Letter Number 11
July 7th 1998, London Apartment
Hermione,
I'm so sorry for what happened yesterday. You must trust me when I say I never thought a thing like that would happen. Had I know it I wouldn't have suggested an outing in public. I guess not everyone considers me a hero after all. At least not a hero to your standard. That witch was right, Hermione. You can't keep on denying that. I'm not good enough to be your friend and definitely not anything more than that. I don't deserve your friendship. I'm nothing more than a fraud, trying to be better and be worthy of you but there is no denying all the things I have done in the past. I'm not only talking about the things I've done to you and your friends but all the things I've done to the entire Wizarding community. I have always lived up to my names and even when I try to do things differently people doubt me and nobody (besides you that is) trusts me. And I don't blame any of them. If it weren't for me Dumbledore might still be alive, have you thought of that? If I hadn't let in the other Death Eaters and therefore provoked Severus to kill the Headmaster he might still be with us.
And Hermione, most people don't care about me saving your lives. They think I just did it so I could turn you over to Voldemort. They think me a lair, all of them. The Order of the Phoenix won't have anything to do with me even though I contacted them to offer my services (I wanted to help them catch the Death Eaters that still walks around freely. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my doing this, but I wanted to surprise you. But instead of taking my extended hand they cast me away and called me a fraud. They never believed that I wanted to help them. And I guess they never told you about my offer since you haven't commented on it). The pureblood Slytherins consider me a traitor for helping you and want nothing to do with me either; instead they send me howlers cursing me and my family. I don't want all my problems to be reflected off of you as it happened yesterday. You deserve much better than me.
I don't belong anywhere Hermione. Everyone besides you and my parents have pushed me aside. I expected my parents to stay on my side no matter what since it's kind of their job to do that. But you owe me nothing of that sort. Actually you don't owe me anything better than to ignore me and hate me like everybody else. We shouldn't be friends Hermione. It pains me immensely to say this but it's the truth and you know it. We aren't meant to be friends. If we stick together we'll have to fight of prejudices all the time. I know now that I was a naïve fool before. There is no way we could ever show our world the power of friendship, because nobody in their right mind thinks me capable of being a friend to anyone and least of all you. I don't want to drag you down with me.
Leaving you alone will be my final act as you friend, Hermione. It will also be the hardest thing I'll have to do. We can't fight the powers that force us apart. I know you'll want to try. You are stubborn I've seen that plenty of times. But if you fight this you'll lose everything. Your pride, integrity and your future hopes. It might sound like I'm exaggerating but trust me; people don't like me and my family, they never have, and they'll hate anyone who associates with us. Not even your popularity will be able to make a difference. They'll probably think that I've hexed you into liking me. They'll try and save their heroin and we'll both end up getting hurt when they succeed.
I know what you are thinking Hermione, and don't you even dare! You can't clear my reputation; too many things are against me. The Dark Mark on my arm is the first thing speaking against me, and not even you can erase that. I know I was foolish to even get that mark, but I was scared as Hell. If I hadn't gotten it my life would have ended a year ago. You can't clear me so don't you even try to do so, it would damage you more than me.
Believe me, there is nothing I would rather do than to just ignore everyone else and just stay with you. But part of being friends is to look out for each other and do what is best for the other part even if you end up getting hurt. And that is what I'm doing. I am letting you go so that I won't drag you through the mud with me. I have to do that alone. Don't worry about me I'm used to being alone. I've only had a single friend and that has only lasted for a few days. Don't get me wrong I'll miss it more than anything else I'll have to give up, but I know how to live without it. It won't kill me. I hope.
This will be my last letter to you. Don't try to contact me. I'm saying this for your own sake. There is nothing I'd like more than for you to send me a letter telling me to get over myself, but I know that it can't happen. I'm doing the right thing. You are smart Hermione, you'll come to realise that we have been beaten and can't rise again. The world can't tolerate a friendship like ours, there're simply too many things to fight with all the time. I want you to be happy, Hermione. And I know that you think being with me is all it will take to do that. But I know you a right sight better than you think I do. I know you can't live without the admiration of our world you can't live without being in grace. You crave their acceptation like nothing else in this world since you have fought so long and hard to regain it in the first place. I don't want to be the one to take it away from you. It doesn't matter that this'll hurt the both of us. In the end this is the right thing to do. Considering the alternative this is the only thing to do. I'll miss you Hermione Granger, my one and only true friend. I'll miss you deeply.
Draco
God, I nearly cried just from writing this. I hope you don't hate me, but the story took me here. I didn't decide on this before it was suddenly written. The story is evolving without my consent my I do think this is the right way to go. I hope to keep writing this.
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