Letter Number 12
August 9th 1998, London Apartment
Hermione,
I was wrong. I happily admit that. I was wrong. I was wrong about you, thinking that you could ever give up something you wanted. And I was wrong about the threat I thought I was to your reputation. Well, I still think I am a threat, but not a threat of the same magnitude I believed earlier. You were quite right we did have a lovely time together today. I've only just gotten home and now I'm writing to you as if we haven't just spent the entire day together. I think I'm getting slightly addicted to your presence. But I guess that's common amongst friends, right? I mean, you are my first friend so it's normal for me to, what do you say… crave your company all the time, is it not?
Today was probably one of the best days of my life, and nothing special happened. I mean, we just walked through Diagon Alley, had some ice cream and then walked through London. It's not like I haven't done those things before. I guess I'm really just trying to say is that you make those simply things special. And I want to thank you for that.
I still can't believe that Hermione Granger, the Gryffindor goodie-goodie, is my first and best friend. We have never been fond of each other, the quite opposite in fact. We've been arguing and fighting to the best of our abilities. You've even punched me. Hard. I've called you names that never should have been uttered, you've smeared my good name as well as you could. People think us mortal enemies, and I really think that was what we were. But now we're friends. Some change, huh? Well, at least one thing remains the same; I still don't like you friends. But lately I've been thinking (and there's a reason why I haven't told you this face to face, because not even you could refrain from laughing at this, believe me, or at least just call me a nutter or something like that) that perhaps I could learn to like them. Well, perhaps not like them like them but at least tolerate them. Wouldn't it be great if I could stand being with them for more than an hour and if they could do the same thing? Then you and could spend more time together. We wouldn't have to part when Weasel suddenly shows up uninvited and unexpected. That would really be great. Of course there is still that wretched baby, and I really don't think I could learn to tolerate that one. Sure, it's tolerable when it's sleeping or laugh, but it's gross when it's eating and… other things and it's seriously annoying when it's crying and screaming. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it: I'll never love babies. Not like you do.
Don't try and deny, I know you are thinking about having children of your own when you look at that baby. I can see it in your face. I see the devotion and the love but also the longing. You long to be a mother yourself, I know you do. I've seen the same look on my mother's face. But I'd never expected to see on yours. Somehow I didn't think you'd want children. I don't know, I guess I just figured you a career woman. I knew you liked children, but you don't have to have them just because you like them. I thought it was that way with you. But when I saw you with the baby after we came back from our walk it suddenly hit me: you are craving a child of you own. Perhaps not right now, not right this instance but in a near future.
I can certainly imagine you as a mother. There is no doubt in my mind that you would be a wonderful mother. I see how devoted you are of Teddy Lupin and he isn't even your responsibility or related to you in any way. He's much more my relative than he is yours. And still you dote on him, you love him and you take care of him. If you'll do that to a child not yours in any way, I can only imagine how loving and caring you'll be when you have children of you own. I can even see your children. I imagine you with two children, a son and a daughter. Of course they are both brilliant like their mother. The girl is the youngest and has your maternal instincts and the boy has a natural protector instinct, as I think you have as well. I can't see my own children because I don't imagine ever having any. I just don't think I'm that kind of a man. My heart, however soft it has grown lately, just isn't soft enough for children.
You see now why I've advised to forget about your love for me and go with Weasley? We've avoided this topic for too long now Hermione, but we need to talk about this again. I know that Weasley can give you all the things I can't. He'll be willing to have children with you. He'll be as loving and doting as you truly deserve. Whereas I would deny you the one thing you truly long for and I'll probably be harsh and difficult to love. I'm not worthy of you love, I don't deserve it. I can't give you what you want, what you need and most importantly I can't give you what you deserve. Because Merlin's Beard, you deserve to be happy! I want you to be happy! And I know that children are what it takes to make you happy, and that is the one thing I don't think I'll be able to give you. I don't think I could do it. Not even for you. So you should forget about your feelings for me (don't say you already have, I've also noticed how you steal glances at me. I know you think you can change my mind. But on this matter my mind is set and unchangeable) and realise that Weasel is the right man for you. I can't be that man you want and deserve. But he can and he is more than willing. My, I'm more reluctant. I just crave your friendship and you company. Just promise me that once you're married and have lots of red-haired and bushy-haired children you won't forget about me. Even if you are married to someone else you'll still be my friend and I'll still need you like I need to breathe.
Okay, now I've spilled my heart. I'm sorry I didn't tell you these things in person, you deserve that much. But if I know you (and I've come to know you better than I ever thought possible) you won't just accept what I've told you. You are stubborn as Hell, Hermione Granger. And I greatly admire that in you, even though it can be annoying and infuriating. I guess I'll just have to put up with that. It's a part of you that can't be denied. And to be honest, if you weren't stubborn as a pig you wouldn't half as fun as you are. Really, there is nothing funnier that to have an argument with you and watch your cheeks flare when you hold onto what you believe. Why do you think I've almost made it my profession to tease you? Sometimes when you're really riled up you look like you're going to stomp your feet in anger and frustration. I've kind of made it my purpose in life to see if I can make that happen.
Draco
Sorry for the wait, but I've been super busy. But now there is finally an update that I hope will be to everybody's liking. I certainly enjoyed writing it.
Please review as always!
