Voldemort didn't really have much experience with love letters. Okay, he had no experience with them, having never really believed in love until he'd laid eyes on Dolores Umbridge.
"Hmmm", he muttered to himself, "You make me feel like I'm being Crucio-ed", he scribbled the lines down on a piece of parchment then crossed the out. What if she didn't like violence or crucio?
"Maybe I should just ask her out", he thought.
After several hours of planning his next move, he conjured up a bouquet of roses. He knew women liked roses. What he didn't know was that women usually preferred their roses to be alive instead of dead, and bug free, as opposed to cockroach infested.
Voldemort tied up the bouquet with a torn black ribbon.
"Perfect" he declared.
He proceeded to apparate back to the Ministry, and managed to locate Dolores's in-tray after an hour of studying the Easy-To-Read Ministry floor map, located in the Atrium.
Attached to the roses was a card from some Muggle manufacturer called Hallmark. Muggles may not be good for much, but they sure did save a certain Dark Lord from having to write his first ever love note.
After surreptitiously placing the bouquet in Dolore's in-tray, Voldemort hid behind a pillar to wait for Dolores to find his gift.
He didn't have long to wait. Several minutes later, Dolores walked out of her office, spraying herself from a small perfume bottle. Voldemort watched with bated breath as she approached her in-tray.
Dolores smiled as she saw the large card, and Voldemort swooned, leaning against the pillar so he wouldn't lose his balance.
Dolores opened the card and read it out loud.
"Happy Birthday To a….Wonderful….Stepfather", she read, and a mixture of surprise and disgust crossed her face.
"Is this some sort of joke?", she demanded loudly, brandishing the card.
"Oh shoot", Voldemort thought. "Maybe I got the wrong card….."
Then Dolores opened the card and read what was inside.
"I…Love You. Will you…..Marry Me?" she continued. The look deepened, and a hurt, offended look crossed her face.
Just then, Cornelius Fudge walked out of his office, which was next door to Umbridge's.
"Cornelius!", Dolores cried, hurrying towards him as fast as her stubby legs would allow.
"Look at this….this INSULT that someone sent me!". She shoved the card at him.
Fudge read it and a look of shock and confusion spread across his face, to be quickly replaced by anger.
"When I find out who did this", he announced loudly to the now-quiet Atrium. "I will personally make sure they are FIRED, and that they never hold another job at the Ministry again! Actualy, make that another job, PERIOD!".
He patted Dolores comfortingly on the shoulder.
"Oh Well", thought Voldemort. "At least there are still the flowers"
Dolored walked back to her in-tray and spotted the flowers. A look of mild disgust crossed her face when she noted their wilted, dead appearance. She picked them up.
"Where's the garbage-AAUUUUGH!", she shrieked. Dropping the flowers, she began madly swatting at herself.
"COCKROACHES" she shrieked. Everyone stood in shock, watching her. Meanwhile, more cockroaches crawled from the flowers and scurried towards Fudge.
"What's the matter Dolo-ARGH!", he shouted, beginning an odd, on-the-spot sort of jig, as several cockroaches had crawled up his pants leg.
Several people hurried forward and rushed to Umbridge and Fudges aid, only to begin shrieking themselves as the cockroaches found their way into their clothing as well.
Within minutes, the whole atrium was in an uproar, people screaming and trying to shake cockroaches from their sleeves, and people trying to find out what the trouble was and restore order.
Voldemort took the opportunity to Dissapparate.
"I blew it", he thought sadly. "Now she'll never like me"
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Im taking suggestions as to what Voldemorts next move is, please let me know if you have any ideas! Thanks for reading!
