A/N: Thank you to everyone who put me in their alerts or favorites! You guys made my day! As always, many thanks to my Beta Rachel who is wonderful at finding my dreaded tense issues. Reviews, as always, are more then welcome!
A/N: Since Kripke is not returning my calls I'll have to assume I still don't own any of the characters contained within this story with the exception of Tessa. *sigh*
She wished they could stay like that forever but she was keenly aware that they were not alone in the house. Although Sam was probably not going to wake for quite awhile yet, her Dad could return at any moment. She had to know everything and there was no time to ease into it.
"Dean?" She could feel his mumbled reply and fought the urge to curl further into the warmth of his chest. "Dean…we need to talk." Yeah, that would do it, sure, Dean's favorite thing to hear in the whole world, she thought sarcastically. He didn't reply, probably hoping that she would believe he had fallen asleep. "Dean, come on. You aren't fooling me with the sleeping act."
He tensed around her. His first thought was that she had realized what they had done and was angry at him for taking advantage of the situation. Well, he thought, now I've hit the trifecta. I've managed to hurt every person I've ever loved; first Dad, then Sammy and now Tessa. Maybe a year was too long; he should have agreed to go immediately. At least then he would have saved Tess from being hurt. But they were all right about him; he was selfish and couldn't pass up the offer to have one last year to help Sammy come to terms with everything.
"Dean, please, I know you don't want to have a chick flick moment here but…I need to know. I deserve to know." Now he was confused, she didn't sound pissed, she sounded scared. That couldn't be right. Tess doesn't get scared. Hell, Tess was about the bravest person he knew. He slowly pulled away from her and sat up.
"I'm sorry Tess. I shouldn't have let that happen. I wish I could take it back." That pain was back in his eyes. Was he really apologizing to her? She could tell she needed to reassure him that it was ok. "Emm, Dean. No take backs. But if you think you were that bad I may be willing to let you have a Do Over." At his shocked expression she leaned over and kissed him again. Once. Quickly. Before he could respond she moved back out of his reach.
"Dean, you idiot, I love you. Right now I'm not exactly sure why, but I do." She softened the statement with a slight smile. "I know it's not your style so I'm not asking you to say it again but, if you didn't mean it… if it was just one of those 'in the moment' things, then please tell me now. No hard feelings, I'll understand. This was amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything but if this is all there is, or will be, just tell me. I just don't want to make a bigger fool of myself then I may have already." She tried to wipe all traces of emotion from her face. She wouldn't pressure him into something that he didn't want.
He sat quietly watching her. Inside he was fighting with himself over the best way to respond. He could lie, tell her they were just words; he knew it would hurt her but that pain had to be less then what she would feel when his time was up and she lost him forever. Did he love her? It was fine until today. He could have lived with seeing her now and then, knowing that she was ok and happy. He didn't need to mess up her life by further involving in the insanity that is the Winchester family.
But now, he didn't know if he could go back. He had touched that soft tan skin; tasted her lips and felt the silkiness of that long black hair, her only real concession to "girliness", slide over his body. Being with her, like this, was something he would have never let himself think of and now it was reality. It's not like there hadn't been other women in his life. A few he had actually even cared about, some. But this, this was different, this was Tessa. There was no other woman in his life that would, or could, understand him better. No one, not even Sammy, had ever been able to look into his eyes and read him so perfectly.
She was the only person he could turn to when his worry over Sam was overwhelming him. No matter how far apart they were only took one quick phone call to ease his mind and allow him to get his head back in the game. She understood the promises that he had made and what he would do to keep them. She knew the kind of life he lived, hell she lived it herself.
Did he love her? Only since the summer she turned sixteen. John had fractured three ribs cleaning out that vamp nest in North Carolina and he and the boys had spent a month at the farmhouse with Bobby and Tess while he healed up. That was the summer they rebuilt her '69 Chevy Chevelle Super Sport from the rusted out skeleton that they had found out on Bobby's lot. He could still remember etching his initials on one side of the engine block and hers on the other before they finished her up. For some reason he had never told anyone about that, not even Sam. All it took was seeing her for the first time, hair pulled back in a pony tail, a streak of grease on her cheek, bent over the tranny with a screwdriver. He remembered how she had looked up and smiled at him. That smile was his undoing. Did he love her? Hell yes, it scared him just how much.
There was no turning back, not for him, but maybe for her. Maybe he could talk her out of this before it was too late for both of them. "Tess, it's the wrong place and the wrong time. It's not how I wanted this to happen. Hell, I'm not even sure if I ever wanted this to happen. Better for you to find someone who could take you out of this life not drag you further in. I am so screwed up. You deserve better."
"Dean, did you mean it?" She couldn't quite hide the insecurity in her voice. She looked into his eyes and saw the indecision. She felt her heart drop. She shook her head and started to move toward the edge of the bed, she pulled the blanket tightly in around her. She would not cry. He was going through enough and she wouldn't be the cause of more pain. She was a big girl. She knew what she was doing when she started this and she certainly knew the possible consequences.
He watched her wrap herself in that blanket like a suit of armor. The last thing in the world he ever wanted to do was hurt her. The fact was, he was selfish, and he couldn't stand the thought of never touching her again. He knew he should let her go but, damn it, he had given up so much in his life. When was it enough? How many people that he loved would he have to let go? Not this one; not this time, it was too much. As she reached the end of the bed she felt her momentum stopped as something caught the blanket and held it. She turned around to see what had snagged her and her breath caught in her chest as she heard one softly whispered word… "Yes".
