Huge thanks to my beta Kitty Cullen who constantly has to remind me that I'm too hard on myself.

Disclaimer: I still don't own


"Are you ready?" Jasper asked me for the third time in an hour. It took all that I had not to scream. I tried to remind myself that he was just as nervous about going home for break as I was.

"Not even close," I said, rolling my eyes; not at Jasper, but at the situation. He sighed loudly.

"It's going to be fine, Bella. Esme and Carlisle won't let Rosalie treat you poorly, not in their home. If you're having a terrible time we can leave. I want you to spend time with my family, but I would never want to you feel uncomfortable." He rubbed my back, trying to sooth me as he talked.

"Okay."

"Okay?" he asked, lowering his head to look in my eyes. I nodded before pecking his lips and returning to my bags.

The two weeks leading up to our trip had been hell. Jasper and I were so busy with end of semester stuff that we hadn't seen each other and I was constantly worried about spending time at the Cullen's with Rosalie. The only relief that Jasper and I had were the few time we got to hang out with friends. Our schedules conflicted, so when I had free time I spent it with Alice and Emmett, and when he had free time, he spent it with his role playing buddies. He never said that he missed spending his weekends hiding out in Tyler's mom's basement, but I had a feeling he did. When we got together we shut everyone else out, so as the newness of our relationship started to wear off we were both ready for interaction with other people. My parents emailed me often and complained that I didn't call home enough. I couldn't blame them – I didn't. Between school and Jasper I didn't have time to worry about anything else, or maybe I just didn't want to.

There were times, more often than not, where I regretted my decision to not spend Christmas at home. I missed my family, but most of all I didn't want to feel like an outcast. With the new baby coming, Emmett was already considered part of the family. He and Rosalie had made it clear that they had every intention to get married as soon as she got her figure back. I laughed when Alice shared that tiny bit of information and remember thinking that that sounded exactly like something Rosalie would do. There was no denying that Emmett loved her, and I was sure that he would have married her no matter what she looked like, not that she was ever unattractive. Even at eight months pregnant, Rose was the most beautiful woman I had ever known.

After the IHop incident I spent some time getting to know Emmett. I felt like I owed him for the way he stood up for me. Alice had said that he wasn't that bad and she was right. He was loud and sometimes annoying, but underneath the tough guy, jerk off exterior, he was a sweetheart. It made me feel better about asking Jasper to give him a chance. From what Emmett said it was Rosalie's decision to keep their relationship from Jasper. He said that Rosalie's protective nature was nothing in comparison to Jasper's. I didn't understand why, but knew there was a reason. I hoped that one day I would find out what happened to make them distrust people so adamantly.

Things didn't change much with Edward in those two weeks. He came around to study, but we didn't see him lurking around the dorms like he usually did. Alice said that he had been hanging with Kate and the two of them were growing close. I was happy and hopeful. Edward needed to find a girl that could not only tame him, but put up with him, too. He had a good heart, but he was also arrogant, competitive, and smug. Two days before Winter break began he ran into our room and scooped me up into a hug, thanking me for helping him study. He passed his exam. Jasper was relieved that that was over and without incident.

"All set?" Jasper asked, sitting his bag by the door.

"Mhm, just give me two minutes," I said, holding up my one finger and heading towards the restroom. The house wasn't too far, I could have waited, but I was stalling.

"I'm going to run our bags down to the car. I'll meet you down there." He kissed my check before throwing both of our bags over his shoulder and heading out. It wasn't until then that the butterflies really started to flutter and the small, dry lump that had lingered in the back of my throat the entire duration of the previous two weeks grew bigger. I was beginning to panic. Something I hadn't done since moving to New Hampshire. I ran to my dresser quickly and pulled out the dreaded brown bottle that I hadn't touched in months. I popped one of the pills Dr. Johansson prescribed to me back and Forks and took a seat on the bed. Some may say that my freak out was irrational, but to me it made perfect sense. I was going to be stuck, for three weeks, with the Ice Queen; the same woman who had verbally attacked me three weeks previous.

Whether it was the magic of the blue pill or the mantra I played in my head, it didn't take me long to calm down. All thoughts of using the restroom were forgotten and I made my way down to the car, but not before throwing my anxiety medication in my purse – just in case. No one at Dartmouth knew about my problem and I planned to keep it that way. I hated that half the town of Forks knew about my "disorder". It felt like they were just waiting for me to break down, even after my parents assured them that that wasn't going to happen. As I neared the car I was feeling quite a bit calmer. Jasper was waiting for me by the passenger side door and already had it opened for me.

"Is everything alright?"

"Fine," I said with a smile as I took my seat.

The ride to the house was quiet, for which I was grateful. I sat back in my seat and enjoyed the view that the ride offered. Our drive wasn't too long, but at the same time, not long enough. Jasper told me that Esme and Carlisle were thrilled that all of their children were able to get into Dartmouth so that they could be close to home. I had a feeling that they weren't the only happy ones. Jasper may act like he doesn't care for Edward, but something tells me that if any of them were to move away from the family, the unit wouldn't feel whole.

When we pull up to the house the door swings open and Esme is out the door before Jasper even has time to park. I stepped out of the car, dragging a little more than usual, and was immediately swept up into a hug.

"It's good to see you again, Bella. I'm so glad you will be staying with us." She pulled away, but grabbed me by the elbow. "Are you hungry? Come on, let's go inside. Jasper can get everything out of the car." She didn't even give me time to respond before pulling me into the house.

I had been to the Cullen's home twice before that. Once for Jasper to drop something off and once for dinner, but I still couldn't get over the beauty of the old white Victorian. The night we had dinner with Carlisle and Esme I commented on the immaculate state that the house was in. They laughed it off, saying that it really needed work, but to me, it was perfect. For sure the grandest home I had ever been in.

"Kate will be joining us for dinner. Have you two met?"

"No, not really. I mean, we have a class together, but I don't really know her."

"Well, she seems like a sweet girl. It's about time Edward found someone he's interested in." She smiled with hope in her eyes. I wanted to laugh and tell her that Edward had, in fact, been interested in many girls, just not in the way she wanted. Everyone knew that Edward was Esme and Carlisle's golden boy. He got good grades, never brought a girl home, and excelled at sports.

My afternoon flew by. Rosalie was out with Emmett, so I didn't have to deal with her, and Jasper left me in the kitchen to converse with Esme. She was surprisingly easy to talk to and thanks to my handy blue pill, so was I. Alice and Edward came in around three. Edward went straight to his room and Alice came to talk to us for a while before disappearing. Carlisle had yet to make an appearance, but Esme said he would be home late that evening. I offered to help cook after I went to check on Jasper and found him sitting at the computer desk with a game remote in hand. I knew it could be hours before he quit playing.

After I did all I could to help I ran up the stairs to get cleaned up. I felt odd about sharing a room with Jasper, but he kept reassuring me that no one cared. When I walked into the room to grab some fresh clothes and toiletries to take with me to the restroom, I saw Alice rummaging through Jasper's closet. He was glaring at her from his spot on the bed, but wouldn't say anything.

"What are you doing, Alice?"

"Finding Jasper something to wear."

"Leave him alone, Alice. We aren't even going anywhere. Geesh," I said, rolling my eyes. She never really cared to mess with Jasper, but when she was bored she liked to find a willing guinea pig.

"That doesn't mean he can't look good. He's been up here on his computer for over four hours and my mom's been hogging you. You guys can let me have a little bit of fun." She was pouting. I put my hands up in surrender and gave Jasper an apologetic look before running out the door.

I took my time getting ready, not wanting to hear the tantrum Jasper was going to throw over whatever Alice had planned for him. I threw on a pair of old stone washed jeans with one of the sweaters Alice bought me. The outfit was comfortable, but attractive. I had just finished with my hair and was moving onto my make-up when I hear a knock at the door.

"Just a second," I yelled, sitting down the pencil I was getting ready to use.

I opened the door to find Kate standing on the other side.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I just wanted to see if you could use any help," she said cheerfully.

"Oh, um, I'm almost done." I moved back in front of the mirror and resumed putting on my eyeliner. Kate hadn't moved from the doorway.

"Is everything okay, Kate?" I looked at her through the mirror as I talked.

"Yeah, I just felt a little uncomfortable down there by myself." She gave me a small smile. I knew exactly what she meant. The Cullen family was so close that it was hard not to feel like an outcast.

"I understand," I nodded my head fiercely.

"How long have you and Jasper been together, Bella?" she asked after a moment of silence.

"Um, four months. Why?"

"I was just wondering." She looked down at the ground and began shuffling her feet. I could tell there was something more on her mind.

"Is something bothering you?" I turned around and rested my backside on the counter.

"He likes you, you know?" She was talking to the ground. My eyebrows were scrunched up in confusion. Of course Jasper liked me. I didn't understand her reasoning behind the statement.

"Well, I would hope so. Otherwise I wouldn't be here, but why is that so upsetting?" My question came out harsher than I intended, but for some reason I felt very defensive.

"I'm not talking about Jasper. Edward… Edward likes you. I know I have nothing to worry about. I can tell that you love Jasper, but sometimes I just wish he looked at me like he looks at you, or talked about me the way he talks about you." She paused to take a deep breath. "We're still new, but I really like him, Bella." She sounded like she wanted to cry. I took a few steps forward and placed my hand on her arm.

"You've got it all wrong, Kate. Edward doesn't like me… like that. We are just friends. Trust me, he's really into you. Did you know that Edward has never brought a girl home before?" I wanted her to understand what a big deal it was that he had invited her to sit with his family. She nodded slightly.

"He told me that, but you don't hear the way he talks about you. He has puts you up on a pedestal, and I'm afraid I'll never compare." She looked up at me as she finished. I couldn't believe that she actually felt like she would never compare to me.

"It's not a competition. I really think you should talk to him about how you're feeling. He is very grateful that I helped him with his Biology and we have gotten to know each other pretty well. Edward doesn't have many close friends, so if he is talking about me a lot, that's probably why. Besides, I'm dating his cousin, who might as well be his brother. Even if he does have feelings for me, it's never going to happen." I wanted to tell her that Edward did try before I got with Jasper, but thought better of it.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"Don't thank me, just please stop worrying. You're here, you see me, there is absolutely nothing special going on right here. If it would make you feel better we can take out paper and pen and do a comparison chart. I promise, you'd come out on top." I gave her a sickly sweet smile, hoping that would be the end of the extremely awkward conversation.

"Thanks," she said for the second time in three minutes.

"You're welcome." I laughed. Kate was too pretty to be so insecure, and in all honesty, probably way too good for Edward.

We walked out of the bathroom and down the hall to the room I was sharing with Jasper. I could hear everyone chatting downstairs and grew nervous at the thought of Rosalie being down there. I was going to ask Kate if she showed up yet, but didn't want to draw attention to the situation. After I discarded my old clothes and bag we headed downstairs. Being around Kate was easy. She was as quiet as I was, but everything about her screamed "friendly". I hoped we would have some time to get to know each other. It would help put her mind at ease about Edward, and it never hurt to make new friends.

We walked into the living room where everyone was, my eyes immediately seeking out Jasper. He was sitting alone on the piano bench. He didn't look like himself. Jasper always looked good, but that night, he was hot. His usual combed over hair was hanging lose with a slight wave running through it. His attire hadn't changed too much, but Alice got him to put on a print instead of the solids I was used to seeing him in. What stood out the most was that he wasn't wearing his glasses. The only times I had ever seen him without them were when we went to bed and when we woke up. He spotted me quickly once he noticed Kate take her seat next to Edward and made his way over to me.

"You like my hair? Alice did it," he said with a grimace.
"I do, but Jasper? Please… put your glasses back on," I purred into his ear. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close.

"How about we skip dinner?" He whispered, running his lips over my earlobe. I could tell he was turned on and I wanted nothing more than to take him back upstairs, but I wanted to make a good impression my first day in Esme's home.

"We can't do that to Esme, but I promise to make the wait worth your while."

I heard a gagging noise come from behind Jasper's head and looked around him to see where it was coming from. Rose. I was so busy oogling my hot boyfriend that I hadn't even noticed her. I openly rolled my eyes and turned to face Jasper. All thoughts of Rosalie were immediately replaced with thoughts of what would happen when he and I finally made our escape.


So with everything going on with FFn lately I have moved all of my stories to my blog. This update is already there and all future updates will go there first, just as a precaution. maitressesaint(dot)blogspot(dot)com There are tabs at the top of page for each one of my stories.

Les Femmes did an article about the LU and review etiquette on Tuesday. It truly is worth the read, so please, if you have a minute check that out theladiesoftwilight(dot)com