"They're not here." A voice came from the empty space in front of him. "Or more precisely, you're not there."
"Ok, officially freaking out now. Where the hell am I? Am I back with the oracles?" Xander said, as he hand his hand out to create a sword in it.
Nothing happened.
"Ok, sooo not good. What happened to my powers?" Xander asked, looking round for a way out. The 'room' was completely white, as far as he could see. There were no doors, no windows, just whiteness.
"Your powers are still there, they are in your body, however you are not." The voice said as it coalesced into a form.
"Ok… freaking out here. I'm not in my body and I'm talking to myself?" Xander said, looking at the man in front of him who was a spitting image of himself.
"Correct, mostly. I am you, but you are not me, understand?" the figure asked, waving a chair into existence and sitting down.
"Not in the least." Xander admitted as he watched the figure create a chair for him. The figure was him, but wasn't. Where he had kept his hair short and spiky, the figure had let his grow out. Where he was wearing combats and a white t-shirt, the figure was wearing jeans and a tight black t-shirt. There were other differences and other similarities, it was like looking at a botched clone, something's were spot on, and others were drastically different.
"You're not really here, I'm not really here, well I am but only as part of your subconscious." The figure explained, leaning forward in his chair. "When Buffy hit you, you wanted answers, you wanted to understand it. This is your way of understanding it."
"So I created you, to deal with Buffy punching me out?" Xander asked, trying to wrap his mind round it.
"No, I've always been here. Ever since the night when you killed Kendra, I've been here." The figure said, leaning back in his chair.
"God, I didn't… I didn't mean… I couldn't…" Xander tried to say, cutting himself off as nothing seemed adequate to say.
"I know. There was nothing you could have done, you can't give or take lives. That's not your job." The figure said, standing up and walking a short distance into the white.
"But then… why are you here?" Xander asked, walking over next to him.
"I'm here because you couldn't deal with the guilt of it, the feelings that being a killer created in you. You didn't think they all just went away did you? That you would just wake up the next day and everything would be normal again?" The figure was practically shouting now.
"Well no but…"
"No. All those feelings, all that guilt, all that hatred, it's all here. It's part of me, it is me." The figure waved his hand and a window appeared and Xander watched the events play out again.
'Where is he? Did you get him?' Buffy asked as she sat up, looking round the church as she rubbed her head.
'Not yet. He's in here somewhere, you found him Kendra?' his own voice echoed through the church, Xander just watched as he came onto the 'screen' and walked towards Buffy.
'There!' Buffy screamed, pointing towards the wall of the church where he could see spikes coat flapping.
"Noo!" Xander screamed as he watched the events unfold, he just watched himself fire the energy blast; he watched as the blast tore through Kendra's body and punched her through the wall behind her. "Why are you showing me this? Why?" Xander asked, staring up at the figure with tears in his eyes.
"You can't deny what happened, you can't change it either but you can move on. This," the figure waved to the 'screen'. "Isn't all that you have done. You have helped countless people, saved hundreds of lives, but you judge yourself by the one life you took."
"I killed her." Xander said and he couched on the floor weeping.
"And if you don't move on, more will die, hundreds, thousands, more. Everyone will die." The figure waved his arm and the picture on the screen changed.
"What is this?" Xander asked, wiping his face with his hand.
"This is what is happening right now. You are in hospital at the moment, Faith, Giles, your father. They all come to see you every day. It's been a week and you haven't woken up."
Xander just watched with horror as Faith came and sat by his bedside.
'Wake up Xander, I need you. We all need you.' faith said, cradling his face with her hand.
"What's going on, why am I in hospital?" Xander asked, standing up so see the 'screen' more clearly.
"Buffy punched you before you got a shield up, before you could do anything. You took the punch like a normal human; it put you in a coma." The figure said sadly.
'Xander, we can't do this. Angelus is still alive and he… he's got Buffy. He's trying to awaken a demon; he's going to suck the world into hell. I can't stop it, I'm not strong enough. All I can do is think about you and what happened, please wake up. You've got to wake up…' The voice faded off as she broke into sobs on his chest.
"She means this…" The figure explained, waving his hand again over the 'screen'. The image changed to a fight scene where Buffy was fighting with Angelus. She was on the floor with Angelus stood over her, a sword at her throat.
'My boy Acathla's about to wake, where is your precious hero now?' Angelus taunted her, pushing the blade into her throat.
'Xander, I'm so sorry, forgive me.' Buffy whispered, wincing as the blade bit into flesh.
"NO!" Xander cried, punching towards the screen, faintly amused when his hand passed straight through the apparition. "I will fix this; I won't let him kill her. How can I get out of here?" Xander screamed at the figure.
"You have to embrace what you have done, embrace the power. All this time you have been using it, using part of it. Now you need to embrace it, become one with it." The figure said, holding his hand out. "Take my hand and embrace your destiny."
"What will I become?" Xander whispered as he reached out his hand tentevly.
"A true torchbearer." The figure said as he grasped his hand tightly,
"What…" Xander tried to ask as the power flooded through him.
"You'll know what to do with it." The figure said as a bright emerald light shone from within him.
The figure then ceased to be, everything ceased to be. The white faded, replaced by a brilliant green. Xander just looked down at the object in his hand.
"It's time." He said, power emanating from his words.
"Jack, quickly." Faith screamed as she jumped up from Xander's body.
"What?" Jack shouted as he came running into the room with two paper cups of coffee. The sight stopped him dead, the cups dropped to the floor, spilling their contents over the tiled floor of the hospital bed.
Xander's body was on fire, a bright emerald fire was burning through his entire body. Energy was sparking off his form and his eyes were glowing brighter than he had ever seen before.
"Xander?" Faith asked, softly.
"It's time." Xander said, disappearing in a flash of green light.
"What the hell just happened?" Jack shouted, looking at the bed where scorch marks burned through the mattress and energy still crackled around the bed frame.
Faith just leaned down and picked up an object from the floor. "He said 'it's time', time for what?" Faith asked as she looked round the room for a clock. "Buffy!" she shouted, running out of the room.
"You take away all that, and what's left?" Angelus taunted, pressing the blade tighter into her throat. Behind him, Buffy could see Acathla awakening, his mouth opening and the portal forming.
"Me." A voice came from the shadows.
"What the hell?" Angelus shouted, spinning round with the blade to face his new opponent. "You!"
"Me." Xander said, stepping fully into the timeline. His suit had changed, now instead of the black and green suit he normally wore, he wore something new. The green had gone, replaced by a bright light that seemed to shine from inside the suit itself. The black was now shining; glistening like metal and a green sheen ran across it.
"New suit, isn't going to save you though." Angelus smirked, advancing on Xander.
"No, but this is." Xander said, holding out his hand to Acathla and pausing time around him.
"What, how…" Angelus said, staring at the half formed vortex curiously.
"A little trick I taught myself. Doesn't stay that way for long but it should be enough to fic your problem." Xander walked towards Angelus, letting his body shine brighter than ever.
"Xander…" Buffy's soft voice came from the corner where she was still on her knees.
"This has to be done Buffy, you can't change that. Now it's not him or your friends, it's him of the world, and I've made my decision." Xander said, raising his hand to angelus, creating a cage around him.
"What is this? Afraid to fight me like a man?" Angelus screamed from the cage as he wrestled with the bars.
"Tell me how to stop it." Xander bit out, holding his hand out and igniting it in emerald flames.
"His blood," Buffy said softly. "His blood will close the portal."
"Simple then," Xander said, and with a flick of his hand threw the cage and Angelus into the portal. "Any last words before I restart time?"
Angelus just screamed, pulling at the bars of the cage with all his strength.
"Do it." Buffy said, standing up and walking over to him. "End it Xander."
He waved his hand and the vortex started opening again, faltering as it caught Angelus' body.
"Goodbye my love." Buffy said softly before turning her head, not wanting to watch the end.
Angelus' screams echoed through the building before the portal closed.
"Buffy, I…" Xander started.
Buffy just placed her finger over his lips before pulling him into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry Xander, so sorry…" with that she broke into tears, grasping Xander's body with all her strength.
"Shh…" Xander just held her, running his fingers through her hair as he faded back into his normal attire.
AN: just a quick chapter her, I wanted to do more but this felt like the best way to do it.
More to come soon.
M
