Fifth Letter
May 19th 1998, Grimmauld Place
Dear Draco,
I really don't know why I'm writing you today. I guess I just felt like it. Isn't that weird? We've know each other for 7 years without really knowing one another. And now i just want to talk to you all the time. You probably think me crazy. So would my friends if they knew about this. But I won't deny my feelings because I'm afraid of being judged. I just hope that when this comes out in the open, I'm thinking that it has to at some point that my friends will accept my feelings and not question them.
So, what to write? You probably don't care about how my day was. You probably won't care to know that Teddy has been laughing a lot lately. But then again I could be wrong about you. That definitely wouldn't be the first time that happened. I mean, how wrong about you haven't I been up until now?
That just got me thinking, remember our third year? I would have loved to be your friend during that year. It would have saved me some sore knuckles. And you wouldn't have teased Harry with his Dementor-problem. I wonder if you even know why Harry fainted when he was near a Dementor. I think I'll tell you anyway. There has been so much bad blood between all of us that it is time we clear the air. Merlin, if Harry knew I was doing this. He would probably throw a fit. But that's the great thing about Harry. After he has gotten it out of his system he is able to forgive and forget. But to get back on track, you of course know that Dementors feed on happy memories. They take all happiness away until you are left with nothing but horrid images and memories. And this is where Harry has his problem. You see, he doesn't have that many happy memories and to top it all off he has seen true horrors that none of us can even begin to fathom. Just think of the first year of his life; his parents were killed, his mother killed as she was standing in front of him and trying to protect him and after this he was sent to live with his aunt and uncle that never even wanted him and much less liked him. So when Harry was near a Dementor the good memories would be consumed awfully fast and he would be left with more than terrible memories. It is even so bad that he could hear his mother scream and his dad being killed before passing out from the sheer pain. I just thought you should know about that.
I was also thinking that perhaps you could have needed a caring friend when you were in the Hospital Wing after Buckbeak. And I would gladly have been there for you. I would have sat with you in the Hospital Wing and stroked your hand, gotten you water when you were thirsty and scratched you when you had an itch. And we would have talked for as long as you were up to it. I always imagine that our talks would be insanely interesting. We are both fairly opinionated people so we could have some very passionate discussions. I would have loved that as I think you would. If only we weren't enemies.
I went to see you again yesterday. Your mother was nowhere to be seen and when I asked a healer about it she told me that she had gone home crying. Your sickness is really getting to her. And the funny thing is that I have never seen your father in St. Mungo's. I hope that he isn't too sad about you illness to visit you. Hopefully he is ready to take care of your mother no matter how he feels himself. I won't judge your fathers parenting skills, I've already made my views clear on that in a former letter, but I seriously think that he might be changed. You didn't see him during the battle, you were already unconscious. But both he and your mother were franticly looking for you, ignoring the hectic battle ramping around their ears. Your mother even saved Harry's life when he told her that you weren't dead. She is a truly remarkable person. Even if she doesn't like me. And I'm sure that she would never approve if anything where to happen between the two of us.
Look at me rambling again getting way ahead of myself. Once again I'm forgetting that you don't even know about my feelings. And I don't even think I have made them truly clear through these letters. The truth is, Draco that I'm in love with you. So you see why this whole thing is so frustrating for me. And this is also the reason why I'm desperately praying for you to wake up. I want you to wake up, look me in the eye and tell me if you feel something too. If the ink on this parchment is smeared it's probably because I am now crying. You couldn't possibly know how I feel right now.
Okay I just needed a little break from everything, but now I'm back again and I want to tell you, what I started off by saying before the whole crying-business. I went to visit you yesterday in the Hospital and this time when the healer asked if I wanted to spend the night I said yes. This was right after she had told me that they were making progress in finding your antidote. I felt so happy that I simply couldn't say no when the healer asked me. All the thoughts I had had last time about being afraid of you not wanting me there disappeared when I realized that you could possibly wake up soon, and you probably didn't want to be alone when that happened. While the healer was fixing my bed next to yours I used their floo-network to tell Harry that I wouldn't come home for the night. But idiot as I was I told him that I was sleeping at Ginny's. Of course whit Harry being Ginny's boyfriend he knew that this wasn't true. But he didn't say anything about it. Instead he dropped by at the Hospital this morning with Teddy on his hip. He strode into your room just as I was packing away the bed. His smile was wide and knowing and now I had my answer, he finally knew that I had been visiting you the many times I had told him I was visiting Neville. But he didn't make a fuss about it as I had imagined he would. Instead he was very supportive and he even approved, if there is even anything to approve. On our way out we met your mother. She didn't even look at us.
I hope you will soon wake up so you can read this letters. For now that is all I'll pray for.
Yours sincerely
Hermione
I could really use some reviews here! I'm getting a little out f touch with the story so if someone could please reassure me or at least tell me what to do differently please review!
