Songs for this chapter are: 'Elegy' by Brian Tyler (Battle: Los Angeles (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) and "…I'll Find My Own Way" by Harry Gregson-Williams (X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
Chapter Eighteen
Ironically it was raining, although someone had already anticipated the weather and the space was covered in a large gazebo. On a podium raised above there was a spot for two caskets, though the funeral cars had not pulled up. I had kept an eye on the rest of the team and they had decided to commemorate both Phil's and my own deaths. It had been three days since the Avengers had beaten Loki and in that time, under Stanley's advice I had changed my identity. I had dyed my hair brown and bought brown contact lenses to aid me in this, I could barely recognize myself now. I stood, drenched in the rain in a black dress and coat, with a wide brimmed hat and glasses.
People from everywhere poured in receiving a pamphlet with Phil's and my own faces on it. I wish they had have just given Phil a funeral like I asked, I felt terribly guilty about my surroundings. None of my team members had arrived, though I noticed a slightly familiar face in the front row. Her name was Louise Tessa, and as my research concluded, she was the cellist that Stark said was in a relationship with Phil.
I did not sit down on the provided seats, and let every other visitor place themselves before me.
Then I could hear it, from around the corner, inside on of the cars. It was Steve's breathing, his sharp and pained breath. They were bringing the caskets. I planted my seat firmly on the ground and forced myself not to run away, I had to face this. Stark thought that I was unable to let go and in some respects I couldn't. But in this way I could get a small amount of closure. I could say goodbye one last time. I could bury my brother and know that he was at least in peace. But that was easier said then done. Stark had hit the nail on the head on one thing though. I didn't seem phased by Phil's death because I was using all the energy and courage in me not to break down, not to loose it. I had to focus on avenging him, because if I acknowledged for one second that he wasn't alive it would be true. I would loose him forever. That's why the funeral was so important. I had to face this, I had to deal with the fact that my brother was dead, as a result of my actions. While I did not stab him myself my hands played a major role in his death...Death.
It was such an odd concept. To everyone you care about you could be gone from their lives, but somehow still alive. I didn't mean that about my situation. Seeing everyone that had shown up to say goodbye to Phil and his little sister was eye-opening. People I had only met once spoke so fondly of the stories they heard of my adventures. They laughed through tears and tried to do what I was coming to terms with. To come to terms that one of the best agents that ever lived was dead and that I might as well be dead anyway. I was no longer a good guy, I was a villain. For all they knew, the Emily Coulson that once existed perished the same day Phil did. I was not proud of myself, but it was a necessary evil in order to stop Loki.
The door to the car opened and out stepped the heavy couples of feet. Starks step had the spruce taken from it, Banner dragged his feet move than usual, Thor's boots didn't rattle when he walked. The doors slammed shut and there was a sound of the car window smashing. I whipped my head around to see Steve hunched angrily over the car door he had just broken, his knuckles slightly bloody. Again it would have been just so easy to tear away my hat, glasses and contacts and stare him in the eye with our very glare we had invented, assure him everything was fine and it was all one seriously messed up prank. Oh how simple the concept seemed, to right my wrongs.
"Hey. It's going to be alright." Natasha walked up behind him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Just try to take it easy."
The six avengers walked around to the back of the car and began to pull out the two caskets inside. It was slow and agonizing as they all tried not to think about who was in the cases. Their faces, even from afar were so steely, so upsetting that their presence shook my core. I never realized they cared this much, never in the slightest. I thought they rode of Phil as just another agent and me as the dumb ass rookie. But those faces... those faces exclaimed otherwise!
The caskets were lifted onto their shoulders; Steve, Tony, Thor and Banner took mine and Fury, Maria Hill, Clint and Natasha took Phil's. The procession song began and there was a long solemn procession. Steve had begun to loose it a little, I could see tears swell up in in his eyes. The coffins were placed next to two frames of our faces. The coffins had looked so heavy, but only one of them truly was. Once placed they opened the lids and inside sat the lifeless bodies. I had to look away to get composure of myself.
There were cards, sitting in Phil's blazer pocket, his Captain America cards and they were signed.
"I think I speak on behalf of all of us when I say that Emily and Phil were the most caring loving brother and sister duo we had the privilege of knowing. While this funeral is for both of them, they both deserve their own separate eulogies," Fury's voice echoes out over the silent crowd. "I'm not usually someone lost for words but finding the right way to sum up Phil Coulson in a three minute speech was not a task for a mere mortal like myself.
He wasn't what you would call a hero. I thought I'd been blessed to meet such people that were worthy of that title, but I was wrong. Phil wasn't muscular, nor was he a weakling. He wasn't a genius worthy of a nobel prize, but he was no dunce. He was regular in most ways, but there was one trait that I had always found admirable of him; his outstanding conviction. His balls, have you.
He was the type of person that could stand up to the biggest bully, the mightiest enemy and walk away with only a tarnish to his uniform. He was just the guy that got things done, but did them the right, fair way. He changed my definition of a true hero. You don't have to have to be super human to inspire people.
In my line of work I've come to see a lot of crazy things and it takes a bucket load of weird to get me to blink my one working eye. It was on constant twitch every time he opened his mouth. From his commitment to work, to his undying love and care for his little sister, he persisted in being his best at everything he did. I said it once before and I'll say it again, when the medical team called it was like I'd lost my one good eye. My best agent. A best friend.
I am glad in some ways that he isn't around, because despite all his good intentions if had had seen the mess that took place three days ago, if he had lost his sister, this would be terribly unbearable for him. It's not a wish, I in no means enjoy the reason we're all gathered here today. Maybe we can take some comfort in the fact that they'll be together once more and no longer have to spend their days worrying about the other and trying to keep each other out of danger and harm's way.
So we'll fight the fights that come in the future and we'll stop the evils that try to get in our way because of the Coulsons. Because of their sacrifice. Because they are the people that we fight to protect, they are what we fight to stop from happening. We will persist until there in no energy left in our souls so that we never have to say another retched goodbye. They are the reason that we can fight. And we will never forget their sacrifice. Thank-you." Fury stepped down from the microphone and went back to his seat. Steve half went to stand but shook his head. Stark took the pieces of paper from his hand and took his place instead. I began to walk away, it would be lies. All of it or it would simply hurt too much to hear them speak about me in this way.
"Is it not worth a small portion of your day to stop and listen." Stark attacked over the microphone, I knew it must have been to me, I was the only person moving. With a slow turn I tried to avoid eye contact. I was tearing up and my contacts were coming loose. He met my gaze and stopped. With an odd glare he put the notes down and started to walk near me. I panicked, he must have recognised me. I sprinted off until I was well out of distance, even then I kept up a steady pace. It wasn't until I stumbled across an older section of the graveyard that I realized where I was. My father's grave sat chipped and overgrown with weeds. I got down on my knees and began to tear away the weeds, I didn't care if my hands got dirty. I sat, in the mud, in the cold freezing rain crying. I had pulled my contacts out and I could just cry freely. I hadn't visited my dad's grave since the day of his funeral. I was a teenager and I remembered cursing him so badly for leaving the family. Shortly after Dad died my other mother left Phil and I. I wished so deeply that he would come sweep me off my feet and take me to live with him while he was on missions, to get away from the hell that was my life.
"Steve Rogers had a speech prepared, but urgh," Stark cleared his voice in the distance, "Clearly it's just a bit to hard to bring the words to life. Let's see what we've got here. Okay...
Emily, or Em she told me to call her was incredibly unique, in fact the most unique girl I've ever met. She over thought and reacted in every situation, she was social awkward in her own way, she demanded respect from everyone and worked hard to earn her share and it's because of these few traits that she captured my heart.
In her own way she could make any situation brighter, she could smile and everything would suddenly seem better. She wasn't a girl self-obsessed about her looks, she never got dressed up the entire time I knew her, she just plaited her hair everywhere she went and got on with things.
But she was pigheaded. She thought she could take on the world. She could be so strong willed and have her head stuck on a plan, she could be determined and it wouldn't be smart to cross her. She had this fire in her soul that never went out, a fire that put itself out. The countless times I sat around when she ran off on her own, hoping, praying, that it wouldn't be the last time I saw her face.
I didn't know her for long, we'd barely known each other for a solid month but I knew she was someone special, someone worth fighting to be with, worth fighting for. Because when I reached her side and we fought together it was a force that couldn't be beat.
When she lost her brother she confided in me and I knew right then and there that she was the one, the one for me. I didn't feel like I was out of date in this time. I didn't feel alone. I felt like she understood me, like she was my equal. But the night when she cried, when she opened up to me I saw just how fragile each and every person could be. I'd seen myself in her, I'd seen my experiences come to face me again, I knew how to help her. She made me realize that the new world wasn't so scary as it appeared and if you had a friend to guide you everything could be alright.
I'm not sure how things will work themselves out now. I can't be certain of anything. But I'll try to get through the days without my tour guide by looking at a map. I'll try to fight the good fight in her name.
She had only just begun to show the world what she was made of, but now the world will know her name and her brother's. The heroes that saved us, that saved us all from destruction and even from ourselves." Stark finished.
I had my back against the gravestone when two feet appeared in front of me, staring up with red eyes Stanley tried to reassuringly grin.
"Come on. Let's get you out of here." he helped me up. I wiped the tears away and exhaled.
"This is it." I proclaimed, "I leave it all behind now."
"Yeah." Stanley said simply. He knew exactly that I wasn't in a deep conversational mood, "Things will be easier like this. It helps them move on. In time, as hard as it seems, you'll forget. Despite what they say they'll strive on their own too as well."
"So I'm stuck with you."
"Guess so."
"To a secluded friendship built on mutual interest!" he slung his arm dopily over my shoulder.
"To friendship! May it be as bitter and revengeful as need be!" I slung mine too. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but it seemed to make him happy and if I could make one person happy today then my work was done.
The sun had begun to set behind us and all was peaceful again. The Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D were in my past now. I had a bright future to look forward to, a different and un-foretold future. What ever was coming my way I was ready to take head on. To attack my problems like Phil... with his conviction and certainty. My revenge was not for him, that I had concluded. The revenge I sought was for me. It wasn't to prove myself to everyone, it was simply to say that I was not to be messed with; that I would never let people walk over me again. That I was strong.
My name is Emily Arbor Coulson. I'm a genetically engineered genius by birth. I'm not the good guy in this story, I never was. I'm the hero forced down the villains path. I know what I've done wrong and I'm going to fix it, by any means necessary.
The End
