Sixteenth Letter
August 11th 1998, Grimmauld Place
Dearest Draco,
I also truly enjoyed our little outing together. I'm glad you are owing up to the possibility of you being wrong about something. I won't rub your face in it any longer, I'm just glad that you seemed to enjoy our time together as much as I did. It feels weird really that I haven't seen you since that day, but suddenly I just had all these other things to do. I hope that you don't think it has anything to do with you, I've just been busy. The healers from St. Mungo's contacted me and wanted my help, and then Molly wanted me to come to the Burrow and spend a day with the family there. Am I going too far if I tell you that I missed you terribly and thought about you almost all the time? I know you see us as friends with no possibility of anything else, but my feelings still haven't changed a bit. But I still don't force myself upon you or anything. So I won't say anything more on this matter right now. Perhaps I'll return to it later, since you did talk an awfully lot about it in your former letter. But first things first:
I've received a letter from my parents asking me to join them in Australia for a few days. They of course know it can't be too long since school starts soon and there are things to be done before I leave. I also got permission to invite you along. Don't worry we won't be travelling the Muggle way, we'll apparate. I really want you to join me in Australia so you can meet my parents and I can show you that Garden I talked about. Think about it, please.
When that's out of the way, I can move on to other things. Such as your sudden tolerance of my two best friends – I noticed that you didn't mention anything about Ginny, but you haven't really met her yet so I figured that might be the reason. You quite shocked me, you did. I never thought you say anything like that – well, technically you didn't say it you just wrote it but still. Of course I don't expect you and Ron and Harry to suddenly get along and be best mates, but it would make me very happy if you three could at least try to get along. I'm hoping you'd do it for me, if not for yourselves. I'm also very surprised that you might even be able to tolerate Teddy – his name is Teddy and not 'that wretched baby' or 'that one' Draco, please try and remember that. You really should be able to get along with him. You don't have to love him or even like him right now. But at least make an effort to be there for him. You are his cousin, and he doesn't have any other family left apart from yours. So do me a favour and sit with him a little the next time you visit. Just take him on your lap and look into his big, trusting eyes. I promise you, you won't regret it.
And when we are talking about babies, I won't deny that I want one for myself. I've always wanted a child. But I also want a good carrier and I want to build a stabile ground before getting one. I think it's irresponsible to bring a child into the world if you can't care for I properly. It's just incredibly selfish and loathsome. So I'll create a foundation before a thing like that can ever happen. And of course I'll have to find the perfect man first. Not only must the perfect man love me and I him, but I must also be sure that he will love our child – and I think you could be that man.
I'm not trying to scare you away or anything, just close your mouth and listen to what I have to say for a change. You may not like children; I don't doubt that for a moment. I see the disgust clearly in your face when you look at Teddy. But I am under the impression that you will feel different once you've found the perfect woman. When you have her you'll want to love her in every possible way. And you'll want your love to live on after you have gone from this world. So you'll have a child with her. And when you hold that child in your arms for the first time and look into the coal black depth you'll be forever reminded of your undying love. You'll have no other choice than to love this child as you love your wife. It's the course of nature and not even you can escape that, Draco Malfoy.
So you see I don't care that you don't want children right now. That's fine with me. because one day you'll realise that you have to have a child just because you're so in love. And I'm hoping that I'll be the woman you decide to have children with.
You wrote about my children, the two you imagine me having. And then you said you couldn't imagine your own children. Well, imagine my children as yours. As you said there will be two, a boy and a girl. Of course they'll both be smart and brainy; both their parents are that way. But the boy won't be protective of his younger sister because of a gene he has from me. That'll be all yours. Just like he'll have you eyes and your beautiful jaw-line. In fact when I picture him I see you like I saw you the very first time I ever laid eyes on you. Blazing, passionate grey eyes. Slightly pointy chin that suggests stubbornness beyond belief. High, sculptured cheekbones and a pale skin tone. Long, slim nose and a thin face. Hair platinum blond and slicked back. The first time I saw you I was instantly drawn to you, Draco. I've never told anyone that, I was always too ashamed to admit. But you were just so handsome and you had this attitude like you owned the world. I was just a scared little girl hiding my true feelings behind my cleverness and I longed for someone to take care of me. I thought you would be the one to look after me. That was until our destinies led us down different paths. You may not be able to see you own children, but I see them very clearly.
Draco, if I didn't know better I'd say you'd started to fancy me. Just a little bit and quite reluctantly I might add. You keep on telling me to stay with Ronald and to be happy with him. You give thousands of reasons why I should love him and not you. But not once have you given the reason that really matters: you haven't told me to forget about you because you don't love me back and never could have feelings like that for. You've given tons of other reason: you aren't good enough for me, I deserve better, you are a danger for me and now you don't want children. But not once have you said the 5 words that would make all the difference in the world and that could make me forget you and get together with Ron: "I could never love you". You haven't said that and so I won't give up on you just yet. Because I don't think you can say it. I don't think you really feel like that. You just have some complex and I'll prove you wrong.
Draco –
You are good enough for me – sometimes I fear it's the other way around
You do deserve me – sometimes I think I'm the one who doesn't deserve you
You are not a danger to me – if anything I'm a danger to you, your former 'friends' wont like you more if you're dating a Muggleborn. But really when did we ever shy away from danger?
You will want children someday – maybe not now, but as I said, you will want them someday. I'll just be patient and love you no matter what you say
You'll have to face it Draco, I'm not giving up until you give me a valid reason. All these things can be denied and conquered. But if you feel no shred of love for me and don't think you ever could, if you are utterly repulsed by me and my values then there will be no hope for us and I'll just be your friend. It will pain me beyond belief, but if that's the only way I can have you in my life – as my friend and nothing more than that – then I'll take what I can get. We've gone too far now to just give up on each other.
All my love
Hermione
And… another chapter! How do I do it? There's no answer to that… but reviews sure have made it easy for me.
Sooo…. More reviews please! Don't be afraid to hit that green button. It doesn't bite, although it did once snarl. But I've reprimanded it and it promised to nothing like it again. I give you my word.
