Again, guys, I'm sorry for the dismal lack of updates, but I've been so busy lately with dance, homework and just life in general. And yet, you amazing people find the time to review. and more this time around than ever before. Love you all... thanks for being the driving force that's keeping this story (and me) going. :D
Chapter Fifteen
Fiore Towers Apartment Building
#39 West 45th Street
"Okay, Rose," Jack said as he sat down at the table, "I know you probably don't want to do this, and I can completely understand, but it does need to be taken care of right away."
Almost instinctively, and for no apparent reason, Rose heard the dark half of that sentence- its worst possible meaning; the most awful thing he could have meant by it. She shook such thoughts away, because the logical part of her brain new that Jack would mean nothing of the sort. She, too, sat down, although she had no intention of eating.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, trying not to sound all too defensive, but she couldn't keep the concern from her voice. She knew Jack would never think that... he would never want that... but in a weird sort of way, that was what it had sounded like. She could feel her stomach tying itself up in knots, but she couldn't let that show.
Jack reached across the table and gently held Rose's hand, which made her even more confused. "Rose, I understand if you don't want to go for this, and if you just want to take care of things your own way, but I think I have a really good idea."
Now Rose was worried- in fact, she was almost angry. What was he suggesting? She couldn't say anything for fear of lashing out at him- she knew if she opened her mouth, she wouldn't be able to control the words that came out, and she didn't want Jack to think she mad at him if there was no reason to be. Instead she said nothing, waiting for him to continue.
"While I was at work, I was reading through the Times and I saw this little clipping for this pregnancy resource center. It's sort of like a walk-in clinic, and basically they do everything. You can take a pregnancy test, not that you need one, and they help you draw up a birth plan and apply for financial support if you need it, and pretty much everything you could imagine needing. They also help teenagers talk to their parents, if that's something you wanted to..." Jack's voice trailed off, as though he was afraid to say something that might offend her.
"It's not," Rose snapped, "but that does sound like a pretty good idea." Now that he'd said what he'd been thinking, Rose felt utterly stupid for ever having doubted him. Although she was glad now that all he wanted to do was take care of things, he'd hit a nerve with the first thing he'd mentioned- a pregnancy test. Although she hadn't told him yet and was sort of hoping to skirt around ever telling him, Rose hadn't exactly taken a pregnancy test. She realized now that it was stupid to have jumped to such a conclusion without knowing for sure, but it all just felt so real. People know when they're pregnant, right, especially when all the symptoms are there? You can just tell, can't you? She struggled to put that thought in the back of her mind, knowing that sometime very soon Jack would find out and hoping he wouldn't be too angry.
Jack nodded, "I thought so, too. Rose, I know you're probably scared shitless right now- I gotta admit, I am too. But you know we can do this, right? We can do it together, and then think of everybody we've got behind us. Hell, look at what Fabri did for us just last night."
"It was nothing," the Italian shrugged, making Rose almost laugh at loud. He had stayed up with her for the better part of all night- it was something she wasn't about to forget any time soon. Jack was right- these people were amazing. She wished that she had grown up in a world like this. True, there was hardly any money, but what did that really matter, when at the end of the day you were surrounded by people who loved you?
Smiling, Rose said, "Well, it might have been nothing, but I'm still glad you did it. Thank you."
After that, the trio ate their breakfast and talked happily about a whole host of things- Jack and Fabrizio's work, Rose's school, their families... everything. Jack was surprisingly in Rose's education. His parents had died the summer between ninth and tenth grade, so he never really got to experience much of high school and its ups and downs. As Rose told him about her friends and teachers, however, he slowly became worried about how they would react to her pregnancy. He was afraid that she would become ostracized and isolated from the people she'd grown up with, but he refused to voice his concerns. Rose already had a lot on her plate, and he didn't want to worry her any more.
As they finished eating, Rose got up from the table. "I definitely need to have a shower before we go anywhere," she declared, absent-mindedly fingering the tangled mess that was her hair, "but after that do you think we could go right away? I just kind of want to get out, if that's okay with you, Jack."
"Of course," Jack said, and Rose knew that, at least in some small way, he understood why she needed to just be outside, breathing in the open air, away from all of this. That just might be the best part about him, if there was any distinguishable one- he always seemed to understand what was going on inside her head, even if he could never really know.
Rose went to pick up her plate from the table but something caught her hand on the table cloth. She realized then that she was still wearing Cal's ring. Laughing to herself, she pulled it off her finger and scrutinized it for a long moment. She couldn't help it when her mouth turned up at the ends into a crooked smile. It was the hugest diamond she's seen in her life, and most girls would probably love the idea of being given such a gift. She found it a horrendously tacky, ugly thing to be honest.
"Fabri, you have a girlfriend?" she asked, amused by his perplexed expression.
He nodded, "Si, Rosa. Her name is 'a Helga."
Rose smiled him, thinking about how little money Fabrizio must make, and how thrilled his girlfriend might be at the prospect of such a gift. "Well, if you ever decide to marry her, or even just want to give her a nice Christmas or birthday present, you give her this ring, alright? I sure as hell don't want it!"
Fabrizio looked confused, as though he didn't understand why someone would want to give away such a precious jewel.
"I could never take that from you, Rosa. Why do you no want it?"
It occurred to her then that, as far as this situation went, Fabrizio was in exactly the opposite position that she was. He probably didn't know where the ring came from, and even if he did, he probably didn't have a clue as to why Rose wanted to get rid of it. Sure, he knew that Cal had been an asshole and that he didn't care about anyone but himself, but how could he possibly understand the extent of the pain Cal had put Rose through when he himself had been fortunate enough not to have experienced it? Rose had to smile at the fact that he was just to loving to understand such hate.
Laughing slightly, she said, "Trust me, Fabri. It's the last thing I want in the entire world, as beautiful as it is. Helga will love it."
"Well then, thank you, bella Rosa. I will keep it for the right moment."
Rose handed the ring to him, but not without a moment of the slightest hesitation. She wanted to get rid of it with all of her heart, but at the same time it was the last thing she had which kept to her attached to the safety net of her past. Was she really ready to give it up? Yes, she decided, she was. Once the ring was in Fabrizio's hands, Rose felt like a massive weight had been lifted from her chest. She had made the right decision.
Once she was in the shower, Rose turned the water on as hot as it would go, letting the jet stream pound against her tense shoulders. For the first time in her life, she felt really and truly relaxed. She wasn't afraid to get into the shower without locking the door in case Cal barged in or something, and she wasn't afraid to get out of the shower because her mother would surely have some reason to yell at her by then. The total bliss and happiness of the situation overloaded her system, and before she knew it she was crying all over again. She was crying and laughing and praying to God that Jack and Fabri couldn't hear how stupid she must have sounded, but she was doing it anyway.
As she lathered shampoo into her messy hair, the tears finally stopped flowing, and hopefully for good this time. How lucky was she to be where she was now, especially considering that she'd been trying to kill herself less than a month ago? God, what if she really had? What if Jack hadn't been there to save her from herself? It must have been that God, or Fate, or whoever or whatever is was that watches over us, she decided, knew that I needed Jack and he needed me. And whoever They are, thank Them for that.
Rose spent the better part of half an hour in the shower, just enjoying the sensation of warm water running down her back and washing away all of the stress and pain. When she finally did get out, she dressed in a simple t-shirt, jeans and zip-up sweater. She had brought as many clothes as she could fit in her bag with her, including a couple of skirts and blouses that her mother would have preferred, but Rose was tired of dressing like that. She was tired of being Rose DeWitt Bukater, socialite and heiress to a multi-million dollar fortune- from now on, she was just going to be Rose DeWitt Bukater, Jack Dawson's girlfriend and hopefully a good mother.
If I even am a mother, a voice in the back of Rose's head told her. As stupid as it was not to have taken a test, Rose had never before questioned whether or not she was truly pregnant. About two weeks after that night with Jack, she had begun to feel different... slightly nauseous and tired all the time. For the first time in her life, Rose prayed for the one thing that would reassure her. Two weeks came and went, and nothing. Her nausea got worse, she began throwing up, she lost a little bit of weight, all of the things they said came with early pregnancy. In her frazzled daze, the idea of actually taking a pregnancy test had slipped her mind. She knew, though, beyond a shadow of a doubt. At least, she though she knew.
Pushing the though from her mind, Rose opened the door to the bathroom a crack and called out, "Jack, do you have a hair dryer?"
"Nope," he called back. The sound of footsteps told Rose he was making his way towards the bathroom. "I guess we're going to have to take care of that."
Jack stood in the doorway and watched as Rose ran smoothing serum through her hair and brushed her teeth. He was absolutely silent, just smiling at the sight of the woman in front of him. For a moment, Rose's gaze caught his in the mirror and she couldn't help but smile broadly, amazed at just how beautiful he was. She had no way of knowing that he was thinking exactly the same thing.
Rose bent over and reached into her bag to grab her make-up kit, then stopped. Did she really need it? She stood back up and turned to Jack.
"Do I look any different than usual?" she asked, hoping he would pick up on what she getting at. Jack raised his eyebrows, and Rose's heart sank a little bit. He didn't even notice. "What about my face?" she prodded. "Is it different then before?"
Jack continued to stare at her for a moment, dumbfounded. Then, like a light bulb turning on in his head, his eyes lit up. "You haven't got any make-up on! And you're more beautiful than ever," he added, not because he knew that was what Rose was searching for (although he did), but because it was true.
At the sight of her mile-wide grin, Jack couldn't help but do the same. Rose wrapped her arms around him and he could feel her smile against his neck.
"Well then," she declared, "I guess I don't need to put any on. Did Fabri leave while I was in the shower?"
Jack nodded. "He said he was sorry, but he had to go to work."
Rose laughed. She could picture Fabri in her mind, apologizing about having to go and do his job. He was such a great person- everyone Jack had introduced her to so far was. All her life, she'd been afraid of raising a child in the same family she'd been raised in, but she didn't have to worry about that anymore. This baby was going to be so unimaginably loved.
Grabbing her purse from inside her bag and draping it over her shoulder, Rose asked, "You ready to go?"
Jack nodded and wrapped his arm around Rose's waist. She giggled as his hand fell a little bit lower, and smacked him playfully on the arm.
"Jack!" she pretended to chastise him. "The baby can probably feel when you do that, you know! Keep it appropriate!"
At that, Jack laughed at loud. "Don't you want my child to know how much I love her mother?"
The fact that he had referred to the baby as 'her' did not slip Rose's notice. She smiled secretly but let it be. Although she would be happy no matter what, and as long as the baby was healthy it would be perfect, she would be lying if she told herself that she wasn't secretly hoping for a little girl. She would have thought that Jack might have wanted a boy that he could raise to be just like him, but she was glad to know that he was with her on the gender front. She could see it now in her mind- Jack and his daddy's girl. Him holding her when she was born, teaching her how to ride a bike, smiling with pride when she graduated from high school, walking her down the aisle on her wedding day...
Realizing that she was getting way ahead of herself, considering she and Jack weren't even married yet, Rose pulled her mind out of the clouds and lead Jack out the door and into the elevator. They took a cab to the walk-in clinic, which was where the pregnancy resource center was. Rose remembered it vaguely now- back in the ninth grade these ladies from the clinic had her health class handouts about the center, the phone number for Planned Parenthood and a package of condoms. She remembered her teacher telling them that the presentation was supposed to be teaching them not to have premarital sex, but she also remembered thinking that was true, why were they giving them birth control?
When they got to the clinic, Rose suddenly felt nervous. Were these people going look down on her? Would Jack be in trouble for being twenty and getting a minor pregnant? God, thank hadn't occurred to her before. Then she remembered that nobody could press charges against him but her, and that sure as hell wasn't going to happen. But still, they would obviously notice how old he was, and they might judge him; look at him negatively. All her life, Rose had been judged by adults- she'd felt them scrutinizing her, measuring her up to their standards. It hadn't occurred to her before that, in a way, the world was always going to be like that.
Inside the elevator that was taking them up to the fifth floor, Jack, apparently sensing Rose's nervousness, gently grasped her hand and weaved his fingers into hers. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart," he whispered, as though he could read her mind. She tried to tell herself that it would be, but inside, something was screaming that it wouldn't.
Upon exiting the elevator, Jack and Rose were faced head-on with a sign that read 'New York City Pregnancy Resource Center' in delicate pink lettering. All of a sudden, the whole thing felt very real, and Rose wanted to throw up all over again. She held on to Jack's hand a little more tightly as they walked into the waiting room. Rose was surprised to see that it look more like a family therapy office than a walk-in clinic- there were three couches pushed up against walls, a table covered in magazines and a water dispenser in the corner. Every attempt had clearly been made to make the place seem homey- even the receptionist's desk looked more like it belonged in a teenager's bedroom. The whole vibe was completely different from what she had expected, and Rose didn't know whether to comforted or freaked out by it.
As they approached the receptionist, Jack grinned cheekily at Rose as though to say, 'This is it.' That alone was a comfort, and she instantly held her head a little bit higher. I can do this, she told herself. We can do this.
"How can I help you?" the receptionist asked them. She was a middle-aged woman who wore horn-rimmed glasses and not the most pleasant of expressions. Rose was reminded of the secretary at her school, which automatically made her palms sweat.
"Umm," she stammered, struggling to find her voice. "I- I was wondering if we could speak to one of the nurses or... or something like that..."
The receptionist sighed as she removed her glasses and leaned back in her chair, as though she'd seen enough pregnant teenagers to last her a lifetime.
"Name?" she asked, in the most monotone voice imaginable.
"Rose DeWitt Bukater."
"What seems to be the problem?" she asked, as though it wasn't obvious. Rose felt the words getting caught in the back of her mouth, but Jack began to rub his thumb against her palm just in time to save her from looking like a complete idiot.
"Well, I'm pregnant," she choked out, as though it was the simplest thing in the world. Again, the receptionist sighed deeply, this time rolling her eyes.
"Aren't they all?" she muttered, thumbing through a stack of papers on her desk until she found a package about three sheets thick and handed it to Jack and Rose. It was full of all sorts of questions- name, age, place of birth, parents' names... did any of this matter at all? "You two can go sit down and fill these out while I wait for a nurse to become available."
Feeling very out of place, Jack and Rose sat down on one of the couches and began to leaf through the sheets they'd been handed. Rose was beginning to stress over how many questions they didn't have an answer to- number to call in case of an emergency, place to stay in the event of a break-up- what kind of questions were these? Thankfully, another look at the top of the very first page told her that only the first sections was mandatory- their names, birthdates and phone numbers. Breathing a sigh of relief, she filled out the information quickly then silently passed the clipboard to Jack.
The waiting room was empty, save for a girl sitting alone on the opposite side of the room. She looked to be about five months pregnant, and at the moment was gently caressing her distended belly as though it was all she had left in the world. Rose had felt some level of self-pity all her life, but as she watched the girl sitting there, looking lonely and afraid, she was thankful to at least have Jack by her side. She couldn't even imagine going through this alone. The girl looked up at her for a fleeting moment, and Rose tried to smile at her without looking too pitiful.
She and Jack were silent as they waited to be called into the nurse's office- what was there to say, really? He held her hand and stroked it in smooth, gentle circles, and she in turn laid her head on his shoulder. It was some strange form of grace when the receptionist called her name. Still holding onto Jack's hand, Rose approached the door that was being held open for her.
The woman sitting inside was much younger and much nicer looking than the receptionist. Rose felt a fist unclench within her, and she smiled as the woman extended her hand.
"Hello, there," she said. "I'm Evelyn. You must be Jack and Rose."
"That'd be us," Jack said, flashing that charming smile he was so good at. Evelyn gestured at two chairs behind them, and the couple sat down, feeling much less nervous than before.
"So, what can I do for you?" Evelyn asked. What can't you do for us? was the better question in Rose's opinion. What was she supposed to say? I'm pregnant, we're broke, we have no idea how to take care of a baby nor do we have a doctor who knows how to do it. So basically if you don't help us this kid is screwed. How about that?
Sighing tiredly, Rose said, "Well, I'm pregnant, as though that wasn't obvious. I'm seventeen and I'm still in school, and there's really nobody I can go to about this. I've recently moved out of my mother's house and I'm living with Jack, and I'd like to keep it that way. So I guess we really need someone to, you know, tell us what to do."
Evelyn smiled, looking as though she really and truly cared about these two strangers in her office. Rose had expected the staff here to be desensitized to this sort of thing, but Evelyn was anything but. The more time Rose spent with her, the more comfortable she felt. Jack's grip on her hand loosened, and she could tell her was feeling the same way.
"How far along are you?" she asked, taking out a pen and scrawling on a clipboard. Rose looked at Jack, trying to calculate the exact number of days.
"Almost three weeks," Jack explained. "Probably 18 days?" Rose nodded in agreement; that seemed right.
"So you caught on early, Rose?" she asked, smiling again. Rose just nodded, praying she would take it what it was and leave it there. After all, who was she to question whether or not they were telling the truth? For a split second, Rose genuinely believed that part of the appointment was over. That moment ended too quickly. Those eight words felt that eight bullets falling into to Rose's heart. There was no way she could hide it from Jack any longer.
"Would you like to take a pregnancy test?"
"We don't need to," Jack insisted instantly. "Rose is sure, aren't you, sweetheart?"
What was she going to do? She had to think on her feet; to make something up. Now that it was out there, Rose wouldn't really have minded taking a test just to be sure, but how was sure going to beat around the bush and hide the fact that she hadn't taken on yet?
Shrugging, she said, "I wouldn't mind taking another one, just to be sure."
Evelyn didn't seem to have a problem with this, and Rose recalled that women often took more than one just to be sure. Jack, however, didn't seem to agree.
"What's the point, Rose?" he asked. He didn't sound angry or upset; just as though he was really wondering what the point was. Rose couldn't lie to him though- it wouldn't have been a big lie, and he no one would be the wiser, but she couldn't find it within her to do it. She just loved him too much.
She felt herself shaking as she opened her mouth, amazed that she could even make words come out. "I- Well, Jack, I... I never actually... I never did one." There. She'd said it. What sort of damage could the truth do? It was always better than lying, wasn't it?
Apparently not.
Jack's face was like a wall for a moment- no emotion, no sound, no movement. Rose knew Jack-he couldn't be that angry with her, could he? He was Jack, after all; that is to say, the most loving, understanding person she'd ever met, and probably the most forgiving. Besides that, he wasn't inside her body. He couldn't know how she felt. He had, however, stumbled upon her vomiting outside of the Tavern on the Green for no apparent reason, and had barely walked in the door this morning when she was sobbing in his arms. Wasn't that good enough? She knew she was pregnant; she could feel it. He should just believe her on that alone, shouldn't he?
"Look, Rose," he said, resting his head on his finger tips. "Just do the damn test, okay? We'll talk about this later."
Rose felt her palms beginning to sweat and her stomach turning around in knots. Evelyn seemed to have shrunk back from the tension and become as much a part of the room as the walls and chairs were. What was she supposed to say?
"Will... will you wait with me?"
Jack sighed, sounding tired. "Sure. Whatever. Just do it."
So she did. Rose went into the bathroom, biting back tears. She did the test, trying to ignore everything that had just happened. In a moment, two little lines were going to show up on the tiny, hand-held test and it would all just go away. She opened the door and let Jack in, slipping her fingers into his, pretending nothing was wrong. He said they'd talk about later, and they would. She would be sure of it.
Finally, after the longest three minutes of Rose's life, there was first one line, then two. She was pregnant. She was going to be a mother. She was going to be a mother! Completely forgetting what had just happened between her and Jack, she turned around and kissed him full on the mouth. He seemed to have forgotten as well, because he kissed her back with just as much passion. When they pulled apart, they gazed into each other's eyes for a moment too long, and all of a sudden you cut the tension between them with a knife. He had yelled at her- he had really, truly yelled at her, and it wasn't about to disappear any time soon.
"Congratulations, Rose," Jack said, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.
"You too, babe." It was all she could say. What else was there, really? They sat back down in the chairs across from Evelyn, who was smiling happily as though she had completely missed on what had transpired over the last five minutes in her own office. Was she trained to be this perpetually happy?
"I suppose you'll be needing to contact an OB/GYN, then," she said, writing something down on her clipboard. "I'm going to give you the phone number for a Doctor Gillian Tan. She practices at New York Metropolitan Hospital, which is three blocks from here. What I'm doing now is writing down a list of prenatal vitamins you'll want to take, and I'm also going to schedule an initial appointment with Doctor Tan for you. Does that sound okay with you two?"
Jack and Rose both nodded silently, to afraid to break the thin ice that stood between them with the heavy weight of their words. Their fingers were no longer entwined in each other's, and Rose's hand felt strangely cold and empty. Jack loved her. Jack cared about her. Jack didn't snap at her. Cal did.
"Here's my work and home number," Evelyn continued, that perpetual smile still fixed on her face. "You can call me any time you like. You're going to have to process these forms at your appointment with Doctor Tan, which should be within the next two weeks," she explained, handing over the sheets from her clipboard that she'd been filling out. "Is there anything either one of you want to talk about?"
Yes, Rose thought. A lot of things. Just not with you. What she said, though, was, "Not particularly. What about you Jack?"
Jack shook his head, making Rose wonder if he was feeling the same way she was. She wished she could take it all away. She wished she'd been smart enough to just take the damn test four days ago and avoid the entire situation. Too late now, though, wasn't it?
"Thank you for your time, Evelyn," Jack said, rising from his seat. Rose did the same, and thanked Evelyn as well. The exited the room in complete silence, ignoring the accusatory stares from the receptionist, the loud grind of the elevator and the roar of traffic outside. For Rose, at least, none of it even reached her consciousness.
Jack's voice pulled her out of her reverie and brought her crashing back down to earth. "Rose!" he shouted. "Are you even listening? I said I'm sorry for the way I acted in there. I must have really embarrassed you."
Rose stopped dead in her tracks, noticing that Jack had done the same. The tension between them was as thick as ever, and although Jack's words were an apology, his voice told her otherwise. She didn't understand what his deal was- she really was pregnant and they both knew it now, although she had known all along. So what if she didn't take a stupid test! It obviously hadn't impacted the grand scheme of things. For a moment, she considered turning around and snapping at him like he had snapped at her, but the words got caught in her throat she couldn't choke them out. She took a deep breath and tired again.
"Sorry," she murmured. Then, without even knowing where it came from, "Are you mad at me?"
Jack sighed again, pressing his hand to his forehead and biting his bottom lip. If Rose didn't know any better, she would have thought that he was biting back tears in the same way she was. What had she done to hurt him this badly?
"Look, Rose, sweetheart," he said gently, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I love you, you know that right? I'm not mad at you. It's not me I'm worried about here. It's you."
