Hey, guys! Sorry for the delay but I've been really busy with school…meh…
I just want to tell you all that I'm still so thankful for the reviews. I mean, 83… that's a lot' more than I'd ever imagined. You're all amazing. And, because of that amazingness, I feel like I should warn you that you might not necessarily love this chapter because Jack isn't exactly in it. So read if you will, or don't if you won't. I still think it's pretty well-written and some important stuff happens, but I know how you all love Jack. :P
Oh, by the way, I wrote the end of this while watching the movie (I didn't plan it that way or even think about it; I realized it a half hour later as I was typing Rose at the same time Cal was saying it) and it sort of made it a lot easier… I might try doing that from now on.
Well, on with the chapter!
Chapter Seventeen
Fiore Towers Apartment Building
#39 West 45th Street
After their chance encounter with her mother, Rose wasn't really in the mood to talk for the rest of the night. She didn't understand how a parent could just turn their back on a child, especially one in need. Oh, she wasn't stupid. Rose knew Ruth didn't care about her or even like her very much, but she'd always hoped that deep down, she loved her, as all mothers should. Apparently, she had been wrong.
Jack could sense that Rose was in a bad mood, and he knew better than to talk to her about it. Instead, he went to sleep almost as soon as they got home, because he had to go to work that night. That left Rose completely alone, but she didn't mind. She curled up on the couch and read for hours, trying not to think about the day's events. She was so emotionally exhausted that by the time nine o'clock rolled around and Jack had to leave, there was nothing much else for her to do but go to bed.
The next morning, she woke up feeling sick and, for the fifth day in a row, made a beeline to the bathroom. Rose had always noticed that the strangest thoughts occur to us while we're bent over a toilet, puking our guts out, and as she did just that, she realized that today was a Monday. Which meant she had to go to school. How lovely. In all truthfulness, she had half a mind to just skip out today, but in that case the school would call her mother and then everything would fall apart. No, she had to keep up this facade of normalcy for as long as possible. No one could know was pregnant, and no one could know that she was no longer living at home. It all had to be a secret- for now, anyway.
Rose was just walking out of the bathroom when she heard the click of the latch and saw Jack walk into the kitchen. Just seeing him made her feel a little bit better… but just a little bit.
"Good morning, Rose," he said, wrapping his arms around her. Then, placing his hands gently on her stomach, he said, "And good morning baby." Rose giggled at that, making a mental note that she should probably start doing the same thing. Jack was probably going to be way better at this parenting thing she was, but she would try her best anyway.
Kissing him softly, she replied, "Good morning to you, too, Jack. How was work?" The words felt funny coming out of her mouth, as though she was not nearly grown-up enough to be saying them. Those were words that belonged to the adult world, and despite the fact that she was pregnant, Rose was acutely aware that she was not yet a part of that world. Just the fact that she had to be at school in an hour was proof enough of that.
Jack hung his coat up in the closet and said, "It was good. Nights are pretty dull," he explained. "It's not like museum robberies happen every night, you know. But it's cool. Usually I just hang and walk around and stuff, unless Mr. Cartmell leaves something specific for me to do."
Rose decided that some night soon, she would have to hang out with Jack at Mr. Cartmell's gallery. She'd been absolutely captivated by it the time she'd visited it with her mother and Cal, but she'd also been really angry that day. It would be so much better with Jack, just like everything else.
"What are you up to today, sweetheart?" Jack asked, sitting down at the table and gesturing for Rose to do the same. She couldn't help but laugh- clearly he, too, had forgotten in the chaos of late that Rose was still in school.
Curious to see how long it would take him to catch on, she said, "It's Monday." Jack said nothing but raised his eyebrows and made a motion with his head that told her he no idea what Rose was suggesting. "Well," she prodded, "it's Monday and it's seven in the morning and I'm seventeen… Jack! I have to go to school!"
A quizzical look passed over Jack's face, followed by one of sudden enlightenment. "Yeah," he said slowly. "Yeah, I guess you do. Well, do you want breakfast now, in that case?"
Just the thought of food made Rose's stomach turn over, and it was all she could do not to gag. Still, she couldn't help but smile at the fact that Jack so readily took care of her without even a second thought.
"I guess I should eat…" she muttered, absent-mindedly resting her hand on her abdomen. "But I'll just have toast. I can get it."
She started to rise from her chair and head towards, the fridge, but Jack laid his hand over hers to stop her.
"It's okay Rose, I'll get it. Don't worry."
It was a simply, almost meaningless gesture- making toast for somebody. But at the same time, it showed Rose that Jack cared about her. He could never really understand how her mother made her feel or how upset she was this morning, but just a little gesture like letting her sit down while he put two pieces of bread in a toaster for her was enough to let her know that at least one person in this world gave a damn about her. It struck Rose as funny that the little things were meaning so much to her lately, but then that was a good thing, wasn't it? That was one of the things parents were supposed to teach their children, wasn't it?
Jack made some toast for himself too, and he and Rose sat down together and talked about how his night had gone. Rose learned just what Jack's job was- he was supposed to be part night custodian, part security guard, but unless some kid threw up just before closing, he was pretty much done working after an hour. That left Jack pretty much free to do whatever he wanted for about eight hours, which suited him down to the ground. In Rose's opinion, that seemed like an excellent way to make almost a hundred dollars a day.
Afterwards, she had a shower and got dressed in her school uniform. By ten to eight she was ready to walk out the door. She gathered all her school books and put on a coat, then kissed Jack goodbye and the door of his apartment building. Just as she turned to leave, she called her name from the doorway. She spun around to see what he wanted.
"Hey Rose," he said, a cute little smile fixed upon his face, "make it count."
"Love you, Jack!" she called over her shoulder as she climbed into the elevator. It reminded her of something her dad used to do, back when he was alive…
When Rose was very young, her father would ride to school in a taxi with her, and every time it pulled up in front of York Prep, he would kiss her on the cheek and tell her to make good choices. When she was seven, it had never really meant anything at all to her. It wasn't until her dad was long gone that she realized the impact his words had had on her. She must have heard him tell her to make good choices a thousand times over the course of her school days, but she never really thought about how strongly it resonated with her in everything she did. When she was tempted to do bad things, as all teenagers were, she just had to ask herself it her father would thought she was making a good choice. Even though he couldn't be physically with her anymore, Rose felt her father's presence every time she made a decision. Now Jack was doing the same thing- making sure the girl he loved did what was best for her. God, she loved him so much.
Outside, Rose got into a taxi that took her all twenty-three blocks from their apartment building to York Preparatory School, and through the whole ride it never occurred to her just how unprepared she would be to face even a tiny sliver of her old world. When she stepped out of the car to face the imposing old building that she'd almost forgotten existed, she suddenly felt overwhelmed and almost useless. What was the point of even being her? What did she have to gain?
Taking a deep breath, Rose hiked her bag a little bit higher on her shoulder and forced herself to take one step, then two. She never would have imagined this being so hard, and she didn't know why it was. All she knew was that she no longer belonged here. Before long, everybody was going to know she was pregnant and the same thing would happen to her as happened to every teenager who gets pregnant. She'd drop out of school because there'd be nothing else for her to do, and what a shame it would be, this close to the end. This close to a future.
Rose's locker was on the opposite side of the school from the main entrance, but Mekyla was sure to be waiting for her just inside, as she always was. Oh, God, Mekyla. What was she going to tell her? Never in the thirteen years that the pair had known each other had they ever once kept a secret from the other one. It would only take her an instant to realize something was wrong with her friend. Knowing Mekyla would be waiting for her at her locker, Rose tried to formulate a really good lie, but she couldn't think of one.
Rose had always found it interesting that in moments of deep thought, a thousand words in the form of a hundred different ideas could come into your head and work themselves out in less than a second. No sooner had she realized her friend would be waiting for and that she was incapable of lying about it than she decided to just tell the truth. She'd known Mekyla since she was five, and she'd told her a little bit about Jack. She hadn't told her about the night they'd slept together, or even that they'd kissed, but Mekyla wasn't stupid. She'd probably figured it out by now anyways. This wasn't going to be a big deal, was it? Even if everybody else did, Mekyla would never judge Rose.
Just as Rose had expected, her raven-haired friend was leaning up against her locker, waiting. To her surprise, however, she wore an unnaturally huge smile and looked as though she was bursting to tell somebody something.
"Hey, Mekyla," Rose said, bracing herself to be maniacally hugged.
"Oh my God, Rose, guess what we're getting today in second?" Mekyla exclaimed, nearly bouncing off the walls.
Turning the dial on her lock, Rose asked, "What?" just before she realized what her friend was talking about. Homecoming tickets. They were getting their tickets to the homecoming dance today. Could she even go to that now? Was it safe to be up dancing all night when you were pregnant? Why did this have to make everything so much more difficult? Suddenly, Rose felt like crying all over again.
"Homecoming tickets!" Mekyla exclaimed, echoing Rose's thoughts. She began to ramble on, just as Rose would have done but a week ago, except right now it was all going in one ear and out the other. "Have you decided what you're wearing yet, Rose? Or about your hair? Because I was thinking, since your apartment is so much bigger than mine, we could get ready there. And do you think Natasha and Sarah will want to come with us? Oh, and we're going to the actual game together, right?..."
It was like it went on and on forever… the stupid, senseless, pointless crap teenage girls wasted all of their time on. Didn't they know that there were so many more important things to worry about? Things that mattered so much more and hurt so much more and made so much more of a difference? Something that resembled the way she'd felt towards her mother in the drug store bubbled up inside of Rose until she just couldn't take it anymore. She said the first thing that came to her mind.
"We can't go to my apartment because I'm not living there anymore."
There. She'd said it. Everything was about to unravel, and to top it off Rose was pretty sure she was going to throw up again, but the feeling had nothing to do with pregnancy.
Mekyla formed an O shape with her mouth, looking shocked and confused. You have no idea, Rose thought. Without a word, she grabbed her friend's hand and dragged her into the girl's bathroom. It was early yet and hopefully it wouldn't be quite as crowded as it was bound to be ten minutes from now. Trying to get her wits about her, Rose leaned up against the sink and took a deep breath. She opened her mouth, but know words came out. She bit her lip, paused and tried again, but it was to no avail.
Still gently holding onto Rose's hand, Mekyla whispered, "What happened? Rose, tell me what's wrong! You have to tell me."
Rose hadn't realized that tears were flowing freely from her eyes until they reached her lips and she could taste their saltiness. Her stomach was all tied up in knots and she felt as though her heart was about to leap out of her chest and dance around the bathroom floor at any minute. How did she say this? Where would she start? The way she was feeling at that moment was exactly how she had felt when she told Jack. The logical part of her brain trusted Mekyla more than anyone else in the world besides Jack, but there was something nagging in the back of her mind that made her wonder why any good girl like her would want to be seen with a pregnant teen.
Then, just like it had with Jack, the words she'd been searching for came flowing out before she even realized it.
"I'm pregnant and I had to run away and now I'm living with Jack."
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Rose was faintly aware of her head resting on her friend's shoulder and of a pair of thin hands seemingly holding her up. Why was this so hard? Wasn't she supposed to be happy? She and Jack had been so happy about it yesterday, so why was it different once she was back in the outside world?
"So then it's not Cal?" Mekyla whispered, sounding almost happy.
Lifting her head and wiping her eyes, Rose shook her head. "Thank God. But that's why I had to run away. You remember Jack, right?"
Mekyla nodded, her hands still resting on Rose's shoulders. "That hot guy that you talked to at lunch a few weeks ago. Like I'd forget him!"
Rose laughed at loud, tears still falling fast from her eyes but at least she was smiling now. "Yeah, him," she said, joking on her words. "He's… he's the father. Oh, God, Mekyla, what have I done?"
"You haven't done anything wrong, Rose," Mekyla assured her. "You love Jack. And don't say a word because I know you. I know you wouldn't ever do anything like that unless you loved the guy, and don't you worry about it because he loves you, too. And I love you. So don't worry."
Rose had been best friends with Mekyla since she was five years old, and never once had they not been there for each other. When Mekyla's grandmother died in the third grade, Rose had slept over at her house for three days in a row, and six years later, when it was Rose's turn, her friend had returned the favour. They'd faced the ups and downs of childhood, adolescence and the teen years together, so what was the difference now?
At that moment, looking into her best friend's eyes, Rose realized that all her life she'd wondered what it truly meant to be a good person, when all along, she already knew. When she met Jack, he'd opened her eyes to a whole new world… one where people loved each other and cared about each other and helped each other out for no reason other than it was just what people did. It was so different from the world she grew up in that Rose had credited Jack with teaching her what love was. Really, that wasn't exactly true. Jack had taught her how to love like he did, but she'd known what it was all along. It was being there for someone, and knowing that they'd always be there for you. And just that knowledge was enough to get through anything else anybody through at you.
Not knowing what to say to her friend, Rose whispered, "Thanks."
"No problem," Mekyla replied. "So, are you and Jack and baby all coming to homecoming or what?" she asked, leading Rose out of the bathroom and back into the crowded hallways of York Prep.
Rose was really glad that Mekyla didn't want to as her anything about her mom or Cal, and seemed to be avoiding the whole thing about moving out. She'd talk about it later, maybe at lunch, but right now she really didn't feel up to it.
Shrugging her shoulders, Rose said, "I don't know if I can or not. I mean, I have no idea about being… well, you know," she explained, lowering her voice so that no one would hear, "and I don't know if I can be out all night or not. I suppose we could probably go for a bit, but I'd definitely have to wear flats and we'd have to leave if things started to get out of hand."
In her mind that sounded okay to Rose, but she had forgotten completely about homecoming and obviously hadn't mentioned it to Jack. She really had no idea whether or not it would be a good idea, or if they were even allowed to bring guests, but she would find out sometime today. Rose had realized in the bathroom that this was something she was going to have to live with, but that didn't mean she had to cease living. She was determined to make a conscientious effort to go on living a normal life.
"That sounds alright," Mekyla said, looking as though she was really thinking hard about this. Just then, however, the bell that told them they had ten minutes to get to class rang, and Mekyla had to bolt up two flights of stairs to get her books. Rose walked the other way towards her locker, trying to block all of the bad thoughts swimming around her head.
With two sets of books in tow, she made her way up to the second level for her first period class, anthropology. Rose liked it as a subject, but the teacher was really boring and under normal circumstances it was hard to stay awake. Now, with all of her wacked-out pregnancy hormones kicking in, she had to pick her head up from the desk several times. Within twenty minutes, Rose found herself wishing the day was already over. The past weekend that she'd spent with Jack had made her realize how much she really enjoyed being with him and how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. On top of that, school was so damn boring on its own that she felt she couldn't stand another second of it when first period finally ended.
Before lunch, Rose had English with a man named Mr. Lesperance, who also happened to be the junior girls' volleyball coach. Rose had played on his team for two years, and he because he just about as close a teacher could get with his students with all of his players, he was very protective of them and looked out for them throughout all their years at York Prep. He probably knew her better than anyone at school besides her best friends, and Rose was nervous about facing him. Not that he would know or anything… but still. What if she did something wrong? What if something just… slipped out that ended up giving it all away? And he, like everyone else, was bound to find out eventually. Just the thought of how disappointed he would be in her broke her heart.
Lesperance was the cool teacher; the one who all of the guys wanted to be. The girls were a different story, though. You know that teacher that every girl has at one point in their life; the one who in a weird way you wanted to punch in the face, but in an even weirder way you wanted to make out with? And then, at the same time, you wanted to be just like him when you grew up? That was Mr. Lesperance. In the ninth grade, she and Mekyla had his class in fourth period, after French. The applied level French class was after theirs, and the teacher always wrote their work on the board in the last few minutes of third period. Apparently that afternoon they were going to be learning how to make accents on an English keyboard. Rose and Mekyla had been laughing to each other about it, and Rose had made some sort of rude comment about how she 'knows they're stupid, but come on…'
At that point, Mr. Lesperance had walked up behind them and asked rhetorically, "Who's stupid? Boys? I thought so!"
Ever since then, Rose had felt a strange affinity with Mr. Lesperance. That was the year her dad had died; in fact, it was only about five months after his passing. She'd been stuck with just her mother, or in other words, with no one in the world who cared about her. Rose had known all along that it was weird to really care what a teacher thought about you, but in a way it was like he was the only adult who cared whether she lived or died. In that way he had become important to her; so important, in fact, that she was more afraid of disappointing him than her own mother.
As she stepped into his classroom, Rose swallowed her pride and sat down at her desk. The classroom was almost full already, but Mr. Lesperance made sure to say hi to her as she walked in. Rose returned the sentiment, hoping she didn't sound nervous or something. Her eyes inadvertently drifted towards her stomach and she felt a blush creeping up her cheeks. She hurried to sit down and buried herself in Macbeth, hoping she looked very busy and that no one would want to disturb her.
The bell that signalled the start of class rang, and the last few students trickled inside and into their seats. Mr. Lesperance began handing back essays, and Rose barely looked up from her feet as he placed hers on her desk and said, "Excellent work, Miss DeWitt Bukater."
Rose said nothing, but inside she was reeling. She wanted to get up and scream to the world, 'That is not my name!' She didn't really blame her teacher; obviously he didn't know anybody. She was just sick and tired of carrying that moniker around; she was tired of what it stood for. But none of that mattered, right? She had to forget all of that now; to go on living with her head held high, no matter what.
For the rest of the class, Rose kept her eyes fixated on the chalkboard, just a little bit to the left of Mr. Lesperance's shoulder, which she'd learned over the years was the perfect place to look if you didn't want the teacher to talk to you. They thought you were looking at them, so they didn't need you to prove you were paying attention or anything, but at the same time you weren't staring right at them. If you did that, they sometimes thought you had a question. For seventy-six minutes, Rose half-listened as the class discussed what Shakespeare was trying to say about the relationship between sexuality and cruelty.
Rose couldn't focus. She felt paranoid; as though everyone was looking at her… as though they knew. They couldn't, and she knew they couldn't, but still. If this was how the next three months were going to go, Rose didn't think she could stand it. Oh, and imagine when she started showing, and people did know! For some reason, Rose's thoughts drifted towards the movie Juno, the one with the pregnant sixteen-year-old. She hoped to God it wouldn't be like that for her; people parting as she walked through the hallways just to get a good look at the scarlet letter than walked among them.
Don't think like that, she told herself. You can't think like that. Everything's going to be okay.
After what felt like years, the lunch bell rang and Rose leapt from her seat as fast as she could, gathering her books so quickly that she almost dropped them all over the floor. She was almost out the door when a voice from behind her said, "Rose, could I speak to you for a moment please?"
Oh, God. Oh God oh God oh God. She was in trouble now. He had to know. Either he knew or she was in some sort of deep trouble, which would be just as bad because the moment he tried to contact her mother, this would all come crashing down, just like it almost had yesterday. She and Jack had worked so hard to get this far, and she couldn't through it away. Rose knew that she was going to have to think on her feet and answer any question he might ask as quickly as possible. She had to make this work.
"Yes, sir?" she asked, turning around slowly and trying to fake a smile. "What's up?"
"Sit down, Rose," Mr. Lesperance said, gesturing to the desk in front of him. Rose knew he meant for her to sit in the desk, but so parked herself on it instead, which was really no problem for her because by now she could pretty much get away with anything from Mr. Lesperance. "How've you been lately?"
Rose shrugged, pretending she didn't know what he was getting at. "Okay, you know. I mean, you see me pretty much every day." That sounded normal enough, right? Not too on-edge?
Her English teacher nodded and laughed. "I suppose you're right, Rose. So, have you applied to any universities yet?"
Oh, Lord. Damn. He had to know. Rose could have gotten accepted early admission to almost any school in the country, and everyone knew it. On top of that, almost everyone knew that she'd planned on doing exactly that ever since ninth grade. The fact that she had applied to a single place yet was just too weird, and Mr. Lesperance was a smart enough man to realize it.
Shrugging again, Rose explained, "Most of the application deadlines are the last week of November." There was conviction in her voice, but the way she cradled on arm in the other and stared at her feet spoke volumes, each one of them a lie. She was done. He was going to call her mother and then she was going to take her home and make her marry Cal and get… get an… oh, God, she couldn't even think the word. All she knew was that she was absolutely screwed.
Folding his arms over his chest, Mr. Lesperance stared her down – God, she hated it when he did that – and rolled his eyes. "Rose, you and I both know that with your grades you could have been accepted to Berkeley by now. What's up, Rose?" Silence… she couldn't even think of a good lie…
"Rose… Tell. Me."
She didn't have to deal with this. He was being exactly like her mother. For God's sake, he was just her teacher! He had no business getting involved in her life. Was it really his problem if she wasn't on early admission at Berkeley? Who gave a damn about Berkeley? There were more important things in the world! Rose got up from her seat on the desk and gathered her things, speaking as she moved.
"I just… I decided that I have other things I want to focus. I was thinking I meant send out some applications in the beginning of next week, but right now I have a lot on my mind and I'm really sorry, sir, but I have to be going."
Again, she made it half way out the door before hearing her name made her stop in her tracks. Slowly, hoping to convey the wide array of emotions she was feeling just by her glare, Rose turned on her heel and looked him in the eye.
"Look," he said, no longer sounding angry but rather gentle and caring. Maybe he didn't know, but he wanted to. Maybe he just genuinely cared about her. Even after knowing and being loved by Jack for almost a month, it was still hard for Rose to accept people actually giving a damn about her because it was such a new feeling. Instantly, she regretted the way she had behaved. "I don't know what's wrong with you, Rose. I wish I did, but if you don't tell me I guess I'm just going to have to sit here and wait. But you and I both know – we've both known since you were in the ninth grade – that you've got a future, and whatever your reason is for throwing it out the window, I hope you know it's not a good one. I hope I don't sound too judgemental, Rose, because like I said I don't know what's going on, but please. You have worked too hard to just walk away. Okay?"
He was right. He was exactly right. Jack's words from yesterday afternoon all of a sudden came flooding back. You're brilliant, and you could go to university or travel the world or do whatever you want… That didn't necessarily mean she was going to, and it didn't even mean she wanted to anymore. But it did mean she was going to think about it, really long and hard. After all, it would be what was best in the long run, wouldn't it? So that she could support their family, as strange of a family it might be?
Not really knowing how to express that, Rose simply said, "Okay sir. And thank you, by the way."
"Any time," Mr. Lesperance said, smiling at her the same way he'd done that day in the ninth grade when he'd warned her about boys. In a way, he'd been right. They could really mess you up. Laughing to herself, Rose closed the door behind her and bolted down the stairs, thinking of nothing besides the end of the day that was still three hours away.
When she got home, she was going to have to have a real long conversation with Jack about what they were doing. She hadn't realized until today that just how clueless and lost they were in this whole thing. In a way, it was disheartening to know that she was so in over her head, but it was okay. She was going to take care of it. She was going to make it right. They were going to be okay.
Soooo…? What did everybody think? I know that pretty much nothing happened in this chapter but I had to find a way to pull Mekyla into this and so I thought, 'What the heck? Let's just go for it.' Hopefully it worked out alright.
