(A/N: God, I'm sooooooooo sorry that I haven't updated in forever. I thought I already had this and another one posted since I had them written, but then apparently I forgot in the hustle and bustle of school getting out. Yes, even teachers can love the end of the year. God, I'm sorry. I will be writing as much as I possibly can. Please don't lynch/behead/poison/stab/draw and quarter/kill me in any other way. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'M SORRY! Feel free to verbally beat the shit out of me in reviews and/or PMs. I love you all and please don't hate me.)

You know, Minerva, I think the Marauders actually believe you killed me.

I know, right? They've been giving me the weirdest looks all day.

Same here.

God that was the best ever. Did you honestly know they were in on all of that shit?

Actually, no.

Huh. Still, that was bad-ass amazing.

Yup…

*content sigh*

Now what?

Hm…

Minerva?

Yeah?

Do you have 9 lives? Since, you know, the whole cat thing…

No, I don't believe that I have 9 lives.

Hm… Can we find out?

NO!

Why not?

Oh right, mustn't hurt Aberforth Jr. in there.

WHAT?

Um… I take it you aren't pregnant with my nephew or niece?

NO!

Oh. My mistake. I'll just be going…now…

Why in the name of Merlin's saggy balls would you think I was pregnant?

That's a rhetorical question, right?

Answer. The. Damn. Question.

Um… you've been really pissed lately and Aberforth said you might be.

ABERFORTH!

You called?

You heard that?

The majority of Hogsmeade heard that my dear.

Damn. WHY DO YOU THINK I'M PREGNANT?

You aren't?

NO!

I'll just be going now.

TAKE ME WITH YOU!

STAY PUT ASSHOLE!

(Albus and Aberforth) Me? Him?

BOTH! ABERFORTH I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THOUGHT I WAS PREGNANT! YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVED I WAS BITCHY ENOUGH TO BE PREGNANT? OH HO, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BITCHY IS IF THAT CLASSIFIES IN YOUR BOOK AS A ROYAL BITCH! PLUS, IF I WAS PREGNANT, I'D BE FAT! ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT? WELL? ARE YOU?

No ma'am.

ALBUS?

No ma'am. Sorry ma'am.

Bastards. Aberforth, despite the fact we've been married 27 years, you're so small I'm still technically a virgin.

OUCH!

Minerva, you know that's not nice.

Suck it up and deal with it jackass.

(Albus and Aberforth) THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

AARGH!

She's certainly pissy enough to pass for pregnant.

Yeah. I feel kinda bad for you. Is what she said true?

Which part?

'You're so small'…

NO! We don't have kids because she's too small to let me in.

SHUT IT YOU LYING BASTARDS! BOTH OF YOU! DETENTION WITH FILCH FOR THE REST OF ALL ETERNITY!

But ma…

Shut it jackass.

You know I think you're sexy when you're mad.

If you like being able to say you have any penis at all, you will shut your face and go bang some picture from Playwizard.

Ouch. That one actually kind hurt.

(Albus and Minerva) THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

(A/N: I'm not a big Aberforth/Minerva fan, but my brain is currently at a loss for any names, so I just used what I had. He seemed to work better than Flitwick. Besides, Sprout would totally knife my sorry ass if I even dared to pair him with Minerva. R&R! Lots of love to you all.)