So! How do you guys like it now. We are coming so far now but don't unbuckle just yet! I have so much in store for you all! Again a big thanks to everyone one of you delightful readers! No song for this chapter.


Chapter Fifteen

I awoke and felt Steve's strong arms around me, still. The night was not something I could forget, I knew exactly what happened and the images were as clear as day. It wasn't something I could shake, powers or not. Sleep had changed me. Last night I was the victim, today I would be the villain to take the glory. I had slept on my thoughts and had reached one final conclusion. Loki wasn't going to get away with it.

Rising, I made sure I didn't disturb Steve. I got into the shower to wash the blood from my skin. I had ignored it last night, but my hands were soaked in and my shirt had almost been doused in it. I scrubbed so hard my skin hurt; I had to get it off. At the same time I began to plot. Today Loki was going to destroy the world, he wasn't one to lay low. I had to find him and strike. Where ever he had made off to, I would find him and make him suffer ten-fold what he inflicted on me. He would not go unpunished. But I couldn't walk in, guns blazing and just kill him. As skilled as I had become, Loki had a whole arsenal of tricks up his sleeve. If I was going to take the bastard down, I'd have to be smart. But more than that I had to be sneaky, ruthless and determined. He would get as much mercy as he gave Phil. Zilch. Nada.

Then there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Emily. You alright in there?" said a charming voice. Steve.

Possibly the worst part about it all was that last night never should have happened. Steve and I could never work. We were so different, so unalike. He was compassionate, unselfish, brave, loyal. If he ever knew of my plans, of what I was capable of, he would never look at me the same and I couldn't bare that. In order to kill Loki, to give him the ultimate revenge, all my ties had to be broken. If I had one snippet of remorse, the god of mischief would seize his moment I would end up just as Phil; dead. I suppose more than being the cause of guilt in Steve's eyes, I would hate to be the cause of pain and grief. I had already seen his reaction once before when he thought I was dead. I did not want that pain to be genuine.

Putting on my clothes and hiding my locket under my clothes, I slid the door open to glimpse at his stern, but tender, face. Without speaking he smiled reassuringly and went to hug me again. I wanted so much to let him bundle me in his arms, but I put my hands out a stopped him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, shocked. I halted and mustered the courage to prepare my next words. They had to be convincing, so that he didn't suspect a thing.

"I... We...um. Last night shouldn't have happened." I said delicately, "I was confused and hurt and I needed comfort. If I led you on, I'm sorry."

"Em..." he cleared his throat, trying to hide his emotions. Deep in his eyes, in his brow, in his lips, there was a terrible drop. I felt it too, so harsh. I wanted to take it back, I wanted to kiss him right there and apologize, but the revenge that sat just underneath it was stronger. It was stronger than love.

"Don't." I stopped him, if he said anything else I would crumble, "Please don't say anything."

"I don't understand. It was so real."

"I thought it was real. But my brother died Steve. I don't know how to tell the difference between reality and fantasy now. Us. We can't happen. It'll never work." I lied through my teeth.

"Why not? It was real. I know it. I can tell you know it too. Why are you trying to dust it under the carpet?"

"I'm not. You're old enough to be my grandfather and I just—," he stopped me.

"Don't use that as an excuse. It has nothing to do with it." he grabbed my face in his hands, pleading, "Just tell me what's wrong."

"I can't do this. Not now. Not ever." I pulled his hands from my face and brushed past him. The pain I didn't want to inflict on him was inevitable. As I left the room, I turned back one last time. He hung his head down and I knew it. I might as well shot him in the heart. Everything I wanted to protect him from, I exposed him to in a matter of minutes. He could fight off hundreds of men. Run as fast as a car. Lead a team into perilous war zones and come out victorious. But I had crippled him worse than any physical injury.

Fury had called a meeting. Demanded that all of us with knowledge of the tesseract be present at the bridge if they were physically capable of it. Around the circular table Stark and Rogers sat. Rather than sit down and add to the uncomfortable situation, I leant on my wall; the one that I had come accustom to hiding behind. Fury slumped in his standing. In his hand he held something and staring down at them he spoke.

"These were in Phil Coulson's jacket. Guess he never did get you to sign them." he chucked cards across in Rogers direction and sighed, "We're dead in the air up here. No communications. Lost the location of the cube. Banner. Thor. I got nothing for you. Lost my one good eye. Maybe I had that coming." I bit my tongue and forced myself not to say anything. He was referring to Phil and it made me squirmish that he thought he had the privilege to speak about Phil as a friend. He didn't deserve to say a single word. Everyone else in the room stood face down, solemnly reflecting. Everyone felt guilty.

"Yes, we were going to build an arsenal with the Tesseract. I never put all my chips on that card though because I was playing something riskier." Fury started pacing, Stark lifted his head, "There was an idea, Stark and Coulson knows this, called the Avengers Initiative. The idea was to bring together a group of remarkable people. See if they could become something more. See if we could work together when we needed them too, to fight the battle's that we never could. Phil Coulson died, still believing in that idea; In heroes." Stark stood out of his chair, shaking his head, and walked away. Fury's crap was impossible to listen to. Nick Fury, so righteous, so dignified. He had no right to speak on Phil's behalf; and yet I, the one who should, couldn't muster a single word. The sight was a disgrace, Steve with his head hung examining the blood stained cards. Maria Hill was in a similar state. It was depressing and pathetic. Rather than sit around a mope, they should all be on their feet looking out for Loki. Looking to avenge.

"I'm not going to stand around so you can make us feel guilty, feel like failures. You're a director, the 'leader'. Why don't you take some responsibility?" I scoffed and followed.

"Well it's an old fashioned notion." he said as I left.

I could hear Stark, no one else could though, slightly sniffling. He was in the detention cell. I followed him down there to find him on the podium ledge. When he saw me at the top of the stairs he instantly turned away and cleared his face. I almost forgot that I wasn't the only person that had lost Phil. He was a well respected senior agent, it was just selfish for me to claim I was the only who lost him. I was the only one that was going to do something about it though.

"I didn't realize he mattered to someone as humorously removed as yourself." I said.

"Like I said once before, I only joke about funny things."

"Limit's for you, Tony Stark?" I joked, trying to change the mood.

"Yeah, tell anyone about it and you'll regret I saved you."

"My lips are sealed!" I promised walking aside him, "We're pretty pathetic for a team who's purpose is to save the world."

"I wouldn't say pathetic..." he dismissed, staring at the empty space where the containment cell had been.

"Do you think he's dead?" implying Thor.

"I don't know what to think these days." Tony rested against the wall as Steve walked in. I momentarily made eye contact, before shifting away uncomfortably and walking over the other side of the room. Stark noticed the tension but didn't say anything. Steve mimicked Tony's reaction to being in the space; I didn't know how I was so calm in the place of my brother's murder. Perhaps knowing that justice would be served or maybe because the image was so crystal clear in my photographic memory that the empty space almost made me forget what happened here. But I could never forget.

"Did he have any other family?" Steve asked open-endedly.

"He kept it very down low, but there was a cellist." Stark said. Wait what? Phil was in a relationship and I didn't know? Somehow being so entangled in my own problems, so selfish, I forgot to ask the simple questions; How's your day been? I found myself questioning how well I really knew Phil over the last couple of weeks.

It was uncomfortable the awkward silence in the room. I felt like steve was going to start to say something; try to change my mind.

"Urghh... Fury mentioned Agent Barton snapped out of his 'hypnosis'." Stark said before the strain became unbearable.

"Clint's back? I have to see him!" I jumped excitedly, "Don't wait up for me."

I left and brushed past Steve accidentally, he grasped my hand softly.

"I can't." I told him simply and released my hand, "I just can't."

I left the room, but kept my ears open. I had a feeling that Stark didn't bring up Clint just so the tension would break.

"You need to speak to her." Stark began, once he thought I was gone, "It's not normal, she's not grieving and not even acknowledging it. She skates around the issue and it's going to backfire. She's unstable and—," he was stopped.

"Look. I don't want to push her over the edge. Last night, she did her fair share of grieving."

"One night of crying to her boyfriend isn't going to make it go away. She doesn't even look phased by it today." Stark attacked.

"What do you want me to do? She won't look me in the eye, let alone speak to me." Steve cracked.

"Why is that, by the way?" Stark interrogated.

"I prefer not to speak about it." Steve deflected.

"Didn't anything happen last night that the class should know about?"

"No. No. Nothing happened like that," Steve dismissed the notion, "But I was there for her and I think she feels threatened that she let anybody in. She's shutting people out because it's the only way to deal with it. I thought we had a connection, but this morning she tells me it was all a mistake and that nothing could ever happen between us. I'm not going to harass her until she's ready to open back up again."

"That's just the thing though Cap. I don't know if a girl like her ever will." Stark finished and the two went back to silence.

Natasha would be tending to him, they had been friends long before I knew Clint. As great as it was to see him back to normal, I had this nudging question on the back of my mind. How deep his was his involvement in Project Mastermind. I understood that his title was 'guardian' and that role in the project was supposedly my secret guardian angel, but the whole thing stressed me. It wasn't my reason for being so eager to speak to Clint though. He had been in a close nit web with Loki. If he knew a snippet of information on Loki's favourite Earth hideout, it would make a world of difference in my cause.

It was unclear how quickly Loki would strike. If he was anything like the meticulous planner he appeared to be, the shindig with the Chitauri would be coming to us soon.

In the medical wing I found Natasha and Clint in a secluded room, off the main hallway.

"Knock, knock!" I said opening the door and greeting the pair.

"Emily Coulson. Nice to see a familiar face." Clint chuckled standing up with a small wince, arms wide open.

"I suppose I should thank you for saving my ass back when Barton went all rogue ninja assassin on me!" I directed at Natasha. She nodded knowingly in response.

"How are you holding up?" Clint asked, prodding tenderly. I shrugged and ignored the question.

"To be honest, I'm not here for catch up chit-chat. I need to know all you remember on Loki's hideout."

"I'm afraid I never knew, I never needed to. I just did what was required, no questions asked." he moaned, sitting back down. Scanning both Natasha and my own face, he shook his head.

"You're both agents, not soldiers. Why do you suddenly want to wade into a war?" he asked. Reluctantly, Natasha opened up,

"I've been compromised... I have red in my ledger and I'd like the wipe it clean. Loki made this personal."

"Tell me about it!" I thought.

"Next time we see him, I'll be sure to put an arrow in his eye socket!" Clint promised with a pleased chuckle.

"Now that sounds like the old Clint Barton!" Natasha laughed softly.

"I'll leave you two alone, I've got a god to find," I joked, at least that's what they thought.

"Emily, I know it's hard, but promise you wont' do anything stupid like face the bastard on your own," Clint requested seriously.

"I won't." I lied.

"I mean it. He's hurt a lot of people, we all want revenge. But there's a time a place to do it and a smart way."

"I promise... I won't." I wavered slightly, luckily neither of them noticed.

"See you then." they waved goodbye.

All there was left to do was to sit around and wait. Wait for Loki to make his move, wait to seek revenge and wait for justice to be served.

I fiddled with my locket, wrapping the chain in and around my fingers. How would I get Loki back? What could I do, so terrible, that he would truly regret his actions? Surely some form of torture would be necessary. But physical torture would be way to easy. I wanted to mess with his head so badly he wouldn't be able to tell which way's up. Send him insane; well more so.

Then from around the corner I heard Stark running, stopping when he saw me.

"We know where Loki's going to make his move." he shouted, continuing on towards the flight deck. This was it, the big show day, time for the best in show to make their performance. Time for me to take first prize. Time... to destroy Loki Laufeyson.

And no one was going to get in my way.