CHAPTER 28

AUTHORS NOTE: The next chapters all have full season seven and eight spoilers. Some differences are very noticeable though and some chapters have other stories along with, in, after or by themselves not dealing with the episodes, this includes the eighth season.

Takes place during time where Daniel was captured. Episode name-EVOLUTION PART 2

Evolution part one took place, but Ford wasn't around to help. He was stuck elsewhere.

(A.U. Main reason for first part of Evolution not being a chapter, didn't have it for reference.)

Jack and Hammond were talking in the General's office about the ransom demands and other things concerning Daniel and his capture. No teams were going to be sent. The President didn't want to have an international incident so talks where still going on. Hondurans rebels had captured Daniel and his friend as they were looking for the Fountain of Youth. They found it though and were captured almost immediately afterward. After hearing what Hammond had to say from the President, Jack left to wait till Hammond called him back with more information.

Jack came back some time later when Hammond had found out more. He was sitting in front of Hammond's desk. Hammond told him a CIA agent named Burke might know where Daniel was. Burke was the only agent down there apparently. Jack recognized the name.

"Burke?"

"Any problems I should know about?"

"We're stuck with him anyway?"

"Right."

"Nothing you should know about." he said disappointed at the development.

Hammond then told him that a C-130 was waiting to take him to Honduras to go with this agent and find Daniel.

"Aye sir." he said dejectedly and left.

Carter was working on the internal mechanism of something when Jack walked in. The lights were off except for a small bright light that was shining on the device Carter was working on. Ford was in the training room sparring with someone or so Jack heard and it must have been true since Carter was alone, for once. She looked up as he walked in.

"Sir?"

"I'm going after Daniel."

"Good."

"This other mission…." he said with a slight head jerk.

"Shouldn't be a problem. Ford will be there with us now that he is back." Carter said. She was distracted by hearing about Daniel and Jack could see it on her face. "When do you leave?"

"Now."

"Good luck."

"You too." he said with a small smile before leaving the room.

Jacob Carter, Teal'c, Hammond, Bra'tak, Carter and Ford where all at the briefing room table. Jacob was explaining something he learned.

"We confirmed that Anubis has a base on Tarturus." Jacob said.

He said some sensor array kept anyone from approaching the planet unnoticed. A powerful force field was around the Stargate on that planet as well.

"We need to know how Anubis created this new soldier." Hammond said. "Confirm what his intentions are and figure out a way to stop him."

Jacob and Selmak concluded that he should wear the Kull warriors armor that they managed to capture and use it to get through the force field. Sam instantly objected and Jacob asked if anyone had a better idea.

"Unfortunately I don't. I never got to see this guy in action." Ford said sadly.

"Where were you again?" she asked. "You were gone for more than a week."

"Some dumb question thing I had to go explain to politicians for some unknown reason. Figures to. I couldn't get out of it."

"I tried, but none of my connections seemed to go high enough to get him to stay here. He didn't have a choice. If he refused he was to be taken by force." Hammond said.

"Bureaucrats." Ford muttered with distain in his voice. "Anyway, you were saying Jacob."

"Right, once I deactivate the sensor array a scout ship can then approach the planet. Radio active isotopes taken before hand will allow us to navigate freely without being detected inside the base."

"What's your exit plan?" Hammond asked.

"The scout ship." Bra'tak said. He stated he could land the ship in a chasm and wait till liftoff time.

"Major you have a go." Hammond said.

Carter nodded while looking worried, to Ford anyway. The others may have been working with her for these past seven years but he not only had been watching her for the last seven years but was going out with her so he knew just a little bit more than usual.

"Sam, are you okay?" Ford asked when they were alone and getting ready.

"I'm just worried about Daniel. We can't use…..our advanced technologies to find him without alerting the other countries."

"Jack will find him Sam, he won't give up. You have to believe that." he said putting a hand on her shoulder.

"You're right. Jack won't give up." she said smiling and feeling better.

Jack met up with Burke and they talked about weapons, about the rebels and some of their past problems. Jack figured that Burke had some problems due to their personal past together. They really complained and argued about that. Burke ended up leaving in anger because they couldn't come to an agreement.

Jacob was at the end of the ramp getting suited up . It didn't take long and he was ready and was sent through the gate. Some Goa'uld that was a servant but a little higher up, but not a System Lord stopped him as he came through. He was taken to a room and started on being examined.

Bra'tak, Teal'c, Carter and Ford were in the cargo ship waiting behind a small moon near the planet.

"C'mon dad." Carter said worried.

"The array has yet to be shut down." Bra'tak said. "We are helpless to act. Even if we were to attempt secure communications.."

"We'd have to leave the dark side and be in sight of their sensors." Carter said. "So many things could have gone wrong…"

"I'm pretty sure he is fine Sam." Ford said rubbing right her shoulder.

"I know, but…"

"Major Carter, perhaps it is time to consider…" Teal'c began saying when a beeping noise cut him off.

"Good news at last. Hopefully." Ford said standing behind Carter. He had been there pretty much the entire time.

"The sensor array has powered down." Bra'tak stated. "No doubt your fathers stubbornness."

Carter only smiled as Teal'c powered up the vessel bringing it toward the planet.

"Dad we're on our way." Carter said through a handheld com.

"When you touch down, proceed to the exhaust power assemblage I think I found a way to get you in." Jacob said.

"Copy." Carter said.

Jack and a guide came to where Daniel and his companion had found the small box that was the Fountain of Youth. Burke was there. Burke paid the guide to go away so him and Jack made up somewhat and so Burke agreed to take Jack to where he needed to go.

Jacob was pushing a variety of button on a panel opening a door for Carter's team. It didn't take long. Teal'c, Ford and Carter walked in.

"Talk about windy." Ford said pulling his glasses out now that they wouldn't fly off his head.

"What happened?" Carter asked.

"I fooled the exhaust system making it think it needed to be purged."

"I meant with the sensor array." Carter said adjusting her pack and digging through it.

He explained the meeting with some guy that wanted to examine him and then Anubis coming in and taking the guy away. "You weren't worried about me were ya?"

Carter smiled as she kept digging.

"Help me get this thing off." he said.

He wasn't wearing the part that looked plastic anymore, but the spandex looking part was still there.

Jack and Burke found the guide that was taking Daniel and the other guy around. He was tied up and laying next to a tree and had been shot, but said since help was coming that they could leave him and told them the direction they needed to go to find their friends. They gave him some water and thanked him before heading off and along the way they talked more as they walked away, about the past.

The bald guy that had been called by Anubis to assist with a sensor problem came back to check on the Kull warrior that had came through the gate recently. The warrior wasn't there so he went back to Anubis. Anubis wasn't happy and sent him to find out why.

Carter and the others were walking through the complex, quietly and talking even quieter. They found a lab with empty holding tanks, except one. It had a Goa'uld mother that made the symbionts. It wasn't pretty. They had seen three different soldiers, same looks but different before ending up in the lab.

"Judging by the number of holding tanks in this room, Anubis must be planning on having the Queen spawn thousands of Goa'uld. But why?"

From here she and her father went technical talking about how the symbionts would be blank slates as they came out.

"So this is how he's making the drones, but how did he figure out how to make them subservient?" Ford wondered aloud while rubbing his chin.

"I don't know how they could have figured it out." Jacob said.

"Jonas Quinn." Teal'c stated. "Anubis got the information from his mind."

Carter and the others agreed this had to stop and started placing explosives. After that they would continue with their information gathering mission. They left the lab soon after placing C4 and proceed down the hallways. Shortly after leaving the lab they had to take up hiding quickly as the bald doctor Goa'uld that worked on the super soldiers came by. Carter mentioned they had to find a console or computer to find out the information about Anubis's plans. So far all they had found was labs and other rooms, but no computers. Jacob pointing stating he believed that Anubis's quarters were that way. They found it and his chair over looking a large open area and looked down seeing a very large army of super soldiers. Anubis was saying something to them about them being his children.

"Time's like this I wish I had one of those nuclear suitcases." Ford said. "Just end it all quickly."

"Indeed." Teal'c said also surprised at the shear number of soldiers.

"There must be thousands of them." Carter stated.

Ford turned around quickly when he felt someone, Goa'uld in nature behind them. The others turned feeling it, but not as quick. It was the bald man. He was not more than ten feet away. He said something and was bringing his hand up when Ford rushed over grabbing the hand with the device crushing it. Before the man could cry out Ford clothes lined him hard enough they all heard the neck brake. Ford let the guy drop to the floor.

"That was the easier than I thought. Time to go I think Sam."

"Agreed."

The alarm went off signaling they had been noticed.

Ford looked around. "Nice. Must be Candid Camera." he said sarcastically.

"Must have been that or someone saw us other than him." she said looking around.

"C4." Jacob said.

"Bra'tak, we need that ship now." she said getting the detonator out.

A explosion rocked the building as they ran away quickly heading for the landing pad. Jacob started pushing the buttons again on the exhaust port as they all ran up. It was a long run but they made it to the ship while seeing a few of the super soldiers on their tail.

"Go!" Carter yelled as she shut the door.

A hard hit on the exterior was heard by everyone inside.

"What was that?" Jacob asked.

"It can't be good." Carter said as she turned to Bra'tak. "Just punch it."

"One of those supers soldiers is trying to get in." Ford said still near the door.

Bra'tak activated the engines and they took off quickly. He was trying to avoid the enemy fire that was coming from the base.

"Someone has opened the rear access hatch." Bra'tak said.

"We're in flight." Carter stated.

"I got it."

Ford went into the back and they heard the sound of weapon fire but not from Ford. The soldier came around the corner as Carter opened up her weapon on it. It didn't do any good. He came forward while Carter still stood there in some shock. No one else moved either. He brought his hand back to backhand Carter and she still stood there in shock as Ford came up behind him quickly and grabbed the guys hand inches before it hit her face. She flinched as the warrior spun from her view and was slammed into the wall face first.

"Sucker punch me! Mistake number one!" Ford practically growled as he moved to the warrior. It turned and took a swing which he ducked. "Second mistake, going after friends, especially her!"

He punched the soldier in the chest so hard the armor cracked and blood came from underneath as Ford's impact broke the sternum bones and skin. The warrior died instantly and fell to the floor with blood oozing out of the black covering.

Jacob came over to his daughter after the warrior was away from her.

"You alright Sam?"

"Yeah. A little shook up, but I'm okay. That was way to close."

"Is he dead Mr. Primus?" Teal'c asked. Ford hadn't moved and was looking at the body.

"Check him for me just in case." Ford said taking his gloves off as he walked back to Carter.

"You okay Ford?" Jacob asked.

"I'm fine. What about you Sam?"

"I'm just fine. Seeing his fist nearly hit me, shook me up. You were late." she said hitting his arm.

"Sorry. When I went back there I blocked his shots, he sucker punched me and it took me a moment to get off the floor." he said dropping the gloves as she hugged him.

"Thanks kid. You just saved her life." Jacob said laying a hand on Ford's arm.

Ford didn't say anything but nodded to him as Carter backed off some.

"I owe you, again."

"And as I have said before, don't worry about it." he said running a hand through her hair.

"Let's go Bra'tak." Jacob said going to the front.

Teal'c took the body and placed in away from sight.

Daniel and Burke managed to break free of there small wooden cell and ran away quickly as the Honduran rebels began fighting amongst themselves due to the fact they had activated the Fountain of Youth device making them go crazy. Eventually the one's still sane took out the guy that went nuts. By then the leader found out that the prisoners had escaped and was quite furious.

Jack and Burke heard gun fire and ran forward but taking time to be discreet. Daniel and the other guy kept running and tried to hide or at least not get shot by the enraged men. Daniel got hit in the leg and fell against a tree. The leader came up shooting the ground and then into the air. As the leader got a knife from one of his men and threatened to skin Daniel alive, Daniel turned away when machine gun fire broke the air. Jack came through the underbrush over to Daniel.

"How many are there?" Jack asked the very shocked Daniel.

He hit Daniel in the arm trying to get his attention.

"That's it. You got all of them." he said dropping the rock he had picked up to fight with.

"You going to be able to walk on this?"

"Yeah." Daniel grunted.

Gun fire from a shotgun made them both look up. Jack stood up and emptied some ammo into him. He didn't go down. Burke yelled to them to get down as he fired a grenade into shotgun man and he blew up. Jack said things where classified when Burke started asking about what might be going on. They all went back to the rebel camp and found no one else there. They found the device and it was turned off. They talked some more but keeping everything quiet that was classified.

Carter and her team came through the gate seeing Hammond, Daniel on crutches and Jack waiting at the bottom.

"Well it looks like it went well." Jack said.

"Daniel?" Teal'c asked.

"I'm fine." Daniel said while telling them he also found the device.

Jacob and Bra'tak said that was good news since it would help fight the new enemy.

"We have some bad news sir. Anubis has an entire army of these new soldiers. He literally has thousands of them. The best we did was make it so he can't make any new soldiers."

"Will debrief in one hour." Hammond said. "Welcome home."

As everyone started to leave Jack stopped Carter. Ford stopped to and seeing as Jack didn't say anything to him, he stayed.

"Hey." he said looking at her casually. "So, nice command?"

"We did managed to make it out alive sir."

Jack shrugged slightly with a smile. "There's that. What happened to your coat?"

"Oh, ah nothing big. Don't worry about it."

"Lunch?" he asked deciding that he'd hear about it later anyway.

They both nodded and followed him out of the gate room. Jack turned while still walking.

"So Ford. How much ammo did you use this time around?"

He chuckled as did Sam. "Oh Jack. I should have seen that coming. I shot not one round."

Jack looked shocked.

"We had an encounter with a one of the super soldiers though sir."

"An encounter?"

"He was strong, I was stronger." Ford said casually.

"That's an understatement." Carter snorted.

They were close to the cafeteria so Ford decided to let him in on what happened later after they ate. Hammond wanted a report so he was going to hear it then.

Jack had already been debriefed earlier and have gave then a run down of what transpired with his mission at lunch. Carter was explaining what happened with her team. Hammond was listening with interest since Ford had claimed to have not fired any ammo. Every mission Ford had been on that was hostile had been expensive. Ford needed nitro glycerin for his propellant, amongst a few other chemicals and that was not easy to transport and did cost a pretty penny. Other than that, lead was not his ammo. At least this was only needed for his personal cannon as it had became being called. O'Neill took credit for that one.

After hearing her report on how things went Jack gave Ford a curious stare.

"What?" he said looking at his SGC coat.

He thought there was something on it from lunch. After breaking that chair some time ago, it was decided that he shouldn't wear it and sit in those chairs.

"You personally took this super soldier on? Unarmed?"

"Yeah. He went after Carter and I certainly wasn't going to let that happen."

"Are you saying you wouldn't do the same for us?" Teal'c said looking at him curiously.

"No Teal'c. I would have done the same for anyone of you. I just probably would have left him more intact or living. Seeing him go after Sam and nearly kill her made me lose control for a moment." he said with a wave.

Carter was blushing some, but wasn't too worried about it since everyone seemed to be looking at Ford.

"Just how badly did Ford injure this soldier?" Hammond asked.

The soldier wasn't brought to the SGC, but left of the planet where the cargo ship had landed.

"From what we learned, I was told from the Tok'ra. Most of his chest bones were completely shattered. Ford even destroyed the body armor." she told him.

"How did you do accomplish this without busting your hands open or busting them at all?" Daniel asked.

"I had those gloves on."

"Well son I'm glad you came through. I don't know what would have happened had you not been there." Hammond said.

"I know someone had one of those special rifles or whatever they are called that can kill them but I didn't see one around.…so." he said leaving it at that.

"Good work though. As of this moment SG-1 is on stand down for until further notice. Major, you are going with the Prometheus crew to help with scientific research. You will leave tomorrow morning at 0800." Hammond said opening a file in front of him. He did notice Ford shift some as expected. "And yes Ford you can go with her. I figured you was going to ask sooner or later."

"Thanks sir. I've been wanting to see what the Prometheus looks like first hand."

"Dismissed people."

Carter took the file and looked it over at they all left.

Carter was getting ready the next morning when Ford came by.

"You want to drive there or me to do it?"

"I thought we had a driver taking us."

He gave her a confused look. "I don't know if we do or not. I never checked."

"I was told we are being driven out there."

"In that case, never mind."

The trip was uneventful and Ford was impressed with how the ship looked and the sheer size.

"Incredible. Bummer this is the only one."

"The other's are being built, but the work is going slowly. We have very little naquada to work with."

"Understandable problem. They could have came up with a better design though."

EPISODE NAME----GRACE

During the long trip out and back, Ford and Carter grew closer, but not in the same bed closer, at least not yet.

They were well on their way to traveling home. Things seemed to be going well and no real big problems where happening. Other than being far away from home. They had to stop soon to let the engines cool down so Carter asked the Captain if it was possible to check out a nebula nearby. He didn't mind much.

Ford and Carter just came on the bridge with the Captain after the discussion. The helmsman informed him of the engine status and he told her to drop out of hyperspace. Carter was talking to the Captain when a unidentified ship came along.

"Bogy coming at us sir."

"Sound general quarters! Raise shields, arm weapons." the Captain commanded.

"Wonder who's came along?" Ford said looking at the screen. It was a very big ship that was much larger than the Earth vessel. "Nobody I recognize."

"What do you mean?" Carter asked.

"Uh…never mind."

She gave him a look knowing he was hiding something but he refused to say anymore and figured that she'd ask later.

"Bogy at 900 klicks sir."

"How long before we can jump to hyper drive?" the Captain asked.

"The engines need at least two hours to cool down before we can jump. Anytime before that and it could overload." Carter said after a moment.

Outside the large alien vessel was turning to be right in front of them. It reminded Ford of a those large Romulan ships that where on Star Trek, except this one was bluish instead of green and had a flattened back with a larger head section.

"Colonel, I'm getting some unusual readings coming from the alien vessel." a guy said.

Carter went over to check the readings. "They're scanning us sir."

The Captain ordered a different Major to open communications to them.

He tried talking to them but got static.

"Bogy at 400 klicks. They're continuing to close."

"Sir, thermographic sensor's are picking up a large amount of energy building up in the ship." a officer said from a station. It was the same guy that found out they were being scanned. "Energy buildup is continuing sir."

"Their powering up weapons. We have to get out of here sir." Carter said.

"Major Gant. Initiate evasive maneuver Delta now."

"Yes sir."

The Prometheus pulled to the right quickly and headed for the Nebula to seek cover as it was bombarded with energy blast. The whole ship shook and consoles sparked.

"This is fun." Ford muttered grabbing the wall.

"Shields are down to 69. The weapons are draining our shields." Gant said. "53."

"Reroute auxiliary power to shield generators and prepare aft weapons. Weapons officer, fire on my command." the Captain said.

"Weapons ready."

"Fire one through four now."

Prometheus fired four missiles which were destroyed quickly by small laser fire.

"The missiles were destroyed before reaching the target." the weapons officer said.

"Alien vessel is still gaining on us sir. Shields now at 32." Gant said.

The Captain ordered a fire at will order when Carter said they should divert auxiliary power to the sunlight engines.

"Major?"

"The gas cloud. If we can make it in there it might make it harder to track us."

Another hit made sparks come from around the front screens of the ship.

"Shields are below 15." Gant said.

"Even with sublight engines at full strength we can't make it there in time."

"It might be possible to make a small hyperspace jump into the cloud if I can pass the safe guards. Give me time."

"You have two."

Carter went to get started passing him quickly.

"How can I help and before you say anything, I've watched you long enough and studied enough I could almost replace you. Almost." Ford said.

She didn't argue and talked while she worked on the console. More explosions and short outs occurred as they worked.

"C'mon, one jump." she said to the machine.

Something on the screen in the engine section on the bridge beeped. She walked off with Ford behind her. The screen said override request denied. The Captain was getting reports across the bridge from different people. Shields were failing, weapons were offline, damage in different sections, injuries being reported. They entered a small room with panels on the wall. Carter opened one of the panels and started explaining what had to be done as she pushed a few buttons. The panel had crystals in it just like a Goa'uld ship panel. Suddenly the ship jolted under a hard hit. Something surged through the panel they were working on causing an energy wave like that of the ones used by Goa'ulds to force someone back. It came from the panel blasting them both into the wall. Carter hit her head into the wall hard and collapsed. Ford pushed himself off the wall and wanted to help her but knew what had to be done and how to go about it. He grabbed the panel and started working as fast as he could despite being disoriented, badly.

That was a stunning. Hope Sam's okay.

Bad idea! Get back or we're…. Herc saying to him.

Ford realized to late what was happening as a surge went through it again, this time giving him a frying experience like none before. He died before feeling his head hit the panel chin first and then sinking to the floor.

Carter awoke feeling queasy and lightheaded. She got up slowly and left the small room walking over some large black object and grabbed the phone off the wall.

"This is Major Carter calling the bridge." She looked around still hearing a lot of silence. "Bridge please respond."

She looked over to her left seeing a little girl then she disappeared and decided to go looking after the girl. She looked around in the corridors and in the mess hall finally coming to the bridge. No one was around and no little girl. The outside window panels showed the ship was in the nebula. She touched a button on the command chair.

"This is the bridge calling all decks. Please respond."

Nothing came back so she checked the screens monitoring all the decks. No one was there.

"I guess Ford's missing too." she muttered rubbing her head.

She made a log stating that she was injured and found no one aboard and that the engines were working but sub light were offline. She stated that she searched the ship finding no one and that everyone must have evacuated the ship since the escape pods were gone and that she was left behind in the chaos. She tried the restart on the sub light engines but they kept failing and she figured that the cloud was causing the trouble leaving her with one option. She tried the hyper drive but it failed to engage.

"Dammit." she muttered running her hand through her hair. She didn't know what was causing the engines to not work. Someone's hand touched her arm and she looked up to see Teal'c.

"Teal'c?" she asked confused.

"Listen to me Major Carter. You must not sleep."

"I know I need to rest though."

"You are injured. You must not sleep. If you do, you will die."

Teal'c kept saying that as she started nodding off. Even though he kept trying to wake her, she couldn't help it she fell off asleep anyway.

Life surged back into him and he took a deep breath.

"Aw dammit that hurt." he groaned out as he got up slowly. The panel was still open and the crystals were pretty fried. His coat and clothes were burned badly too. Ford got up and ran a hand through his hair finding it all sticking up.

"Talk about getting fried."

Yes, it really hurt. A lot more than you think. Thank god for that Immortal healing ability.

Sorry Herc. Glad to see you're still here with me.

He walked out grabbing the phone off the wall and tried to call the bridge. No answer came back.

"Where's Sam? She was in here with me."

It is possible that the alien ship took everyone accept us because we were dead. Herc thought.

"Great. I'm on a ship I understand only to certain points."

Putting the phone back and headed for the bridge, he took the coat off, mostly because the smell was getting bad and put it on a chair.

"This is just prim…." he started saying into the com for the ship when he noticed Carter asleep on a console.

"Sam, wake up. CARTER!!"

She sat up quickly hearing someone singing Twinkle, Twinkle little star and Ford looking at her. He looked terrible. His hair was fried and the rest of him was smoking in some places. His coat was missing too. The suit's everyone else was wearing was on him, but burnt badly in some area's.

"You're here? But I searched the ship." she muttered.

"Not everywhere then."

"What happened to you?"

"I…got fried. Don't worry about it. I can clean up later. What about you?"

"My head feels funny." she said smiling lightly as she started to look ready to sleep again. "We need to send a distress signal."

Ford helped her send out a distress signal after helping her look at her injury. She asked him how he was as he helped her. He mentioned his memory was messed up some and he wasn't feeling all that well but could function so they should forget about his condition and get to work. Hercules wasn't talking either. He was there but quiet at the moment. Since the healing hand device wasn't on board, he couldn't help her head. As they looked over the food Carter swore there was a little girl again.

"Did you see that?"

"See what?" he said looking in the direction she was.

"I thought I saw a little girl."

"Ah, no. That would be strange seeing as there is no children on board, but if one shows up suddenly, it won't surprise me."

"Why not?" she asked more curious than anything else.

"With what we do, a talking cat could walk up and I wouldn't jump."

"We met a talking cat though, more than one."

"I meant like a cat from Earth, not Gia'as."

With rationing they had maybe two months. Between the both of them they still tried to figure out why the engines didn't work. They kept scanning the nebula to figure things out as well. Something about the nebula. Sensors couldn't figure out what the chemicals in the cloud were to figure out what was keeping the engines from engaging. They were working on the bridge when Carter heard someone talking to her that wasn't Ford.

"Yep I'd say you're stuck alright."

She turned seeing Daniel in a seat near her.

"Oh c'mon Sam, you've run the same diagnostic program for four hours, what makes you think that any of the results are going to change."

She turned back to the console.

"Sam hello." Daniel said snapping his fingers.

"Where you this annoying when you were ascended?"

Ford turned looking at her seeing she was talking to nobody. He was about to ask when Hercules said something.

We know she has a concussion. I believe her mind is talking to her to either help her make a better decision or she's partially delusional.

Where did you come up with that? And where the hell have you been?

The books you've been reading and memories I've been able to access points to it. I suggest we wait and see what happens. As for where I was, I was recovering from the shock still. As are you.

True. Must be all that static I still feel in my hair. She mentioned seeing a little girl so maybe her mind is a little messed up. I hope to god it isn't permanent.

Ford chuckled inwardly and watched and figured it was Daniel since she said ascended. Whatever he said made her turn toward an empty seat and talk to it.

"No offense, but I really don't have time for this. This is ridicules, you aren't even real." she said turning back to the screen.

"I'm not so me as I'm you, part of you anyway, your subconscious mind really. What's real is up to you I guess." he said more irritating her.

"Daniel."

"Look you need some help after all, can't you just try to go along with this."

"You're me talking to me."

"Basically."

"You're right I need some help." Carter said rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Thank you."

"So what do I want?" Carter said watching him move over to where she was working. Her eyes completely passed by Ford. "What is it I can't figure out with my conscious mind?"

"Well I think you're going about this all wrong. You came to look at this gas cloud and you're running endless hyperdrive simulations."

"I've got a slight problem Daniel. Mainly that I'm stranded."

"Inside the only thing that will help man for years to come. You can see something like this up close. Seize the moment."

"Seize the moment?" Carter said.

Ford almost burst out laughing at that. She just kept looking at someone who wasn't there and talking to the air. He had done that before in his past, still did sometimes, but no one was ever actually there. Carter really thought she saw Daniel and it as amusing to see it one sided.

Times like this I wish I could read minds, or hers anyway. That way this wouldn't be a one sided conversation.

It is weird to watch, but maybe something will come up, or idea I mean. I met someone like this once, but they were actually what you now called mentally unstable.

"It's something new, something we've never encountered before and you're ignoring it. That sound like you?" Daniel asked.

"Daniel I can't even think straight much less stay awake."

"Sam, you have to check this out, it's important. Trust me."

She looked over the stuff she was doing and got up. She walked completely pass Ford.

"Sam."

"Look Daniel I'm…"

"I'm not Daniel, Sam."

She blinked her eyes trying remembering.

"You watched that and said nothing." she said looking displeased.

"I figured somewhere in that pretty, yet injured head of yours that whatever Daniel was saying was making sense. And you did say you were talking to yourself, in some sort of sense."

"Wait, you heard Daniel?!"

"No, but it had to be him talking because you mention his name. As I said, you said something about talking to yourself. Subconsciously I guess."

She rubbed her head turning away. They went down to the food area again and sorted through it to bring some to the bridge. Creaking sounds made them stop and look around. It sounded like the hull was bending like it was under water. A screen they looked at showed flashing words.

STRUCTURAL DAMAGE DETECTED. OUTER HULL INTEGRITY COMPRIMISED.

"Oh my God." she said looking at a time table.

It said they had a little over eight hours till the hull was breached bad enough to destroy the ship. Several sections of the ship were lit up showing the hull degradation.

Back at the SGC Daniel and Jack where in the elevator.

"Your heard about Sam and Ford?"

"Yeah." Jack said. "Eighteen hours past due, yeah. I'd say something went wrong."

Daniel only nodded. He said Hammond had decided to send SG teams to the planets along the route of where the Prometheus was going including sending them to see if it was on one of those planets. Daniel found the planets that where along the route.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"Well if something went wrong, they could have a chance by making it to a planet with a gate."

"At which time they would gate home, wouldn't they."

Daniel explained about when the Prometheus was stranded before and the hyperdrive failed and they couldn't get home because they didn't know where the Stargate was.

"Sounds like a long shot."

"Well the Tok'ra are unable to send a ship at this time. They said they'd try to trace the route later."

This upset Jack and they said a few more words were Jack wasn't happy and made it clear but didn't take it out on Daniel even after he left the elevator. Though Daniel could see it was really getting to Jack anyway.

Carter did the log again telling how the ship was being breached by the gasses. Ford made a log as well, and told in it how they were trying to do what they could and spoke about her head injury, but not about her talking to herself. The two of them shut off the damaged areas but it was only a matter of time before the hull breached. Even transferring power to the shields wasn't working. Ford stayed with her to make she didn't fall down or worse.

She looked up as she used her card and pushed buttons to close off another area. That little girl was back. She was wearing a white dress that was under her arms. It had no straps holding it up. She was blonde and about six to eight years of age.

"When the blazing sun is gone, when he nothing shines upon." she said.

Ford watched Carter moved away from the door looking at someone who wasn't there. Or at least he thought someone wasn't there. He blinked and saw nothing except Sam. She seemed to forget he was there again. He could have sworn he saw someone though. A little girl in a dress, maybe.

"Who are you? Want do you want?"

"Then we show your little light. Twinkle, Twinkle all the night. C'mon on."

Carter followed the little girl with Ford silently following.

"Wait." she said following. The hull creaked around them.

She stopped as she rounded a corner seeing Teal'c. He was just standing there with his arms crossed.

"Samantha."

"Teal'c…..Did you just see…..of course you didn't."

Ford looked without moving seeing she saw Teal'c there now.

"I'm here to warn you."

"I know. I have to stay awake."

"That's not all. Everything may not be as it seems."

"The fact that I'm talking to someone who's not really here kinda speaks to that."

"On the contrary, I think it's you that's not here."

"What are you talking about?"

"I believe that you and the other crew members are being held prisoner aboard the alien vessel that attack you."

"How do you know?"

"It is possible that they are probing your mind. If so any information they obtain could be used to attack Earth."

"Hold on. Even if you're right and I'm not really here, what am I suppose to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"Teal'c, give me something here."

"Very well. As you attempt to divulge and repair the ships engines, you may very well be giving them information of the Prometheus's technology. That's why you must do nothing."

"I can't do that Teal'c."

"Be careful Samantha."

"Wait where are you going?" she said seeing him walk off. "You're wrong Teal'c. I'm not on an alien ship. I'm right here."

"Sam, if you were dreaming as it sounds why would I be here?"

"Ford! Why do I keep forgetting you're there?" she said jumping, then turning around.

"I don't know. My ugly appearance perhaps." he said dryly.

"I thought you healed fast?"

"I have. My hair needs a barber. And it's still full of static."

"Find a hat then. That look is frightening." she said then suddenly started dropping.

She passed out on the deck and Ford caught her making sure she didn't hit the floor. Moving her was a bad idea, possibly so he sat with her and waited. She woke up about an hour or so later saying something about things being real.

"How long have I been out?"

"About an hour." he said running his hand through her hair again.

"You've been here the whole time?"

"You're hurt and I can't help you like I wish so I stayed here and watched over you. Where else would I go anyway?"

She smiled weakly as he pushed a strand of hair out of her face. He helped her up and they went onto the bridge where she made another report to the log saying she had an idea about getting the ship free, but it would be risky.

"Better to try something than stay here till the ship is eroded away. I'd hate to see that this is the last time we get to be together. I want to do so much more with you."

"I know what you mean." she said kissing him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Let's try this idea then and hope it works."

Alarms went off as doors closed off. They themselves locked into their seats and tried venting air from several decks to get the ship to move. It started to work and then stopped for some reason. Carter shut it down and raced out of her chair yelled a quick no. She left the bridge asking if someone was here.

"Have I told you my latest theory yet? It's pretty cool." Daniel said from behind her.

Ford could here her talking to someone again but wasn't there yet. His seatbelt wasn't coming undone so he ripped it off. He came up slowly still listening.

"Lose something?"

"Did you see a…"

"Little girl?"

"Yeah."

"No. You know, you don't look so good." he said following her down the corridor. Ford followed but she didn't seem to notice he was there. Though he was being inconspicuous.

"Anyway about my theory. What if this cloud isn't so much as a collection of corrosive gases as it might be a sentient being. I'm saying the cloud is alive Sam."

"The cloud is alive?"

"Yeah, a sentient being, feelings, memories, a space born entity if you will."

Ford noticed she looked exhausted, ready to fall, literally. And having to look like someone just told her the stupidest thing in the universe.

"That's crazy."

"Why else would it be eroding the ship?"

"Because the gasses are corrosive."

"Or. Maybe it was offended that something flew inside it. The point is, if we talk to it, maybe it will let us go."

"You want me to talk to the cloud?"

"Would it kill you to try?"

"How would you like me to do that?"

"That little girl running around the ship. Maybe she is the personification of the cloud. That's isn't way of trying to communicate with us." Daniel said as she started falling to the ground.

Ford didn't care what she was hearing, he ran forward and kept her from falling even though she was holding on to the handles on the wall. She still barely noticed.

"This isn't helping." she said nodding off.

"Dammit Sam! Don't fall asleep again!" Ford yelled. She didn't hear him though.

Did she say something about the cloud being alive? Herc asked.

I don't see how, but it happened on a Star Trek episode once, so…..

Ford was just holding her when he could swear he heard someone singing.

"Twinkle, Twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are?" a female child voice said.

"My mother used to sing that to me." Carter said sitting up from Ford's lap suddenly.

"Whoa." he said. He could see her too.

"How obscure." the little girl said.

"I'm so tired." Sam said.

"You can't sleep, not yet." the little girl said.

Ford thought of talking, but decided to stay quiet. The girl was paying more attention to Sam than him. But she did acknowledge him slightly.

"Why?"

"Because we need to talk."

They went to the mess hall and Ford helped Carter to a chair. She sat at the head while the girl walked off. She came back with food.

"Eat. You need to keep your strength up."

"Do you have a name?"

"I'm Grace."

"Interesting, but pretty." Ford said quietly. Grace looked at him with a smile and he wasn't sure how to take that. It was so emotionless.

"Who are you?" Carter asked.

"You know."

"No I don't know." Carter said. Suddenly the girl disappeared. The food disappeared too.

"This is getting weird. I even saw her and she looked at me too."

She chuckled and had him help her to the bridge.

"The cloud being alive? That…."

"Sounds stupid, I know." she said as they walked to the bridge.

"No, in fact it makes sense. She or it is personifying itself in ways that only you can see."

"But you saw her this time."

"I know, and it made no sense." he said scratching his head. "But it is a possible theory. They did it on Star Trek."

Jack and his small team came home finding Hammond at the bottom of the ramp. He informed them he found nothing. The very primitive society knew nothing as saw even less.

"We're oh for seven sir."

"What about the Tok'ra?" Daniel asked.

Hammond said they were looking at the route it was scheduled to take and were expanding their search of the areas where it had to make cool down stops. Jack left not feeling great and very upset.

"I don't want to hear it." Jack said as he messes around in his locker. He was de-gearing. Teal'c was behind him a ways. "Not in the mood."

He finally turned around when Teal'c hadn't said anything.

"Alright what?" he said gruffly.

Teal'c explained of a similar situation where Jack was lost and Sam went through the same thing. Teal'c told him how he felt Jack was like a younger brother and did miss his presence when he was lost.

"I know what you're trying to do Teal'c and I appreciate it."

Carter was watching Grace blow bubbles as was Ford who still didn't understand why he was seeing her too. He didn't ask either. They were both sitting on the floor on the bridge just watching. They ran out of ideas.

"You want to try?" she asked them.

Carter shook her head saying no. Ford did the same.

"It's fun."

"I remember when I was a little girl I wondered how a bubble could exist." she started going technical saying this about surface tension when Grace spoke up.

"Boring."

"I'd say she takes after Jack."

"Yeah." she said lightly rubbing her head.

"Here try it."

Carter blew a few bubbles.

"See. Fun."

"Yeah."

The girl left suddenly.

"Carter what can we do to help you stay awake? We've….you're scaring me."

"I know. I'm scared as well." she said leaning on his shoulder.

"I'm not saying it's your fault. I'd probably be right along with you with that head injury or worse if…." he stopped when the ship started shaking.

Ford helped her up and they moved toward the bridge computers. It was telling them there was a serious hull breach about to happen and a lot of loud alarms were going off. Smoke vented from several areas behind them.

"What do you want?" Carter asked when the girl showed up.

"What do you mean?" she said still blowing bubbles.

"Who ever you are, I know why everyone keeps showing up. Why are you here? What do you want from us?"

"I don't want anything, but you do." Grace said still blowing bubbles. "Then the traveler in the dark, thanks you for your tiny spark. How could he see where to go, if you did not twinkle so."

Carter looked at the bubbles then got an idea. Ford followed making her tell him so if she passed out again he could do it, if the idea worked. It was ingenious to say the least. Carter went technical on both of them since Grace had followed along asking. It worked. She then made a bubble around the ship by using the hyperdrive. From there the sublight engines kicked on. The two worked on moving the ship while watching the engine's as the rest of SG-1 showed up but Ford never noticed.

"Sam, what are you doing?" Daniel asked.

"I believe she is attempting to rescue her fellow crew members." Teal'c stated.

"That's crazy. Go back to Earth then bring in the cavalry." Daniel said.

"There's no time." Carter said.

"What?" Ford looked at her.

"Never mind." she said.

"I agree." Teal'c said agreeing with Carter's no time statement. "The alien vessel is too formidable."

"Would you guys shut up." Jack said. "Just let her work."

Carter only glanced back a second before returning to the helm.

"Who is there now?"

"What? Oh…ah the Colonel was."

"I'm guessing if I was on that ship or didn't come somewhere I'd be here telling you something."

"Probably. I'm just glad you here in reality. Being alone would suck. Not to mention I probably be in worse shape."

Carter moved toward the large alien ship and opened a channel. She stated to them that she knew a way out, but they would have to return her crewmates and she would help them leave. Almost instantly everyone was back on the ship.

"That was quick." he said.

The Captain asked something and Carter told him to bear with her. Ford gave him a brief explanation as she extended the hyperdrive shield around the alien ship and took it out of the cloud. They followed their end of the deal and flew away.

"Well done Major. Ford."

"With your permission sir I'd like to relive myself of duty."

"Easy."

He was about to order someone when Ford said he'd be taking her. The Captain didn't object. The flight home was thankfully uneventful from there. Ford stayed with her even though she slept the entire way home.

Ford was still with her in the infirmary at the SGC as she started waking up. He had fallen asleep in the chair about an hour ago, but Hercules was there watching. Jack was there too sitting on a bed. When they had gotten back and she was being tended to Jack had asked what happened to his coat and why he was wearing a hat. He gave them a brief explanation and got a good round of laughs at his new hairdo.

"Hey."

"Jack?" she said seeing him through droopy lids.

"Excuse me?" he said leaning forward some.

"Sorry, sir."

"Yes well, a massive concussion will tend to….disorient one." he said getting up and coming next to her bed.

"How long were we out there?"

"It's all relative Carter. That whole time space continuum thing." he said waving his hands.

"Sir." she said tiredly.

"Four days."

"Could have sworn it was weeks." she said weakly.

"Teal'c and Daniel say hi. They're planning a bit of a shindig for when your up and around. There's talk of cake."

"Cake." she said smiling.

"My idea." he said smiling with pride.

"Can't wait."

"Need anything? Magazine, yo-yo."

"I'm fine."

"I guess you are."

"Thank you sir." she said as he turned to leave.

"For what?"

"Nothing."

"Think nothing of it. I've got plenty of that." he said giving her a smile then leaving.

She felt a hand give her hand a squeeze and looked seeing Ford was there.

"Need anything for me to go get?"

"No. I just some sleep." she said smiling lightly. "How.."

"I'm fine Sam. Just get some rest, I'll be back in about an hour. We're home, so there is nothing to worry about." he said standing up.

"We really here?"

"Have I lied to you yet? Not that I'm trying…."

She smiled and then dropped off to sleep still feeling his holding her hand.

A couple days later Sam was pretty much back to full health, but was to take it easy anyway, and that shindig was going on in the mess hall. They where all having a lot of fun talking about funny things about their different past, either missions or personal stuff. Ford didn't have much for stories to offer though considering his past and it was something he tried to avoid unless they really bugged him about it. They were all at a table to themselves. Ford made the cake which astounded them all, especially Jack who said he hadn't tasted cake that good in a long time.

"Can you tell us anything interesting that happened during the time you had switched bodies?"

"You're never going to give up on that are you sir."

"Here. I'll tell you this. It doesn't involve Carter's body so I don't mind telling them. Carter learned first hand what it's like for us to get…..hit." he said in a whisper as he looked down briefly.

"Someone kicked her…or your body there?" Daniel whispered. "What did you do to…."

Carter shook her head like she was sorry to see this come up. But it was his body so she didn't care much.

"No. I went out to get something for us to eat since we had to get some rest. I normally can stay up quite a few days, Sam's body, no. So we stayed in a hotel. In separate beds." he stressed seeing the look on Jack's face. "Anyway, when I came back and opened the door, the handle was at the right place, she was at the wrong time."

"It hurt like hell." Carter said remembering the incident.

"Now she can say that she understands when it happens to us guys."

No one seemed to comment but the three guys looked like they were remembering some painful experiences.

"Anything that happened to you in her…."

"No comment."

"So something did happen." he said thinking.

"Drop it sir."

"Here's something funny. You know how we have to shave…you know." he said pointing at his face. "Anyway, we're used to having the itching sensation as the facial grows back. Sam couldn't take."

"I hear a laugh coming on." Jack said already chuckling from thinking about it.

"I had to do it and she kept flinching. It took over an hour."

"He couldn't stop laughing. It got real annoying after awhile. I would have slapped him up side the head."

"But you would have hurt yourself, in a sense." Daniel said.

"Exactly. I'm still surprised he didn't cut me, or, you get the idea."

"Anything else?"

"Don't go there Jack." they both said.

Jack realized he was pushing it and gave up changing the subject.

"How many times did we screw up an episode?" Jack asked taking a drink of his pop.

"Screw ups? You mean all those different bloopers as they call them. Well….let's see….." Ford said setting down his pop. He rubbed under his nose thinking. "Something really funny I'm guessing is what you want to hear."

"It would be better." Jack said. "And maybe about Carter if possible."

"Sir!"

"Just wondering. You know like lost clothing or you know." he said casually.

"Interesting Jack. You have a streak of evil in you that runs really deep. Okay, with Carter hmmm?"

"You're not serious." she said glaring at Ford.

"Don't worry Sam. Nothing extremely personal I would reveal. She has forgotten her lines on occasion, as many do. Once made a particular joke, to which I cannot repeat right now. I think Daniel was the one who forgot the most or Jack. She's more than once knocked over whatever experiment she's been working on or dropped it. Jack has dropped his gun more times than I can count and broken several objects as he picked them up, usually something Carter was working on. For some reason the actor loved pulling pranks. He did pull one involving clothing. He somehow, I never figured out how, took Carter's….the actress anyway. And so help me Jack, you pull this stunt I'll do whatever she says to do to you. Whatever it is." he said giving Jack a very serious look. Jack looked at him seriously to taking it for being a real threat.

"Anyway he switched the pants she was suppose to wear with the same pair, but changed. A lot like the one's she's wearing now. The stitching in the leg seems was messed with, making them….loose. They were doing a debriefing or briefing, I don't remember which one but he had somehow tied or hooked her pants to her chair, one of the belt loops. I guessing he had an accomplice. You can guess from there what happened when she got up. I don't know why, but she had boxers on, which is why he probably did it. But she seriously got him back later that day. They had to stop the recording of the show for a week."

"That was more information than they needed to know." Carter said glaring.

"Ah, but you'll like this Sam. I helped get him back with her. We put an itching powered in his clothing. ALL of his clothes. After doing a episode, he went to change into normal clothes and it took about half an hour and everywhere but his head itched bad enough he broke out in a rash. It was funny to watch him dance around the set. Stripping as he went. He knew she was behind it, but he never found out who helped her, never. After that, no serious pranks ever happened."

Jack visibly cringed at the thought. Sam smiled wickedly at the thought.

"Interesting idea." she said she said looking at her superior officer. Her mind thought about what it probably looked like as she smiled.

"You going to protect me from her?" Jack said moving closer to Ford as an act. "Wait a minute, you helped? How? Why were you there?"

"I…..um….ah, was invited one week, to talk with the cast and see how things worked. Friends in, high places, that sort of thing." he said quickly. "Anyway as far as I've seen, there have been no pranks here. It's a military instillation so that would be wrong to have." Ford said looking at Jack.

"Unless you've been doing those sort of things without me noticing."

"Nothing like that happens here." Daniel said.

"Maybe we should have a few."

"Sir. I doubt Hammond would like that."

"You're spoiling the moment Carter. A few harmless pranks wouldn't be bad."

"I've opened up something I never should have." Ford said rubbing his face.

They talked more, laughing along to other stories and things. Someone started tossing food, Daniel most likely and it got a little more that just a few small objects after a few moments. Ford was laughing about something he heard that Carter had did when she was drunk once, when she shoved a large piece of cake in his face. This brought a large round of laughs. Even Teal'c had to laugh.

"You going to get her back?" Jack asked.

"No." he said wiping his face some.

"You're not?" Carter asked surprise. She actually was expecting him to put cake in her face as well and had her arms up protecting herself.

"I probably look better this way with the bad hair anyway." He wore a hat to keep it hidden though. A camouflaged ball cap.

This brought another round of laughs in which Ford did, gently though, put some cake in her face since she wasn't expecting it. He was careful enough not to get it in her hair. Jack laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair. It wasn't long and they all were throwing cake.

Seeing as Carter was still down for recovery time, they had the week off. Considering the 'discussion' on pranks that happened last night, the next week became interesting.

On the first day, Jack messed with Ford's guns. He didn't know it though till it was too late. As he was getting ready to fire the personal cannon on the indoor firing range, using normal ammo, he didn't check it out first.

"I still can't believe you did that." she said checking the nine she was getting ready to fire.

"Did what?" Ford asked as he slapped a magazine into the handle.

"You got cake in my hair."

"Oh no, that was Jack. He threw, you ducked and then it got in your hair. I just rubbed it in your face." he said putting the special glasses on.

"I'm surprised you did that too."

"We were all having fun. If you want you can do something….to me." he said taking aim.

"Ah, this is where you two are." Jack said coming up to them with a smile.

"Sir."

"Hey Jack, what's up?"

"Wait don't fire yet. I can't talk over your loud cannon."

"I'm using normal ammo. Last time I…."

"Yeah, I know. I saw the report." he said lowering Ford's gun with his hand. "Can I see that?"

Ford handed it over and he ejected the clip then put it back.

"Can I?"

"Sure."

"Great, oh can you go get me a PC-90. I need some extra practice."

Ford walked off as Jack fired a few shots as did Carter. He came back a minute later and handed it over.

"I only fired three rounds. Not bad by the looks of it." Jack said pulling the target down. There was three rounds in the chest.

"Nice." Ford said nodding. "I would have done better though."

"Yeah, I figured you'd say that." Jack said smartly as he took the PC-90. "But you're younger and used to firing a single shooter."

Jack moved over to the next stall and took aim.

"Any special reason you're here? Or was it just to get that extra practice?" Ford asked feeling something suspicious in the air.

"Came to how you two were doing. You know, because of yesterday." he said casually.

"I thought it was different, but fun."

"I'm fine sir, just took longer to clean it out of my hair. Since it's longer than yours." she said with a tone that poked at his age.

"Well, it did take me sometime to get cake out of my nose, eyes, ears…anyway, I've got paperwork to fill out, so I'll catch you later. I'll come back to this." he said walking off.

"That was strange." he said putting a new target up and making it go as far back as possible.

"Yeah, it was different…for the Colonel to act that way."

"He say anything while I was gone?" Ford said taking aim.

"No, just fired off three rounds then set your gun down as you came back."

"Hmm." he said concentrating on the target.

As she brought her target forward, Ford fired. But something went wrong as the bullet didn't eject and the chamber exploded sending foam out of all the open areas of the gun like a pop shaken up then opened.

"What the hell?!" Ford yelled wiping his face and shaking the gun.

Pretty far away from them, they heard laughter that disappeared as a door closed. Sam came around seeing the gun dripping and he looking a lot like a can of shaving cream was blown up on him. He ejected the clip to find it was not his clip. More foam came out with it.

"What is it?" she asked stepping back. She thought it might be a new ammo, thought.

"It's feels like shaving cream. Jack rigged my gun, this isn't my clip! I don't believe this!" he said shaking the gun. "This stuff itches!"

"The Colonel isn't bright enough to do something like that, is he?"

"Someone must have helped him! Quartermaster!" he said walking away quickly. "God this stuff itches!"

In the commissary later….

Daniel was looking over some notes as Ford sat down across from him with Sam.

"Hey." he said looking up at them momentarily.

"You know what Jack did to me?" Ford said leaning onto the table with both arms crossed in front of him.

"I heard something about your gun having problems."

"It didn't have problems Daniel, until Jack pulled a prank." Sam said taking a drink of her juice.

"He did? That explains some things." Daniel said nodding in remembrance of something.

They looked at each other then at Daniel confused.

"While we were having breakfast this morning, Jack, 'accidentally' knocked my coffee over. He said he was sorry and went to get me another cup, but then he was called away quickly before he could do it. Now when I entered here this morning and got my coffee, that dish was filled with sugar. When I made myself another cup after he left, I wasn't putting sugar in the cup."

"I never should have opened my big mouth." Ford said shaking his head. "He pulled prank on you to."

"Oh yeah. You know how much sugar I put in my coffee." he said as they nodded.

"It becomes more sugar than coffee. I'm surprised you don't shake all day."

"Anyway, it was salt. I was extremely thirsty and took a big swig after the generous amounts I put in the cup, and about gagged to death. I'm still trying to get the salty taste out of my mouth." he said grimacing. "So what did he do to you?"

"He changed the clip. The Quartermaster helped him by order only and was able to rig a clip to explode with shaving cream and something else that made me itch for awhile as soon as I pulled the trigger. The only reason Jack did that was because my gun doesn't get damaged and because it's so easy to clean." Ford said stabbing the meatloaf. "I make better meatloaf than this."

"Oh. Okay, ah he do anything to you yet Sam?"

She stopped midway to her mouth with a spoon of Jello.

"Ah….not yet. He better not."

"I doubt he will seeing as you're an officer and we aren't. He can do things to us."

After they were finished eating, Daniel went to his office and started working on his notes and translations, but not before checking the place out. Ford went to do another training class in unarmed combat as Sam went back to her lab. She was still working on some objects that were recovered on another planet that needed her to use the microscope.

"Well, I'm done for the day with training. What can I do here to help?"

"Give me a moment to write this information down." she said not looking up from the microscope lens.

"No problem." he said sitting on the stool near her. "What are you looking at?"

"Some unknown metal that SG-10 found…" she said looking up at him.

She stopped as he started chuckling and tried to stop, unsuccessfully as it turned into full blown laughter.

"What are you laughing at?" she demanded. "Wait, he didn't…"

"Jack got you too." he said stepping off the stool so he didn't fall off. It took him a moment before he could talk even with the glare she gave. "Let me get…"

He found a shiny enough object and handed it over. She looked at her reflection seeing two dark rings, one around each eye. Ford couldn't help it as he started laughing again at her anger look. The dark rings just made her look funnier.

"He got you good."

She glared at him even harder and he left laughing since he couldn't stop.

Over the next two days, Jack pulled a few more pranks. Ford was gotten when his coat was sabotaged. He put it on for testing it out with a new test with the zat guns to see if he could make himself close to impervious to the effects better than usual. He came into the lab and stood their as one of the techs shot him once. It didn't work as he felt the full effect, but didn't pass out. Instead an adrenalin surge happened as his coat somehow grew bigger around him. Everyone was surprised including him as a yellow balloon like object encompassed him as it inflated from inside his coat. Within less than a minute he was now off the ground by about two feet and not able to do anything with his legs and seeing as the inflated object inflated up to under his arms, he couldn't get access into his coat for his knifes or guns. Jack walked by the room, looked inside and walked away laughing. Daniel was pranked when he went to spray his glasses to clean them while looking over notes. All he ended up doing was spraying a grease on them that wouldn't come off not matter how much he cleaned them. He eventually got them cleaned, but it took an hour. Another joke on him was Jack somehow managed to make it so all his pencils broke in half, all of them. Jack's biggest mistake on pranking Carter was when he messed with the shampoo she like to use. Unfortunately, he didn't know other woman also used it and several woman came out with blue hair. Fortunately, it wasn't a permanent dye and washed out quickly. Ford thought her new, but temporary look was, interesting. Certainly a head turner. If it wasn't for regulations, Ford wanted her to keep it. Jack got reprimanded by Hammond for that stunt, but did admit it was funny.

Day three…..

"Okay folks, the pranks are over. After that last one, which even though was funny Carter, I'm sorry." Jack said sincerely as he walked into her lab where the rest of the team was.

"Forgive me if I don't believe that sir." she replied smartly.

"I thought it looked cool." Ford said.

"Then you go do it." she said.

"I did once, but I got in trouble and had to shave my head. Since then I haven't messed with hair color. Personally I thought I looked cool."

"Anyway, Hammond has already yelled at me for doing that and warned me not to do any more pranks."

"And yet, you didn't prank Teal'c." Daniel said.

"Actually I did. It just wasn't as funny." Jack said.

"What did he do to you?" Daniel asked.

"I had new candles, with a flame that would not go out, even with water." Teal'c stated.

"It would have been funnier if he had continued to try and put them out, but he just left and got help."

"You know what Jack?" Ford said as he leaned on her table with one elbow.

"What?"

"I'm going to get you back. And they are going to help." he said pointing at the rest of the team.

"Forget it. Hammond said…"

"I know what he said. But that doesn't mean it applies to us. Or at least me."

"You're not going to do anything, that's an order."

"Jack, Jack, Jack, as much as I respect you, like and love you like a brother. You're going to pay. I got a nice idea going on up here and even though I've never actually said this before, I'm going to use my ego, per say and state that I'm too valuable to get rid of, so I can get away with this idea." he said getting off the table. "I'll let you guys in on it later when we are alone. Have fun Jack."

Before Jack could say anything or go after him, he was long gone.

"Well, I for one am in on this." Daniel said leaving. "I've got to see what he has in mind."

"What's he going to do Major?" he asked looking out the doorway then coming back in.

"I have no idea sir. But I'll help him, but only if it won't get me in trouble." she said smiling wickedly. "Maybe I can talk him into using that itching power on your clothes."

"Yeah, right. T?"

"I am uncertain O'Neill. It would depend on his course of action."

"Great. What if I order you two to stay out of this?"

"Well sir, it depends on if it would get me in trouble or not." she said.

"I do not believe Mr. Primus would do something that would injure you O'Neill."

Jack left to see what Ford was up to.

Day four……

Ford called them all the night before at home and told them to meet him early in the morning at the base. Real early. They all arrived, got breakfast and sat down with him at a table.

"I take it Jack's not here yet?" Daniel asked yawning. "If it weren't for the fact I want to see this through, I'd still be in bed." he said putting sugar into his coffee.

"So would I Daniel. As for Jack, not yet, but he will be here soon….Jesus Christ Daniel, what are you doing?!"

"Putting sugar in my coffee. You've seen me do this before." he said still pouring.

"Apparently not! I've never seen….he actually put that much naturally?"

Carter and Teal'c nodded.

"Good grief. You might as well put a whole cane inside that cup." he said as Daniel finally stopped pouring. "Next time, just have me call Jamaica and have them drop a plane load off into the cup for ya. Where was I?"

"What are we doing?" Sam asked.

"Right. Anyway, for the rest of the week, I'll show up talking to you all at different times and make it look like we are planning something big, especially when he is around. Now, we can smile at him when we are talking and he's too far away to hear what we would be saying. When he comes up, in or whatever and starts asking questions, we all know nothing, even if he orders answers. You all will know nothing so he won't get any lies."

"I do not understand Mr. Primus."

"The prank on him is simple….we do nothing."

They looked at him confused.

"I don't see how this will work. We do nothing and…" Daniel said rolling a hand.

"That's just it. What is Jack constantly doing when faced with a situation?" he said grimacing at the cup of what couldn't be coffee anymore that Daniel was drinking. "Do you ever have real teeth anymore?"

"Yes."

"He's always thinking of what's probably going to….oh. Oh! Ford, that's prefect!" she said whispering in excitement.

"I don't get it." Daniel stated.

"Nor do I." Teal'c said.

"It's simple. Jack thinks we are going to do something so he will constantly be looking over his shoulder, at his stuff and other things suspiciously. He'll be so jumpy thinking something is about to happen. Now I'm going to tell Hammond about this and hopefully he'll play along. If not, we'll play until Hammond says something or tells Jack. This way Jack will always think something is up." he said chuckling.

"Oh, that's devious." Daniel said smiling. "I'm going to love to see this through."

"This is perfect. Oh, here he comes." she said.

"Okay, what's going on?"

"Well, you're late, as I expected. We haven't got the final details planned, but know this, within the next couple of days, probably by Monday, most likely sooner if things work out like they are, we'll get you back in a way you never expected." Ford said standing up. "All things considered, as to how early we all came in, it could already be in place. It's going to be a blast when you trigger it. But don't worry, you won't be hurt in any way. Not intentionally of course."

Ford walked away quickly leaving Jack's team to smile at him. Ford did tell Hammond his idea, and Hammond laughed at it saying he'd keep quiet unless a important mission came up, then it would be called off.

Day five……

Things at the base were still going on as usual. Other teams going off base, research and development, medical issues and objectives and such. Just about a typical day. Expect for Jack. It was anything but normal. Everywhere he went, he was looking around to see what was about to be sprung on him. Checking his food, his office, which he still denied existed some days, even in the bathroom he expected something. Daniel was washing his hands when Jack walked in. Jack looked up suddenly then around as he saw Daniel smile.

"It's going to happen in here then? Where Daniel?" Jack said looking around.

"I don't know what you're talking about Jack."

"Yes you do." Jack stated still glancing around.

"No, no I don't. Look, I've got to get back to work." Daniel said drying his hands then leaving a very skeptical and nervous Jack as he laughed on his way out.

Later in the commissary, he came in grabbing his daily dose of Jello. Ford and Carter were talking about a…technical issue.

"So, if that base math is applied to that equation…." she said rattling on about the equation.

"Then the answer is simple and easy. I see how it works." Ford said as Jack sat down next to them, then scooted over suddenly.

"More Jello Jack." he quipped.

"Yes. There's always room for Jello." he said lifting a spoonful of the blue stuff.

"Sure you'll enjoy it." Ford said hiding a small laugh behind his mug of root beer.

Jack hadn't even got to spoon into his mouth when he suddenly looked at it like something was wrong. Sam bit her lip and looked away as her shoulders shook with hidden laughter that escaped into giggles.

"Come on guys, this isn't funny anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Ford asked feigning ignorance.

"Did you spike the Jello?" Jack asked dropping the spoon full back into the bowl.

"Did I now…..or was it someone else?" he said making Carter burst out laughing. He joined in instantly.

"Ah for crying out loud!" Jack said getting up. "Wait, you couldn't have spiked my Jello. Everyone else is eating it to, including you Carter."

"Okay Jack, I'll give you a break, for the moment. Your food is not spiked, I assure you."

"He's right sir. He never messed with the food." she said wiping her eyes after seeing Jack look at Ford skeptical.

Jack sat down seeing as several other people in the commissary were looking at him and that he believed Carter. The rest of the day, he was increasingly looking around like something was about to happen, especially after Ford and Carter left the table smiling. The rest of the week ended up being the same for Jack. He was so happy to get home that weekend and thought he was safe, until he walked outside to get his mail and saw the General Lee driving past. He was now pissed off that they might have done something to prank him in his own house and when he tried calling everyone about it, they all said they had no idea what Ford was up to and didn't know where he was, even Carter didn't know where he was or why he drove by Jack's house.

"You drove by his house?" she said laughing. "He called here looking for you."

"I did it when I noticed him coming outside for his mail. I'd been sitting there about an hour, reading, waiting, on purpose." Ford said as he talked to her outside her house. "I knew when he saw me drive by he'd think something was really up then. The look on his face was priceless. Even got a picture. I almost thought he'd start running me and the General down."

"Bet he's going to really come down on you Monday."

"Probably will, but it's worth every minute." he said laughing with her.

Monday, Jack came to work in his truck furious. He searched his house several times looking for anything out of place and found nothing. Even washed all of his clothes just in case. Nothing was messed with on his property or his truck. But he knew something was about to happen. They were setting him up big and he knew it. But today he was going to find out what it was even if he had to get Hammond to order them to tell him. He found his team sitting in the commissary eating breakfast and talking. Even Teal'c looked a little happier.

"Alright!" Jack said entering the room as he pushed the doors out of the way and in the process startling most of the people in the room.

Most of the enlisted people stood at attention thinking something was up. Even Carter started to get up, but Ford told her to forget it. She sat down reluctantly seeing as Jack was in command mode.

"I order you people to tell me what this prank is right now. No ifs, ands or buts. I'm tired of looking over my back thinking something is about to happen. I just spent my weekend searching my house and my property I might add!" he said leaning onto the table heavily.

The rest of everyone in the room went back to what they were doing seeing as Jack was not after them, but they were wary. The look on Jack's face was intense anger, but controlled. Only Teal'c was keeping from snickering, if he could to begin with.

"I even washed all my clothes all over again!! Now I want to hear what it is or else I'm going to Hammond."

With the exception of Teal'c, the other three laughed really hard.

"Should we really tell him?" Ford asked playfully between breaths. "Oh, we or I never spiked your clothes with itching powered."

"I don't know. We haven't really sprang it yet." Daniel said as Jack kept glaring between them all.

"Teal'c? You're suppose to be looking out for me."

"I an unaware of the prank O'Neill." he stated.

"We should tell him. Driving by his house did push him too far Ford." she said winking only so Ford saw.

"Yeah Ford. What were you doing there at my house anyway."

"I wasn't at your house, I was just…..in the neighborhood." he said casually with a small laugh.

"Yeah right. Like I believe that line. Now what's going to happen?" he demanded.

"Okay Jack, you win." Ford said setting his coffee down. "The prank has already happened."

"And it worked beautifully I might add." Daniel said pointing at Ford.

"It was a great idea wasn't it." he said.

"I thought it was perfect." Carter said with a laugh.

"Indeed."

"What?!" Jack asked confused. "I never saw anything. Nothing was messed up anywhere, my food was fine, my house wasn't invaded and my truck works."

"That's the point Jack. We never did anything." Ford said shrugging.

Jack was still confused.

"The point of Ford's plan was to make you nervous and uneasy O'Neill. I have to agree his plan of action was successful." Teal'c said smiling.

"You mean….nothing, was ever going to happen?" Jack said sitting down.

"No." Ford and Daniel said.

"Nothing at all sir."

"I know how your mind works Jack and it was easy to play on. Part of it anyway. Just making you think we would get back at you in some……twisted way, and doing nothing was the best way. For over a week, the weekend and today, you were….jumpy and paranoid about everything and just about everyone."

"That was cruel people. I barely got any sleep!"

"Spiking my coffee with salt was cruel Jack."

"You did that to yourself Daniel." he said sarcastically.

"Jack, salt doesn't go in the sugar bowel."

"Changing hair color to an exotic nature is against the regs sir…or is it?" she said confused. "I haven't really looked lately now that I think about it. Couple of weeks back me and Ford were down at the Air Force base flying and I could swear I saw a Lieutenant with light blue hair."

"It was a fuchsia color, or so she said when I stared to long and she asked what I was looking at. Being color blind, it looked almost pink to me."

"Did you find out why she had it that color?"

"No. Just what color it was actually." he said hearing a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"How long were you all just going to let me keep this up anyway? Till I went stir crazy!"

"No Jack."

"No way sir. That would be going to far."

"Hammond said he'd stop the prank as soon as a mission came up or it got to far out of hand."

"He what?! He was in on this?!" he exclaimed looking at Ford.

"I told him about it and he'd decided to play along." Ford said smiling.

"I don't believe this!" Jack said slamming his hands down on the table.

He got mumbling something about traitors and good jobs and something along the lines of needing a beer as he left them to their laughing.