Letter Number 14
August 14th 1998, London Apartment
Hermione!
I can't believe you left without saying goodbye! Or, I mean, you did say goodbye… you were here yesterday and said that you were leaving today, but still! I was planning on being there when you left, you know to see you off. But when I arrived at Grimmauld Place Potter said that you had already left. How stupid do you think I felt?! Really, Hermione, I never thought you were such a shrew!
Why the Hell did you leave without telling me? And don't come here waving a finger at me and saying, "Oh, but Draco I did say it!" because you know that's not what I mean! You know I wanted to say properly goodbye to you. Or at least you should know. Hermione, you're my best and only friend of course I want to be there when you leave for Australia for a week! I can't believe you just left me here!
And what was with you visit yesterday? I have never seen you like that, all distant and sullen. You didn't even come in even though I asked you to come in. You just stood there in the doorway, looked me in the eye and said, "So tomorrow I'm leaving, I'll see you in a week." What kind of a goodbye is that?! I'll tell you the answer to that, not a good on! I bet that both Potter, Weasel and his entire family was there to see you off! And if I know them right they were probably snickering to them self and whispering about me. "See, that Malfoy boy didn't even come to say goodbye! I told you he was up to no good!" What are they all going to think about me know? Yeah, they won't like me any better than they did before that's for sure! Merlin, I'm angry!
And it's not just because you left without saying anything to me, it's also because you left without giving me the chance of saying anything to you. And that really wasn't fair, Hermione, because I had something to say and you know that! You very well know that! You know that… is that why you left with no word? Because you didn't want me to say it? Or because you simply didn't want to hear it? You silly girl! You moan about me for Merlin's toes know how long, and when I finally cave in a give you want you want, you suddenly no longer want it? Merlin! I don't get you!
Hermione, you've wanted me for so long, if I should believe your letters, and now suddenly you turn your back on me. I finally let my guard down and admit that I love you (I'm still not clear about the details on that, but I do know that what I feel is love, even though I haven't figured out what kind of love…) and then you run away from me. That's hardly the right way to deal with this. I thought you were supposed to be smart, but I guess I was wrong then! You were supposed to let me give you a proper goodbye, so you would know that I was open to a discussion of our future, wetter it be as only friends or perhaps something more. But then you bailed!
I don't believe this! I don't believe you! I need to blow off some steam. Perhaps kick something… I'll be right back.
Yeah, well, now you owe me a stool, I'm way too stubborn to put it back together myself. Besides, you made me break it. But kicking it has served its purpose, I'm more relaxed now. Still mad, but more in control of myself.
You do know that as soon as you come back I'll be right there and demand an explanation. Or perhaps I won't. Perhaps it's my time to bail and then you can pick up the pieces you left. I really shouldn't feel the need to fix this on my own, since you created the problem. It's only fair that you should put it back together.
But I still fail to see why you would just leave? Don't you know how much it hurts? I tell you that I love you, a thing I've never said to anybody else besides my mother. And then you just treat me with such indifference. Like I'd said the wrong thing. Like you didn't feel the same. Is that the problem then? You don't believe me? Or your feelings have changed? Or is this just payback?
That's what it is, isn't it? You're getting back at me for not returning your feelings right away. Well, I can see the fairness in that. I'd probably have done the same thing myself if I were you. Or perhaps I would even have done something even pettier. But if it is payback I can live with that. Revenge is something I understand. Merlin, it's even something I'm good at. At least this is better than the other options. Revenge is better than changed feelings. It's better than disbelief.
Hermione, I really think I've done a great job in earning your trust, but if you don't believe me then tell me what I can do to convince you!
And if your feelings have changed then the only descend thing to do would be to just tell me face to face. You owe me that much, don't you think.
I'm at a loss to figure you out Hermione Granger. What more can you possibly want from me? I've given you everything I can. I've explained this to you, I don't want to give away my entire life to someone else, but I still admit that I love you. Doesn't that count for something? Don't I get something in return?
Merlin, I don't think I can wait a week to see you again. I might just go to Australia just to sort this thing out. But hey, is that what you were planning? Was this whole thing just some scheme to get me to go to Australia? Or perhaps you are testing me. You are testing me to see if I really do love you! It's a test! If I run after you to Australia you'll know that I was sincere and that I really do love you. But if I just sit here and sulk then you'll know that I was just lying. Or perhaps that I just didn't love you as much as I thought. Or have I gotten this wrong? Perhaps you aren't testing me. Perhaps you set this up so I could test myself. So that I could be certain of my affections for you. So that I myself could know how much I really love you. If I'm in love with you and ready to have a relationship.
Epiphany!
I love you, Hermione Granger, you sneaky Gryffindor! Are you sure you shouldn't be in Slytherin after all? You'd look good in green and silver, I'm sure of that.
But where does this leave me? Should I run to Australia and pour my heart out to you? That's so unlike me that I feel like hurling just from thinking about it. But still I want to. That is so strange. I've never felt torn before. I'm turn between my heart and my pride. And I honestly don't know which is the stronger the side. I'm… I don't know!
With love – of nothing else I'm sure of right now
Draco
Review!
This chapter is probably one of my personal favourites. Not just because he finally realises his feelings, but because I'm proud of it (yes I know, some bragging is bound to come). I'm proud, because I think I really nailed this. I think I captured Draco beautifully. He isn't changed from his normal self, but still there's a very big difference – he loves Hermione. I can't wait to see that this new knowledge will push him to do…
