"It's just that I feel like every time I begin to feel happier, something happens to make my life miserable again" Quinn told Emma. They were sat in Emma's office having a counselling session – Sam had convinced her to make an appointment with the guidance counsellor after a week of her feeling depressed after seeing Beth. Quinn was so grateful for Sam, especially in the last week. He was doing everything he could to make her feel better, he was there when all she wanted to do was cry, he was always there to listen when she needed it and he was always saying the right things or doing things just to make her feel better.
Quinn tried to seem happier for Sam. She didn't want him to feel like his efforts weren't appreciated, they were and she loved him for being so sweet but she just couldn't stop thinking about Beth and every time she did he mood swooped right back down. She really wanted to feel better, at least for Sam, which is what made her agree to this session with Emma.
"Okay, well could you give me some examples of what makes you feel so sad?" Emma replied with a comforting look on her face.
"Well, I guess the first time was, um, just after I gave Beth up. Then a couple of months ago, my father came back and he… well he basically told me how much of a failure I am. I haven't spoken to him since…" Quinn paused, trying to keep it together, and began speaking again, "and most recently it was Beth's birthday and then, then I saw her in Mr. Schue's office." Quinn turned from the counsellor's gaze trying to hide the tears brimming, once again, at her eyes.
Realising how much she had said and that she was falling apart right in front of Emma, Quinn suddenly felt embarrassed. She put her hands on both armrests and began to push herself up saying, "I'm sorry. I sound so stupid, I'll just leave." Quinn pushed the chair away and began to pick up her red cheerios bag.
"Quinn, please don't leave. I know your upset but that's why I'm h…"
"I really have to go anyway to… to… cheerios practice." And with that Quinn was out of the room. Truth was, she didn't have practice for another hour, and the last lesson hadn't even finished yet. She had gotten permission to skip the lesson to go to the counselling session which was why the hallways were pretty much empty.
She was rounding the corner, planning on skipping the rest of the day and cheerios practice, when she heard someone crying just beyond the row of lockers. Quinn decided to approach and see who it was. When she did, she discovered it was Rachel Berry crouched on the floor, tears rolling down her face. "Rachel…" Quinn said, she and Rachel never had exactly been friends but Quinn could never leave someone crying on the floor. Quinn thought about how she had been feeling lately, how some times she felt like she just couldn't move because she was crying too much and instantly her heart went out to Rachel.
Rachel lifted her head and looked at Quinn whilst she tried to wipe her eyes. "Rachel, what's wrong?"
Rachel looked into Quinn's green eyes; they looked so concerned, like she actually wanted to help. For a moment they just stared at each other while Quinn gave a chance for Rachel to reply. Quinn quickly understood why Rachel was looking at her confused; she had never been nice to Rachel before so why would she believe Quinn now. Instantly she wanted to kick herself for always being so mean to people like Rachel, she had never considered they might have problems just like her. After a few moments of silence, Quinn spoke up again,
"Please, maybe I could help" She tried to keep her voice gentle, "Rachel, just tell me what's wrong… please."
Finally getting her sobs under control, Rachel began to speak up, "I'm fine really. I really should just go" She said whilst indicating to the door with her thumb. And just like Quinn in Emma's office, Rachel was gone before Quinn could say another word.
Quinn was sure that Rachel most certainly was not fine but Quinn didn't think there was much she could do about it know so she turned around and walked to the door which led to the parking lot.
As the days passed on, Quinn was beginning to feel better. She still felt all of the feelings she had when she saw Beth but she was able to start doing normal things again and she had breakdowns a lot less often. She went back to cheerios (which Sue, for one, was extremely thankful for. She considered Quinn to be her star cheerleader) and her and Sam could actually spend time with each other which didn't solely involve Sam comforting her. Although, on the outside, she seemed better she still was hurting a lot on the inside and this occasionally slipped out.
One evening, around a week later, Quinn and Sam were on Quinn's couch as Judy was out. Quinn was led out with her head on Sam's lap. "Do you know how much I love you?" she said. Just then he reached down and tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Do you know how much I love you?" he replied, now stroking her soft cheek with his thumb. "Quinn, I know this has been hard on you but I want you to know that whatever I'm here…"
She turned her head so she was looking up to his face and then she put her finger to his lips to stop him, "shhh" she said. Quinn pushed herself up and moved so she was sat up on his lap facing him, knees either side of his legs. She leant her forehead against his and whispered so close to his face he could feel her warm breath, smell it. 'Thank you… for everything' were her words and then she leant in to kiss him. It was a kiss deeper than Sam had ever experienced with her and this is how he knew that she was truly grateful for what he had been doing for her.
They kissed like that for a while, tongues gliding over each others, and Sam had to stop himself from doing anything more. He had promised Quinn he would never pressure her and he was not going to go break that.
After a while, they both came back to reality and Quinn placed her forehead where it had previously been. "Did I mention that I kinda love you?" she said, grinning. And that was how the evening went, with Quinn happier than Sam had seen in a while.
