Well, the dream of having at least one of my ongoing stories finished by the end of the year is oficially dead, as I still have many chapters left to this one, and the other two are currently on hiatus D:

But what can you do, right? I won't slow down my updating rythm, so don't worry.

In any case, Happy New Year everyone!

(and thanks for all your great reviews so far ^^)

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Chapter 18: Yuuri's POV

Wolfram didn't spoke a single word ever since we entered the room. After I told him about the nightgown and our... sleeping arrangements, he just stood there for a while with his face changing colors like a rainbow. Then, he took the clothes and looked at me with an unspoken question on his eyes. I told him which door led to the bathroom and he marched there without opening his mouth. He looked like a dead man walking.

Right now I'm pacing around the room, I think I must look pretty much like a father in the delivery's waiting room. It's just that this Wolf is so different from before. The Wolf I know would have never agreed to something he clearly did not want to do without a fight. I feel like forcing a stranger into sleeping with me, and at the same time it's even worse because, with or without memory, that beautiful guy in the bathroom is still Wolfram, my Wolfram.

He's taking way too long and I'm stressing a lot right now. I already changed, but I don't know if I should get in bed before him, I don't want to look like this cliché guy in romance movies who waits on the bed for the girl in the freely nightgown to get out of the bathroom.

Before I can finish following my train of thought Wolfram comes out and...

He just takes my breath away.

He's standing at the doorway still, too shy to come closer. The nightgown is just translucent enough to let me see his perfect silhouette, but not enough to reveal it completely. He had one hand behind his back and the other is putting a golden lock behind one of his ears. The candlelight makes his eyes, glassy from embarrassment, glow so perfectly; and his blushing cheeks complete the painting beautifully.

I would blush if I could, but I can't. I'm simply frozen.

"It's... c...comfortable... I think" he finally says breaking the spell that had me frozen on the spot. He's so freaking cute it's almost criminal.

"You think? Well... I've never worn one but you look... re-really c-cute with it"

"T-thanks..."

I'm stuttering. We're both stuttering. This is ridiculous, we have been sleeping together for years! This isn't normal for him, but it should be normal for me. Why am I so nervous about this? I have this feeling like I'm with someone else right now, but he looks so damn gorgeous, he's Wolfram, I know he is, I'm looking at him. What's wrong with me? My head is spinning and now he is walking towards me. My breathing becomes choppy. Oh dear God, I need to calm down.

"So... do we have specific sides of the bed or something like that?" he asks looking at the ground, I think he just needs me to reassure him about this being his bed before actually getting inside.

"Yes, we do, you sleep on the left side, the one closer to the door. That book on your nightstand is the one you were reading before you left. You are always reading a different book, I admire you for reading so much, I'm not much of a reader myself" I say recovering my cool and walking to my side of the bed. I left out a few details though, quite a few actually.

For example, the sides of the bed thing is almost never respected because of his tossing and turning, although lately that happens less and less, we still manage to end up sleeping in the middle of the bed, in some really weird position sometimes... Also, it might not happen anymore, but there was a time when Greta would sleep with us, we haven't told him about her yet, to keep the surprises at a reasonable level. Besides, she's not even at the castle now, she's with Anissina in Cavalcade for some women convention, I'm afraid this will be a heavy blow for her too, she's supposed to come back tomorrow on the first ship of the morning, I have to remember intercepting her and Anissina before Wolfram sees them.

He walks to the nightstand and grabs the book, reading the cover and flipping through the pages. I have no idea of what the book is about, I looked at it when Wolf was gone, but I forgot somewhere along the way, in the rather horrendous first week of this ordeal. Looking at him sitting on the bed with the book still in his hands makes a very vivid memory come back to me.

For some reason or another I'm always coming to bed late. There's always something when you are trying to run a kingdom. Is either paperwork, this or that dignitary, a problem in X, Y and Z lands, a bridge being destroyed, a village being destroyed, you name it. Even though we are currently not at war with any of our enemy countries, it doesn't help your urbanisation plans when magical and very destructive creatures can still appear at any moment.

However, every night for the past year whenever I come back to the room, tired, sulky, angry or whatever... He's always there, awake, with a random book, waiting for me. Depending on how late it is and how my mood is, that he gets really well now that I think about it, he asks me how my day was and we talk for as long as the conversation takes us, he hears me whine about Gwendal, or about my latest ideas for the kingdom, maybe some present I saw for Greta on a trip to town, anything. Sometimes he doesn't even speak to me. He smiles, waits until I change into my pajamas, pulls the covers on my side of the bed and waits until I'm lying down to put out the candles.

Those simple gestures, that simple interaction that anyone could see as boring or dull. They mean the world to me. I can't believe is just now that I realize this. Could it really be that he reads so much because he's waiting for me? I mean, he didn't do it before, he was usually sound sleep once I got here every night, and monopolizing the entire bed if I may add. Also before I was never this busy, now I'm actually doing at least ninety per cent of the job I'm supposed to do, so I have been more tired, and my late hours are getting ridiculous at times.

Could it be that this precious angel waits for me every night so we can talk? So we can see each other? So we can say goodnight to each other?

Oh Shinou, what do I do now, I feel like crying, I feel like hugging him so tightly... I want to do it and I want him to get flustered and blush, I want him to get scared because of my unusual touch and call me a wimp while he pushes me away... I want my Wolfram in this bed with me...

He looks at me and smiles. "It seems really interesting, although I think I will have to start reading it all over again" he says in a joking tone. I try to fake a smile but I simply can't, this huge weight just fell over me and I don't know what to do with it...

"I'm so sorry Yuuri..." he says with tears starting to form on his green orbs, that, Shinou may forgive me for thinking something this stupid in a moment like this but, are they a bit lighter?

"Why are you apologising?" I say moving closer to him and grabbing one of his hands between mine. "You have done nothing wrong". I stop myself when I feel the overpowering feeling of wanting to kiss that hand.

"I have tried Yuuri, I've tried to remember. I look at the people here and they all seem nice, but that's it" At this point he starts sobbing and my heart starts to ache. "I... I just don't feel like there's anything there to remember... Only with you there's something, something weird that I don't understand, something I can't even recognise at mine" he winces like actual physical pain is striking him, I lean closer and pull him in my arms.

"I'm so sorry Yuuri I want to remember I want to be the person you want me to be, because..." then the sobbing didn't let him speak anymore. My heart brakes holding him like this, he seems so helpless, so little. It has only been a couple weeks or so, and he already feels this much pressure. I can't imagine how it must feel to have all your memories taken away, to feel so lost, so alone...

"It's okay Wolf. It's going to be okay. I don't want you to be anyone except yourself. It will get better, Dr. Rodriguez will help you and we'll figure this out together" I have to pause to stop my own tears from falling down. "I won't leave you. If you fall, I'll fall with you"

When I say that last part Wolfram actually gaps and squirms a little, making the gesture to take his hand up to his chest, but he stops midway.

"Are you okay?" I say worried, moving him in my direction carefully so I can see his face.

"Yeah... I just, couldn't explain it, somehow it felt happy" he says, what does he means by it, I have no idea, maybe he just phrased it wrong. I've noticed this Wolfram speaks in a much more colloquial manner.

"Let's go to sleep for now then. It's getting pretty late" Judging by the general silence it's past one am. He nods and we both get under the covers. I'm still hugging him and he presses his nose against my chest like a child.

"Happy birthday Yuuri" he whispers and falls asleep

I feel so happy to hear those words, and at the same time... I feel so guilty, so so terribly guilty and sad. How can I miss so much the person that is already in my arms?

~ O ~

That night Wolfram did not snore, nor tossed, not turned... nor once called his name for me in his sleep...

~ O ~

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Wow this is a really long chapter compared to the others, I didn't noticed until I spell checked it. I get carried away writing when I'm doing angst scenes XD