Chapter 7: Unbearable
"Morning Dad."
"You are up early. Is school that exciting these days?"
"Yeah, actually it is."
"Huh, yeah I bet." Dad knew something was going on. I had to admit I am never up ready to go two hours before classes started.
"What about you? You're off to the station quite early yourself."
"Yeah, unfortunately we have 3 more missing men. Can you believe it? That's 3 missing in one week, 6 total in only 4 weeks. If this keeps up I'm issuing a curfew for any man from 18 to 74 years old."
As Dad left the house, I grew more and more anxious for my day to begin. I didn't have a plan other than to tell Bella the truth – Tell her I loved her and whatever was keeping us from being close couldn't change that. I needed to say it just like that. I was laying it all out on the table – no matter what.
True to form, I beat Bella to school, as usual, but I was back to my nervous ways. The anxiousness only got worst when Rosalie's BMW took its usual spot. Since Bella and I spent a lot more school hours together, Alice, Emmett and Jasper started speaking to me. I still hadn't won over Rosalie. I jumped down off the trunk of my car as Bella ran over to me, smiling that award winning smile. It always made me realize how grateful I was that she was as happy to see me as I was to see her.
"Good morning Beautiful."
"Good morning, and who do I get to thank for this very large smile you are wearing today?"
"Everything I do, from breathe to come to this place, is all because of you."
"Edward . . ." This was my chance. I would start small. I reached for her hand. She quickly moved away, using both of her hands to comb through her long hair, breaking our eye contact. She instantly noticed my frustration.
"Isabella, why won't you let me touch you? I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand being so close, yet so far."
"Edward. I'm just . . . I can't . . . You don't . . ."
"What? What is it? You can tell me anything. No matter how bad it is, or you think it is. I will never leave you. I could never leave you." With that the first bell rang. I had planned on standing right there until I got my answers.
"Will you walk me to class? We can talk later." She seem afraid, were as I just felt frustrated.
Lunch hour finally came. Mike Newton was not standing at my locker as he uses to do. Over the last two weeks it was very clear I had no intentions on spending lunch with anyone but Isabella Cullen.
As I walked into the cafeteria, I immediately walked to our table, where Bella sat waiting for me. I noticed that Bella never ate lunch but never thought to question it. I never ate lunch here either. The smells coming from behind those double doors hardly smelt appetizing. Isabella sat up when she saw me approach.
"Why don't we sit outside today?"
"Sounds like a plan." I was hoping she was choosing a quiet place for us to talk. I was hoping for results. We spent half the lunch in complete silence, staring at one another, never touching. I tried to reach for her hand again but she quickly moved it. She could read the pain on my face, but I couldn't read her; her thoughts, her emotions – Nothing.
"Edward."
"Stop, before you say anything you should just know I love you." It felt like a bolder had been removed from my back. At first I was afraid, those were big words for people who have only known each other for 4 weeks, and only spent two of those weeks together. Once they were out, I had to smile and was happy to see her smiling back, almost in tears. "I just want you to know that no matter what, I am going to be with you, until you send me away and not a second sooner. You have my heart Isabella Cullen."
"Edward, I love you too." Without thinking about it I reached out and took her right hand in both of mine. I don't know if she was distracted by our out burst of emotions or that she finally trust me, but she didn't move away this time. I instantly noticed how cold and hard her hand was. I was shocked, but not willing to let her go. She snatched her hand from mine and for the first time I read shame on her face.
"What is wrong? You can tell me." I unintentionally ran my hand along the picnic table. "Ouch. Shit!" The splinter was long but I have had worst. I pulled out the white piece of wood that was stuck in the palm of my hand. Warm blood followed. Time seemed to slow down, or speed up exponentially. Before I could register the look in Bella's eyes she was on her feet, with Emmett and Rosalie at her side. She quickly turned and walked away with her sister with Emmett following.
"Emmett what's wrong? Where is she going?"
"Sorry man. Just give her sometime." I hardly noticed my palm was dripping blood. I was more concerned with the tear in my heart. I walked to the nurse's office. The opposite direction of the love of my life.
The pain in my chest told me not to expect her in Biology, but I was taken back when she didn't show up in the parking lot after school. The remaining Cullen family all but ran to the car and sped away. Was something wrong with Bella? Were they avoiding me now? I looked down a the stupid white gauze that covered my hand. This had something to do with why Bella left. I just did not understand what. That was on Monday.
By Wednesday Bella had not returned to school. I didn't know what was worst, not knowing why or that her family didn't trust me enough either to tell me that she was at least okay. I rehearsed her lullaby every chance I got. I sat at our table everyday at lunch, hoping to see her walk through the door. I worked without a lab partner – no matter what the assignment was. I didn't want anyone near me. By Thursday morning, Charlie noticed my change as well. I hadn't slept in those 3 nights leading up to this day and it started to show. Dad was too afraid to ask me though. By the end of the day on Thursday I couldn't take anymore and I had to do something. Anything.
I rushed out of eight hour, not even stopping at my locker to exchange books. I ran straight for the parking lot and perched myself on the driver side door of one fire red BMW, and waited. The family didn't look very surprised to see me there, but Rosalie looked pissed. I knew it wasn't because I was going to ask about Bella, but because I was touching her precious car.
"Please listen. Please tell Bella I miss her and I need her here with me. Tell her I haven't taken a real breath since she left me alone on Monday. Tell her I love her and I need her. Please just tell her I am sorry if I did anything to hurt or offend her. Tell her I accept her apology if she thinks she did anything to me. Please just tell her I am lost without her." Just saying the words made me feel even more exhausted. The tear in my heart seemed to burn and stretch even more.
All of their faces were on me. Even Rosalie nodded in agreement. I walked away from their car, hoping I did something right. I was a zombie through the drive home and while doing homework. I only made Charlie sandwiches for dinner. He looked disappointed as well, but I just didn't care. It was another restless night. When I got up for school that morning my out look on life still was pretty bleak.
I almost leaped from my moving car when I saw her standing in the middle of my usual parking spot. She moved out of the way so that I could pull in. As soon as the car was in park, I jumped from the door and threw my arms around her. I smothered my face in her hair. I needed to be lost in her scent; I had gone to long without it. My heart stopped beating when I realize she was holding me as tightly as I was holding her.
"Bella I'm sorry. Please don't leave me again. I can't exist without you. You took my heart with you . . ." I trailed off, unable to find the words to describe how I felt. She looked up in my eyes and smiled. She ran her cold hand over my left cheek and out through my hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed her touch. I wanted . . . I needed to get closer.
"Edward, we need to talk. About everything. How do you feel about skipping school today?"
"I am going where ever you are."
Her smile warmed my heart as she rubbed my cheek again. Her hands slid down my face, landing on my neck and continued down my chest. My body slowly came back to life. She slid her hands in mine.
"Follow me," she said as she walked me through the woods that wrapped around three sides of the school.
