Chapter 40
Tuesday
8:51 PM
"Bones, I…" He cupped her cheek. "I don't think we should work together anymore."
"What?" She stuttered, unsure if she heard him correctly.
"I don't think we should work together anymore," Booth repeated.
Brennan immediately pulled away from him. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her eyes were wide and her lip trembled. He hadn't said he loved her like she had thought. If anything, he said the opposite. He didn't want to be with her anymore.
Booth could see the look of horror on her face. He reached out to her, but she stepped back. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to hug her and tell her that he was wrong. He hadn't meant to blurt out that he didn't think they should work together. He had meant to tell her that he loved her and couldn't stand to spend another minute without her, but it had come out wrong. He had seen her in pain at the restaurant and just couldn't stand it any longer. If not working with her was the only way to keep her safe, than he was going to have to accept that.
"Let me explain," he said.
"You don't need to explain."
"Yes, I do."
"You'd rather work with Casey," she stated. Her voice was strong even though inside she felt like she was breaking apart.
Booth shook his head. "This has nothing to do with Casey."
"I don't…"
"Listen to me, Bones. I can't stand to see you hurt. I can't stand to see you in pain…and if that means we can't work together anymore, so be it. I'd rather keep you safe, Bones. I have to keep you safe."
"This is all about your alpha male personality, isn't it?"
"Screw my alpha male personality, Bones. This is me doing what's best for you. This is me keeping you alive."
"You think this is what's best for me? You think that not working together is what's best for me?"
"Bones…" He put his hand on her arm, but she shrugged him away. She wrapped her arms around her. "I just want to protect you. Can't you see that? By working with me, you're putting your life in danger and I can't…"
"I knew it.." She could feel the tears coming. She had let down her walls and had been crushed. "I knew it."
"Knew what? What are you talking about?"
"That you'd leave me. I knew that if I opened up to you about what happened to me, you'd think I was weak and not good enough to be your partner and that you'd leave me. I knew it! I should never have told you!"
"Bones…that's not what I think. I don't think you're weak or not good enough to be my partner. I would never think that. And I'm not leaving you. That's the last thing I want to do."
"I don't understand!" She exclaimed. "You kiss me like you want something more and then you tell me that you don't want to be with me! I don't understand!"
"I do want to be with you, Bones, I just can't…we can't work together anymore. I can't let you work with me. I can't lose you. I can't watch you die, Bones just because you're my partner and get caught up in my messes. Don't you see? Please…"
Booth again attempted to reach out to her, but all she understood in what he was saying was that he didn't want to work with her. She turned away from him and began to walk away.
"Bones, please."
He put his hand on her shoulder and spun her around so she was facing him. He crashed his lips down on hers, trying to get her to see how he felt. She pulled away, slapping him across the face. It wasn't painful by any means, but it hurt him more than any physical blow could have. She immediately cradled her wrist with her other hand. Booth knew what physical pain she must have been in.
"This was a mistake," she said quietly.
"Bones…"
"This was a huge mistake," she repeated more loudly. "All of it. Kissing, opening up to you, believing that I finally met someone who wouldn't leave me…everything. Our partnership was a mistake."
"You don't mean that."
"I should never have trusted you," she said with tears rolling down her cheeks. She walked away from him, letting her tears fall freely. She had nothing left. She had put her heart out there and it had been shot down. She could feel the walls beginning to build up once more.
Booth stood still, completely stunned. He had no idea how their conversation had accelerated so drastically. As she got farther and farther away, he shook his head, wondering why he was still standing in the same spot. He ran to catch up with her. He put his hand on her arm and she glared at him with such hate in her eyes that he removed his arm immediately.
"Don't touch me," she snarled. "Don't ever touch me again."
She walked to the sidewalk and put her arm up for a taxi.
"Bones, please, let me explain."
A taxi pulled up to the sidewalk. "It's over," she said as she opened the back door. "We're over." She slipped into the taxi and it drove away.
Booth stood on the sidewalk, unable to move. His world was crumbling. She was gone. She had hit him with the worst things he could ever imagine her saying. Every word felt like a crushing blow. She didn't trust him. She regretted everything about them. Booth slumped down onto the sidewalk, sitting on the edge. He didn't know what to do next.
9:38 PM
Angela opened her apartment door. The first thing she did when she saw Brennan was pull her into a hug. She wished she could really hug her, but with her injuries, Angela settled for holding her loosely and rubbing her back. Brennan leaned against Angelas's shoulder in the doorway, not moving. She had stopped crying in the taxi and she wasn't about to start up again.
"Oh sweetie," Angela said soothingly.
Brennan picked up her head. Even though she had stopped crying, she had mascara running down her face and her hair was falling down out of the intricate up-do it had been in.
"I'm sorry," Brennan said. "I didn't know where to go. And you always said that if I needed anything, I could talk to you so…"
"You don't have to say anything else. I'm glad you came," Angela replied. "Come on."
She put her arm around Brennan's shoulder and led her into the living room. Brennan had never learned to rely on female friends. As a child, she had been shunned by her peers, especially the girls when she reached her teenage years. Even as an adult, she preferred the company of males. They were less confrontational and seemed to accept her social awkwardness more than females. Angela was one of Brennan's only real female friends. Brennan realized as the taxi driver was driving her home, that female companionship was more important to her than she knew. She did not want to go home alone and think about Booth. She wanted to be with someone who understood and accepted her and might even have had the same experience of having her heart broken.
Angela led Brennan over to her couch. Brennan sat down while Angela went into the kitchen. She returned a minute later with a glass of wine, two wine glasses, and a box of tissues. She put them down on the coffee table and poured wine into each glass until they were full.
"I can't drink that much," Brennan said.
"You won't listen to your doctor about going back to work, but you'll listen to him about that? Come on, sweetie, it won't kill you."
Angela handed Brennan one of the glasses and Brennan took a large gulp.
"So…what happened?" Angela asked.
"Booth doesn't love me," Brennan answered simply, taking another sip of her wine.
"How do you know?"
"Because he said so."
"He said he didn't love you? Are you sure he said that, Brennan, because no offense but you are not the best at reading between the lines."
"He said he didn't want us to be partners anymore."
"Oh. Did he say why?"
"He said he wanted to keep me safe."
"Well, that's just Booth being Booth. It's one of the reasons we all love him. He's protective. Especially of you."
"I never asked him to be."
"You don't have to ask, sweetie."
"But I don't understand. None of this is logical."
"Love isn't logical."
"Because love doesn't really exist. It's just biological need and pheromones and…"
"Maybe the old Brennan believed that, but you don't. Not now."
"I don't know what I believe anymore."
Brennan went to put her wine glass down. She winced as pain shot through her wrist and up to her shoulder. She knew she had been using it too much and hadn't been wearing her brace.
"Are you ok?"
She nodded. "I sort of…slapped him."
Angela's eyes widened and she smiled. "You slapped him? Good for you, sweetie."
Brennan looked confused. "I don't understand. You like Booth."
"I do."
"Then why would you want me to slap him?"
"I'm not condoning violence, but every once in a while, when a man does something as stupid as Booth just did, he deserves a good slap. Look, Booth is a good man with a good heart. My guess is he's terrified of losing you and he's trying to do what he thinks is right. Don't let him go just because he made a mistake."
Brennan took a deep breath. She couldn't make sense of it, but she felt a pain in her heart. There was no biological reason why she would feel pain. She wondered if the pain she was feeling was what people referred to as being heart broken. She had never believed in it before, but she was beginning to understand it.
"Angela?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think I could…stay here tonight?"
"Of course. Let me just tell Hodgins that he needs to leave."
Angela stood up.
"Dr. Hodgins is here?"
"He's in the bedroom."
"Were you two having intercourse?"
Angela laughed at how blatant she was. "Not yet."
"I don't want to ruin your evening."
"Trust me, Jack will understand. Just give me a minute."
Angela disappeared down the hall, leaving Brennan alone. She picked up her glass and chugged the rest of the wine.
Wednesday
12:02 AM
Booth banged on the door over and over again. When no one answered, he stepped to the side and glanced into a nearby window. All he could see was a dark room. Booth pounded on the door again. He was about to try his luck at picking the lock on the door when the outdoor light came on and the door opened.
"Agent Booth?"
Sweets was standing in the door, wearing a black bath robe. His hair was a mess and his eyes were half closed. Booth knew he woke him up, but he didn't care.
"I made a mistake," Booth said, pushing past Sweets and into the dark hallway of Sweet's house. Sweets looked at Booth and then back at the open door as if he couldn't figure out how Booth had gone from being outside his house to inside his house.
"Agent Booth, how do you know where I live?" Sweets asked.
"I looked it up in your FBI file."
"That is a clear violation of privacy, Agent Booth."
"Cut the bull, Sweets, I need your help." Sweets shut the door and flicked on the hallway light. He looked at Booth and saw that he had been crying.
"What's going on?"
"It's Bones."
"Is she alright?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know? If something's wrong, shouldn't you be calling the police or something instead of me?"
"I am the police, Sweets. The trouble is, I don't know where she is."
"Did you try her apartment?"
"I tried. I've been there for nearly two hours. She hasn't gone home. She won't answer my calls. I don't know where she is."
Sweets could sense the franticness in Booth's voice. He sat down on the bottom step of his stairwell and ran his hand threw his hair. Booth began pacing back and forth in the hallway.
"Why don't you start from the beginning?"
"We met for dinner to talk. I was going to tell her how I felt…you know, that I…I…"
"That you love her? It's not that hard to say, Agent Booth."
"I know it's not hard to say. I was going to tell her when I saw how much pain she was still in from her injuries. And I…I blurted out that…I told her that I didn't think we should be partners anymore."
Sweets raised his eyebrows. This was definitely beyond anything they had ever talked about in therapy.
"Why did you say that?"
"Because I'm the reason she's hurt. I'm the reason Collin Brown went after her. If we didn't work together, she would be safe."
"So you're just trying to protect her."
"Right."
"What did she say?"
"She…was angry. She thought I didn't want to work with her because I thought she was weak."
"Is that why you don't want to work with her?"
"No! And it's not that I don't want to work with her, I do. I love working with her. I fell in love with her because we work together, but…I can't see her hurt again. I can't lose her because I'm selfish enough to keep her as my partner. She's not an FBI agent, damn it. She's a scientist. She's been through enough. She shouldn't be putting herself in danger for me."
"Did you explain that to her?"
"I tried, but you know Bones. She didn't exactly understand. And then…then I kissed her to try to show her how I really felt about her, but she just slapped me and said that our entire partnership was a mistake."
"You kissed her?"
"Yeah."
"Don't you think maybe you should have told her how you felt instead of showing her?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time. She liked it last night when I kissed her."
Sweet's eyebrows rose even higher. He wasn't aware that they had kissed at all. He felt incredibly out of the loop.
"So…you two had taken your relationship to the next level?"
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Sweets. It was just a kiss."
"Do you want my advice?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Of course you want my advice. You came to me in the middle of the night."
"Just get on with it, Sweets."
"Look, your relationship with Dr. Brennan is complicated. It's always been complicated. And, now that you've both come to the realization that your feelings for each other are far beyond that of a partner, it's become even more complicated. But both of you need to stop being afraid. You need to stop being afraid that she'll run if you tell her how you feel and that you'll lose her if she continues to work with you. And she needs to stop being afraid that every person she opens her heart to will leave her. If you two can both just get over that, maybe you have a chance at something. But, until then, you're just going to keep doing this dance around each other and you'll never be happy."
"But I can't even get her to pick up my calls!"
"I'm not saying this can be fixed right away. You need to give her time."
"I don't even know if she's ok."
"She's fine."
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do. My guess is that she's with Angela."
"How do you know that?"
"Because, when in emotional pain, women flock to other women. Even a woman like Dr. Brennan needs girl time every once and a while. There are psychological studies that show that women rely on each other for emotional support, seventy percent more than men and that in times of great emotional crises…"
"Thank you journal of psychology," Booth said. He took out his phone.
"What are you doing?" Sweets questioned.
"Calling Angela."
Sweets stood up and took the phone out of Booth's hand before he could finish dialing.
"Don't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because she needs this girl time. Angela believes in you. She believes that you and Dr. Brennan belong together. Right now, the best thing you can do is let Angela talk Dr. Brennan into talking to you and then you can talk to her."
Booth stopped to think about what Sweets said.
"You could be on to something."
"That's why I have a doctorate."
Booth clapped him on the shoulder.
"Thanks Sweets."
"No problem, but next time could you wait to have a crises until regular business hours? I really need me sleep."
Booth rolled his eyes and headed for the door. He opened it, but lingered in the doorway.
"Nice bathrobe," he commented before walking out and shutting the door behind him.
Author's Note: I know some of you were ready to strangle me after that last chapter and I'm sure some of you would still like to strangle me now, but I promise that there will be some Booth/Bones to come. I just couldn't end the story without a little more angst. Thank you for reading and please don't forget to review!
