Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. If I did Bella would have had a more comfortable pregnancy.
The night became colder as we walked hand in hand through the streets of Phoenix. I shivered as a cold breeze passed by me making Edward pull me closer to his body. His jacket protected me from his body's coldness but I would not have cared even if the jacket was absent as I knew his hug held more warmth than anything else.
I had never walked through the streets of Phoenix at night for obvious reasons but with Edward near me I knew that I was safe and protected. We walked in silence. Since the bubble had disappeared we didn't have access to each other's thoughts but we knew what the other was feeling- relief and love.
I was scared when the nomads decided to make me a target. It was more to do with protecting Edward than myself because I knew that Edward would always jump in front of me if danger comes.
I know that I should feel remorse over killing another person even if it was a vampire but I did not. I realized that I would do anything to eliminate any threat against Edward without a slight amount of regret. I knew Edward felt the same.
"Bella…"
"Hmm…"
"Do you miss Phoenix?" He asked.
I was surprised at his question. I expected him to talk about what happened but I was happy that he did not.
"In the beginning. I mean I missed the weather. I missed the sun. You know how I hated rain and cold before I met you. Now sun means going to school without you so no. I guess everything changed when I met you." I said with smile which earned me a beautiful smile from Edward in return.
After a long walk Edward insisted that we take a cab. He didn't want me to get sick walking in the cold night.
As soon as we reached our room Alice pulled as both into a huge hug.
"I was so concerned. I think this bubble thingy is going to give a heart attack one day. Why can't it allow me to see you? It's so frustrating. But I knew if the visions are blank you would be in the bubble and no one can touch you." she continued talking until Jasper placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Calm down darling. They are fine." He said trying to calm her.
"We are perfectly fine Alice." Edward agreed pulling her into a hug.
"Yeah. No even a scratch." I said joining in the hug.
The next few minutes passed with us explaining what happened in the ballet studio.
"Do you think his mate would be a problem?" Edward asked.
"I am not sure. But don't worry I will keep an eye on her" Alice assured him.
I yawned stopping them from carrying on their discussion. After eating the food that Alice had ordered I snuggled into Edward immediately falling asleep.
The return journey was uneventful. Charlie was happy that I was back. I guess he missed me more than I thought which made me slightly guilty for lying to him.
Back in the room I decided to unpack and do some laundry. Thanks to my sleep in the plane I felt refreshed.
Soon Charlie informed me that he was returning to the station. He wanted to wait for me which was the reason why he was home.
I knew that Edward would be there soon so I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood till he comes just to kill time and to stop from feeling depressed.
I decided to take a walk in the forest area behind my house. I took a deep breath inhaling the smell of wet soil and wild trees as I walked towards the trees behind our backyard.
The sky was clouded and I was worried that it might rain. Slowly I walked through the tress avoiding the roots on the surface being careful not to trip. A light breeze was blowing by caressing the leaves. It was peaceful but was still painful without my Edward.
Suddenly I the pain stop and I knew that he was here. I took another big breath. This time the smell of wet land and leaves was mixed with smell of something wonderful. My Edward.
"Bella what are you doing in the woods alone?" he asked through his teeth taking my hand in his. I knew he was not angry at me but at the situation. So I smiled.
"Getting to know forks."
He sighed.
"Bella, you know it is dangerous to walk in the woods alone. Why do you do things that can give me heart attack if I were human?" he asked wrapping his arms around me.
"I am sorry Edward. I was just thinking how much I used to hate this place. You know all this cold and wet. Now look at me. I hate the sun because it keeps me away from you and love cloudy days because you can be with me.
"And the rain?" he asked.
I made a face showing my displeasure for even mentioning it.
"still don't like the rain I see." He said with a smile.
As if the clouds had heard our conversation, it started to rain.
Large drops of water hit my face making me squeak. I was preparing to make a dash for my house when Edward stopped me by wrapping his arms around me.
"What are you doing?" I asked in confusion.
"Showing you the beauty of rain."
With that he pulled me closer and started kissing each and every drops of water on my face. He kissed the path of the some drops which ran downwards. With each kiss I felt my heart rate increasing. The kisses were soft but sensual.
He laid kisses all over my face and neck making my body melt into his. After what felt like hours he kissed me on my lips and let me tell you, it was not an ordinary kiss. It was like he was pouring all his love and longing in it. I was stunned at first by its intensity but soon wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him to me. His arms roamed my back making me loose the sense of everything around us.
I shivered as the kiss continued. I did not know whether it was because of the cold or the kiss itself. Edward saw it and pulled back. Within a fraction of a second he lifted me and we were back in my house.
I realized that I was full soaked and was freezing so I changed into warm clothes. When I was back Edward was standing there with hot coffee in his hand. Even though I was in warm clothes I was still shivering which made Edward frown.
He handed me the cup of coffee and brought me a comforter to keep me warm.
"I am sorry Bella. I shouldn't have done that. I knew it was cold but still made you stand in the rain." He looked sad. I knew his self-loathing was at full force.
"No Edward, don't be sorry. You can show me the beauty of rain anytime you want." I said making him chuckle.
"My silly Bella, always ruled by hormones." He said shaking his head.
"That's right mister. now come here and kiss me before my hormones make me attack you." I said which earned me another chuckle and a long affectionate kiss.
He soon was on his way to his house as they were going for hunting. I was sad and depressed again missing my vampire.
I made Charlie dinner which we ate all the while making small talks. Ever since my hospital visit, he was taking extra effort to be with me and talk to me. I knew that he felt that he failed as a father by not protecting me.
I did not want him to feel that way so I told him that he was the best father any girl could ask for and coming to live with him was the best decision I made in my life. This made his eyes wet which in turn made my own eyes tear up.
He told me that he loved me and that I was his greatest accomplishment. After a good hug I kissed him on the cheek and said my goodnight before returning to my room for long restless sleep.
The dreams made the ache in my heart lessen as it was filled with my Edward. But it was at full force when I woke up. To make matters worse I woke up with a cold and sour throat.
I found it hard to even get up from the bed. Since it was the weekend Charlie had already gone fishing leaving me alone in the house.
I somehow managed to brush my teeth and maneuvered myself to kitchen.
My head was pounding and felt like I was run over by a truck. Not to mention the sneezing and the coughing.
After drinking a cup of coffee which tasted like burnt-up ash water I returned to my room. Suddenly I felt the room spinning and black spot appeared in my vision. Before I could hit the floor two strong arms wrapped around me and lifted me to cradle against his chest.
"Edward…"
"I am here love. You are going to be fine." He said kissing my forehead.
Soon I found myself being carried downstairs and to the Volvo waiting outside.
"Edward what are you.." before I could complete my question he kissed me.
"I am taking you to Carlisle Bella."
I started to protest when he gave me another kiss. I wanted to continue my protest by I was too tired which made Edward more concerned.
The ride to Cullen house passed with me drifting in and out of sleep and Edward pulling his hair and glancing at me every two seconds.
Carlisle was waiting when we entered the Cullen house. Edward took me to his room and laid me on the bed. I realized that it was new. I didn't know why he wanted a bed when he never slept but in my heart I knew that he brought it for me. I wanted to ask him about it but was too tired to open my mouth.
I drifted in and out of sleep when Carlisle was examining me. I saw Edward pulling his hair and pinching the bridge of his nose showing his frustration. I wanted to stop him and kiss his frown away but again I was helpless.
Slowly I drifted back to sleep. The next thing I remember was Edward calling my name.
"Bella, love, you need to eat something." He said placing a bowl of what looked like soup on the night stand.
The mention of food made me nauseous. I shook my head saying no.
"Bella, you have to eat. Please for me." he pleaded.
Again I shook my head and opened my mouth to argue but Edward stopped me.
"No arguments Bella. You are not well and you need to eat. You also need to drink lots of water to avoid dehydration. So do you want to go to the hospital and put an IV or eat something at home?" he asked with a raised eyebrows which I wanted kiss badly.
I understood even with illness my primary thought was always connected to Edward. He was so beautiful and loving. He was truly a dream come true.
I shook my head to come out of Edward induced coma and looked at him. I understood that he waiting for my answer.
"Home." I murmured with the whole pout and everything.
"Oh Bella, you will be the death of me." he said kissing my pout. I knew he was trying to be playful for my sake. His face showed his distress. He was worried to death about me. So I tried to look strong.
I was able to eat half of my soup without much problem. Edward seemed relieved by this. I wanted to stop his worry so I gave him a bright smile which looked more like a grimace.
"Bella I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I should not have made you stand in the rain." He said lying on the bed beside me after removing the soup bowl.
"Edward…" I started but my voice was all wrong. More air came out than voice. Well at least I had a voice.
This made Edward frown some more. I tried to clear my throat but it didn't make any difference,
"Edward, it is not your fault that my immune system is weak." I said.
Edward looked stunned by this. He opened and closed his mouth several times as if trying to find an appropriate response. He shook his head and chuckled.
"Bella, only you will blame your immune system than the person who made you stand in the rain. I am sure that even Emmett would have been sick if he stood in that rain when he was human."
"Hey I heard that" came the shout from downstairs.
I wanted him to stop him from blaming himself. His self-loathing made me sad. So I tried a different approach.
"Edward, look at me. You wanted me to have human experiences. Well this is one of them. I know falling ill was not what you meant but this is also a human experience. You know I would never fall ill after I become like you and I am certainly enjoying all the TLC from you." I said giving him a small smile.
"My Bella, always wanting to keep my worry away what did I do to deserve you?" He asked kissing my forehead.
"Edward, I love you and it kills me to see you so worried and anxious. When you are unhappy I feel pain in my chest and I am not talking about emotional but it literally aches. Not to mention my insecurities making an appearance." It was hard to talk with a sour throat but I wanted him to know what I was feeling.
"Oh Bella. I am so sorry. I never realized. I just worry about you. I can't explain the depth of my feelings for you. You are my everything. Without you I literally cannot survive. When you are not well, when your face shows even a slightest sign of distress it breaks my heart. I hope you understand that, my love."
"I know Edward I feel the same thing. I just don't want you to be unhappy because of me."
"Bella, my love, you are never my reason for unhappiness. You are the opposite of it. You give me a reason to live. Before you I existed. My life was no way miserable but I knew I was not content. I saw my family happy with their mates I felt the ache. I wanted my other half to complete me. I wanted to feel the love my brothers and sisters shared. Bella, forever is a long time and living it alone is the worse punishment you can have and I was living that punishment. Then I found you and I found myself. Your each breath gives me reason for living."
I was openly sobbing by the time he finished talking.
"Bella, my love, don't cry." he said pulling me close to his chest. But I was full on sobbing soaking his shirt with my tears. I knew I was more emotional than normal because of my illness.
Edward held me close whispering my name and that he loved me.I somewhat calmed down after some time. After long silence he asked "what was that you said about having insecurities?"
I didn't want talk about it but knowing him he would somehow pull it out of me so I decided to tell him the truth after all we were having a heart to heart conversation.
"Edward, I am scared that one day you will realize that I am not worth it. I know than I am plane girl. I know I am not ugly but I am not beautiful either. You are look like a Greek god who is perfect in everything. I am only a mere human who can't even walk without tripping.
Not to mention the trouble you get in because of me. You would have never fought with the wolves or run to hospital in super speed with me in your arms risking exposure if you were not involved with me.
I am the reason for putting you in danger at both situations not to mention the nomads. I could have lost you. I feel that one day you will see that I am not worth all this craziness and worry." I said trying hard to stop sobbing.
Edward ones again looked speechless. This time with the whole eyes bugging out and everything as if he could not believe what I just said.
"Bella are you serious?" he asked in a high pitch.
I began chewing my lips and my silence answered his question.
He let out a huge sigh as if he felt defeated. Maybe telling him was not such a good idea.
"Bella, Look at me. You can't seriously believe that. Firstly, Bella, you are beautiful. You don't see yourself clearly and I don't know how to make you. You have seen my thoughts. Haven't you seen yourself through my eyes? Haven't you felt the love in my thought? Then how can you say all this? How can you doubt my love for you?" he asked
That is when I realized I had indeed seen myself through his eyes. I had not given much attention to it as the bubble comes only when there is danger and I am mostly distracted by it.
Now I realize that his thoughts about me were so full of love and devotion that was other worldly. I was beautiful perhaps the most beautiful person in the entire world in his mind.
I remember the joy he felt when Eleazer informed us that we were powerful not because of any other reason but because of the fact that he could protect me more effectively. How could I forget all that? Oh god! How did I forget all that?
The sadness and the defeated sigh all showed the emotions inside him. He was disappointed and feels that I don't trust him which was furthest from truth. My stupid insecurities fueled my fear of losing him but I never doubted his love for me.
"Oh Edward I am so sorry. I never doubted your love for me. It just didn't make any sense why a person who is so beautiful inside and out would want me." I sobbed into his chest.
"Shh Bella don't cry." he said pulling me closer.
"I am so sorry. I never intended to make you feel that I don't trust you. I just.." I said through my hiccups.
"Bella, please calm down. It will make you more sick. Carlisle has given you an injection but if you cry like this it could get worse. Please love."
"I just. Theses insecurities.. I don't know … how … to… I am sorry." I said through my hiccups.
"It is ok Bella. And thank you for telling me. It is important you tell me your concerns then only our relationship can get stronger. If you keep it inside you it will only cause more pain to both of us. But always remember you are my other half without you I am nothing. I love and cherish you more than anything in the world. You have nothing to worry about." He said kissing my forehead and rubbing my back.
"I love you Edward. You are the best thing that ever happened to me." I told him truthfully.
"You are the best thing that happened to me too. I love you my Bella. Never doubt that. I always felt that vampires don't have souls. But now I feel that you are my soul. You are one who breathes life into my body. I am just dead without you."
His words made my heart skip a beat. My brain finally registered what my heart always knew that I was his other half and that he would not survive without me as I won't without him.
I knew he loved me unconditionally but I always felt that I was never good enough for him. Thinking back to his thoughts I understood that he felt the same about me.
I felt stupid and embarrassed but thankfully my sobs subsided. I felt exhausted from all the crying fest.
"I will always love you my Bella." He whispered into my ears as he rocked me to sleep.
A/N: wow! 9 pages and 7 lines in word. That was the longest chapter I have ever written. Anyway thanks for all your reviews. Hope you like the chapter. pls review to let me know.
