Better than myself Part 24

(Sequel to As a Man)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE. I would borrow Ranger for awhile, though.

Warnings: language

Steph's POV

After several long, emotional conversations with Carlos, I agreed to meet with Val. I know she is struggling financially and a job with Rangeman could change their life. I never ask him how he knows about her situation, I just assume it is because he is Batman, he always knows. Also, he has been spending a lot of bonding time with my Dad. I think it is good for both of them. If Val was on her own, I would let her rot, but my nieces don't deserve to live that way.

Forgive her? I am not sure if I can, or if I want to. She never really treated me like a sister, at least not the kind of sister I always dreamed about. She was always everything I wanted to be; beautiful, smart, talented, and popular. Every chance she could she made sure I knew that I didn't measure up to her perfection. I don't blame her for the self esteem issues I know I still have, but she was never my ally.

When I found out she slept with Joe, it was just another thing that she probably was better at than I was. It wasn't just that she slept with him, knowing that we were together. It was that she told him all of my secrets. Secrets that he used to tie me in knots. I don't think she will ever understand what weapons she laid at his feet. He tried to use those secrets to chain me to him forever. To manipulate me into being who and what he wanted me to be.

No matter what she ever did to me and how she made me feel, I would never betray her.

I didn't want to meet her on neutral ground; I wanted to be in control of this meeting. So, she is meeting me in the Rangeman conference room. I am not meeting her to forgive her, I just want to hear her out and let Carlos offer her a job.

Val walks in, she looks hesitant, oh, and she really is pregnant again. I heard all of the rumors-but to see it, I wonder… Invite her to sit, across the table from me.

"Val, I hope you are feeling more reassured about Dad. You have to know he loves you. From what I understand, he has always known that he was not your biological father and has loved you all the same."

No matter how angry, disappointed I am in her; I know how it feels not to feel loved by your parents. I would never want anyone to experience those feelings. Now that I have said that –

"I can't believe you Val, we might have never been close, but I TRUSTED you. It isn't just that you fucked Joe, and you had to do that didn't you. I couldn't have anything that was just MINE. It is that you told him things that he was never supposed to know. You sold me out, for what? Some dick and a sandwich? I guess that is all I am worth to you."

I am very proud of myself for not losing it; maybe sitting in Carlos' chair is helping me find my inner calm. Carlos is an expert at hiding his rage.

She starts to try to explain, that he caught her while she was feeling low. He started bringing over pizza, her favorite shampoo and other things they just couldn't afford. Albert had been so distant because of the money troubles. Then there Joe was, telling her she was beautiful, making her feel the way she used to.

"Steph, I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but I am truly sorry. I didn't think, I just did, the more I told him, the more he would come around. Joe is so charming and gorgeous. He was every 'Burg girls dream. You had him, but didn't really want him. And the idea that he wanted me was overwhelming. I just let him seduce me, I felt horrible right after. Then when I he never came back, I realized that he was just using me to get dirt on you."

I don't want to feel bad for her, but I can't help it. I have been there- I know how being lonely feels. I see everyday what loneliness can do to a person. I tell her that, but I don't know where that leaves us. I don't know if this is something that can be repaired or if I want to repair it.

"I want to be able to trust the people I allow in my life. I want to lead a life that allows me to be free and happy. I don't feel that way about you, I don't know if I ever will."

Carlos comes in then, I am glad for his perfect timing. He sits down and explains that he wants to offer Val a job. That it does offer medical, dental and maternity leave. Then since he is braver than most, he asks the question that I have been dying to ask. Who is the baby's father?

Val isn't sure, with the timing it could be Albert or Joe. She hopes it is Albert's not just because Joe will be in jail for a long time. But also because she isn't sure her marriage would survive if Albert wasn't the father. He isn't taking the news of her infidelity well at all, sleeping in his office, only coming home to see the girls. I am surprised that Albert is sticking up for himself, but fidelity isn't too much to ask in a marriage. She should know after what happened with Steve and seeing how I felt after Dickie. I guess when you are in the heat of the moment; other people's feelings don't mean much.

She does accept Carlos' job offer, because how could she not. It is a generous offer. I can't wait to hear what Mom has to say about that. Her perfect 'Burg creation, working with those "thugs and lowlifes", I would love to witness her reaction to that. The word around town is that she is ashamed to leave the house, with Dad leaving and everyone finding out that she was not faithful the her husband. Valerie working for Rangeman would be another nail in the coffin, of the perfect life she envisioned.

We stand, I give her a hug, I will miss her. It does feel like the last time I will see her, because we can never go back. I don't want to.

"Steph, be happy, I know you would never be that here. And please take care of Dad and Grandma."

She leaves and looks so sad, I understand, we are leaving her behind. I do have compassion for her, but when you make bad choices, you have to pay for them. I have learned that enough in my life. I know we are leaving things at loose ends, but I can't pretend that everything is alright between us.

A/N:

Please review – I appreciate every one of them.

I am having a hard time finding Helen's voice, but I think she will have something to say soon. We are getting closer to leaving Trenton; I am trying to tie up the loose ends.