Part 10
For a moment the water bender's voice was blocked out by her brain as her curiosity took over. Besides listening to Katara explain how the penguins migrated wasn't too exciting. Her eye caught sight of that blue ribbon with a pendant dangling from it. Every time she saw Katara the girl had been wearing it. The tan girl told the fire bender it belonged to her dead mother, but that's not what sparked her curiosity. Was there a purpose to wearing the thing? Why would Katara's mom wear it?
A bit rudely she brought her fingers to the pendant. She could feel the smooth curves of the symbol on the surface. The water bender was caught off guard and she stopped speaking to figure out what Azula was doing. "What does it mean?" She asked, the girl gave a nervous laugh.
"It's a betrothal necklace." The water bender began to say and the princess' eyes grew wide with interest. The Water Tribe girl raised her hand and placed it over the fire bender's, guiding Azula's hand over the markings. "It's more common in the Northern Water Tribe."
"Why?" She questioned, her words sounding more like a breath of air than a firm sound. Katara gave a tired yawn obviously wanting a break but the princess was pressuring for more information.
"Because the families arrange marriages and in the Southern Water Tribe families have no right to choose who their child should marry. This necklace just shows that a girl is someone else's property." The water bender explained. Azula lowered her hand and hugged the girl tightly.
"There's nothing wrong with that." The fire bender replied, wearing a wide grin on her face as she held onto her prize.
Midnight, she had absolutely nothing do right then but stare at darkness of her room and cling to such a tiny object which would have such an impact on her life. She couldn't see anything in her room and if she tried walking over to the exit, she'd be like a blind woman trying to make her way around. There was no light at all in her bed chamber. No wonder she thought there was monster lurking about in there when she was younger. She had spent so many nights in this room, all of them spent alone. Hopefully that was about to change.
The fire bender had remained quiet, not even daring to breathe at times. If she had gotten quiet enough then maybe she'd hear the Water Tribe woman's faint breathing next door. Spirits, it was torture knowing that Katara was sleeping in the next room. If she had the guts she'd get up and go in there but then the water bender was probably exhausted. She didn't want to start things off on a bad note. Everything had to go smoothly.
She rolled over onto her side, hugging her soft pillow for a second. She brought her attention back to the object in her hand. It had been made years ago, but she kept it in mint condition so it was just like new. Every day she kept it hidden in her pocket or close to her heart, keeping it safe until the day it would become useful. And oh boy the day it would do its job would be a very important day in her life. The object of course was a betrothal necklace.
It mimicked Katara's mother's necklace. It had a thin ribbon only instead of poor blue fabric it was crimson silk. She had to estimate how long to have the ribbon. Now that she thought about it her guess was pretty darn good. It would fit that tan neck perfectly. As for the pendant, it wasn't light blue with the water symbol carved into it, it was steel with the Fire Nation emblem pounded into the metal. You had to stare at it closely to notice but in the back round of emblem there was the faint water symbol.
The necklace would certainly stand out, that's exactly what she wanted it to do. It was more than just a betrothal necklace. It represented that two nations would be coming together. More importantly, it represented that two women were coming together. It would show the world that Katara belonged to her. She was tired of all of this hiding, it was stupid to hide their feelings from the world. Her want to be able to be open showed through clearly, it's what made the necklace stand out.
She knew the perfect night to give the necklace to the water bender, she just wasn't sure exactly how. Katara hadn't explained how one received a betrothal necklace in the Water Tribe. And in the Fire Nation it was unheard of to ask someone to marry you, you just forced them to. So the princess would just have to be creative. Of course expressing her feelings just had to be her weak spot. She had five years to think it over, and sadly after all that time she still hadn't figured out a way.
Not wanting to think of it she pushed it off. The woman rolled onto her back and placed the necklace on the nightstand, hiding it underneath a gold dragon statue. She used to hide it under an old sock but the servants came and cleaned and she almost lost the damn thing. She only kept it there at night, in the morning she'd stick in her pocket. The only reason she kept it with her was so she didn't loose it obviously but so that in case whenever the time came it would be there.
She let out a tired/irritated sigh and pushed her strands of hair out her face. Why could she not sleep again? This was the fifth time that week! She couldn't rest, her mind wouldn't let her. And knowing the water bender was next door didn't make her tired. If anything, it made her more awake to know the tan woman was across that wall fast asleep in her thin blue nightgown dreaming…dreaming of her?
She turned over again, her wool pajama bottoms getting twisted from her tossing and turning so much, they now squeezed her legs. Her robe had gotten so annoying to wear she had tossed it across the floor, so now she lay there her chest bare and free to caress the soft silk sheets. Since she tossed it off, it had gotten a little chilly now. Everything just seemed to be determined to keep her awake. No worries though, the second she saw the water bender tomorrow she'd be wide awake for the entire day. Funny, how love is the natural way of gaining energy in a blink of an eye.
The fire bender forced her eyelids to close but she wasn't going to drift off to sleep. Instead, she just made it easier for her thoughts to really start to soak in. The first thing to pop up was an old memory of her mother, Ursa.
She stood at the doorway of her parent's room. Her father was usually up late and was rarely in the room especially if Ursa was in it. Sometimes they slept in separate rooms. She never really bothered to ask why. Zuko was hiding behind the wall nudging her arm.
"You go first." He whispered as he peaked into their mother's room. Ursa stirred and the tiny princess froze. They'd be in so much trouble for being out of bed this late. Their mother sat up and spotted Azula in the doorway. The princess snatched her brother's collar and pulled him out of the hiding and pointed to him.
"What are you two doing out of bed?" Ursa groaned. It was hard enough trying to put the two demons to sleep and now they woke in the middle of the night.
"We couldn't sleep." Zuko explained as he tried to wiggle out of Azula's grasp. Their mother gave them a warm smile and crawled out of bed and crossed the room.
"Well a little milk and cookies always put me to sleep." The woman said kindly as she led her children down to the palaces' kitchen.
Ursa had been right, about fifteen minutes after the midnight snack, both siblings had crashed out and their mother had to carry them like sacks on her shoulders and put them in their rooms. The princess who was no longer tiny enough to be carried on her mother's shoulder, lay there trying to be defiant. Shrugging, not believing she'd have to do what put a three year old to sleep to finally get some rest, she threw the covers away from her. The fire bender placed her feet on the cold floor and she could feel her robe. Picking it up she slipped it over her arms and pulled it closed.
For a moment she had to remind herself that she no longer had to brace herself to make her away across a dark area. Back at her military camp she didn't have people to keep her tent clean and trying to go for a bathroom break in the middle of night had become something dangerous and that was before she even left the tent. At least she didn't have to worry about stepping on something valuable or breaking her neck.
The tall fire bender came onto her feet and made her way towards the door, her feet were pretty much dragging across the flat metal floor, she was too lazy to pick them up. With one hand she held her head up, with the other she held it extended out so that if she found the door before she expected, she wouldn't hurt anything. In no time her palm was pressed against the flat surface but it didn't feel like the door, no it felt like the wall. Now she had to follow the wall and hope she found the door.
Well, finding the doorknob wasn't hard, since she walked right into it. Her side throbbed in pain and she hissed curses at the knob hoping to insult it even when it had no ears to hear her. She twisted it to the right and pushed the thick doors open. The dim torch light illuminated the hallway outside of her bedroom, luckily for her they weren't too bright so her eyes didn't sting.
The hallway was long and certainly not narrow. It had iron floors with red walls. Statues lined the hall along with some old paintings, one of her when she was two weeks old being held by her father. Another of her and Zuko when they were little, they wanted to make funny faces in the painting but found it was tiring to keep your face like that for so long. So only half of their face looked goofy, turning the portrait into abstract art. Uncle Iroh and Lu Ten were hanging opposite of a younger Ozai and Iroh. The portrait of Ursa and Zuko had been moved to the Fire Lord's chamber, so now there was an empty spot on the wall. Maybe she'd put a picture of her family there one day.
The corridor her bed chamber was located was on the east side of the palace, the dining hall was on the west side along with the kitchen which was below the large hall. She'd only seen the large kitchen when she slipped in there in the late hours when the servants were done cleaning it and cooking in it. This would certainly be a long walk but apparently she wasn't tired so it shouldn't be such a problem.
She'd barely taken three steps away from her door when she spotted the one the water bender was behind. The room wasn't a guest room but if the princess wanted it to be then it would be one. Two weeks ago it had been a small study were she kept most of her belongings, her stacks of fire bending strolls, her large telescope, and old weapons along with the rest of the things she picked up from traveling around. Her things had been moved to another room, one of the many unused rooms in the palace and all the furniture of an empty guest room had been moved in.
The fire bender now wished that she made the room a little more suited for a water bender. Maybe had the walls painted blue for the tan woman, especially now after hearing that the woman was planning on going back to the South Pole. Why couldn't she just stay? Everything was fine in the South Pole, there was nothing to worry about except being snowed in with Sokka.
The princess sighed, five years had gone by so slowly, the one moment their together again time seems to already have run out. The fire bender came over to the door and pressed her ear to it hoping to hear a small sound, just to prove that she wasn't imagining that Katara was in there. No noise, not even breathing. Maybe the door was too thick for sound to escape. The prodigy reached for the doorknob about to open it and peak in just to see her sleeping. Azula lowered her hand in shame. Just leave her alone. She stood there a second longer before slowly being able to move away. She took a few small steps coming out of the moonlight shining through a tall window.
Click! The gears of the doorknob shifted as the golden knob turned. The princess wanted to back away and run, she wasn't sure why for some reason she felt like she was in trouble for being awake this late. The prodigy never froze in place but if she did it was only around one person. She thought being nervous around the water bender was bad before, it's been five years and they've said nothing, not a speck of news. The large door cracked open as the guest stepped out into the hallway. Azula stood there speechless.
The water bender came out of the room quietly not noticing the princess there who could only be a tall shadow in the hallway to the water bender. The tan woman was wearing a light blue nightgown with a dark wool robe. Her hair wasn't pulled back, no braids, no hair loopies, it was coils that fell to her shoulders some falling down to the small of her back. Azula could smell the sweet perfumes on the woman, drowning the princess with her lovely scent. Resting around the woman's neck was her mother's necklace, the fire bender tried to imagine a different necklace there, hoping that one day she wouldn't have to imagine.
For a moment it was comforting to just stand there hidden in the shadows and watch her. It felt nice to observe the woman's light footsteps which made no sound on the iron floor. Just watch her continue to live. She'd only been able to watch the water bender once before. It was when she was chasing them through the almost barren landscape of the Earth Kingdom. She had rode ahead and found their camp. She would've sat there hidden behind that tree all night watching the water bender argue with the Blind Bandit, but her friends would've worried.
As she stood there staring in that brief little half second, she recalled earlier when they'd seen each other again after so long. The water bender said they could talk later. Talk about what exactly was what confused the princess. There were certainly no words she could say that could describe how horrible she felt for not betraying everything she lived for and joining the water bender all those years ago. She could admit to being a fool, a complete idiot, but she would not feel any better. She could whisper "I love you" a million times and the words would do nothing. Words were useless to the princess now. They would just waste time now. The fire bender would not use small things to prove her passion, she would rearrange the stars for Katara. But to be honest, the only real thing Katara ever wanted was the princess' heart, and the fire bender had given that to her fully.
As foolish as it was, as pointless as it was, she would speak to Katara even though there were no words to say, no poems to recite, no songs to sing. There were only kisses to be shared. The fire bender stepped forward after the water bender had taken two steps away from the bedroom door. Instantly, the tan woman made a swift movement with her hand, she bended the water in the air and froze it to make a dagger. The princess stood stunned. Spirits she's amazing! There was not a water bender in the entire world she could think of that could defeat Katara, the woman was a water bending prodigy.
Right now that tan prodigy was about to stab her with an ice knife. Not too enthusiastic about being stabbed, she reached out and grasped the woman's wrists holding them still. The water bender was still not as fast as the princess. The tan woman was about to do some crazy move that would no doubt be painful. "Katara! It's me!" She said in a normal tone while still trying to be quiet. "It's me." She whispered it that time, almost cooing the woman into a calm state.
The water bender was breathing heavily but slowly becoming normal. Taking her hand back, she placed it just above her breast in shock as she recognized the fire bender's face. "You scared the crap out of me." The woman chuckled slightly. The princess gave a tiny smile too busy holding Katara's shoulders rubbing them as she noticed the woman's body was cold.
"I assure you," She whispered staring deeply into those pools of blue. "I didn't mean to scare you in any way." She said that as if she was saying a promise. Most people didn't sound so sure of everything when they talked, but Azula was, always. There was never a doubt clouding her mind, especially when it came to the water bender. The last time they were alone she wasn't sure about anything, she had no clue what would happen to them once she left that cell. There was no doubting now. She wanted Katara to be hers. There was no war to separate them anymore. Now was perfect and she would not let doubts ruin her one chance.
Her stomach sank. For upon Katara's mature face was not a look of joy, not even a hint of it. It was sad, perhaps angry…broken. It was like seeing the fire bender's look of happiness was a curse now. The water bender swallowed deeply keeping herself very controlled. Katara broke the stare on purpose. "Don't give me that look." The woman said barely speaking as she looked out the window on the right.
It didn't make the princess feel good to know the water bender did not wish to look at her. The years oh how cruel they must have been, Katara had been alone on too many nights, nights Azula should have been there. Anger, directed at herself, filled the fire bender.
She could hear it in Katara's voice. The woman made it sound like they're love was a disease. Those people had gotten to the water bender's head. Voices she should have been blocking out, shielding the woman with her own kind words. "It's not a crime to look at you, can I not admire beauty too?" She replied quietly. The tan woman's eyes closed and her teeth clenched.
Part 11
She hated the fact the princess knew the right words to say no matter what situation. Alls she wanted to do was get away from the fire bender because she knew what this was going to lead to, just more empty days and nights. And she knew how sick she was of that. She wanted to walk away but she didn't have the strength to do it.
To believe that a moment ago she'd been so happy to see the prodigy again, so willing to let her heart guide her. She was too old for that now. Her silly dream needed to end, she had to grow up and she did. She couldn't let the princess get to her, not now, not ever. She didn't want to let go after waiting for so long, but she didn't want to hurt anymore. This couldn't happen no matter what they did. It was just a fantasy. She needed to realize that.
Grasping her robe, she pulled it closed realizing her nightgown was a bit revealing. She turned away from the taller woman and came over to the window. Her reflection was faint but she stared at it for a good long second. She looked like she'd never experienced a happy moment before. Her eyes were watery, her body a little shaky. She wasn't firm, she wasn't strong, not at the moment. There was no hiding the pain, it rushed out without her having the will power to keep it hidden.
Lowering her head, she looked away from her reflection. "No, you can't." She said her voice so very weak. "At least not me, not a woman's." She heard the fire bender breathe out through her nostrils and in the window she could see the princess straighten. Raising her gaze, she stared at the prodigy's reflection in the window.
The fire bender had blank expression but she could see guilt in those golden eyes. The princess stood so firm though, a structure that could never seem to be broken. The prodigy did not show sorrow from those words, not even anger, only guilt. That was something she'd never seen before. Azula blamed herself for this. Good it's your fault anyway, she wanted to scream those words at the fire bender. She wanted to break that solid surface for once. She had to see that she wasn't the only one in agony.
But instead of letting it out, instead of screaming she held back bottling that anger, her sorrow, all her pain. She stood there hugging herself trying to block out everything. She would've been just fine but the princess refused to walk away. The fire bender stepped forward placing a warm hand on her shoulder. "Katara." The prodigy whispered in sympathy.
Her fists tightened and she couldn't just stand there quiet anymore. The water bender wheeled around and saw the look of pain on the princess' face, she cherished it. "No, Azula you need to grow up!" She hollered. The sound of her voice made the fire bender take a step back. Suddenly, she began to move back and forth quickly, hot with anger. "We tried this and look what happened! Look where we are!"
She thought that those words did the trick. That all of this would end now. But the princess' cursed stubbornness stepped into the picture. Any second now, she could feel it, she'd burst into to tears and she didn't want the fire bender to see that.
The princess folded her arms staring at her like she had before. She wanted to slap that expression off the prodigy's face. That look of longing and care. How she hated it now. "Is that was you think then?" The princess said still staring at the water bender. "You think we should just give up? You think that my love for you is wrong?"
The water bender closed her mouth, feeling like she was being choked again her throat became so sore. More water was building up in her eyes. Those words hurt so badly because they weren't what she thought. "Do you think we hit a dead end? Because alls I see is that after five years of being so far away is how much we still love each other." She had to bite her tongue to keep a tear from falling, hoping the pain would make her stop trying to cry.
The fire bender came over to her and she couldn't look at the princess directly. Warm hands grasped her shoulders gently, it just made it all the more harder to keep the tears back. She stared off in the distance, not capable of seeing the princess' eyes. "That even when things were hard and giving up seemed like a better idea than holding on, we're still feeling this way. Yes, Katara, look what happened. We're together."
The tan woman stood there motionless her eyes shimmering from the water in them. The fire bender took Katara's hands in hers. "You're just saying those things because it hurts, trust me I know." The prodigy gave an encouraging smile. "But it's not going to be like that anymore. I promise, this time will be different."
Different? She looked up at the princess. The princess gathered the water bender into her arms holding onto the limp woman tightly. She made no attempt to embrace the hug, she wasn't even moving and she could barely lift her arms. "I'm not goanna leave you again." Azula promised.
She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't keep her strong composure. The water bender reached around and clung to the fire bender tightly as the tears streamed down her cheek. For the first time in five years, she was able to feel the pain just wash away. She didn't want the princess to let go, she knew that the fire bender wouldn't. "I love you." She said faintly. "So much…"
