Better than myself Part 9

(Sequel to As a Man)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE. I would steal them if I could, just to make Stephanie make a choice.

Disclaimer: for language and subject matter

Valerie's POV

Mom called again and demanded our presence at dinner. When I complain how much work it is to get us all ready to go out. I hear, "Patty Lewandowski's daughter has 6 kids and they go to dinner at her parent's at least twice a week." So of course I cave and go, I can't stand to be the one she is harping on. I always cave; it is so much easier when I do.

Now, I am trying to bundle everyone up into the van, I hope it starts. Then I have to drive across town to pick up Albert, because we cannot afford another car and drive all the way to my parents. My life is just full of unwanted trips and doing things because I am supposed to, not because I want to. That is Stephanie's role in the family, she does whatever she wants and "Damn the Torpedoes". I wonder if she is back, her little disappearing act caused quiet the stir in the 'Burg. I don't get much gossip lately, I just didn't have time. We just got the phone turned back on the other day, so I am out of the loop.

Sometimes I want to hate Steph, because of all the attention she gets. Then I remember how well I know my sister and I know that the price for the attention she gets is sometimes too high for her. I do have days of jealousy, two of the hottest men in Trenton are practically begging for her and all I get is Albert. I love Albert, but he is no Joe Morelli. I am glad of that in the long run though, I think the Joe Morelli fantasy, is much better than the reality.

That is when all the hate and jealousy I have for Stephanie, just turns into shame. Sleeping with Joe Morelli was the worst thing I have ever done. I was just so lonely and Albert is just so Albert. And here was Joe, coming around, bringing me lunch from Pino's or donuts from the Tasty Pastry (things that we can't afford right now). Seducing me with his tight jeans, cocky smile, telling me everything a woman wants to hear-how he should have chosen me and not Stephanie, and that I have always been the prettier sister.

I know that he was just trying to sweet talk me out of my pants and for information on Steph, both of which I readily gave to him. I was so dumb, thinking he would keep his promises. He just used me for leverage against Steph, and I gave him all he could ask for and more. Secrets that a sister should never tell.

I told him about the miscarriage after he left for the Navy. How Steph didn't know she was pregnant when she went rock climbing with Mary Lou. When Steph regained consciousness after the fall, there was no more baby. Mom of course yelled and screamed about how she was a no good slut, because only sluts got pregnant out of wedlock at 16. And that she was a murder, because she probably fell on purpose.

Mom would not let it go, every chance she got she was calling Stephanie a murder and a whore, telling her that murders and whores rot in hell. One morning, Stephanie took all of the pills in the medicine cabinet, Grandma Mazur found her on the floor in the bathroom. She was so cold and unresponsive; we thought we had lost her. She had to stay in the hospital for 2 days, but then they released her into the families care. Yeah, mom cared for her alright.

After that failed attempt, Steph just stopped eating with us as a family, we didn't know at first that she just stopped eating altogether. Until someone noticed then she would eat so much that she would throw up. This continued for months, suicide attempts and hospitalizations until Daddy couldn't take it anymore. He was afraid he was going to lose her anyway and had her committed.

Oh, did Mom have a field day with that… saying that Steph was just looking for attention. Other people's daughters don't throw up perfectly good food.

The last serious conversation I had with Steph was that she was managing it and I know when she worked at E.E. Martin, she was still seeing a therapist. I don't know what she is doing now.

This is the information I freely gave to Joe Morelli for fifteen minutes of pleasure. This is why as much as I want to hate Steph, I can't because she should or would hate me more.

I finally pull up to my parents and there is one of those black Rangeman SUV's parked out front. I wonder if Steph is driving it or if she brought Ranger.

We walk in and she has Tank with her. I remember his name because Mary Alice has a small crush on him. Mary Alice is a good judge of people, so if M.A. likes him, he is probably good people.

I catch, the middle of Mom's usual rant, then I hear something I wasn't expecting. Stephanie moved out of her apartment and into the Rangeman building. I am cheering for her; I never thought she would allow herself to choose who would be best for her.

Mom is practically foaming at the mouth, "How could you choose that thug over Joseph? Joseph is willing to marry you, have a family with you, despite you killing his first child."

I hear Steph's sharp intake of breath, but she doesn't speak.

"He has told me he can forgive you and wants to try again. We have discussed it and I think I agree with Joe, you are becoming a danger to yourself again. Your behavior is not that of a sane person. Maybe you need to be committed again. A rational person wouldn't make the choices you are making."

Stephanie looks to Tank like she is looking for support. He just does that little nod.

"Mother, I have spoken with my own lawyer, you cannot have me committed because you don't like the choices I am making. Daddy did what he did because I was hurting myself, all I am hurting now is your precious reputation.

You want me with Joe Morelli, so bad! Why, because of his high moral standing, because of what a loving husband he would be? Mom, the things that you don't know about Joe would make your hair stand on end. Someone told me, that no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them. Well, I am done letting you. I will not set another foot in this house until you start respecting me and my choices."

She turns to walk away, but mom grabs her and starts screaming. "I will not have you embarrass our name by living with and doing God knows what with all of those men. Joseph has told me all about what you are doing with those men. I didn't raise you like that, look at Valerie, she is married with children. Everything a perfect wife and mother should be. That is how I raised you."

"Mother, go to hell, Val isn't perfect either, but I love her too much too tell you how I know."

And she looks pointedly at me; I look away because I can tell she knows about Joe and me.

Mom raises her hand to slap Steph, but Steph grabs her hand and says in a quiet voice, "that will also never happen again."

Steph then turns and walks out of the house, Tank follows without a word. I tune out Mom's continued yelling and as I look out the door I see Stephanie practically collapse against Tank.

Why am I feeling like my sister will never be the same Steph again? I just have a feeling that today is just the start of some big changes coming.

A/N: My muse must know I have the day off tomorrow; she would not let me sleep without finishing this chapter. Since I finished it, I will post it.

Thanks for everyone suggestions and reviews, some of them are slowly making it into my story. They always help when I am unsure of the exact direction.

Thanks again, I look forward to more feedback.