Ch 15 White as Snow
Later that day the doctor finally released Emily, he made her promise not to go to work until she was cleared by her own doctor and he extracted multiple promise from both her and Hotch that she would take it easy while she was home. Hotch had already made it clear to both Emily and the doctor that she wouldn't touch a piece of work till a doctor cleared her.
As a result of her wounds she was unable to wear any of the clothes in her go bag (not that many of them were clean either). The nurse was kind enough to get her some scrubs to wear and though she felt ridiculous in the blue pieces of clothing she knew they were far more comfortable than any of the sweats she had at home.
If clothing was difficult with her injuries, walking was a colossal ordeal, every move she made pulled at her stitches or worse threatened to break open her unstitched wounds. The lacerations on her inner thighs created the most trouble and caused a great deal of pain whenever she tried to walk. Hotch insisted on her sitting in the wheelchair until they got to the car. She really didn't try and fight him on the issue, moving from the bed to the chair was difficult enough there was no way she was going to be walking out of the hospital on her own.
The car ride was quiet as Hotch drove to the airport, Rossi sat in the backseat allowing Emily to sit in the passenger's seat. She didn't speak to either of them, she just looked out the window. It was funny to think that she hadn't seen the grass, trees or even houses for over a week. She spent the whole ride with the window partly down soaking up the fresh air that came rushing in. The car ride was actually relaxing for her, but all the changed when they arrived at the jet.
The moment she stepped onto the plane she knew something was different. The jet that once felt spacious now seemed tiny and cramped. She felt like the walls were closed in on her, as though she was once again back in the glass coffin, restricted and gasping for air. Immediately she began to have trouble breathing and her heart started to race. She wanted to get off as quickly as possible but she forced herself to walk further into the plain.
"Has the jet gotten smaller?" Emily said producing a nervous laugh to cover the panic that was rising inside her.
"No, don't tell me you're getting to grand for us Prentiss now that you had your own private hospital room."
"Morgan I don't think having a private hospital room is going to give me an inflated ego. All I was saying was it feels very warm in here." She growled at Morgan as Hotch helped her to the couch. Once she was in a comfortable position he took the seat across the aisle from her.
While sitting there her sense of panic did not get better. As the rest of the team took seats around the plane things began to get worse. She continued to feel trapped and all the memories of the past few days flooded back. It was so hard to breath and her palms began to sweat. The team kept moving around situating themselves and getting drinks and snacks, this made it so much worse as they walked past invading what little space she had. She tried taking deep breaths in a failed attempt to calm down but it felt like no matter how much air she took in it wasn't enough. She thought she had gained some control over her panic attack until the plane doors where closed. Being sealed in to a box pushed her over the edge, she couldn't get any air to enter her lungs and she began to feel dizzy.
"Aaron…Aaron" She gasped trying to get his attention.
Hotch looked over and Emily looked pale almost as white as a sheet and she had begun to sweat, on top of that she appeared to be hyperventilating. He quickly moved and knelt down next to her taking her hand.
"Emily are you okay?"
"Aaron I don't think I can do this?" she panted
"Do what? Do you need some drugs, are you in pain?" He wasn't sure what Emily was talking about but it was very unlike her to say she couldn't do anything, a fact which concerned him greatly.
"I don't think I can ride on the plane, I want to get off." She said starting to cry.
"Tell me what's wrong, we are about to take off, what can I do?" Hotch as getting more concerned as she spoke this was very unlike her, and as if on cue the plane began taxing down the runway gaining speed and eventually taking off.
"I can't breathe I feel trapped in here it's too small I can't breathe I need out." She cried
"Its going to be okay I promise, I think it is time for you to take some more pain pills, so you take some of them and I will try and get you as much space on the plane as I can. I need you to take deep breaths count to ten a couple of times till I get back; we will make this okay I promise." He got up and handed her a bottle of water and then began talking to his fellow teammates, he explained that Emily needed some space and they gladly gave her as much as they could in such a confined space. Hotch then quickly returned to Emily side.
"It isn't working I feel trapped like I'm back in the box." Hotch knew exactly what was wrong.
"Emily have you even been claustrophobic before?"
"What? No I have always been fine in closed spaces." As soon as she said that she understood what he was getting at. "He made me claustrophobic, he put me in that damn glass box, and made me claustrophobic." She yelled as angry tears slid down her cheeks.
"Yeah but we can deal with I promise, would it help if I sat with you?" He asked trying to calm both the anger and the panic. She thought about it for a moment and then nodded. They quickly found a new potion that put the least amount of stress on her broken ribs, her head was resting in his lap and he began stroking her hair and rubbing circles in her back. It would have been very romantic if she weren't on the verge of hyperventilating.
"Just concentrate on breathing don't think about anything else just think of filling your lungs with air and then release it." Emily did as she was told and slowly she began to calm down. She could hear his heart beating steadily from her position in his lap and she was pretty sure that the constant beat of his heart calmed her more than anything else.
"Talk to me" she said softly "I don't care what you talk about it can be cars, sports, doesn't matter just talk to me because it helps." She begged softly.
'Okay but I warn you I don't know all the unless information Reid does."
"It is not always useless and please just talk about something. How is Jack?"
"Jack is good he is spending the next few days with Haley's parents. He usually spends one weekend a month with them so it was already planned and I didn't know when we would be back so I saw no reason to break from his schedule." She nodded signaling for him to continue talking.
"Did I tell you he decided he wants to play T-ball this summer, a bunch of his friends from pre-school are playing so he wanted to do it too. And since soccer went so well this spring I thought it was a good idea. Jess signed him up a few weeks ago and he had his first practice a couple of days ago."
"I am sorry you missed it."
"No it was probably as good thing, Jess said that all the kids had trouble with the bats and where almost hit each other through the whole practice. I would have been a nervous wreck thinking that he was going to hit someone or get hit. But according to Jess he looks very cute in his little uniform, which I thought you would enjoy hearing."
"I can't wait to see him in it."
"He will be very excited when you are healed enough to come see one of his games."
"Which will be in what a month?" She said with a laugh.
"If you are lucky and I mean it."
"I thought I made it clear that I am not going to fight you on this. I made a promise to myself that if I was rescued that I would follow the prescribed medical treatment and I meant it."
"Ah the truth comes out and I know you, you say that now but once you start feeling better you are not going to listen. But remember I am not afraid to call your mom and tell her you are not listening to your doctor."
"You play dirty Hotchner and we will see about you calling my mother. Now talk about something else not my injuries, that doesn't help."
"Sorry I told you Reid would be better."
"But I'm not in love with Reid"
"Which is good for me. Okay since I am clearly not good at this why don't I read to you instead?"
"You brought a book with you, you never do that." She said more than a little surprised.
"I decided to pick up a copy of Slaughterhouse-Five, I heard you and Morgan talking about it a while ago so I thought I would give it a try. It is always good to have a book around, just in case."
They both knew what he was saying, he bought the book because she liked it.
"Reid could you grab the book out of my bag?" Hotch asked quietly. Emily closed her eyes and continued to take deep breaths while she waited. She thought it was so sweet that he had one of her favorite books with him simply because it was her favorite.
A minute later Hotch had the book and began to read. Emily had read Slaughterhouse-Five many times and as Hotch read Emily began to relax into the comfort and familiarity that came from a favorite book. It was like your favorite soft old sweater on a cold rainy day.
Reading aloud from the book and the pain meds had the desired effect Hotch had hoped for. Her breathing evened out and soon she was asleep. Hotch continued to sit there with her head in his lap stroking her hair and silently reading the book. He strayed there the whole flight home he didn't dare disrupt her now that she was asleep and he didn't want to leave her alone.
He knew that Emily's new found claustrophobia had the team a little worried and he couldn't blame them. Coming back from an experience like the one Emily had suffered could be very hard and he knew that many agents would never be able to come back from something like this. That was why he wanted to make sure she told him how she was really feeling, he wanted to make sure she was actually recovered. The rest of the team was doing everything they could do for her right now, they were giving her space, which Hotch was glad to see.
Emily was not someone who would do well being coddled and constantly asked if she needed anything or if she was feeling okay or if she wanted to talk. Emily usually needed to deal with things in her own way. He knew he had to walk a fine line when it came to helping her recover, he had to be there to support her yet not smother her in the process.
Above all he wanted her to know that he could be the one person that she felt comfortable enough to tell how she really feeling. If he was honest, he wanted to be the one person, the only person, she needed in life, if for no other reason than because he really enjoyed watching her sleep.
A/N Sorry about the last chapter somehow I originally uploaded the first chapter again I fixed it once I learned about it but I am sorry. Also I am sorry about any typos that there have been through the story I do try really hard to get rid of them before I put the chapter up and I try and make sure there are commas where they need to be but I'm not perfect and I can be a little tired after work, but I am still sorry for the ones that have slipped through I will try harder. I know I sound like a broken record (but it is true so I will keep saying it) thank you all for reading I hope you enjoy the chapter and thank you all for reviewing.
