Promises Ch. 2
Warnings and disclaimers are the same, but this time the cutting is a little more intense I guess. In a different way... I don't know much about self-harming, so sorry if anything seems inaccurate to those who do, feel free to message me about it.
Sorry to NobleAndAncientLineBlack who wanted this to stay a one-shot. Hope this is a good second chapter to those of you who wanted it. I'm definitely going to do at least one more, but that may be it.
Also sorry this took so long, I was camping and didn't have Internet or the time to write or put it up.
Promises Chapter 2
Harry had kept Draco's blade, but he was still constantly worrying about him. He could always get another. And Harry couldn't bare to know he wasn't helping. Draco was struggling. It wasn't exactly something you could just stop overnight. The other kids still picked on him. His family was still broken. His arm still bore the mark of all his wrong choices, the dark times, the fear. The scars over it didn't make his past any less real.
But he had Harry.
They hadn't come out publicly yet, but both boys knew some people could tell. Hermione was one. She had known about Harry's feelings for Draco before they were together, so it was only natural that she would know when they did get together. When Harry went on this random walks, she helped cover for him. They figured Ron had the idea in his head, but hadn't fully accepted it as the truth yet. Ginny knew. She was happy for Harry, even if she didn't tell him. He could tell though, and he was glad they had chosen to stay friends before. Somehow their failed relationship had brought them closer as friends. Blaise knew too. He had picked up on it when Draco had started to make progress with stopping. Then there were the other kids throughout the school that talked. They wondered how The Boy Who Lived could see anything in the ex-Deatheater and vise-versa. But most didn't say anything against it. It was their choice, who they wanted to be with, right?
They spent a lot of time in the Room of Requirement, where they were now. They talked about anything and everything, but they didn't talk constantly. There were some times, like now, where they just sat together in a comfortable silence. But Draco was getting restless. Harry could tell, and it unnerved him. More than once he had had to talk Draco out of relapsing into his bad habit. More than once he knew he was unsuccessful, or he hadn't been there to talk him out of it.
They spoke about it, but they never labeled it. They never said "cutting" or "self-harm." They didn't have to; when it came up, both boys knew what the other was talking about. They didn't need to say it.
"Draco," Harry tried again.
"No, Harry," came the reply.
"I want to know you can go to someone else, someone who can help, if I can't be there," Harry persisted. He had tried in vain to get Draco to go to Madame Pomfrey when he felt the need. When Harry couldn't talk him out of it, or when he wasn't there. Stubbornly, Draco always refused.
"Sometimes I just need to feel it." Draco's voice sounded stubborn, even calm on the outside, but Harry could hear the smallness in it as well. It made him want to hit something, hard, when Draco said things like that. That it really had become a sort of need for him.
"I don't want you to need it though. I want you to be happy, to know that there are always people who care about you, who hurt when you do that to yourself. To know that I'm one of them. I want you to know that it kills me-"
"Stop," Draco said. Harry did; he knew what he had said. "It kills me." Draco hated those words. He knew Harry meant them, and it killed Draco. Harry couldn't understand, he didn't feel what Draco did. That's what made him stop a lot of the time though; knowing that it hurt Harry when he did what he did. Harry knew that too. That's why he'd slip it in every once in a while, but never pushed the matter. He wanted to remind Draco that he truly did care. Not that he needed a reminder.
"Please, Draco," Harry whispered, his breath blowing through the blonde hair of the boy he loved.
Draco was struggling again. The need was so strong; it had been over a week, Harry kept talking him out of it. Harry could feel the struggle coursing through Draco's body as he held him closer. He really did know it was hard, but he hated to see Draco put himself through that.
Both boys tensed when a switch blade appeared on the table in front of them- Draco in anticipation, Harry in concern. It had startled him the first time the Room had given them a knife. It was the first time he truly understood that Draco did, in some round-about way, need this. Sometimes he didn't use it when it appeared. Harry hoped desperately it was one of those times. But he knew it wasn't.
"Harry." In that one word, his own name, Harry's world crumbled. He never argued with Draco once he had decided, only before and after. He'd learned the hard way Draco's pride led him to harm himself more when Harry fought with him. So he let go, but not before pressing a kiss to Draco's temple.
"I love you," he whispered, letting Draco push his sleeve up while every nerve in his body wanted to pull it back down.
The Room changed, a sink appearing in front of Draco as he brought the knife against his forearm. Harry closed his eyes; he could never bring himself to watch Draco, but he never left him. He still heard the mix of a gasp and a moan leave his lips though, and even that was almost too much. Harry felt the sting in his eyes and tried desperately to keep from crying. His hand ran up and down the other boys back, and he could feel him shudder as the tears fell down his cheeks. His other hand was clenched in a tight fist. Draco sighed again, and Harry counted in his head: two. When Harry was with him, he rarely passed five, but Harry knew it had been a long time. He fought harder to keep the tears back, wanting to be strong for Draco, knowing that's what he'd need.
"Mmnnnhhh." Three. Under his hand, Draco's body was shaking violently with the need, the pain, the release, and the tears. Harry wanted nothing more than for Draco to stop there, but his hopes weren't high. That's why he was shocked when he heard nothing but Draco's crying for at least two minutes. Then he heard the sound he was waiting for- Draco putting down the knife.
Slowly, he opened his eyes and met those of his boyfriend. He gently took his hand, turning on the tap and rinsing Draco's cuts, then the knife. Draco never argued with this sort of ritual Harry had adapted. He watched as he took out his wand and healed Draco's arm. He wasn't really thrilled with that; he preferred healing the Muggle way, with the pain and the more prominent scars, but still he never argued.
When Harry finished, he wordlessly put his wand away and pulled Draco into his arms. Draco went willingly, his body still shaking as the last of the tears fell from his eyes. They sat like that until long after Draco had stopped crying. They always did; it was both their ways of apologizing- Draco for indirectly hurting Harry, and Harry for not being able to help. Draco knew Harry didn't realize how much he actually did help, just by caring, by being there.
Harry gently pulled away, just enough to hold Draco's head in his hands. His thumbs brushed away the traces of his tears before he leaned into kiss Draco. "I love you," he repeated as he broke the kiss.
"I love you too," Draco replied softly.
The sink had disappeared, as had the knife. Harry dropped his hands to Draco's waist as he looked at the clock. "We should go to supper," he said, somewhat reluctant.
Draco leaned back into him, burying his face in Harry's neck. "Don't want to," he mumbled.
"You need to eat," he protested. Draco's eating habits bothered him. He didn't eat enough to possibly be considered healthy, but he didn't seem to be losing weight.
"I'm not hungry."
Harry sighed. "I'll make you a deal." No response. "We either go to supper, so you can eat, or we can go to Madame Pomfrey and I tell her you're anorexic."
Draco stiffened just a little in his arms. He knew he was only kidding, being protective. He knew Draco wasn't anorexic. Harry did that a lot- made little hints. Draco knew he'd never take him unwillingly though, and he didn't want help. Harry's help was enough. He would stop eventually; it'll just be a slow process. "No, Harry," he repeated, knowing he'd catch the meaning to his words. "Can't we just stay here?" he continued, his tone lighter.
"You need to eat," Harry stated.
"Am I the only one who needs to eat?" he teased.
"You know I eat, I just want to make sure you're eating too."
Draco sighed dramatically. "Fine," he huffed, disentangling himself from Harry. They gave each other a parting kiss and left for the Great Hall.
They didn't walk together, but Harry, being in front, didn't walk too fast so that Draco couldn't see him. They tried to walk in each other's sights as often as possible without being too obvious.
Harry sat in his usual seat with his friends, Draco doing the same at the Slytherin table. They looked over at each other often, but rarely at the same time.
"Harry?" Hermione asked for what must have been more than the first time, judging by her tone. He looked away from Draco to meet her eyes.
"Sorry, 'Mione. What is it?"
"How is he?" she asked quietly, real concern in her eyes. She was probably the only one of Harry's friends who knew about Draco's habit, and she tried to be discreet about her concern because of it.
"Only three this time. Hopefully that means something," he replied. Anyone listening would have no idea what they were talking about, and attribute it to not catching the beginning of their conversation. Hermione nodded understandingly and she let the subject drop.
Blaise could tell from Draco's expression and body language what must have happened. "I thought he was supposed to be helping?" he asked his friend between mouthfuls.
Draco glared darkly at him. "He is; a lot. More than you can imagine." His voice sounded almost threatening, but Blaise knew he was just being protective. His eyes glanced at Draco's wrist.
"Really?" He had tried more than once to get Draco to stop, to no avail. Truthfully, he was shocked by Harry's progress.
"Yes," Draco replied curtly. He knew Blaise was just being a concerned friend, but he was very defensive of Harry. How dare he suggest Harry wasn't helping? Of course he was! More than anyone else ever could. That was another reason why he didn't go to Madame Pomfrey; there was no way she could help as much as Harry did. It was her job to care and, for some reason, that made her concern feel fake to Draco.
Blaise didn't say anything else on the matter as they finished eating, not wanting to push it. He knew he'd probably spend the night with Harry and that set him at ease a little. Harry was good at protecting Draco from himself.
Harry saw Draco get up to leave and met Hermione's eye. She nodded, and he excused himself, going to catch up with Draco. He needn't have bothered though; Draco was stopped just around the corner. Harry smiled, quickly kissing his cheek before continuing back to the Room of Requirement. His smile widened at Draco's blush from his kiss. He was wary about publicly being together, and Harry was usually just as discreet, so the kiss was unexpected. But not unwelcome.
They reached the Room without running into anyone and walked in hand-in-hand. They each toed off their shoes and lay on the couch, Draco with his head on Harry's chest, his arms around Draco's waist. He could feel his chest rise and fall as he breathed. They didn't say anything, neither wanting to break the content silence. Draco knew Harry wanted to talk about it again; he could tell. He sighed, "Go ahead."
"How are you?" Harry asked, concern evident in his voice.
"I'm okay. It's getting a little easier, especially when you're here."
Harry nodded, mainly to himself, as Draco couldn't see him. He hesitated, knowing this was a touchy subject. "Only three; I was surprised. Glad and relived, absolutely, but surprised nonetheless. Is it really getting easier, or do you just feel the need to say that?"
Now Draco hesitated. "This is going to sound contradictory, but it was hard. To stop, that is. But you were here, which made it easier; I have a reason to stop. A reason that tenses incredibly without realizing it, by the way. But you don't leave, and I know that takes a lot, so I try harder to stop."
"I wish you would find me when I'm not around. Or go to Ma-"
"Harry, no. Honestly, I don't even think she'd be able to help as much as you do anyway. And finding you would be very subtle, I'm sure."
Harry sighed, deciding he had pushed enough already today. Another thought occurred to him though. "When are we going to come out?" he asked.
Draco didn't respond for a while. When he did, his voice shook slightly. "Do you want to?"
"It would be nice. To be able to talk to you in class, hold your hand in the hallway. That way you could just find me and it would be almost expected. A lot of people have already sort of figured it out already, and no one's said anything or given us any rubbish about it," Harry said, a note of longing in his voice, giving away how much he wanted it. "If you don't want to though, I can wait."
"You make it sound so simple," Draco retorted. "Like it's the easiest thing in the world."
"I hate that it's any different from Ron and Hermione's relationship. We both care about each other, why's it got to be any different?"
"Harry, I think even if one of us were a girl, people would still talk. The Chosen One and the ex-Deatheater. Then you add the fact that we are both blokes and it adds a whole other layer of complicated. But," he continued wistfully, "it would be nice, wouldn't it? To be able to openly be together."
Harry was smiling. "You realize that you'd be the girl? Because I'm The Boy Who Lived." He found this much more amusing than Draco did, but even he cracked a smile as Harry chuckled under him. "I don't mind if people talk; they've talked about me all my life. But you haven't really answered me. Do you want to come out? Would you be okay with it?"
"My parents won't be. They'll probably disown me," Draco said. His voice sounded so small, and something clicked in Harry's mind.
"That's why you still do it, isn't it?" he asked quietly, taking Draco's left hand. "You can live with me. We can live together and it won't matter. Wherever you want to go after school we can buy a place; anywhere in the world. Somewhere they can hurt you." He knew Lucius had abused Draco, and Narcissa hadn't stood up to him. He also knew she had wanted to though. "Would that be okay? Nobody here would dare say a word against it because I won't let them. Or do you want to wait?"
Draco sighed. "I don't know... I want to- Wait. Did you just say I could live with you?" he asked, turning his head in disbelief to look at Harry.
"I thought I had made it quite clear, but yes. I did," he said with a smirk. "If you want to, of course."
Draco knotted his eyebrows in confusion. "Why wouldn't I want to?" he asked honestly.
"I don't know, you'd have to be crazy to not want to live with the famous Harry Potter. To share his bed." He smiled, leaning down to meet Draco's lips with his own. "So is that a yes?"
"Of course it's a yes," Draco exclaimed, leaning up for another kiss.
"What about to coming out?"
"How would we do it? Are you just going to announce it to the Great Hall?" Draco teased, not doubting for a minute that the Gryffindor in Harry would actually do it.
"I could if you wanted me to," Harry said, smile widening. "But I was thinking something more like just being open. Let people put two and two together. Tell our close friends and let word spread on its own."
"Tomorrow?" Draco asked hesitantly.
"Whenever you want to."
Draco lapsed into silence, listening to the sound of his and Harry's breathing. He thought about it. Everything Harry had said was true: a lot of the kids already knew, or we're guessing, and it would be nice to have more than just stolen moments like this. But his parents... So he would live with Harry. Of course, his father would rather be died. He'd probably try too; Draco wouldn't put it past him. And his mother would be disappointed on top of the fact. No grandkids. But they could adopt. Then they didn't have Malfoy blood. Not that his father would want them to at that point. Surrogate mother? And what about the Prophet? Surely they'd be all over them if they came out. Come to think of it, that's probably how his family would find out if they just let things run its course like this. He could just see the headlines, speaking what everyone else would be thinking: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy? Scandal of the century. But did he really care?
And he'd have Harry. They could be openly happy, together. Didn't that outweigh the cons?
"This weekend," Draco said at last.
"Hm?"
"This weekend, it's a Hogsmeade weekend- we can come out then," he explained. He flipped himself over so he was straddling Harry, and met his eyes. He was smiling.
"Do you want me to announce it to everyone then?" he asked, still smiling.
"No, that's okay. You can buy me a Butterbear though," he replied.
"Oh, I can, can I?" Harry's arms tightened around Draco's waist, pulling him down. He rested his head in the crook of Harry's neck.
"Yes, you can," Draco mumbled. The couch underneath them shifted into a bed as Draco's eyelids fluttered closed. "See you in the morning," he murmured into Harry's neck, pressing a kiss to the skin there.
"Good night, Draco," Harry whispered, kissing the top of the blonde's head.
End of this chapter.
A/N: So the next chapter will probably be the Hogsmeade trip. Hopefully it will be up quicker than this one was, sorry again. Reviews are always welcome! And it'd be cool if you left you messaging on so I can respond to you, I like to do that with all my reviewers cuz I love you guys. Thanks!
