Alrighty... so, yay for reviews as always. :D I am aware this is seems extremely anti-climatic, but I'm telling you it's not. This is where things start to change. I know that so far, this has been almost identical to the movie, but that is changing now. This is where I start to write my own story, and I'm very excited to start building the climax. I'm pretty sure that the halfway point is somewhere in the next three to five chapters.
Also, last night a thought crossed my mind that I could possibly do something with this after it's done, since I've already got it all planned out. I got a story request a few weeks ago that I'm going to start publishing in about a week and a half. So, I'm going to have two stories on the go, which means they'll both be a bit slower- two updates a week at the very most. Once Endless Diamond Sky is over, I'm going to start with my super-secret new idea. So, be excited! :P
Well, on with it!
But I'm steady thinking, my way is clear
And I know what I will do tomorrow
When hands have shaken, the kisses float
Then I will disappear
Chapter Thirteen
Two weeks later
The Penthouse Suite
#400 East 67th Street
Rose sat in front of her vanity mirror, running her fingers through her hair. What was she going to do with it? The stylist her mother had booked had to cancel last minute, so she was now left to do everything herself for the debutante ball that night- not that she minded; surely a stylist would have gone overboard. No; she could do a perfectly fine job herself- she could pin her curls into an updo, leaving stray curls dangling on each side. Yes, that would look great. She was just reaching for a bottle on her desk that claimed to leave hair shiny and frizz-free when she felt her stomach turn over again, for the third time that day.
She made a mad dash for the bathroom, all thoughts of hairstyles gone completely from her mind. Rose knew fully what was happening to her, and what she knew that this was far from the end of it. How could she have been so stupid that night? It seemed so long ago now...
Ever since the night Jack had taken Rose out on Tommy's boat, Rose had been seeing him secretly whenever possibly- during her lunch, after school... sometimes, she would tell her mother that she was going over to Mekyla's house to work on a class project, but really she'd go off to meet Jack. Despite her best attempts, she was still being forced to attend the debutante ball with Cal as her escort, but at least she and Jack were able to be together. Over the last week, however, Rose had begun to feel down, and she suspected a bug was coming on. On the third day of waking up to a round of vomiting, though, a thought struck her- a thought that she would have rather avoided, but couldn't hide from. Since then, she'd sort of been trying to avoid Jack, so that she wouldn't have to tell him what they'd done. He would feel disappointed, guilty and probably extremely inadequate, which was the last thing she wanted to do to him. She couldn't face him anymore.
Rose huddled over the toilet, puking her guts out. As the she heaved and retched and heaved all over again, she realized with disgust that this wasn't going to end any time soon. Why were they so stupid? Why hadn't they thought things through? She felt like an absolute imbecile- an imbecile who was sitting in front a toilet, trembling and vomiting on the night of her debut.
Just as she was wiping the edges of her mouth with some tissue, Rose heard her mother's footsteps behind her. Ruth stuck her head into the bathroom and rolled her eyes.
"Oh, Rose, dear!" she sighed, sounding exasperated. "Please don't play these games with me. I know you don't want to go to this ball, but your stupid little show won't get you anywhere. Now, hurry up and get ready! Mr. Hockley will be here in an hour!"
Rose wanted to turn around and slap her mother across the face. She'd been sick for nearly a week now! How could Ruth possibly call her out on it? Too bad she was too shaky and nauseous to act on those feelings. She made her way back to her room and sat down, feeling even worse than she had before. Half-heartedly, she began running smoothing serum through her curls and pinning them up. It looked good, but the pale, sickly backdrop against which it sat. Rose gazed at her pasty white reflection- it was not beautiful, and it was entirely her own fault. She had brought this upon herself and there was nothing she could do about. She didn't have the right to blame her mother, or even to punish her by kicking up a fuss. The only person who had done this to her was herself, and she was going to have to suck it up- to take responsibility for her actions.
She reached for her foundation first, applying a little bit more than usual to cover up her pallor. She did the same with blush, but no amount of make-up could hide the gauntness and fatigue of her face. Vomiting four times a day for five days straight was not flattering on anyone.
Just as she finished applying mascara to her light purple and silver eyelids, there was a knock at the door. Rose turned around to see her mother standing in the doorway, dressed to the nines as though this night was as much for her as it was for her daughter.
"Mr Hockley has arrived, Rose. Hurry up and get dressed."
With that, she turned around and walked out of the room, leaving Rose alone to slip into her dress. Locking the door, Rose leaned back against the wall and breathed deeply, trying to hold back tears. What was Cal going to do when he found out? Maybe he wouldn't want to be married to her anymore. That would be nice. But what if he got angry? What if he hurt her? What if he hurt... no. Don't think that way, Rose told herself. Don't allow yourself to think those thoughts. Gulping back the lump that had developed in her throat, Rose removed the plastic covering from her gown and slowly unzipped it. She stepping into its layers of organza and raw silk, she felt instantly suffocated. She had gotten herself into a trap- a trap that there was no way of getting out of.
As she took one last, unsatisfied look in the mirror, Rose didn't know what to think or what to feel. The was a whole host of emotions spinning around inside her mind- fear, anger, sadness, desperation, inadequacy, and a tiny glimmer of hope. Rose didn't think much about God or church or the like, but she did like to believe that someone was watching over her, and that they wouldn't have allowed something like this to happen if it wasn't going to work out in the end. With that sliver of possibility kept close to her heart, she managed to pick her head up and walk out into the living room where her mother and Cal were waiting.
Much to Rose's disgust, Cal's mouth fell open and stayed that way for a long time. He was so utterly repulsive, and on top of that, how could he look at her that way when just two weeks ago, he'd been throwing things at her in a maniacal rage? Caledon Hockley was really and truly the most disgusting man she had ever met in her life. Even all decked out in a tuxedo with his hair slicked back, he couldn't hide the ugliness beneath the surface- the glare in his eyes, the stiff and emotionless fix of his shoulders... there wasn't an ounce of kindness in his entire being.
"You look gorgeous, Rose, darling," he said, attempting to link his arm in hers. Not bothering to hide the disgusted look on her face, Rose shrugged out of his grasp and walked out of the apartment and into the hallway. Ignoring Cal and her mother, Rose got into the elevator, which shut with just enough time for the two to climb in behind her. Rose hoped she was sending off some sort of subliminal message, but as obvious as it was, the pair of people behind her were probably too stupid to figure it out. Ruth was clearly over the moon about this whole thing. She'd been waiting for this day for seventeen years- the day in which Rose would be introduced into society, and would completely and totally surrender her life to Caledon Hockley, world's greatest pervert. What a great dream for a mother to have for her daughter.
Outside, Rose continued to ignore Cal and Ruth as they climbed into the cab that would take them to the Plaza Hotel. Rose had been in the Plaza exactly four times in her life- once for her older cousin Marina's coming out party, and three other times for fundraisers and banquets that her mother 'just had to be seen at in order to keep up their good name.' To be honest, having a good name was the dumbest concept Rose had ever heard of- wasn't that sort of stuff really big a hundred years ago? Weren't people over that by now?
Staring out the window, Rose was reminded of the night she had almost jumped of the Brooklyn Bridge. It had been the same as tonight- she in a beautiful dress that sucked out her personality, pretending to be in love with Cal to make her mother look good. In a way, she felt that maybe she should have jumped. Yes, she had met Jack that night, but now she that chance encounter had destroyed both of their futures. She didn't deserve Jack, and he didn't deserve what she was going to inevitably put him through. She didn't exactly regret being with him, but she did regret being so irresponsible and putting herself in this situation. All her life, Rose had wanted to break free but hadn't been brave enough- she had been too afraid to take responsibility for her actions. Now that she had to do just that, she was beginning to realize just how big and scary the world was.
As they whizzed past the lights and sounds of New York City, she remembered how she and Jack had run all the way from Central Park to his apartment that night two weeks before. With him, the city had been magical and full of life. Now, driving down the very same streets, the cab she was in felt like a slave ship. The city around her was like an inescapable prison. She hoped beyond hope that sometime very soon, Jack would come and save her from this hell on earth, but deep down she knew it was impossible.
The trio sat in silence as they drove towards the Plaza. All of the debutantes and their escorts were to arrive at four in the afternoon, three hours before the party started. Rose didn't really understand why- okay, they were going to practice walking down a friggin staircase and then take some pictures... three hours? Really? This whole thing was a massive lie; a load of propaganda to make people believe that money and luxury and fancy dresses and expensive was what they needed to be happy. Unless some country bombed another one or something, this stupid thing was going to be on the front page of the paper in the morning, just to prove how stupid and senseless people were. Why was the world like this?
As the limo pulled up in front of the Plaza Hotel, Rose felt the overwhelming urge to be sick, not like before but sheerly because of how disgusting the whole scene was. All around her, girls she'd grown up with were getting of limousines with men she'd never met before, all dressed to the nines, smiling as camera bulbs flashed over and over again. Stepping out into the fresh air, she felt her head spinning slightly, unable to deal with all of this pressure.
"Are you alright, Rose?" Cal asked, slipping his arm into hers. She couldn't ignore it this time; she had to make it look like she actually liked Cal. "You look a bit pale."
You have no idea, she thought, but that wasn't what she said.
"I'm quite fine, Cal," she said, faking a smile. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get this show on the road!"
Rose, Cal and Ruth joined the throngs of young women, their escorts and parents, all beaming widely at the photographers. Before Rose could brace herself for the impact, Madeline Astor ran towards her and hugged her tightly. Madeline's dark curls blocked her vision and the scent of flowery perfume overwhelmed her senses. Again, Rose had to swallow the nausea and pretend like everything was okay.
Finally letting go of Rose's waist, Madeline squealed, "Oh my gosh, Rose! Isn't this so wonderful? Aren't you excited?"
"It is, isn't it?" she replied, smiling weakly and trying to hide her frustration. Madeline really was a nice girl, and probably the closest thing Rose had to a friend in her mother's world, but she was still just like everybody else. She didn't understand Rose and she never would. In fact, as far as she could see, Rose was just as excited as she was for this whole stupid thing. Everybody around here was so clueless.
In a way, Rose felt that it would almost be easier to be like them- to have no desire to see the world or fall in love or to live the life she'd always wanted. It was sort of like when Rose was in grade school, and people would ask why she actually did the homework that everyone knew the teachers weren't going to collect. She'd always thought that it would be much easier to be them; to not care about her grades or her reputation. No matter what, it was always easier to be ignorant and to have your eyes closed to the world around you. It was easier not to care. Unfortunately, Rose had never been that type of person.
Suddenly, she felt extremely insecure, especially after taking in Madeline's appearance. Her long chestnut hair hung in barrel curls down her back, and her silvery gold gown complimented her pink lips and gold eyeshadow perfectly. She was every inch the fairytale princess that she was supposed to be, and she looked right at home in such a role. Rose, however, felt exactly the opposite. She still felt suffocated and tired and very much like a fish out of water. With each passing minute, she wished more and more that Jack would come and rescue her from this horrible world.
As Madeline continued to babble on pointlessly, her escort came up behind them and began talking to Cal. Rose found it impossible to listen to Madeline, because she couldn't ignore the way the men kept staring at them. She could tell that they were comparing their women like prize showhorses. Just as she thought she couldn't take it any longer, the conversation was interrupted by her mother.
"Come along, everyone," she ordered. "We should all be getting inside."
The group followed Ruth inside the hotel. Cal linked his arm in Rose's again, much to her dismay. They, along wiht Madeline and John, were directed up a flight of stairs, where a few of the debutantes and their escorts were already waiting. Ruth stayed downstairs and presumably went into the ballroom witht he rest of the guests. All of the girls were then arranged in a line by alphabetical order, in which Rose was second behind Madeline. Now there were just a few girls still missing, which meant just a few more minutes that Rose had to spend pretending to be in love with Cal before they could at least move around. She cringed as Cal leaned in close to whisper something in her ear.
"I know you've been melancholy, Rose," he said, as though he had a clue what was going on in her head. "You know I love you, right?"
Rose couldn't even find the words within herself to answer. How could he lie to her like that and keep a straight face? Just two weeks ago he'd completely blown up at her. He'd tried to hurt her- to actually, really hurt her. Loving people didn't do those things. Too afraid to say so for fear he'd do it again, she just nodded ever so slightly. He did not love her, and he was definitely not going to love her when he figured out what she'd done. Jack loved her, and he would love her no matter what. In that moment, she resolved to find Jack as soon this stupid thing was over- to find him, and to tell him the truth. With that little secret tucked inside her mind, Rose somehow found the strength to stand a little bit taller and smile a little bit wider as the procession of girls practiced making their way down the winding staircase.
Each girl's name was announced, followed by the name of her escort. The made their way down the stairs, and the men kissed the girls' hands at the bottom. Once they had done this, the next couple was announced, and this was repeated twelve times, until every couple had their moment in the spotlight. Rose felt a slight twinge of repulsion each time Cal pressed his lips to her delicate hand, but she hid it well. In fact, she thought that this whole thing wasn't nearly as hard as she'd been expecting, and that maybe tonight wouldn't exactly be the hell on earth she had imagined it to be for so many weeks. Apparently, however, it was possible to walk down stairs wrong, as this had to be rehearsed seven times. Each time, Rose arched her back, raised her head and smiled gracefully, trying to make the most out of it. Finally, after what seemed like hours, a man in a suit who was directing the couples announced that it was time to take a break.
"Excellent, excellent," he declared as the last couple parted ways. "You've all got about ten minutes while we set up the photographers. I expect you all to be back here at that time."
Most of the girls were giggling amongst each other before he'd even finished speaking, but Rose had begun to feel a bit nauseous during the last procession. She was going to throw up again, she just knew it. She didn't know where she might find a bathroom, so rather than look for one, she headed for the doors. Cal shouted something to her, but she didn't hear him. She ran outside and found a quiet, secluded corner just as her stomach turned over and she started to heave.
She hadn't eaten anything since the last time she'd been sick, so instead of really vomiting, she mostly coughed up mucus and the like, which was good because there was nothing for her to get on her dress. By this point, that was all she really cared about. After three days of non-stop vomiting, she was pretty much used to it. Still, though, she couldn't get over the fact that she had put herself in this situation. It was all her fault- nobody to blame but herself.
When her stomach decided that it was done trying to throw up, Rose leaned against a cool wall and took in everything around her. Even though her world was still a prison, it was a prison that she was soon going to break out of. Just the idea of seeing Jack for the first time in three days made the sky a little bit bluer, the breeze a little bit cooler, the grass a little bit greener. Rose stared off into the distance for a minute. At first she thought it was just her imagination, but after a while she realized that there really was something moving across the parking lot. It was a person, and whoever they were, they were coming closer and closer to her. It surprised her that someone would be checking into the hotel on such a busy day like today, but surely they ahd there reasons. As the person drew closer, however, Rose realized that, rather than walking towards the entrance, the person was walking directly towards her.
For a moment, she felt something like fear rising in her chest, but within half a second it was gone. The person looked a lot like... no, it couldn't be, could it? It was!
"Jack!" she exclaimed, running towards him and wrapping her arms around him. "Jack, what are you doing here? How did even know where to find me?"
Instead of answering right away, Jack lifted Rose right off the ground and kissed her over and over again. In his arms, everything just disappeared. Now more than ever, Rose knew she had to find a way to be with him. As he set her back down on the ground, her eyes met his and she thought to herself that she'd never seen a more beautiful thing.
"I needed to see you Rose. It feels like it's been forever." Laughing, he said, "This stupid thing was all over the paper, and I figured that if you'd be anywhere, it'd be here."
"Oh, Jack!" she exclaimed, not really knowing what else to say. She kissed him again, savouring every blessed moment with him as the gift that it was. "I have to talk to you," she explained, grabbing him by the hand and leading him around to the back of the building. All of a sudden, the fear and self-hatred that had kept her away from Jack for the last three days bubbled up inside of her. For some reason, she felt her eyes brimming with tears. How was he going to take it? Would he ever want to see her again? Would he hate her, and leave her with Cal and her mother for the rest of her life? She swallowed her fears and she turned around and took his other hand in hers.
She opened her mouth to speak, but instead of words, sobs came out. She couldn't bring herself to say it. Sensing her fear and wanting to protect her from it, Jack took Rose in his arms and rubbed her back in slow, gentle circles.
"Rose, what's wrong?" he whispered. "What's the matter? You know you can tell me, Rose."
Trying to compose herself, Rose wiggled out of Jack's embrace and wiped away her tears. The sun was setting around them, just like it had been the night she found him in Central Park... the night where this whole thing had begun.
"Jack..." she stammered, not knowing how to say the words that were running around in her brain, dying to get out. "Jack, I'm... I'm going to... Jack, I'm going to have baby."
If he was shocked, he hid it amazingly well. His eyes showed nothing but sympathy, and even a glimmer of something that remotely resembled happiness. Rose hadn't thought that he might possibly be okay with being a dad, but she had thought wrong. God, she was an idiot. Of course Jack would be okay with it! She'd noticed that night at the party when he was dancing with Cora that Jack would be a good father, but she never would have imagined he'd want to have a kid at twenty. He really was the most wonderful man in the world.
Maybe Jack could be a good parent, but could she? Could they actually raise this child on their own? She was a teenager, and he was hardly more than one! How would they support a life when they could barely support themselves? There was no way Rose could go to university now; she'd be taking care of a baby. And they wouldn't have any money either, because Ruth would probably disown her. This was such a disaster! Again Rose found herself sobbing in Jack's arms.
"Shh, it's okay," he whispered. "We're going to make this okay." Rose wanted to believe him, but deep inside she couldn't. There was no way in the world to make this okay.
"Don't lie to me like that!" she snapped, regretting it instantly. "I'm so sorry... but we can't make this okay! I'm a statistic now, Jack! I'm just another teen mother. How are we gonna make this okay? It can never be okay!"
As hard as he tried, Jack couldn't manage to hide the look of hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry, too, Rose. This is all my fault, but I promise you, I'm going to make it work."
The more he spoke, the more Rose regretted screaming at him. She'd always thought herself a good person, but she never really had a halfway decent example to compare herself to. Now, looking at the way Jack treated her and how he understood everything she said and why she said it, she felt like the worst person in the world. Somehow she'd managed to make Jack feel as thought his was his fault, and she'd hurt him on top of it. When was she going to learn to just keep her mouth shut?
"It's not your fault," she said, much more quietly this time. Salty tears still flowed from her eyes, but she wasn't sobbing any longer. Jack gently brushed his hand across her cheek, which was enough to make her smile, if only slightly.
"I love you, Jack," she said, meaning it for the first time in her life.
"I love you, too, Rose."
Caressing her thin, delicate face, Jack kissed her again, much like he had that night out on the boat. As much as she knew it was impossible, it made Rose want to believe that everything really would be okay as long as he was around. As they broke apart, Rose noticed that Jack now had tears falling from his own eyes. She wanted to say something, anything, but before she got the chance, someone shouted at them from behind. Cal.
"Rose! Rose, you stupid bitch!" he snarled as he drew closer to them. "What the hell are you doing!?"
Before Rose got a chance to speak, Jack was jumping down Cal's throat. "I could say the same to you," he spat. "Do you think just because you get to carry her around like a little puppy dog that you also have the right to follow her wherever she goes?"
"Jack, please-" Rose started, but was cut off by a fuming Cal.
His face turned every shade of purple as he bellowed, "Do you have any goddamn idea what you're messing around in, Dawson? Rose is my fiance, not yours! Keep your dirty fucking paws off of her, do you understand me?" Turning to Rose, he said, "Is this what you really want to be, Rose? A whore to a gutter rat?"
Something in his tone made Rose feel something she'd never felt before- a certain level of anger and hatred that she didn't know existed. Without even thinking about it, she declared simply, "I'd rather be his whore than your wife!"
Both Cal and Jack must have been completely shocked by her statement, because neither of them said anything for a long time. After a moment of stunned silence, Cal grabbed her by the wrist and practically dragged her away. Rose couldn't bear to look back, too afraid to see the look on Jack's face. She said nothing, standing tall and resolute. It didn't matter anyways, because as soon as this stupid party was over, she was going to run away, never to see Caledon Hockley's jealous, pathetic face again. She would let him play his little game of house for one more night, and no one would be the wiser.
She was able to hold back her tears all the way across the parking lot and back into the hotel. She thought that maybe, just maybe, she could keep up the facade of strength for the rest of the night. All of that came crashing down, though, when Cal pinned her up against the wall of an empty hallway and said the words Rose had known were coming all along.
"You're lucky to have me, you know, you filthy little slut?" His warm breath on her neck made her skin crawl, and she felt like throwing up all over again. "You pull a stunt like that one more time and I swear to God, Rose, I'm done. You can have your happily ever after with Jack, but you and I both know you two can't do it alone."
His threat wasn't what bothered her- it was the knowledge that wis hidden beneath them. He knew, and he might have even known all along. Rose didn't know what to say- there was nothing to say, really. Nothing that could make it all go away; nothing that would turn back time and let her do things over again. The reality of it all was that her situation was one she couldn't run from, and it was a reality that brought a whole other flood of tears to her eyes. Rose was a statistic now, in more ways than one. Cal turned on his heels and walked away. He didn't care. He had never cared.
So, finally, eh? Hope you guys liked this one; it was pretty hard to write and I'm not exactly happy with the ending, but I think it's okay overall. What did you think?
