Thank you to everyone reading this story. I should have put a little disclaimer at the beginning that yes, this looks like an Edward/Bella story. I promise you Jacob/Bella is my endgame, but like everything in the Twilight world, things move pretty slowly. If you want a faster resolution, this story might not be for you- that's still a few chapters away.
I sat on my bed with my Trig homework open in front of me. With everything going on it was a miracle I wasn't failing out of high school. I suppose it helped that I had a genius to tutor me whenever an exam was scheduled. My eyes drifted toward my cell phone and I poked at it for the fifth time that hour, "No New Messages" lighting up on the screen. I've been staring at it all night- there's no way I would have missed a call, but I held my breath each time I checked my phone- hoping against hope I'd see Jacob's number on the screen.
"This is ridiculous." I mumbled to myself. I looked at the clock and it was only 7:30. Edward wasn't here yet. If I left right now I could make it over the boundary before he was expected to show up. Maybe I could tell him I had gone to Angela's to study or something. I sat for another moment, deliberating. Jacob could ignore my calls, but he couldn't ignore me so easily if I was standing in front of him. It was childish for him to ignore me just because Edward was back. I didn't want to choose sides- I wanted them both. It was selfish of me, but screw it, I'm 18 years old and allowed to act like it sometimes. I climbed off my bed and pulled on my shoes.
Charlie looked up from the game on TV and gave me a surprised look as I pulled my coat off the hook announced "I'm headed to see Jake, is that okay?" I didn't even wait to hear his answer before I pulled the front door open and ran to my truck. I climbed in and shook the dampness from my hair. It was another dreary, misty evening. I pushed down on the clutch and turned the key in the ignition. It gave a weak sputter and died. I tried again- this time, nothing happened. I hit the steering wheel out of frustration, "Don't do this to me, truck!" I begged.
My heart jumped into my throat when I sensed someone behind me in the dark cab. He was sitting in the backseat, turning a car battery over in his hands.
"I thought you understood this wasn't allowed."
"What the hell, Edward?" I yelled, my heart slowly making is way back into my chest.
"Alice saw you deciding to see Jacob. This is for your protection. You're not safe there; most of them haven't learned to control themselves yet."
This again? I was getting really tired of his lectures. "Well, it was safe enough for several months when you left me. I spent nearly every day there and there's not a scratch on me."
I hit a nerve. He looked like he was in agony. No doubt he was playing over all the ways he had put me in harm's way in the short time we had known each other.
"Don't do that," I said quietly, reading his face.
"Do what?"
"Stop blaming yourself for every bad thing that comes my way. Can't we just have a good old-fashioned argument without opening the floodgates of guilt?"
"It wasn't like this for you before we met. I'm no good for you," he muttered.
"I know." He looked up, surprised at my answer. "Life was a lot easier before we met. But it was also boring and lonely. I get a choice in this, too. And right now, I am choosing to be with you. I wish you'd trust me to make my own decisions."
"I do trust you, just not them."
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that." I don't know where I was getting the courage to say all these things. I was even surprising myself. "You have to give me some freedom, Edward, or being with you won't feel like a choice anymore."
"I wish you had a chance to get to know them," I said, my voice softening. I wanted to crawl into the back of the cab with him. I wanted to rest my head against his chest. But more than that I wanted to stand my ground, so I stayed where I was.
"I have everything I need. And I was never very good at making new friends." he replied. We sat in silence for a few moments.
"Is this really about my safety?" I asked softly.
"What else would it be about?" he evaded my question. When I didn't answer, he continued, "You mean everything to me, Bella."
"That's not true," I corrected gently. "You have your family and your music."
"Nothing sustains me the way you do."
"You lived almost a century without me."
"A century that I only know now was a shell of a life. I was content until I met you, and I saw all that my life was missing, all my life could be. Now that my eyes have been opened, I could never go back to the way it was. It would be a half-life."
Jacob's smile flashed in my mind as Edward said these things. I pushed that thought away. It was betrayal to think of Jacob when I was with Edward.
"I'll forgive you tomorrow." I walked back to the house, feeling more confused and frustrated then when I left. The way Edward talked about me was how I had been feeling about Jacob these last few weeks, and that was unsettling.
"What's wrong?" Charlie asked, sitting up as I reappeared in the house, much too quickly to have made the trip to La Push and back.
"My car won't start. Something with the battery, I think."
"Do you want to use the cruiser?" He asked hopefully, digging into his pocket for the keys.
"No, thanks, Dad. I think I'll just go to bed," I suddenly felt exhausted. I walked past my father toward the stairs and then stopped short. I turned and sat on the couch next to him. He looked at me in surprise.
"What happened with you and mom? Why did she leave?" I asked it just like that, no preface, no build-up.
He looked up at the ceiling, deciding on his words. Then he looked back at me. "We had very different dreams," he said after a moment.
"So opposites don't attract after all?" I asked ruefully, thinking about how very different I was from either Edward or Jacob. Ironically, they had more in common with each other than I had with either of them.
"I don't know about that," I muttered. It was clear this wasn't a comfortable conversation topic for him. "Didn't you and your mom ever talk about what happened?" He asked hopefully. I shook my head. He paused and sighed, "We didn't make room for each other's dreams. We were decided on our own and... we weren't ready to compromise." He looked off somewhere behind me, off into the past.
I paused and thought about that for a moment. "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at once?" The question escaped before I could reel it back in. This was not a conversation I could ever have imagined having with my dad. Not gruff old Charlie. But his answer surprised me.
"I couldn't say. I've only ever loved one woman."
Charlie is so straight froward. No frills. It made his statement that much more romantic. For the first time I wonder how my mother could have left him.
He looked at me sideways, trying to discern what brought on all my soul-searching questions. He patted my shoulder, "Ask me how a carburetor works; that I could explain to you no problem."
"Thanks, Dad. That was significantly less awkward than I anticipated." I kissed the top of his head and moved toward the stairs, "Goodnight."
"Yup. You, too, kiddo." after a few moments I heard the game turn back on as I closed the door to my room.
I made sure the window was locked. Surely that would make no difference to Edward's ability to get in, but he would understand the signal. I needed to be alone. I curled into my blankets and fell asleep to the sound of the rain against my window.
