Better than myself Part 5

(Sequel to As a Man)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE. I would steal them if I could, just to make Stephanie make a choice.

Ella's POV

Entering Carlos' apartment with dinner, I see Stephanie and Tank, pretending to watch television. Tank told me the situation between Lula and himself and how Stephanie had a confrontation with her so called friends. I will never understand how people can have no regarding for the feelings of others. It sounded like this would be the perfect day for comfort food. I start to plate up Shrimp and Chicken Etouffee for Tank, Fettuccine and Sweet Italian Sausage Alfredo for Stephanie, a simple Chicken Paillard for myself and I thought flan for dessert would make them think of Carlos. I know food will never be enough to ease the ache in their hearts, but sometimes familiar food offers a small amount of solace.

I understand how it feels to be betrayed by those you trusted without question. I wish I had some wise words to help them through this, I know the only answer is time and the creation of new connections. I just hope that they do not take as much time as I did to start feeling better. I lost so much time wallowing in my misery that life started to pass me by. Stephanie still has more cleaning house to do, to move forward with Carlos. I have never met two people who needed each other more.

I hope Carlos realizes what Stephanie will have to give up to start a life with him. She is going to have to change her entire life and maybe lose all the people that she has ever known. I don't know how one person can be surrounded by so many people who do not have her happiness in mind at all. They just want her to be the way they want her to be, and criticize her when she doesn't comply. I don't know if that poor girl has ever known unconditional love, which is why I know Carlos and Stephanie need each other. They can give each other the stability and love they both are obviously so desperate for. But not here, no one will allow her a moment's peace if they stay in Trenton.

Carlos better do everything in his power and accept all the help offered to become whole. I fear that this is the only chance he will give himself to be the man I know he always was meant to be. We spoke before he left and he shared more information about what was done to him while he was growing up. I was horrified by what he told me, and I am not foolish enough to think he told me very much at all. If what he shared is only a portion of what happened, then it explains so much more why he kept the entire world at arm's length. How do you trust, when your whole world was untrustworthy from the minute you were born? How can you be well adjusted when all you can remember in your life is abuse?

He also allowed me to read Arielle's letter. I feel so bad for that poor girl, she was so beautiful and such a happy child. Another thing to add to the list of things I feel guilty for, I didn't notice the change in her. I was too caught up in trying to distance myself from Maggie and since Arielle was the spitting image of her mother, I distanced myself from her also. I cannot believe all of the destruction one life can leave in its wake.

Jason and I have spoken and he told me of her death. He asked me to go to the funeral and I think I should go. I want to; no I need to tell her good-bye. Not to the woman she became, but I need to say good-bye to the girl I loved as a sister. I don't know when she changed, but before the change, we shared our entire lives with each other.

I was there the day she met Thomas, saw the excitement in her eyes when she realized that this attractive older man was interested in her. She was there for me when I was told that I could never have children, holding me as I cried, she told me that she would have enough kids for the both of us.

That is the girl whose funeral I need to attend.

Stephanie and Tank slowly come to the table and we begin to eat in companionable silence, drawing strength from the owner of this apartment. Something that I know we will all do a lot in the next month and hope will continue upon his return. I think that we will have to all make more of an effort to be a family, we left Carlos alone for far too long, letting him dictate the closeness of our relationships. Foolishly thinking he knew what he needed. No more of that. I hope Stephanie comes to the same decision about not letting him push her away either.

As I get up to serve dessert, Stephanie asks if I can help her pack up her apartment in the next few days. She doesn't plan on staying there again, which is great. It is a huge step in moving forward with her life and showing commitment to Carlos. I agree that it would be best if she is already moved before she talks with Joe and her mother. Maybe that will be enough to show them how serious she is about the changes she is making.

Tank speaks up advising that he will be there when she talks to Joe, he can fade into the background better than anyone I have ever seen. But him not being there is not a question. He will not allow anything to happen to her on his watch, if he can help it. Joe seems like the kind of man who can be unpredictable if he doesn't get his way.

I am so happy that all of those I consider my children will be living under one roof.

A/N: This is where my very active muse has taken me this time; I think I am back into the writing groove. As always I love your feedback, thanks for reading.