Tears
Aaron Hotchner had no idea when, but at some point he did managed to fall back asleep and he woke to the sun shining into the window around 10 am. Emily was still sleeping peacefully by his side, he wanted to let her to get as much sleep as she could and didn't want to wake her. Carefully he got out of bed and began to make breakfast. He thought after a decent night sleep she might be up to having some oatmeal. As he started to make her oatmeal he decided that it actually sounded like a good breakfast and so he made enough for both of them.
It didn't take him very long to warm the milk for the instant oatmeal and he knew it hadn't been more than twenty minutes since he had gotten up but he felt it was time to wake Emily. She needed something to eat it had been over twelve hours at this point since she had the broth. She needed food more than sleep. He felt very paternalistic for thinking this way and any other time Emily would hate to be taken care of like this but he wanted to take care of her and she was letting him for the moment and he wasn't going to waste the opportunity to take care of the woman he loved.
He was proud of himself; he actually has a tray so he could serve her breakfast in bed. He put his and her bowls on the tray and he poured two glasses of orange juice. He reasoned that she needed all the vitamins and calcium she could get but he didn't want to give her a multi-vitamin, he feared possible drug interaction with all the meds she was already on.
He wished he had a flower to put on the tray as well, but he didn't have any at home and he didn't wasn't to leave her just to buy some flowers and he really didn't want to get caught picking the flowers out in front of his building, this meant unfortunately the tray would have to go flowerless.
Carefully and with a lot more effect than he anticipated he carried the tray into the bedroom, in all honesty he didn't have much experience bring women breakfast in bed. He couldn't help but wonder if maybe things would have turned out better with Haley if he had been more romantic, that was why he was going to make sure he did things like this for Emily a lot more. But right now he was about taking care of her and that was more important than anything else.
He set the tray down between the two of them and then walked around to her side of the bed and carefully he woke her up.
"This is becoming a very common occurrence; my alarm clock is going to get jealous." She said with a yawn and a smile. Just as they had the night before he helped her sit up and then moved the tray in front of her.
"I hope you are joining me, if not you must have very ambitious expectations of how much I can eat."
"I was planning on joining you and you don't have to eat the whole bowl just eat as much as you can and try to have some orange juice it will help you feel better." He said with a grin.
"Yes mom" She teased
He moved to sit next to her on the bed; he grabbed a bowl off the tray and began eating."
"Do you want to turn the TV on?"
"Yes, thought I have to admit I am a bit afraid to turn on the TV and flip through the channels in case I run it to a Disney movie or something like that. I know it is silly."
"No it isn't silly it is completely understandable. How about I promise to skip the Disney channel as we flip through?"
"Thank you." She said playfully.
They sat there watching reruns of old TV show, Hotch didn't think that the last hour of the morning shows were a good idea, she didn't need to see the news right now, old comedies and bad courtroom dramas where probably their safest bet.
When they were finished with breakfast he took their dirty dishes and the tray into the kitchen. He was happy she managed to eat almost three fourths of the bowl and drank all of her orange juice. While it was possible that he was mothering her just a little bit he had made it his personal responsibility to make sure she recovered and when it came to food and other physical issues he knew he could be a little pushier.
When he returned she snuggled up to him and rested her head on his chest while he put his arms around her. She enjoyed being close to him and watching TV that she didn't have to think about, it felt very relaxing which was exactly what she needed right now. After watching two hours of the History Channel, Emily finally sat up and turned to face Hotch.
"Can I see what movies you picked, I think i have reached my daytime TV intake limit for the time being?"
"Yes I will show you but I was thinking you might like to wash your hair and then watch a movie and maybe eat some ice cream while you watch."
Her whole face lit up like a 5 year old on her birthday who was getting a puppy. "Yes I would love to do that. Just quickly tell me what movies you grabbed and then we can move in to the bathroom."
He listed off the movies and she seem quite happy with his choices.
"Good Job and you were worried. Okay fearless leader what is your great plan to wash my hair."
"I will ignore the Rocky and Bullwinkle joke because you're hurt." He said with a playful glare "It is a very complicated process of taking one of the kitchen chairs into the bathroom and putting it up to the sink, the height should just be right and is much better than trying to do it in the bath tub."
"Ah if you had been Fearless leader maybe Boris and Natasha would have caught moose and squirrel."
"You call me fearless leader at work and you are in big trouble Agent Prentiss." He warned with mock sternness.
"What about honey, baby or sweetheart." She teased.
"Those will get you in many different kinds of trouble and if Morgan ever says one of those names to me in a mocking way. You better run and hide."
"Don't worry if Morgan does that I will make sure he can't talk for a long time. Plus I would never say any of those names at work."
"Oh yeah right, you little Miss Emily get bored at work and then say and do funny things just to entertain yourself and usually Morgan and Reid too."
"Okay I will admit I can do that but I promise the only name I would dare use behind your back is fearless leader"
"It better be." He had to admit he liked the way she said 'Fearless Leader', but he was never going to tell her that.
"Don't worry." She said as she blew him a kiss, and then she got quite for a minute. "Do you think after we wash my hair I could try and wash off a little, I mean nothing more than washing with a wash cloth but anything would help? I feel so dirty."
"I think we can do that, but I do believe you are blushing Emily, I promise not to look in certain specific places." He smiled trying to make her feel more comfortable.
"I don't care if you look at those places, right now I would prefer it. I don't want you to look too much at the cuts and bruises. I haven't really gotten a chance to look at them but I am a bit afraid to look."
"I understand being afraid to, but don't be, and don't be afraid of me seeing them, do you think, me of all people, is going to be discussed or turn off by cuts and buries or scars. That is what you are afraid of isn't?" She nodded
"Well don't be, you are gorgeous with or without scars. I like a girl who has scars to match my own." He joked quietly, he then began kissing her a little bit more passionately that he had previously, but unlike before this time he wanted to prove to her that he didn't care about her scars. "I will even show you my scars from last year if you would like."
She was more than a little bit taken aback by his offer, she had helped him last year after he had been stabbed but he had always tried to prevent her from seeing his knife wounds. His actions made it clear that he didn't want her or anyone else to see them. It spoke volumes about how he had changed and how their relationship had changed. He really was letting her in if he was willing to show her his scars.
"I would like that." She answered softly
"Good, no more being embarrassed about your wound, because here comes the part you are not going to like very much." He took a deep breath, he knew she really was not going to be happy with what he had to say but he had no other choice.
"We need to clean you cuts and put more antibiotic ointment on them and re-badged them, the doctor recommended hydrogen peroxide or rubbing alcohol. The doctor said that for the first few days we had to clean and re-bandage then once a day then we only have to do it every couple of days. I know this isn't something you want to do but we need to clean them"
Her face went white as a sheet she was familiar with both of products, she liked neither and she knew Aaron would prefer to use alcohol and that was the one that hurt more. Tear sprung to her eyes she didn't want those cuts to cause more pain, she was tired of pain. Cleaning her wounds was about the last thing she wanted to do.
"No please we don't need to, I don't want to." She surprised both Aaron and herself when she began sobbing uncontrollably and involuntarily moved away from him. Her mind started to spin and all she could think was the pain it would cause and how much she didn't want to be in pain anymore. She couldn't take anymore right now.
Hotch almost panicked, he hadn't anticipated this result, he hadn't meant to upset her and the last thing he wanted to do was make her cry. He didn't know what to do, they needed to clean out her cuts, they needed to make sure they didn't get infected, but he didn't want her to cry either. He pulled her on to his lap and she rested her head on his shoulder and cried. She felt so small and fragile in his arms, and all he wanted to do was hold her tight and protect her forever.
He hated that he was the one causing her to cry, he never wanted to be the one to make her cry and all he wanted to do was make it all better, but he couldn't so he held her, gave her a shoulder to cry on, and tried to make her feel safe. He started rubbing her back in circles, and all he could think was what would he do if this was Jack, what would he say?
"Em its okay please don't cry, I didn't mean to make you cry. We need to clean them out sweetheart I can't change that, we have to make sure they don't get infected. If they do you will have to go back to the hospital and they will make you take the yucky pills longer. It is going to hurt a lot I know and I wish it didn't have to" He tried desperately to make her understand and this caused her to cry a little harder.
"Shh I will try and make it hurt as little as possible and you can squeeze my hand while I do it if that would help. I could get you some crushed ice to chew on." She lifted her head from where it was hidden in his chest and through her tears spoke to him.
"You do know that I am not having a baby right, because those things you just mentioned are what pregnant woman do when having a kid."
"Sorry it was either that or promise that you can have a lollypop when it's over, I am very limited in my experience with crying people. I'm so sorry I would love to be able to tell you that we could just ignore the doctor's instructions but I can't, I can't risk you getting an infection. I'm sorry I have to be the bad guy but we have to do it."
"I know I am just so tired of being in pain I don't want to hurt anymore." She was reduced to sobs once again. Emily had never been one to run away or avoid things she didn't want to do, that wasn't who she was, but this was different she wasn't usually asked to willingly submit herself to large amounts of pain right after being used as a pin cushion by an Unsub. Every fiber of her body did not want to do it, she was tired of being strong she wanted to give into her emotions and run and hide. She was at the breaking point and fought an inner war as she cried in Aaron's arms
"Emily please I beg you don't cry, we have to do this and it is breaking my heart to see you cry over this. I don't know how to make it better, tell me what to do?"
"I don't know, all I know is that I don't want you to do it, I am so scared of you doing it." He rarely heard he say she was afraid of something and it worried him a little.
"I have to" "He repeated, rubbing circles into her back in a vain attempt to calm her down. "I know you have been through so much pain and you have been so strong and I know you are tired of being strong but I know you can do this. I will be with you the whole time unlike before you don't have to go through it alone and you can have control over how fast we go."
"But you are going to insist on using alcohol?"
"Yes it will kill the germs a lot better than hydrogen peroxide"
"And hurt a lot worse." She cried at that thought. He let her cry for a little while, she had to come to terms with this because they had to do it several more times in the following days.
After a short while her tears subsided and she just lay there in his arms and then she finally sat up. She was tired of fighting the enviable, it was time to give in and get it over with no matter how much she hated the idea. "Fine let's do this and get it over with."
"Okay, we will do this as quickly as possible. First we need to cover you cast with a plastic bag so we don't get it wet." He understood how much it took for her to agree to this and he didn't know how long her determination would last, therefore he moved as quickly as possible.
Once Emily had taken off her clothes and the cast was made as water tight as possible Aaron pulled out the rubbing alcohol, antibiotic ointment and a roll of gauze. Emily sat on the edge of the bath tub and he sat next to her as she prepared for the alcohol.
"Okay are you ready let's do you legs first, do you want to hold my hand?"
"Yes it is a good thing you are left handed or this would have never worked." She said trying to be funny in hopes that it would distract her from what was to come.
She took his hand as he poured the alcohol, there was a delayed reaction it took several seconds for the effects to start, the pain was minor at first but quickly it felt like the stinging of a thousand bees. She squeezed Hotch's hand as hard as she could and withered in pain.
"Ahhhhh" she cried as the pain continued to burn. Hotch then began to gently blow on the cut which decreased the pain enough for her to ride it out. "That hurts a lot" she panted once the pain has subsided completely.
"I'm sorry, did the blowing help?"
"Yes it did a lot, do it sooner next time please."
"You got it, are you ready for the other leg, this is the one with the stitches I need to clean it with a cotton ball therefore it may hurt a little more."
"Great just do it" She didn't want to think about what was going on she just wanted him to do it as quickly as possible.
Hotch repeated the process with the other leg but after he poured on the alcohol on he carefully used the cotton ball to clean off the dried blood on her stitches. He was correct it hurt a lot more partly because he couldn't blow on the cut until after he cleaned it and the pain burned longer.
Emily was thankful when it was over but then they moved on to the numerous cuts one her arms and Hotch proceeded to repeat the process with each one. Emily screamed out several times, she tried to block out what was going on, but unlike the pain from the stabbing itself, the burning from the alcohol seemed to take forever to go away. Finally to her relief it was over.
Hotch then proceeded to put ointment on each one and re-bandaged them. As she stood to get into the bathtub he made a full survey of her body, the cuts looked like they were healing well if not slowly which was expected given their seriousness. They would likely leave scars, hopefully only faint ones but she would have lasting evidence of the horror she survived. There were bruises all over her torso where her broken ribs where. He also knew that she had a bump on the side of her head where the Unsub had pistol whipped her, he had felt it the previous night when he was stroking her hair.
Tentatively she looked down at her naked body as he bandaged her up, the cuts looked ugly especially the stitches across her inner thigh. She instantly hated them and was thankful that Aaron was covering them. She then looked as the bruises that littered her torso they were unsightly as well but at least they would go away and she could forget the broken ribs one day. There was no way the cuts would heal completely they would leave scars, scars that would make it hard to forget what happened to her at the hands of George Grant.
Together the two of them proceeded to wash the rest of her body with a wet wash cloth being very careful not to wet the newly changed bandages. It would have made more sense to wash her off first then clean the wounds. But Hotch knew her resolve to clean the cuts would only last so long and therefore he did it first. It was the best they could do till the stitches came out the following week. While it wasn't a nice warm bath it did at least make Emily feel a bit better. He then helped her into one of her extra large t-shirts and a pair of his pants.
"I grabbed a few of you sweat pants but I think we should wait a few days till we see how they fit just in case."
"Thank you for grabbing them and thank you for letting me wear yours." She said softly.
"You are welcome to wear any of my clothes."
"I will likely stay away from the suits though" She said with a grin.
"Thanks"
"Now for the part you have been waiting for, time to wash your hair and then we will get you some ice cream."
"Will that be my lollypop at the end of this ordeal?"
"You are the one who has been asking me for ice cream every couple hours."
"So that's a yes."
He didn't answer instead he grabbed the chair and moved it into place. She sat down and he began to wash and message her head being careful of her bump. He moved his fingers through her hair massaging her scalp as he used her shampoo and then conditioner on her long black hair. His fingers felt so good she was almost asleep by the time he was finished.
"That felt so good Aaron you work some pretty wonderful magic with those fingers."
"I am more than just a pretty face you know." He laughed as he wrapped a towel around her hair as she stood. They then moved back to the bedroom.
"You lie down and I will get some ice cream. Do you need help?"
"No I think I can do it by myself I am getting better at figuring out how to move without hurting so much." She was able to get to the bed and lay down, she felt proud for being able to do it on her own. All the little thing that she had once taken for granted where now major accomplishments. By the time she had found a semi comfortable position Hotch was back with her ice cream and she noticed he had decided to join her with his own.
He handed her a bowl of chocolate ice cream and sat his bowl on the night stand.
"What movie would you like or have you decided to endure more daytime TV the soap operas should be starting soon." He laughed.
"I would like to watch Pride and Prejudice; I will skip the soaps and leave those for Rossi and Morgan."
He followed her request and put the movie on and as Keira Knightly walked across the screen he found a comfy spot next to her.
"That doesn't look like chocolate ice cream" she commented looking in his bowl.
"I saw the mint chocolate chip when I grabbed your chocolate at the store and I really wanted some."
"Good choice, for some reason I never pictured you a mint chocolate chip but now that I see you with it, it's perfect."
"I think that is a compliment and I will take it as one. If we are profiling ice cream choices Chocolate seems a bit too plain for you, you seem more like a cookie dough type of girl."
"Chocolate is not my favorite, I love cookie dough, Phish food, cookies and cream my favorite varies. But the reason I wanted chocolate was simply that I was craving chocolate and candy and cake didn't sound like a good idea right now, ice cream seemed the best way to get a chocolate fix given my current situation."
"That makes sense; I would agree your stomach probably isn't up for a chocolate bar right now."
"It feels so good to eat, I had forgotten how enjoyable it is to eating cold things."
"Well then you are in luck I got some Popsicles too, I thought they might help keep you hydrated."
"That sounds great thank you." He really did think of everything and he was great at taking care of her, which was why she let him mother her more than she would any other person.
"Time for more pills" he told her.
"Which ones?" She wanted the pain pills after their session with the alcohol but she didn't want to deal with a potential stomach ache right now.
"Both"
"Ugh" She tried to look the bright side though, she got to take them with her ice cream this time which was a lot better than taking them with chicken broth.
"Here just take these, please" He said handing her a few pills and a bottle of water.
"Thanks"
"You're welcome" he gave her forehead a kiss.
Emily didn't even make it through half the movie before she fell asleep clutching her empty bowl in her hand. Hotch took the bowl from her hands and tried to move her into a slightly better position to sleep in. He let the movie play in case she woke up before it was over.
He took the bowl out into the kitchen. There were several dirty dishes from the past few days and he proceeded to wash and put them away. He then moved on to the laundry, there wasn't a clean article of clothing in his go bag which meant laundry desperately needed to be done. He debated whether to wash Emily's clothes as well; while he knew she wouldn't need most of the clothes in her bag for a while he still decided he would wash everything that didn't need to go to the dry cleaners anyway.
Feeling fairly productive he made himself some lunch, ice cream did not make a very good lunch. He was then faced with two choices, he should check his email and messages at the office, but all he wanted to do was watch her sleep.
He decided on a compromise, he grabbed his laptop and took it into the bedroom and sat down on the bed next to her. He proceeded to check his email and every once in a while he would look over and watch her for a few minutes. It was then that he realized just how hard he had fallen for the beautiful woman next to him.
A/N I tried really hard to keep both Emily and Hotch in character while having them deal with the aftermath of her abduction so I hope this chapter is okay. Thank you so much for reading. I hope everyone has a great weekend.
