A/N: Hope you have your tissues ready, everyone – this is our penultimate post for this ficlet series! Which means we're looking at Anti-Prom this week. Now, as Pacey himself has said – he knows how he feels, Joey knows how he feels… the only person who doesn't seem to know how she feels is Joey. As such, we opted to delve into the mind of little Miss Potter for this ficlet, and try to figure out just what is going on behind those big, brown eyes.
As always, thank you so much for your feedback and support. I know we say it every time, but it honestly means the world.
** The Emerald City **
by M&M Works
Colbie Caillat ~ It Stops Today
No, no, I, I, I, I, I don't want to break when I speak
I don't want to shake while I'm standing
I don't want to crawl into another hole
I don't know what I'm hiding for
No, I, I, I, I, I don't want to fall when I stand
I don't want to have to hold your hand
I just want to be the girl I use to be when I was me and worry free
I know these burnings on my own
But I can't keep on running
No I just can't keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to be is to fight my every fear
I'm not going to make it 'til I turn around and face it alone, I know
I can't just keep running, no I just can't keep on running away
So it stop today
So here I am, I'm taking my first step
Thought I was losing balance but I caught myself
I kind of like the challenge, no I don't need help
I'm going to make it past the very start
It's always been my hardest part
But I, I, I, I, I'm going to stay in control
I must admit this crutch is getting old
I am going to throw it out of my hand
I'm finally here, I understand
I know I'll get there on my own
So I can't keep on running
No I just can't keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to be is fighting my every fear
I'm not going to make it 'til I turn around and face it alone, I know
That I can't keep running, no I just can't keep on running away
So it stop today
You can hide from all the pain
But it will find you anyway
Yes, I know, now I know
That I can't keep on running
No I just can't keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to be is fighting my every fear
I'm not going to make it till I turn around and face it alone, I know
That I can't just keep running, no I just can't keep on running away
So it stop today
*~*
Crossing the Leery lawn to stand together on his porch, Joey had relapsed comfortably into habits ingrained by a lifetime of interaction with the boy at her side. It seemed that things were finally good between them. They were getting along, rediscovering their friendship.
She allowed herself to forget for a moment how her life had been turned upside down these past few weeks and relaxed around him. But not for long. Faint dread pricked at and coiled in her stomach when he took a deep breath and nervously stuttered his way through an unappetizing proposition.
"…there's an event… looming on the horizon. And, uhh, I seem to recall a certain pact made by two freshmen regarding said event."
Joey took a moment to collect her thoughts before answering cautiously, "Junior Prom. We both agreed that if we didn't have dates we'd go together."
"So you do remember."
Another pregnant pause. "Are you asking me to prom?"
"I don't want to go with some random person and have it mean nothing. I want to go with my oldest friend. That would be something I'd want to remember."
"Or… we could both agree that it's a meaningless event and not go at all," she answered, laughing at the end to try and come off as carefree although inside she desperately hoped he'd concur.
"But it does mean something. I mean, there are a million reasons why proms are ridiculous and stupid. But we made that pact because it obviously mattered to us. It's a rite of passage. And I can't think of any better way to move forward, than to fulfill a pact made by two old friends and just have a good time."
It was on the tip of her tongue to just agree with him and go along with the idea. It would have been so easy to pretend to be naïve enough that his offer held no strings; that he really meant his words and he was doing this purely in the name of honoring their friendship.
About to open her mouth to reply, a fluttering from the corner of her eye snatched her attention. She shifted her gaze outside to the shrubbery running alongside the porch. There a huge, black butterfly danced through the air; its movements hypnotic as it gracefully rose and fell in a random line. Selecting a beautiful flower as a landing place, it opened itself up to the warm sunshine and slowly fanned its wings. With each closure, the almost unearthly iridescent texture of the butterfly's wings cast the sunlight in a glorious sheen, one strong enough to burn the retinas of Joey's eyes and leave an imprint.
Whatever she had been about to say dissolved on her tongue. Turning her head back to look him in the eye, she surprised Dawson – and herself a little, if the truth were told – when she airily but firmly replied, "You're right. It is a rite of passage, and we should go. But not together. I appreciate the sentiment… but, in light of recent events, it wouldn't feel right. Just because we've been spending a lot time together recently doesn't mean I've changed my mind about how I feel. I just… I really want everything to go back to the way it was, Dawson."
Taken aback, Dawson blinked at her, opened and then closed his mouth before blurting out, "But… um… what about our pact?"
She lifted a shoulder and looked appropriately apologetic but was saved from further debate by the interruption of an osculating Gale and Mitch. Making her excuses, Joey inconspicuously fled the way she had come; Dawson faded behind her as the mist seemed to rise from the creek and swallow her slender form.
**
"Bessie? Besssssieeeeeeeeeeee!" Joey slammed through the front door of the B&B, dropping her backpack on the nearest flat surface.
The bellowed name's owner came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. "Geez, Joey! It's a good thing we don't have any guests right now! "
Ignoring her complaint, Joey's hands began to flutter. "I need a dress," she declared ominously.
At Bessie's curious look, Joey sighed and then launched into an explanation. "The Leery's are letting us hold an alternative prom at their restaurant." Building up a momentum, she released the rest of her words quickly, all in one breath. "Long story short… school prom wouldn't let Jack bring a guy as a date… we're holding our own prom instead… everyone's going." Refilling her lungs she closed with, "So… I need something to wear."
Seemingly out of thin air, Bessie produced a long, black gown with spaghetti straps and some type of chiffon-like scarf draped about the hanger. "Will this do?"
Joey winced as fragments of On My Own and images of a starry-eyed Dawson crowded her memory, setting her head in motion with a definitive refusal. "No… no… no. That's just not me. Do I have other choices?"
"What about this one?" Bessie offered, holding up what appeared to be a simple grey sheath.
Tilting her head to one side as she studied the garment, Joey gasped when Bessie twisted the hanger and the garment shimmered and burst into color as subtle threads of green and blue and even red shot through the fabric and caught the light. Mesmerized by the magic of the material, she half-smiled and sighed her approval. "Perfect."
Her reverie was disrupted by Bessie's accusation, "You're not thinking of going with Dawson, are you?"
"What? No!" Joey snorted.
"Good. Because I guarantee you, getting stuck in the middle of a tug-of-war between Pacey and Dawson would be the absolute worst thing you could do in your position," Bessie advised.
Suddenly, through the open window beside them a soft breeze blew, rippling the curtains and giving them life. Riding the currents of the breeze, Joey recognized the same huge, black butterfly from before come inside. It wasn't alone; this time it was joined by another butterfly, matching its size and color. The two played close to the window, darting around each other and twisting in and out of the billowing curtains. After a while, yet another butterfly appeared, joining in their game.
Eyes fixed on the butterflies Joey confirmed, "I have no intention of doing that."
Just as abruptly as it had appeared, the wind turned direction and died down; the butterflies vanished, as did Bessie. Joey was still looking at the vacant spot where the butterflies had been long after they disappeared.
In a now empty room, Joey whispered to herself, "I just really want everything to go back to the way it was."
**
The restaurant glittered from floor to ceiling with the reflection of twinkle lights off glassware and silver on the tables and the disco ball above; speakers provided the top 40 pop chart as a soundtrack to the festivities.
Joey had carefully chosen her seat next to Jack, but that didn't prevent Dawson from claiming the other seat next to her at the table reserved for their group. An eye roll at his actions was all the energy she could muster. She smoothed down her dress and tried to relax. It wasn't easy. Every so often her eyes would betray her and she'd look around the room, her pulse thumping rapidly in anticipation.
She was waiting.
She wasn't even certain that he was coming.
But she hoped.
However, the heart that had been beating rapidly stopped in horror when Dawson cleared his throat and produced a small, black velvet box from his jacket pocket. Garnering the attention of the entire table, he opened the box with a flourish, revealing its contents. "I thought you could wear these."
"Diamond earrings? Dawson, I can't take these." Relieved that the box contained nothing more meaningful than adornments for her ears, she still felt a flush creep from her cheeks to her chest.
"Relax, they're my mom's. They're on loan. Like the Academy Awards. I thought they would look amazing on you," Dawson insisted, putting her in the position of either accepting or making a scene.
Lovely.
Joey shook her head, tendrils of hair escaping the French twist. "I can't wear them. I mean, what if something happens?"
"Something happens to what, your earlobes? Stop! Put them on."
Glancing at her circle of friends, she found them all watching her, fascinated as she struggled to assert herself with the persistent boy.
Smiling tightly, Joey slipped the earrings into her lobes and then, at the request of the table, she tipped her chin up, twisting her head from side to side so that all could see. At the final twist she found herself staring straight at the slight figure of a lavender-bedecked Andie clinging to the tall statue of her erstwhile paramour, who was heart-stopping in a tux.
Not a good night for her heart it seems.
"Oh, Joey!" Andie gushed. "Those earrings are fabulous! Wow, Dawson, who knew you had such great taste in jewelry?"
"They belong to Mrs. Leery," Joey rushed to explain. "She's only loaning them to me for the evening."
Standing unnaturally stiff and perfectly still, Pacey gazed blankly at the table while Dawson nonchalantly draped an arm on the back of Joey's chair.
No doubt sensing his unease, Andie pulled on Pacey's arm. "C'mon, Pacey. Let's dance."
Jen and Henry followed them, leaving Jack and Ethan, Joey and Dawson in an uncomfortable silence. Moments later Jack and Ethan were embroiled in a tense murmured conversation that was inaudible over the music. It ended abruptly when Jack excused himself. Ethan stared after him and then simply shrugged at his remaining tablemates. He ignored them then, leaning back in his chair to watch the dancers.
Dawson stood up and grabbed Joey's hand. "Let's dance."
"I don't–" Her protest was cut short, and she stumbled a bit when he tugged her into his arms and onto the dance floor. Over his shoulder she could see Pacey stare only to look quickly away.
"Now, isn't this nice?" Dawson insisted.
Joey held herself stiffly and hissed, "What are you thinking?"
"What do you mean?" Dawson replied innocently. "It's just Dawson and Joey, at the prom, having a good time. Okay?"
"No! It's not okay! You're acting like my date, Dawson. You give me those earrings in front of everyone so I couldn't say no without causing a scene. You drape your arm around me. Now you're parading me around as if we came together! I told you - I just really want everything to go back to the way it was."
"Joey, it's no big deal. Relax. We're just dancing."
"Right. Just dancing," Joey said dryly. Shaking her head, she stepped back and palmed his chest as if to hold him at bay. "I need a breather."
Escaping to the pier outside the restaurant, her feet feeling as though they were walking on pillows, Joey found a kindred spirit in Jack. Their conversation gave her comfort, and when she said, 'I just really want everything to go back to the way it was', Jack advised her that 'if you want things to get back to the way that they were, you have to set the example'.
Taking Jack's advice to heart, Joey went back inside. Spying him from across the room sitting there all alone at their table, she made her decision. Her footsteps slow but steady, she approached Pacey. Hooking one arm behind her, she placed the other on the back of his chair and leaned down.
"I've been meaning to ask you something all night, Pacey." She paused while he turned to her in wonder.
Studying his face as he blinked and swallowed, she reached for his hand, relishing the feel of his long, strong fingers when he entwined them with hers. "Would you like to dance with me?"
Pacey accepted her invitation, and with a soft, almost disbelieving smile he kept hold of her hand as she led them both to the dance floor. As they fit together and began to dance, he blew out a nervous breath and marveled, "How come this feels so right?"
Lifting her eyes from his tie to smile at him full on, Joey tried to ease her nerves and chuckled, "It was those dance lessons."
Pacey returned her smile at the memory and then lightly traced the shell of her ear, stopping to lift the diamond ornament with the tip of his finger. He shook his head. "They're not you." As though he was unable to stop touching her, he gently pulled a wisp of her hair, running his knuckles along her cheek until the strands slipped from his hand.
Shivers slithered down her arms at the contact. Defensively, she asked, "Why? Because I'm just a poor tom boy or…" She searched his face for the answers she always found there. "…'cause Dawson gave them to me?"
Pacey remained quiet for a moment then reassured her gently, "Neither. See this?" He lifted her wrist between them and slid his thumb beneath her bracelet. "This is you."
Joey's gaze shifted from her arm, where Pacey had gently begun to caress the twisted metal, to the warm, blue eyes that held hers as she listened intently. "It's not showy or gaudy." His voice deepened. "It's simple… elegant… beautiful." He slowly moved his fingers upwards and captured her hand once more, rubbing her skin with his thumb.
She dropped her head again and letting a painful smile grace her face, explained, "It's my mom's bracelet."
Pacey let out a small enigmatic laugh before moving his mouth to her ear. "I know," was his simple answer.
Drawing back to search his face curiously, Joey asked, "How do you know?"
Their conversation wound down memory lane; Joey became more stunned by every word until she asked in disbelief, "You remember that?"
Pausing, Pacey whispered, dipping his voice to a sexy rumble to confirm, "I remember everything."
Her heart overflowing with emotion, Joey perched her chin on Pacey's shoulder as he softly stroked her neck and back. Slowly swirling to the music, she saw Andie standing stricken at the side of the room. On the next turn, she caught the eye of Dawson as he made his way toward the dance floor. Tucking her head into the crook of Pacey's neck, she closed her eyes to their stares and exhaled softly against his warm skim, rejoicing in the feeling of safety when his arms wrapped tightly around her.
Joey's dress glimmered under the lights as they swayed together through the end of the song and beyond. When she finally opened her eyes and tipped her head to meet the endless blue pools of his, she imagined Pacey could see the colors of the material mirrored in her eyes.
He grinned widely, smoothing his fingertips down her arms. "You're back."
Joey gave him a crooked smile although her eyes were apologetic. "Well... I was never really gone."
"It kinda seemed like it."
Eager to remove the now sad look on his face, she stepped onto her toes and kissed him sweetly. Pulling back afterward she felt her heart soar when love replaced all other emotions in his eyes.
"We're back," she corrected dreamily. She snaked her arm around his waist and they returned to the table.
Dawson sat watching them as they seemed to float toward him. "Hey," he acknowledged when they sat down.
"Hey," Joey replied cautiously, twining her fingers with Pacey's under the table.
In a rueful tone, Dawson began, "You know what? Joey and I gave it a shot and it didn't work out."
For some reason, Dawson was now wearing a sombrero. Nodding at Pacey, he said genuinely, "Why don't you give it a try? I've been an ass. You two are my best friends. I couldn't be happier for you."
"You mean that, man?" Pacey looked incredulous.
"I sure do."
Andie approached the table like a lavender wraith. "Hey guys, what's going on?"
Dawson grinned up at her. "I think we were too hasty giving them grief. They deserve their chance at happiness, don't they?" He pushed back his chair and offered his hand to Andie. "Wanna dance?"
A mirror image of incredulity, Pacey and Joey watched as their friends walked away. Facing each other, the reunited lovebirds grinned then leaned forward until their foreheads touched.
"Missed you, Jo."
"Missed you, too, Pace."
"How's about we blow this popsicle stand, huh?"
"Well, wha'dya have in mind?"
"Oh, just a little place I know where the soda's warm and the food is questionable, but the whole place is rockin'." He pulled his head back slightly and waggled his eyebrows.
Joey rolled her eyes and laughed delightedly. Carefully removing her earrings and placing them back home in the black box she asked, "Do I need permission to come aboard?"
Pacey pretended to think about it, laughing when Joey slapped him at the amount of time he was taking. "You? Nah." He looked at her then dead in the eye. "Sweetheart, you already know the answer." Pacey winked and held out his hand as he stood.
As she rose, Joey slipped her arms around his neck and stretched against him, sighing contentedly. Suddenly, the black butterfly reappeared and landed on the top of her hand. Frowning, Joey tried to shake it away but it wouldn't budge and remained steadfast. Opening and closing its wings mimicking a winking gesture, the glare from the reflection against the lights in the room caused her to squint and grimace. The next thing she knew, the room became filled with butterflies, all of them black. Hundreds of them swarmed around her.
She tried to call out to Pacey but he didn't seem to notice or hear her. Then the butterflies all came together and morphed into one huge, black puddle on the dance floor, seeping toward her shoes and threatening to swallow her up.
She tugged on Pacey's collar to warn him but the warm, living body beneath her arms became cotton-wrapped, feather-filled puffs and the twinkle of the disco ball turned into the steady brightness of the morning sun as it streamed through her window.
Blinking sleepily, Joey groaned at the sight of her bedroom in the harsh light of reality.
Desperate to regain the magic of her dream, she closed her eyes but it was no use. She was awake. Her black prom dress lay discarded in the middle of the floor; the angst of the previous evening flooded her consciousness.
A light knock on her door alerted her to Bessie's curiosity. "Jo, you up?"
"Come on in, Bess."
Joey scooted back against the headboard, her arms wrapped around her knees while Bessie took a seat on the edge of the bed next to her. "You okay?"
The blur between reality and her dream still muddling her mind, Joey shrugged. "I don't know… It was so weird. I had a dream. Everything was the same but so different. I didn't go to the prom with Dawson. And I wore a different dress. You finally gave me good advice. And everywhere I went, I kept saying, 'I just really want everything to go back to the way it was'. Then Jack told me what to do and I danced with Pacey, and we kissed… and afterward Dawson told us we should try to be happy together. And then we were happy, so, so happy." Her tone had become wistful.
Bessie shook her sadly. "This isn't Kansas, Joey. Clicking your heels together three times isn't going to magically make everything the way it used to be. That's not even really possible; you know that, right? So, what really happened?"
"Dawson saw me dancing with Pacey, completely lost it… I left Pacey standing on the dance floor to go and run after him, and then he… he kissed me."
Bessie's eyebrows shot up toward her hairline. "What was that like?"
Joey squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temples. "I felt something. Something innocent. Like a bittersweet memory. But nothing like what it feels like to kiss Pacey."
"Let me guess… Hot? Passionate? Toe-curling?"
Joey blushed but nodded.
Bessie sighed. "So whattaya gonna do now, Jo?"
Joey rolled her eyes and said dryly, "I was hoping at least that part of my dream would come true."
"Which part?"
"The part where you gave me words of wisdom."
Bessie reached out to stroke her sister's hair away from her face. "Any words of wisdom I may impart will never be wiser than the truth in your own heart."
She paused to give her words meaning. "The real question is… are you brave enough to listen?"
**
Goo Goo Dolls ~ Acoustic #3
They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway
They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
**
