Chapter 4: Lose My Breath

Okay Swan, you can do this stop staring at the side of her face and just talk to her. Where is your courage man? Think. Something light, yet intelligent.

"How are you liking Forks, Washington," I said almost too fast. I was not sure she understood me with the face she made. Was she stifling a laugh?

"I like it more and more. (Was she flirting with me?) Actually, I love it here. Very quant."

"Yeah, we get that a lot. Most people don't like the rain and cool weather. Where are you from?" That's it Swan keep it together, you are doing great

"Alaska, from another quant and quiet little town."

"So, are you and your sisters sick of all the guys asking you out yet?" Where the hell did that come from? You are supposed to be taking it slow. What the hell is wrong with you? Wait, is she laughing?

"Well I don't think Rosalie will ever get tired of it and Alice pretty much ignores it. As for me . . . I am waiting on the right guy to ask."

Wow, she is defiantly flirting. Breathe man before you faint and look like a complete idiot. "Umm," was all that I could get out of my mouth. She smiled. I could look at that all day.

That was it for our conversation. It took the rest of the hour trying to breathe and focus again. The bell rang too soon.

"So do you mind . . . ," I was too slow. Before I could turn around the lustrous Bella was out of the door. So much for offering to walk her to her next class. Did I misread her smile? Maybe she wasn't flirting with me. I should have said more, or been more direct. I wanted to find her and tell her how I never seen any one as beautiful as her. I wanted to tell her that her eyes made my heart beat faster and her scent, her cool breath, left me paralyzed. I wanted to tell her I wasn't a complete moron. It didn't matter causes she was already gone. As far as I knew, I wasn't going to see her ever again . . . or at least not until tomorrow's Biology class. I made it to my sixth hour Calculus, not aware of a single step I took. The rest of the day played out that way as well. Physically, I was in class, but my mind stayed on Bella Cullen.

The rest of the afternoon flowed the same way. Never aware of my surroundings. I slowly walked out to my car after final bell. A few people, I am pretty sure females, spoke to me, but at the moment I couldn't recall their names. My mind and thoughts were still all about her. I could read on the faces of the female student body that they saw Jasper and Emmett as sexy (I guess), but the girls weren't falling all over themselves as was the case with the boys and the Cullen/Hale sisters. Who was I to talk?

I leaned up against my car in even deeper thought. Thoughts of her. I began to get frustrated with myself. With the infatuation. Why can't I get my mind off of her? I decided that there was nothing I could do about it, or at least not then. I opened my back door to toss in my backpack, unintentionally looking in the direction she and her sisters had parked. She was standing right there, reading. Her face appeared to be in contrition. I wanted so badly to walk to her and ask her about her book. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to take care of her. I didn't like the "V" that formed between her brow, in what could only be anger or frustration. I wanted to smooth it away with my fingers, or a kiss, and let her know she never had to worry again. The wind shifted directions and all at once I was bombarded with her tantalizing scent. It was only then, when I gasped for air, that I realize I hadn't taken a breath since I saw her standing there and I was staring again. It almost hurt to take that breath. It hurt to look away from her. She got into her car and drove away with the rest of her family. The powerful purr of the BMW's engine filled the parking lot. Now that others were staring in their directions, I didn't feel so bad about staring at her.

I made it home the same way I made it to class – completely unaware. I walked into my house tossing my backpack on the kitchen counter. I will do my homework down here, where I can stare out of the large window in the front of our kitchen. No need to cage myself in my room. I pulled out the three stakes that had been marinating all night in the refrigerator. While my Dad always put up the show he didn't want me taking care of him, I knew he appreciated my love, and ability, to cook. If not for me, we would probably survive on cereal, coffee, Hungry Man's Dinner, and of course meals from The Diner. As I began to cook, my mind drifted back towards Bella. I wonder what she liked to eat and if I would ever get the opportunity to cook for her. I heard my father's cruiser pull up on our gravel drive way. How long have I been lost in space? A while. I hadn't even started dinner. I hurried and slid the steaks in the oven and began cutting up potatoes. I tried to look undistracted. Dad noticed instantly something was on my mind. Sometimes I wondered if he could read minds too.

"Hey kid. How was school?" The daily routine continues: Dad walked through the door and speaks. He picks up the mail and begin to shuffle through it. Realizing he still has on his gun, he walks back to the door, removing his jacket and gun belt. Maybe he was more predictable than I though. I smiled at that.

"Okay, same ol', same ol' (except I met the love of my life and I am ready to marry her)," I said under my breath.

"What was that?"

"Huh? Nothing. I said school was fine," as I dropped the potatoes in the now boiling water.

Our house was normally quiet, other than the sounds of ESPN and CSS. As dinner cooked, Charlie sat reading the newspaper and I started my Calculus. No need to even try and do something like reading. No, I needed to do something more labor intense with my mind. Otherwise, I may start day dreaming about staring into almond shaped topaz eyes, or kissing round lips that looked as soft as silk and satin. An hour later I placed a medium well done steak in front of my Dad. I read grateful all over his face. I had only halfway finished my first steak and potatoes when I noticed Dad had gotten up to retrieve the last steak from the broiler. Was I so deep in thought about Bella that I wasn't eating or did Dad just inhale dinner?

"That steak is supposed to be for your lunch tomorrow."

"Thanks kid, but I would rather have seconds rather than lunch."

I always knew when Dad enjoyed my choice for dinner. There were never any leftovers around here. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to talk to my Dad about today.

"Dad how did you know Mom was the one for you?" I instantly hated asking. I knew how much he thought about her and how sad he still was.

"Well son, it sounds cliché, but I just knew. It was this pull that kept bringing her back to my mind. All I ever thought about and wanted, but when she was with me I could hardly breath or focus." His thoughts drifted to her as a smile appeared on his face. I know he remembers her as if he had just seen her this morning.

Great, I guess I am doom then. I, either die of asphyxiation, or I get the courage to talk to an angel.

"So what's her name?" That brought me out of my thoughts.

"Whose name?"

"The girl that has you cutting that same piece of steak for the tenth time?"

"I looked at my plate and realized I had pulverized my dinner. I put down the fork and knife before I sawed the plate in half. Dad laughed.

"Okay, lets see," Dad said as he popped his own steak and potatoes in his mouth, "you have grown up with most of the kids in your school. This morning you were oblivious of life outside this house. So that means either you have always liked someone or you have an itch for one of the new girls. One of the Cullens. Its three of them right?"

My eyes couldn't get any bigger than they were at that moment. I nodded.

"Yeah, I though so. Just remember to breath. It is not very hip to faint when you talk to a girl," Charlie said as he placed his plate in the sink.

I forgot how intuitive Dad can be sometimes. I smiled and shook my head. I had to change the conversation fast.

"How were things at work? Slow as usual?" I gave up on eating. The rest of my steak could be Charlie's lunch.

"Oh no, it was hardly slow. We had another report of a missing man. This one disappeared last night apparently after having drinks with a couple friends. No sign of him anywhere. That is the third one in 3 weeks. That's an epidemic for a town this size."

The disappearances have been strange. Grown men in great health disappearing into thin air. Things like that just did happen in Forks.

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