Chapter 21
Saturday
11:29 PM
Booth trudged into his apartment. He rubbed his sore neck with his hand as he closed the door behind him. He shuffled over to the couch and sank into it. He had forgotten just how heavenly the perfect couch could be. He let his head sink into the cushions and he put his feet up on the coffee table in front of him. His eyes drooped close and he sat there, unmoving. He knew he shouldn't fall asleep. He had too many things to do to fall asleep, but he was just so exhausted. Mentally and physically, he was exhausted. Sure, he had caught a few hours of uncomfortable, restless sleep at the hospital, but that wasn't enough. He felt like he could sleep for a whole week.
As he began to doze off, the sharp shrill of his cell phone made Booth groan. The last thing he wanted to do was answer his phone. The only person he wanted to talk to was incapable of speaking. Nobody else mattered to him. He was afraid of who might be on the other end of the phone. It could be Angela telling him that Brennan had taken a turn for the worse. Or worse, it could be Dr. London telling him that Brennan was in fact brain dead. Booth thought about ignoring his phone, but it continued to ring. He reluctantly pulled the phone from his pocket and looked at the caller ID. He knew he had to take the call.
"Hey Rebecca," he said.
"What the hell is going on?" She asked, obviously angry.
"What?"
"It's all over the news."
"What is?"
"God, Seeley, I've been calling you all day."
"My phone's been off. I've been at the hospital."
He heard her gasp. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. It's Bones."
"Is she ok?"
"We…we don't really know. She hasn't woken up yet."
"I'm sorry."
"I wish people would stop saying that," he said. He realized how harsh that sounded. Rebecca was only trying to be supportive. "What are they saying on the news?"
"Just that they found a woman in the basement of the mall and that a man by the name of Green or Black or…"
"Brown," Booth corrected. "Collin Brown."
"Yeah, Brown…that he had been released from prison even though he had been convicted of these terrible murders and that he kidnapped a woman and they found in her in the basement of the mall and…and there was a shootout with an FBI agent and he was dead…my God Seeley, was that FBI agent you?"
"Yeah, it was me."
"And you're ok?"
"It wasn't exactly a shoot out, Rebecca. But Collin Brown is dead."
"And Dr. Brennan? She was the woman in the basement?"
"Yeah."
"Seeley, I'm sor…" She didn't finish, remembering what he had said.
"How's Parker? Does he know any of this?"
"No. He just thinks you're working on some big, important case. He's really proud, actually."
Booth smiled. "Thanks, Rebecca. Look, I gotta go." He didn't really have to go, but he didn't want to talk anymore. "Tell Parker…tell him that I don't know when I'll see him…it might be a while. I've got to…take care of Bones."
"I know, Seeely."
"Just tell Parker I love him."
"I will."
"Thanks Rebecca."
Booth hung up the phone. He was not in the mood for small talk, but it did tug at his heart that he wasn't going to be able to see Parker. Hugging his little boy always made him feel better.
Trying to not think about his son, Booth debated on turning on the TV to see what exactly the news was reporting. He knew they probably had the story all wrong, but that wasn't what he cared about. He only cared about whether or not they were talking about Brennan. According to Rebecca it seemed as if her name had not yet been released, but it was only a matter of time before somebody identified the victim. Booth did not want Brennan's name and face scattered throughout the news.
Instead of the TV, though, Booth opted for what Angela had suggested. A shower. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken a shower. Not only would it make him feel better to be clean, but he was hoping some of the pressure from the shower could relieve the pain in his neck and back. He reminded himself not to sleep hunched over Brennan's bed again.
Booth made his way into the bathroom and turned on the water in the shower as hot as it would go. He stripped himself of his clothes and looked at himself in the mirror. His facial hair had begun to grow in since he hadn't shaved it in days. He ran his hand over to the coarse hair, reminding himself to shave it the next chance he got. Next he looked at his eyes. He had gone days without sleep in his tour in Iraq and had been trained under the harshest conditions. But his eyes; he had never seen them so sunken and tired. It was as if someone else was staring back at him.
Booth looked away from the mirror and stepped into the shower. The water was scolding hot, but it was just what he needed. He put his face directly beneath the hot spray and let the water hit him. He turned, letting it pulsate on his neck, shoulders, and back. He thought about how when his back was hurting Brennan would fix it with her technique that, even though left him in excruciating pain once, he would let her do again in a heartbeat. Thinking about her made his legs go weak. He put his hands on either side of the shower wall, steadying himself. Once she entered his mind, he couldn't stop thinking about her. It wasn't the first time he had thought about her in the shower, but it was the first time he cried for her in the shower. He let the tears fall openly as he sobbed.
Sunday
7:14 AM
Booth walked through the front doors of the hospital. He had only woken up twenty minutes earlier, had quickly thrown on Jeans and a T-Shirt, and raced to the hospital. He hadn't meant to fall asleep for so long. He hadn't meant to be away from her for so long. Booth headed for the elevator, but stopped when he saw a number of bouquets of flowers on a cart. A teenage girl was pushing it down the hallway.
"Excuse me," he said to the girl. "Can you tell me where the gift shop is?"
"Down the hall on the right."
"Thanks," Booth said. He could hear the girl giggling as he walked down the hall and to the right. He had to shake his head as he realized that the girl was giggling about him.
Booth found the gift shop, glad that it was open so early, and walked inside. It was small inside, but had all the usual hospital gift shop items. There were stuffed 'get well soon' bears, balloons, pink and blue pillows and bibs and onesies, and a number of ceramic angels. Booth looked around. He pulled a 'get well' balloon down by the string, but then let it go again. It floated back up to the ceiling.
"Can I help you?" An elderly woman behind the cash register asked.
"I'm ah…looking for a gift," Booth said.
"For?"
"My…" He didn't know how to answer her question. The only word he had to define his relationship with Brennan was partner, but that just didn't seem good enough. "I'd like to get her some flowers."
"Flowers are in the back. Does she have a favorite?"
Booth smiled, remembering how he had shocked Brennan by knowing the password to her computer. She couldn't understand how he could know so much about her. In truth, he had spent five years memorizing everything about her. He couldn't help it.
"Daffodils," he answered. "And daisies. Daisies are her second favorite."
"I think we've got some daffodils and daisies back there."
The woman walked with Booth to the back of the store. There were more flowers than Booth ever knew existed in buckets in a refrigerator. The woman opened the sliding doors and pulled out a handful of beautiful, yellow daffodils. She handed them to Booth and then went and took out a few daisies and some babies breath.
"Why don't I put these together for you?" She offered, taking the daffodils from him.
"Thank you."
She took the flowers to the front of the store and Booth followed her. She laid out some decorative tissue paper and cellophane and began arranging the flowers into a bouquet.
"Why don't you pick out a card?" The woman suggested.
"Oh…I…I don't think I'll need a card. She can't exactly read right now. As matter of fact she won't even be able to see the flowers. I don't even know why I stopped here."
"Whether she can see them or not, when a woman gets flowers from a man, it means something and when she wakes up, she'll want to know who they're from. Sign the card, son."
She gave him a sweet smile before she finished wrapping up the flowers. From the small card stand that was on the counter in front of him, Booth took out a 'get well' card with a picture of flowers on the front. It was generic, but it would have to do. Even though they had celebrated too many holidays to count together, they had never exchanged cards. Booth opened the card and saw that the inside was blank. He knew he should write some kind of deep, meaningful message inside. As he grabbed a nearby pen, all he could think to write was, 'Love Booth.' He knew it was a big step, but he was ready to make it.
"Here you go," the woman said, handing him the bouquet of flowers.
Booth thanked her, paid, walked out of the gift shop, and went to the elevators. He knew Brennan would say it was silly. She would say that flowers were part of an antiquated ritual and that they served no purpose. She would say they held no healing properties and that people just wasted money on silly things like flowers. But as Booth got out of the elevator and walked into her room, he knew bringing her flowers was the right thing. When she woke up, he wanted her to see something as beautiful as she was.
Booth was about to pull aside the curtain that was surrounding Brennan's bed when he heard someone's voice. It was a male's voice. Booth immediately recognized it as Sweets. He put his hand down, not moving the curtain. He knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, but he couldn't help it.
"I know you don't believe in psychology, Dr. Brennan but I think even you would agree that in this case psychology holds some value. Well, maybe you wouldn't agree, but now might be the only time I get to tell you what I'm thinking without you interrupting so, here goes. Since you were kidna...well, for the last few days I've been observing Agent Booth and watching his body language and…I think you should know…he…he has feelings for you. Strong feelings. He needs you, Dr. Brennan. You might not believe it, but it's true. I just thought you should know."
Booth pulled the curtain aside. Sweets sprang out of his chair and looked at Booth, stunned.
"I'm sorry," Sweets stuttered. "I didn't know you were there, Agent Booth." He was stumbling over his words as if he were nervous. It wasn't the first time Booth had intimidated him.
"Where's Angela?"
"We traded off about an hour ago," Sweets answered. "Were you able to go home and get some rest?"
Booth nodded and put the flowers down by the windows.
"Those are very beautiful. It was very thoughtful of you to bring Dr. Brennan flowers."
"They're her favorites," Booth responded. "How is she doing?" Booth asked.
"Her vitals have improved some and the tests for her brain activity came back."
"And?"
"It's not bad news, but it's not exactly good news either."
"What does that mean, Sweets?"
"They…can't tell anything yet. The tests show some brain activity, but it's impossible to tell whether or not her brain is still functioning normally. We're going to have to wait until she wakes up."
"Why didn't anyone call me?"
"Because there was nothing to tell, Agent Booth."
"You found out that she has some brain activity and you didn't think that was something to tell? I want to be informed whenever anything happens!" Booth snapped.
"We all just thought you needed a break," Sweets replied calmly. He had spent so much time analyzing Booth that he knew when he was truly angry and when he was just irritated due to a high stress situation. He knew Booth was just acting out of fear.
Booth took a deep breath, allowing himself to calm down. "I know. I'm sorry." He slunk down into one of the plastic chairs and looked at Brennan. He couldn't believe how peaceful she looked. He wrapped his hand around her forearm, still wishing that he could have access to her hands. There was something about holding her hand that made him feel one hundred percent connected to her.
"I'll…ah…leave you alone. Hodgins said she'd stop by in a few hours and Cam should be here later tonight."
Sweets headed for the door.
"Hey Sweets."
He popped his head back around the curtain. "Yeah?"
"What you were saying to Bones…"
"I know…it was probably inappropriate of me. I'm sorry."
"No, that's not what I was going to say. You've been observing us for a long time. Why choose now to tell her how you think I feel?"
"I'm not a medical doctor, Agent Booth, but from my experiences, sometimes people who are in comas…people who are not quite alive or dead need a reason to come back to us. They need a reason to wake up. I was just trying to give her that reason."
"Thanks, Sweets," Booth said, clapping him on the back.
Sweets nodded and walked out, leaving Booth alone. He looked down at Brennan and ran his fingers up and down her arm. He cleared his throat, preparing himself for one of the most important moments in his life.
"Sweets is right, you know. I'm a mess, Bones. I'm a mess without you. And I don't need a psychologist to tell me how I feel. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm tired of denying it. And if you need a reason to wake up, here it is, Bones."
He paused, readying himself for the moment.
"I love you."
Author's Note: I know this chapter didn't have a lot of Booth/Bones interaction, but I just couldn't help but write Booth's little personal moments. There's a lot more Booth/Bones to come so stay tuned!
