroom door shut behind him and began to walk toward the school exit. Catching sight of Joey and Pacey repainting the mural, he paused briefly to watch the duo hard at work.
He nodded once and smiled smugly to himself.
He couldn't have scripted a better scene, even if he did say so himself.
Congratulating himself on a job well done on all accounts, he carried on strolling down the hall.
It felt good to know his friends needed him.
**
"Not bad for a few hours work, huh, Potter?" Pacey shoved his hands deep in his coat pockets after turning his collar up against the wind.
Without prior discussion, the pair was walking toward the Potter residence, reluctant to part company after their recent détente.
"Well, we didn't start on the actual mural but... we do indeed have a clean slate," Joey agreed – with qualifiers, of course.
"Hey! What's this "we" stuff? Tonight is the beginning and end of my artistic career," Pacey asserted, bumping her shoulder.
"Oh, don't worry! I wouldn't let you near a brush. But you can always fetch rags for me," she offered slyly, the tip of her tongue slipping out between her teeth. With her wool hat pulled low over her ears and her scarf wrapped up to her chin so just the ends of her braids were visible, her face was windblown pink.
Pacey's breath caught in his throat at just how truly stunning she was, even in her paint-spattered overalls.
Not quite ready to admit that he'd eagerly be her gofer or anything else she asked of him, he retorted dryly, "Gee, thanks, Jo. I'll see if I can fit it in my schedule."
Enjoying the sound of her laughter, he waited a moment before continuing, "Speaking of schedules... ya hear the good news? You're looking at the newest member of the Capeside High Mentoring Program."
"Really?!" Joey's eyes opened wide. "Wow. I honestly do not know what to say to that."
"I know, it's great, isn't it!"
"For you maybe. But what about the kid you'll be mentoring."
Pacey rolled his eyes. "I just love how everyone has oh-so-much faith me in," he said sarcastically.
Joey looked confused before bobbing her head. "Ah, Dawson concurs I take it. Well, just don't take this kid over the state line and I'm sure you'll be fine." She frowned. "What are you planning to do with him?" She glanced up at Pacey when he didn't answer. "You don't have any idea do you?"
"Nope. Not a clue." Pacey clapped his hands. "But how hard can it be, right?"
Joey rolled her eyes this time.
"C'mon! Kids love me!"
Joey had to give him that.
"You know, you could always help me out-"
"Oh no!" Joey interrupted. "You're on your own, Pace. I've got enough on my plate with Alex. I don't need any more preadolescences in my life, thank you very much." She paused a moment then suggested, "What about the True Love?"
"What about it?"
"I bet a little kid would love helping out with fixing that up."
Pacey pursed his lips then nodded. "Hey, that's not a bad idea!" After a beat, he slanted his head to one side. "Wait a minute... you wouldn't be tryin' to get out of manual labor yourself now would you, Potter?" He teased.
"Who, me?" She smiled innocently, causing him to chuckle.
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
They continued to walk in companionable silence both a little lost in their thoughts. Despite the tumult of the last few days, which had rubbed her feelings raw, Joey felt as though her world axis was tilted a little more toward normal at the moment. Her heart was always wary, and not without good reason, but she was glad she and Pacey had patched things up.
She did need him.
Pacey, on the other hand, was having a hard time containing his exhilaration at Joey's earlier heartfelt admission of gratitude. He couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face as her words replayed on a continuous loop in his mind…
For being yourself… for not caring what anybody else thinks… for knowing what's right and wrong… for being there this year when I needed you the most…
...when I needed you the most…
...when I needed you the most…
She needed him! Joey Potter needed him. Him!
His reverie was interrupted by Joey's sharp observation. "Do I even want to know what you're smiling about?"
Pacey ducked his head and tried to contain himself as he laughed sheepishly at being caught. "Just happy to be headed toward a hot meal, Potter."
Joey rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You're so predictable, Witter." She tugged on his coat sleeve as they came to the end of the driveway. "C'mon, I'll race you to the door."
Chasing her up the driveway, letting her win by a nose, laughter rolling out between great gasps of visible breath, both hearts were light as they tumbled through the door into the waiting warmth.
Pacey knew he still wasn't everything to Joey that he might want to be but, for now, he was happy to know that she needed him in some way.
They really were starting to finally get somewhere.
**
"You And Me" by Lifehouse
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
**
